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Reckless
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Chapter 23: Reckless (Grace's POV)
The moment his lips met mine in a kiss, I felt fireworks in my stomach. It felt like one giant butterfly scattered into a thousand little ones and lit my whole body on fire. I don't know how or why it felt so intense. Maybe because I'd been craving it, maybe because I couldn't believe this was actually happening, I don't know.
The second he kissed me, he took a step forward to cover the space between us but I took a step back in both surprise and at the intensity. He grabbed my waist, steadying me, and kept walking forward until the back of my legs hit the bed and I was able to lean on it to hold myself up.
He pulled away, looking down at me and I took in a short, quick breath, staring at him in shock. He blinked, I blinked, we stared at each other utterly confused and stunned. "Oh, shit," we breathed out in sync. He pulled his hands down immediately and I sat onto the bed while he walked away from me, keeping his back to me as he dragged his hand down his face and pinched the bridge of his nose.
"Why..." I mumbled softly. "Why did you do that?" I looked at him.
"I don't know," he replied without turning around. "I didn't want you to walk out."
"So you kissed me?!" I yelled. "Grabbing me wasn't enough? You had to kiss me?!"
"I didn't plan on it! It just happened!" He spun around, snapping at me.
I let out a breath in disbelief and fell back, draping my arm over my eyes while attempting to get it together. Oh, my God. Ronan kissed me. And it felt fucking amazing. And I wanted him to do it again. I am in so much trouble, in a world of it.
I felt the bed dip beside me. I took a peek and saw him lying down, his body mirroring mine. He turned to look at me while I dropped my arm by my side. We stared at each other silently. "Why did you kiss me?" I whispered.
His eyes flickered between mine. "I wanted to," he mumbled.
I blinked in surprise.
"You think you're the only one who feels desire, Princess? I told you I wanted you."
"You just said a second ago it was just a 'maybe' thing."
"I lied."
"I don't like liars," I gritted out.
"I don't care."
"Then clear this up for me. Do you like me? Or do you want me?"
He blinked, scanning my face. "There's a difference?"
"You know what the difference is. Do you like me? Or do you want me? Do you feel anything romantic for me? Or do you lust after me, Ronan?"
"A little bit of both."
"A little bit's not enough. Don't make mistakes you can't fix." No matter how much I wanted to do the same thing or the fact that I practically asked him to do it, I know it's wrong. I know it could get us both in tremendous trouble, I know it should never happen. "You'll regret it, Ronan."
"Just because it's a mistake doesn't mean it'll be regretted." He stared at the ceiling, sighing in frustration.
"What?" I murmured.
"I don't know what to do," he admitted.
"What do you mean?" We stared at each other again.
"I mean I can't be fucking bothered to care any longer." He propped himself onto his elbow, bringing his lips closer to mine, barely brushing against mine but he didn't kiss me. "I shouldn't," he whispered. "We're princess and bodyguard."
How can I resist when he's so close? When he's so inviting and I crave every little thing about him. I want him close always, I want his touch always, I want him always. "No." I shook my head softly. "Not here."
His eyes flicked from my eyes to my lips. "So, this is okay?"
I nodded.
"Use your words, Princess." So incredibly Ronan of him to be barking orders.
"It's okay," I said softly.
"What is?" He lifted a brow. He just wants me to say it. Arrogant prick.
"Kiss me, please."
He didn't waste a second after hearing me say those words. He leaned down, closing the distance between us once again. He kissed me slowly this time, softly, taking his sweet time to the point where he almost had me frustrated before he deepened the kiss. I reached up to touch only his jaw and he let me for a minute before grabbing my wrists and pinning them down to the mattress near my head. "We'll be in a world of trouble if we don't stop, Princess," he mumbled against my lips.
"I think we're already in trouble," I said a little breathlessly, both of us pausing for a minute.
He stared at me before nodding softly. "Right. Might as well..."
I nodded.
His kisses are everything I imagined and more. I haven't been kissed like this or kissed at all in a very long time. Having it happen now was extremely overwhelming. Kissing him brought the end of my self-control. None of it mattered when I felt his lips moving against mine, the way he tasted like mint and sugar.
It felt like we fit together perfectly, like puzzle pieces... But we didn't belong to the same puzzle.
We never could. He said it once. Too many complications. At this moment, however, he became my favorite person, my favorite taste, my favorite smell, everything.
"Ronan, what are we doing?" I asked.
"I have no idea," he mumbled, using a single finger and trailing it down from my jaw, the curve of my neck, tracing my collarbone, then doing down to the dip of my cleavage, stopping before he went too low. "Let's figure it out before we go back to the palace," he suggested, looking up at me, his finger still on my chest. He might even be able to feel or hear my heartbeat. "You should set a limit," he mumbled. "Regarding how far we can go until we do that."
"Why?"
"I want more than you think. Mostly things I shouldn't want, things that are a little... too much?"
"We're being incredibly reckless, aren't we?" I whispered.
He nodded. "But I can't go back now, Grace. Taking a step backward and acting like nothing happened is beyond my self-control capabilities."
I narrowed my eyes. "I highly doubt that. You're the most self-controlled person I've ever met."
"Not when it comes to you. I lose my mind then."
"You haven't shown it."
"I'm not allowed to show it, Princess. It's forbidden."
I rolled my eyes, glancing at the window. "What if I don't want to set any limits?" I asked without looking at him.
"You probably should. It's not a good idea to go too far."
"I don't care," I mumbled. "I want to make the most out of the time we're spending here without anybody ruining it for us."
He nodded slowly, still uncertain. "Okay. But we can't fall in love, Princess."
I turned to look at him. "Why not?"
He sat up with a sigh and I followed, staring at him. "You're destined to marry someone else. You're not meant to be doing this with me. It's a different thing that we can't control ourselves and want to give in. This can't go beyond our time here, Princess. Once we get back to the palace..." He turned to me. "This has to stop."
I can't lie, it hurt a little. I didn't expect him to put it so bluntly, but what hurts, even more, was the reality that crashed down on me when I realized that when we go back to the palace, we'll have to pretend like nothing happened. Ronan will be right there when Lucas slips the engagement ring onto my finger, and even later when we say 'I do' in the church. Ronan will stand there and watch it all, letting it happen. I will have to go through all that with Ronan's face right there, a constant reminder that I want him so, so desperately, but I can't have him, no matter what I do.
"So this is just something to get out of our systems?" I asked softly.
"Something like that." Then it's lust he feels. At least it's the emotion he's willing to feel. "It's strange, so we could just pretend nothing happened if you want," he suggested. "Otherwise, it's just... five days of us being together and then a lifetime of not being together. Because we can't get married, you know that. We don't love each other, I'm not of noble blood, your family would kill us both, nobody would come out happy. It's forbidden, Grace. We don't work."
I fell in thought, staring at the ground. "Then let's..." I wanted to say let's pretend it never happened but those weren't the words that came out. I turned back to face him. "Let's make the most out of the five days we have. And then we can go back to princess and bodyguard, hmm?"
He nodded, "Hmm. I just... I'm worried. I don't want to be reckless if it hurts you."
Well, it's already hurting just to think about letting him go in a few days. I sighed, "I've been hurt my whole life. My mom died, Judith came into my life, family wasn't family, I got cheated on once, I think I'll be fine," I chuckled softly.
"You've been cheated on?"
"Ah, uh, yeah... I have."
"Who?" His jaw tensed.
"I've only had one relationship. We started when I was younger, his name was..." I stopped at the look on his face. "I'm not going to tell you."
"Why?" He turned to me suddenly.
"You look like you'll kill him," I laughed. "It's okay. We were young. We stayed friends. He wasn't of noble blood either. So... we wouldn't have made it."
"You don't know that," he scoffed.
"Why? Do you think we could have?"
"Maybe," he grumbled.
"Do you think we can?"
He stared at me, tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear, his finger tracing the shell. "Maybe," he whispered. "But it's too dangerous. I'm still your guard, no matter what I feel for you. Keeping you safe and alive is the first priority. Okay?" he explained softly.
We're getting nowhere. It'll just be stolen kisses until we get back to the palace, won't it?
"Okay," I murmured, accepting the truth that absolutely gutted me.
Ronan Stone can never truly be mine. And I can never be his.
.
.
.
.
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Chapter 23
Ik it feels like they're just about to go in circles, but TRUST ME, they're not.
next chapter: wine
just GUESS what happens