Luz: You're a loose cannon, Willow.
Willow: No, I'm not. I'm a cannon, maybe, but a loose cannon? Is that what you think of me?
Gus: I think you play by your own rules.
Amity: No way, she thinks rules were made to be broken.
Luz: Those are all attributes of a loose cannon.
Willow: No, I'm just a reckless renegade. Hunter is a loose cannon.
Hunter: *smashes a chair* Aah! You shut your trap, Willow!
Amity: I'd say Hunter's more of a cop on the edge with nothing to lose. That's an entirely different thing.
Gus: Now I'm just confused. Is Willow a loose cannon or not?
Luz: All right, put on a pot of coffee. We're gonna get to the bottom of this.
Willow: *groans*
Hunter: Aw, man.
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Willow: Hey, let's mess with Hunter, guys!
Gus: Hey, Hunter, your momma so fat-
Hunter: My mom committed multiple war crimes and is now locked in solitary confinement in a Bolivian prison.
Amity: Well, uh- your dad-
Hunter: My father left when I was two to be captured and consequentially sacrificed by a group of feral ferrets.
Gus: The fuck-
Luz: Well then...
Willow: Stop, Luz!
Luz: Your grandparents so-
Hunter: My grandmother floated into the sky like a balloon with too much helium when my grandfather spontaneously combusted.
Hunter: You cannot best me, mortals.
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Hunter: You're a lying piece of shit!
Amity: Oh yeah? You're the idiot that thinks you can get away with everything you do, WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD!
Willow: I'm leaving and I'm taking Luz with me!
Gus, gathering cards: Aaaaand that's enough Monopoly for today.
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Gus: What did you guys get in your yearbook?
Amity: 'Prettiest Smile'
Willow: 'Nicest Personality'
Hunter: 'Most likely to start a bar fight'
Luz: 'Least likely to start a bar fight, but most likely to win one'
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*Everyone is giving advice to Hunter*
Amity: It's okay to ask for help.
Luz: You're not a burden.
Eda: Murder is okay.
Willow: Your feelings matter.
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Willow: Anyone d-
Hunter: Depressed?
Gus: Drained?
Luz: Dumb?
Amity: Disliked?
Willow: -done with their work... what is wrong with you people...
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Hunter: Poison is a magic transmutation potion that turns people into corpses.
Willow: This knife is actually a magic wand.
Amity: Meet me in the Denny's parking lot for a wizard duel.
Luz: *cocks gun* Magic missile.
Gus: What the fuck is wrong with you people.
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Hunter: I swear to god I'm the only one here with a braincell.
Amity, Gus, Luz, and Willow: ALL HAIL the keeper of the sacred braincell!
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Willow: Where's Gus, Amity, and Luz?
Hunter: They're playing hide and seek.
Willow: Where?
Hunter: I don't think you get how this game works.
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Willow: What's the worst thing you guys have done?
Amity: Rickrolled my teacher in 4th grade.
Luz: I kicked Hunter in the shin-
Hunter: -So I kicked Luz between the legs.
Boscha: I burned a town down.
Gus: What?!
Hunter: What the hell is wrong with you?!?
Boscha: A lot of things.
Willow: No shit.
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*The gang's thoughts on stabbing*
Luz: Would never stab anyone.
Gus: Would stab someone in retaliation.
Willow: Yells "I won't hesitate, bitch!" first.
Amity: Would stab without warning.
Hunter: Would stab as a warning.
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Gus: Who the fuck broke the toaster?
Luz: It was Amity.
Hunter: It was Amity.
Willow: Amity broke it.
Amity:
Amity: ...yOU PROMISED-
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Hunter: *visiting the squad* Hello, I just came to-
Hunter: *sees Willow shoving Luz into the washing machine while Amity records and Gus watches*
Hunter: *retreating* Something suddenly came up
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*the squad is at a dinner party but someone has been murdered*
Gus: You're acting pretty carefree for someone who's life's at stake. Who's to say you aren't the killer?
Amity: It's a murder, not a tax audit. I'll be fine.
Luz: What about Willow? Nobody ever suspects Willow!
Willow: Well what about Gus? He has a gun!
Gus: Hunter has a knife.
Hunter: Yeah, for fun, not for murder! *stabs Luz in the arm*
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Willow: Time for plan G.
Gus: Don't you mean plan B?
Willow: No, we tried plan B a long time ago. I had to skip over plan C due to technical difficulties.
Amity: What about plan D?
Willow: Plan D was that desperate disguise attempt half an hour ago.
Luz: What about plan E?
Willow: I'm hoping not to use it. Hunter dies in plan E.
Hunter: I like plan E.
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Hunter: Did you bring Willow?
Gus, gesturing to Luz: No, but I brought the next best thing.
Hunter: Luz? The next best thing would be Amity.
Luz: I would be offended, but Amity is freakishly strong.
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The Squad: *walking at the mall*
Hunter: Hey, have any of you guys seen Luz? She's been gone for a while..
Gus: Eh, nope.
Willow: No, I haven't...
Amity: Probably ran off to McDonald's or something.
Luz: Hey.
Hunter: Ooh, there you are-
Gus: What the fu-
Amity: I- where were you?!
Luz: Walking right behind you guys.
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Luz: What do rainbows mean to you?
Amity: Gay rights.
Hunter: There's money.
Gus: The sign of God's promise to never destroy the whole Earth with a flood.
Willow: It is an optical phenomenon that separates sunlight into its continuous spectrum when the sun shines on raindrops.
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Willow: The first time Hunter opened a box of Cheerios and looked inside he yelled, "OH WOW! DONUT SEEDS!"
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Amity: I'm not doing to well.
Luz: What's wrong?
Amity: I have this headache that comes and goes.
*Hunter enters the room*
Amity: There it is again.
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Willow: Why are you on fire?
Luz: This is just how my day is going.