It had been a few days. I stayed at John B's but I was starting to believe that I should go back to my mom's. I couldn't stand being here anymore, it brought back all the painful memories of him and all the others. John B seemed to be the only one not angry at me. They were always gone and didn't bother coming by the house, they were outside a bit and I could hear them sometimes but I never heard JJ. John B hadn't talked to me about anything they'd been doing. Instead he just sat in bed beside me and stroked my back and hair while I cried. I swear I hadn't stopped, you would've thought there was no tears left to cry.
"I'm sorry about them. I really am." He said softly.
I couldn't even get myself to speak, he brought me in meals but I refused. I felt so weak and could barely move. He moved me out of bed to take a shower after a week. I didn't fight him, he could easily pick me up.
He set me in the bathtub and let the water pour down on me, while I was fully clothed. He really hadn't thought this one through.
"Kie, can you please come help me?"
"Is it Rachel?"
I heard the concern in both of their voices and saw Kie's facial expression change drastically when she saw my state.
"I don't wanna- ya know."
"I've got this."
John B laid his hand on my shoulder as my head began feeling like it was weighing me down. I let it hang down, staring at the bathtub floor.
"C'mon, Rach."
I just groaned as she pulled me out of my clothes. They were gross and dirty. It was still the same outfit I was wearing the night JJ had told me he never liked me, and it was all fake. My teeth started to bite the inside of my cheek to stop myself from crying.
"Did he tell you?" My throat was dry and scratchy as I turned to face Kie as she pulled my clothes off.
"Did who tell me what?"
"You know. Did he say what he talked to me about that night?"
"No, I haven't seen much of him. Just for a bit yesterday."
"Kie, you were right. I should've just listened. He broke me. I can't even take care of myself." I brought my knees up to my face to cover my body.
"I was wrong. I was so wrong, I should've never yelled at you. You didn't deserve that. I don't know what he said but I'm sure he was lying, because I see the way he looks at you, he loves you. And I support it, even if John B has rules."
"JJ and I kissed, several times. But he would always brush it off like it didn't happen. He even lied right in front of JB when he caught us after we got released from jail." I began to quiver. "He said it was all a lie and he just did it to get in my pants."
"He was just upset, he didn't mean it."
"But he did, otherwise, why did he keep on lying over and over? Am I not good enough?"
I bit my lip, feeling more tears beginning to fall as Kie began to wash my hair. I looked to her as a mother figure, because we all know how great my real mom was. You would never catch my mom helping me bathe.
"You're perfect and every guy would be lucky to have a chance to be yours. If he was telling the truth, which I highly doubt he was, he's stupid."
"Why won't he commit? I just feel used."
"Maybe he's scared. He probably doesn't want to lose you and commitment is definitely scary to him, since his mom left and his dad is barely here. He doesn't know what a healthy relationship looks like."
I looked down as she washed the soap from my back. I kept biting my lip, I was sure it was bleeding by now.
"You're probably right, but I dug into him. Really badly. I didn't mean it. I just thought he was using me for favors."
"Did you-"
"No, all we ever did was make out."
"Ew. Gross."
I looked up to her with tears in my eyes.
"I hate you, Kie."
"Hey, I just bathed you. I think you owe me one."
"Thanks mom."
"Can you get dried off yourself?" She turned the shower off, drying her hands on the towel.
I nodded, wiping my eyes. "Seriously, I love you."
"I love you too. I'll be out here if you need anything."
I smiled as she shut the door, hearing her footsteps go outside. I stood up and stepped out of the bathtub. I dried my body off and looked into the mirror, seeing that my ribs were finally healing from my mom last week. They were a now nice brown color. I noticed that I was loosing weight, probably since I had barely eaten in the past week, let alone get up from bed. I saw John B had set clothes on the counter and I changed into them. I opened the door and hear yelling from the backyard.
"Come on. Come join me. I got this for us!" It was a voice I hadn't heard in over a week, and I felt my heart stop when I realized who it was.
I walk out on to the porch, not taking any further steps. Pope and Kie stood outside what was a hot tub. There were lights, sprinklers, floaties and bottles of champagne surrounding it. He stood in the middle, pouring champagne into a glass.
"There's a jet going straight into my butt right now." He had sunglasses on.
I could tell he was under the influence. He was trying to get them to join him.
"You spent it all? You could've used it to pay restitution! You could've saved you and Rachel's asses!" Pope called out to him.
"I wanted to treat my friends! Screw friends. I wanted to treat my family. I did this for you guys."
He was spiraling. I couldn't bare to see him this way. I stepped out into the yard, and saw him stop dead in his tracks. He took his shades off to look to me.
"Well if it isn't kook princess! Look what I got us honey! Brand new!" He patted the side of it.
"JJ, why?" Kie responded.
"I did this for us! How many times do I have to say that?" He stood up and I saw the bruising on his ribs and lower stomach. "I just wanted to make you happy." He looked to me with tears welling in his eyes.
"JJ, what the hell?" Popes expression changed.
"Did your dad do that?" I said with pain in my voice.
"Nothing we can't handle, cupcake. Right? We're both so strong, we could get through anything!"
"J." I stepped closer, up to the hot tub.
"Are you going to join? Please do."
"Come here."
"No, stop getting all emotional. I'm done with the emotional shit, I just want to have fun." His voice cracked.
I dropped into the hot tub, feeling the warm water getting me wet once again. I walk into him and he sinks into me, crying in my shoulder.
"Rachel, I'm such an idiot. I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. Please don't leave me."
I felt my body tense up, as I cradled the back of his neck. I just continued to hold him as he rambled.
"I missed you so much. I missed your touch, I missed your kisses, I missed you. I missed the smell of your perfume, I missed holding you as you sleep. I miss it all. Please forgive me. I'm so sorry."
"J, shhhhh. It's okay. Please. Let me help you, okay?"
"I'm sorry, I just hate my dad. I almost killed him, I almost killed him." He hit the water with his fist behind me as he cried out, struggling for air.
"Hey, it's okay. Calm down. Take a breath."
I felt another pair of arms wrap around us. I saw Kie come up behind me, and Pope was on the other side.
"We're here for you, JJ. We love you." Kie cooed behind me.
"I love you, Rachel. I always have and always will. I'm such an idiot. Please forgive me."
We all were silent for a few moments before he snapped out of it and sunk into the hot tub for a minute. I just sat and watched him while the others went out front.
"Rachel."
"J, I wanna talk when you're sober. Okay?"
"Okay." He but his lip, standing up.
I looked to his bruising again. I felt my hand go to his lower stomach and I placed my hand over it. I wanted to fully support him here. I lifted my shirt up off my body and revealed my old bruising.
"What are you doing?"
I sat in my bra and shorts in the hot tub with him, showing him all my scars.
"We've got matching battle scars. They're gonna look badass once they heal. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."
"You should've never had to go through that." His hands ran over my body, scanning every spot of me.
"It's okay. I'm still here. And so are you. I'm so proud of you, J."
Those had definitely been words he never heard before by the look in his eyes. He walked over to me, getting closer and closer. I felt his hand snake up my back.
"I need you."
I didn't say anything as I felt his hand go to my face, pulling me into him. His lips crashed on mine, it had been too long. He tasted like salt water and weed, mixed with the champagne he had been drinking. It definitely wasn't the cheap kind. It tasted so good. I didn't want to let go of him, but I leaned out.
"J."
"Please, just for tonight."
"We need to talk."
"Can it wait until tomorrow?"
I bit my lip. I truly wanted him and I had been craving his touch for over a week, and I was finally getting it. My body begged for him.
I grabbed his hand, leading him out of the hot tub.
"Where are we going?"
"Our bedroom."
**the rest of this chapter is going to be a little mature, feel free to skip. you won't be missing anything**
I saw a smile appear on his face, for the first time in a long time. He was happy. I walked into John B's and opened my bedroom door. It was quite a mess from the past week of laying around. JJ let his sunglasses fall, looking over the room. His hand fell from mine.
"Rach- are you okay?"
"I'm fine, why?"
"Your room, it's a lot messier than normal."
"It's okay. Let's keep the talking for tomorrow." I felt my hands run over his chest, and he stopped.
His hand grabbed my face, pulling me into him once again. His lips moved against mine slowly and gently, different from our other kisses. This one seemed like it was our first all over again. I jumped up into his arms and he held on to me for support as I wrapped my legs around him. I feel my body press against my bedroom wall as his hands run down my back, not breaking away from me.
"Rachel, I love you. I fucking love you." He said in between breathy kisses. He slowly moved down my neck and to my chest.
"J." My breath was hitched as I ran my hands through his slightly damp hair.
He flipped me around on to the bed as he crawled over top of me. I felt his body heat against mine. His lips running down my neck, leaving small bite marks. I tried to keep quiet, knowing that the others could come in any minute. His hands go for my bra strap, letting it fall off my shoulders. His lips moved across them. I grasped the sheets tightly, moaning into his ear as his face fell closer to mine.
"Say it." He whispered, letting his teeth graze across my ear.
"I love you, J. I love you so goddamn much. I need you. I need you so bad." I was shaking, practically out of breath.
He laughed into my ear as I felt him unbutton my pants. He was so good at everything he was doing, he really knew how to make a girl want more. I didn't want him to stop. I wanted him to myself forever. I felt his fingers against my underwear as he pulled them down. I let out a breathy sigh, his eyes moving up to me.
"Is everything okay?"
I knew in this moment that maybe he had put on a show outside, he knew what he was doing and I didn't want him to stop. He was teasing me. I felt the sweat begin to bead at my forehead.
"Everything's perfect, J. You're perfect. I missed you. I'm so sorry." I sat up, his hand still hovering over me.
"We don't have to do this." His hand held my cheek, his forehead resting against mine.
"I want you to. I want to." My breath was still hitched, trying to breathe normally again.
"You sure?" He ran his finger across my lip.
"Yes. I'm sure."
I really loved that he was asking me and being careful. He wanted this to be perfect, he wanted us to be okay. It didn't seem like him at all, but it was.
His lips crashed against mine once again. I felt my body sink into my bed as he moved over me again. His hand still remained over my underwear. The other was holding my waist for support. I let my hands fall against his face, making sure that I was caressing him just like he was me. I felt the hem of my underwear fall and he moved his lips off of mine for a second, slowly making its way down to my waist. I felt his eyes burning into me as his lips touched where they had never touched before. I felt myself groan, he quite literally knew exactly what he was doing. I held the sheets again. I knew that if anyone walked into John B's house, they would hear me.
"You have to be quiet, or I might have to punish you." I felt his voice grow low. My eyes widened.
"Punish me."
He lifts me up and pushes me against the wall again. I see his pants had dropped but I was too afraid to look. His eyes had changed from soft to dark.
"Are you sure?"
"I've never been more sure."
His hand goes to my throat, lightly squeezing. My breath had hardly gone back to normal and this was making everything we were about to do more intoxicating. That was when I felt him enter. I let out a sigh as he slowly moved against me. I let my head fall to his shoulder, but he lifted me up. He kept his lips against mine as he breathed heavily into my face. He moved farther into me and I heard him groan.
"I love you." He said, giving eye contact for the first time.
"I love you." The words just slowly fell off my tongue, it felt like it was normal. I held his face with my hands, admiring him.
It was starting to feel normal, it definitely hurt and I expected it to. I let my lips move across his face and to his neck. I wanted everyone to know that he was mine, leaving little nibbles across his neck and down his chest. He moved a little faster than he had the past few moments and it made me cry out loudly. His hand went over my mouth.
"You're just wanting me to punish you now, aren't you?"
This was throwing my mind in all sorts of places. He was soft and gentle one second and then rough and dirty the next. I couldn't tell what I liked more.
"Do it." I spit in his face, getting a smirk to appear across his face.
He moved me back to the bed, not leaving my body. He moved fast for a few moments, and I could barely contain it.
"JJ." I moaned against his face.
He finally stopped and fell to my side. I didn't want this all to be over but I knew that he was tired. I turned over and let my lips fall on to his again.
"What have I done to you?" His eyes questioned.
"I need you. You're practically the air I breathe." I let him catch his breath as he smiles.
"I can't believe that you're mine." He reaches for the covers to pull them over us. I laid close to him, feeling his body warm against mine.
I didn't say anything else, just looked to the ceiling and I felt his breath get slower and back to normal. He definitely had fallen asleep. I kept my hands on him, laying my body as close as it would get to him. Had I just made the mistake everyone was telling me not to make? Was this just a drunken hookup he would forget about in the morning? Was I stupid to let him take that from me? A million thoughts raced through my head as I looked at him sleep.
I couldn't live without him.