Soundtrack
Float On—Modest Mouse
So Far Away—Staind
Everlong—Foo Fighters
16
Mia
Mia waited in the lobby of the physical therapist's office for her mom to finish up her final session. There were old magazines spread across the table in the middle of the room. A few beaten up toys for kids who had nowhere else to go. The lingering scent of disinfectant. Mia spent her time cycling through returning emails and mindlessly scrolling through her phone.
It was a few weeks since the accident, and she was emotionally and physically tapped out, but there was a brightness forming on her horizon, and Mia was eager to reach it.
She didn't hear the door open, but she did hear her mother's voice, and the relief in it scattered Mia's thoughts.
"I'm free!" her mother called out.
The receptionist shook her head with a laugh. Mia joined in.
"Come on, mom. It wasn't that bad. It's not like you were being tortured back there."
Her mother lowered her voice. "Shows how much you know about physical therapy. They had me doing actual exercises. I may as well have just joined a gym!"
"But now you have full mobility of your left side again. Doesn't that make it worth it?"
"I guess," she said, complete with a mocking eye roll.
"Sometimes you make me wonder who the parent is here."
But Mia's mother then broke down, laughing and pulling her into a hug. "I'm just teasing you, silly girl. Of course I'm happy to be healed. And I'm happy you've been here with me."
Mia looped arms with her mom, and they walked out to her car together. The moment Mia pulled out of the parking lot, her mother turned off the radio and looked at her.
"Well?"
Mia played dumb. "Well what?"
"Well, did you make a decision?"
"Mom—"
"Don't mom me. I have a right to know whether my daughter is moving a plane ride away from me."
Mia took a breath. "I should have waited to tell you this was even on the table."
Her mother reached across the center console and put a hand on Mia's shoulder. "I'm not guilting you into anything, I promise. Unlike Andy, you've never really ventured out of this little town of ours. Personally, I think you should do it."
"But—"
"But nothing. Make this decision for you. You don't need to worry about me anymore, and you can't let a relationship keep you from experiencing everything there is in life, no matter how much you may love that person."
Mia swallowed. "Relationships are about sacrifices."
"On both ends."
"His mother is dead." Mia didn't know when she had started crying, but the tears fell gently.
"Oh, sweetheart. Pull into this lot over here."
She followed her mom's directions, because unlike Jack's mother, hers always knew and did what was best for her. Once her car was in park, her mother unbuckled her seatbelt, leaned over, and hugged her.
"I know change is hard, especially something this big. I just don't want you to regret anything in life."
"I don't regret my relationship with Jack. At all."
Mia felt her mother's hold on her tighten. "But you may regret not taking this opportunity. I know you love Jack. It is beyond clear how much you love him, and we've learned how much he loves you. Sometimes, we're our own worst enemies, and I think you may be dooming things before you've even talked through them with him."
"I know. I just...I wanted to make the decision on my own, but that accident changed everything. How can I leave him behind?"
"Maybe he'll go with you."
Mia didn't want to ruin the day any further, so she lied to her mother, for she already knew the answer. "Maybe."
***
When they pulled up to her parents' house, Mia and her mother trudged up the long driveway, arm in arm once again.
She let her mother walk in first, for even though she had fully recovered, even though her doctor gave her a clean bill of health, even though she had finally finished physical therapy, Mia wasn't taking any chances of her falling over in shock.
The door opened, and a symphony of surprise! echoed throughout the entire neighborhood. Inside, Mia's dad had hung a banner that read "You did it!" There were green balloons in every shade imaginable. Andy was holding a wrapped present. Jack was holding a cake.
Mia had barely seen Jack smile over the last few weeks, but he had a sheepish grin on his face that she could tell wasn't being forced. That alone was enough to fill her with a swelling warmth.
"Fancy seeing you here," she said as she sidled up next to him.
"Did you ever think there would be a day where Andy and I could be in the same room and not kill each other?"
"Absolutely not. I should go buy a lottery ticket."
Jack set the cake on the table and slung an arm around Mia's shoulders. "Your parents have been incredibly kind and helpful. It's the least I can do to call a truce with their son."
She lightly shoved him, but that feeling of warmth only stretched deeper. This was everything she ever wanted, and, silently, Mia resented the fact that it took a tragedy to get them there.
Granted, it wasn't perfect, but it was a start; how could she possibly throw all of this away?
Jack stayed for dinner, and while it certainly wasn't like the time Andy surprised her by bringing Carter for dinner, it went better than Mia could have hoped, even if Andy and Jack were mostly just tolerating each other's presence.
When they were leaving, Mia held on to each of her family members a little longer than usual.
"Text me when you get home so I know you made it!" her mother called after her.
"I will...just like every other time I've left your house."
Her mom waved off her attitude with a smile. Jack stopped by Mia's car, and she joined him a second later. He grabbed her around the waist and pulled her into him.
"Thank you for sharing your family with me."
She nuzzled in closer to him. "Thank you for leaving the house other than to go to work."
He sighed before releasing her. "It's hard. I—"
"I know. You don't have to explain. I'll see you at home? I need to stop by the apartment for some clothes."
"I can come with you. I can drive both of us."
Mia's armpits tingled in panic. "No, no it's alright. I won't be long." She reached up onto her toes and kissed him. Jack tightened his hold on her, ribs nearly cracking under the pressure.
"Be careful," he whispered into her hair.
"Always."
***
Because Jack hadn't said anything, Mia assumed he forgot that their lease always renewed at the end of September. When she got two offers from the jobs she had applied to while they were broken up, Mia decided she wasn't renewing it. When she brought those offers to her current boss to leverage her salary and the deal he had offered her in Seattle, he was all too eager to do whatever he could to keep her on their team.
The truth was, Mia had made up her mind before Jack's mom died, and now, her apartment was mostly packed up, all of Jack's things in separate boxes, and she had to decide if she were going to stick to her decision and move to Seattle for a year. Her other option was to put her stuff in storage and "officially" move back in with Andy; she couldn't stay with Jack at his parents' house forever.
Jack still had off days, which were to be expected. On days where he could only just manage what he needed to survive, Mia picked up the slack wherever she could, but this was exhausting her, and though she loved him with everything she had, Mia desperately wanted to do something for herself.
Upon leaving the apartment, Mia put a few of the boxes of Jack's stuff that she had packed up into her car. When she returned to his house, she brought one with her inside. His father was in the living room, reruns of some 90s sitcom playing on the television.
"Hi, Mr. Moreno," she said.
He didn't pull his attention from the tv. "Oh, hi Mia."
Mia shifted the weight of the box to her hip. "Is there anything I can get you?"
"No, dear."
This was par for the course for their interactions, and every time it broke a little more of Mia's heart.
She carried the box to Jack's room. When she opened the door and he saw her, he immediately stood to help her set down the box. One look at its contents and he sighed.
"These aren't your clothes."
She was panic sweating again. "Can we talk about something?"
Jack rubbed at the clear patch on his arm through the fabric of his sweater. "I'm guessing the only acceptable answer to that question is yes."
Mia shrugged, and Jack's demeanor changed.
"Sorry, I didn't mean it like that. Don't shut down."
"Do you think we could go out back? Maybe sit on the swing?"
Jack nodded, then took her hand and led her out to his backyard. It was slightly overgrown, for Jack's father had neglected it for the last month, but it was still her favorite part of the house. In the shade of a giant maple tree, his father had hung a bench swing. She and Jack had spent numerous sleepless nights staring up at the stars on that swing.
Jack sat first, holding the swing steady for Mia to join him. When she did, she cuddled next to him, his arm coming around her shoulders, her head resting on one of his.
"While we were broken up, I got notice from the apartment complex about extending or ending our lease, and, well, I chose to end it."
Jack nodded. "A fair choice to make."
Mia tried to swallow the lump in her throat, but it was persistent. "I had also applied for some new jobs. And Taye had offered me a position at our satellite campus. I wanted to get out of Winchester."
He hesitated a moment. "None of which I can blame you for. If I were in your shoes, I probably would have done the same."
"And then I got those jobs. Both of them. I was able to use the offers they made to bolster my salary and benefits package at work."
Mia heard a heavy breath release from Jack's chest. "But?"
"But the tradeoff was that I would have to take the year-long position at our satellite campus. In Seattle."
For just a moment, Jack's body went incredibly still beside her.
"You can come with me," she said, but her voice was the smallest whisper.
Jack didn't immediately respond. Mia counted the number of breaths he took before opening his mouth again: six.
"I can't leave my dad."
Mia had always known this, but hearing Jack confirm it didn't make it hurt any less. "He can come, too."
Jack shook his head. "We both know he can't."
A harsh silence settled between them once again. Mia wanted to be the one to break it, to tell Jack that she would forgo the job change, that she would stay with him there, maybe even for forever, but Mia couldn't say those words aloud; she would never be able to.
Jack cleared his throat. "Before I say what I'm about to say, I want to make one thing abundantly clear to you: if I had the option to be with you, just the two of us, maybe, maybe on some remote island. Just us and the waves and the sun and the night, I would choose that, no questions asked."
It was Mia's turn. "But?"
"But that isn't a choice for us. Not right now."
Mia let out a shaky breath. "I don't want to leave you like this."
Jack pulled her in closer. "Life isn't always about what we want. Sometimes...sometimes, what we need has to take precedence. I want you, all of you, all the time, but I need a lot of things, too. I need to give therapy another chance, because my head is not well, not now. I need to be here for my dad, in Winchester. I need to fix the things about myself that have only ever hurt you, and you need to stop living your life for me."
Mia wanted to cry, but it seemed her store of tears had gone dry. "I don't live my life just for you."
Jack sighed, squeezing her tightly to him once again. "The only time you have done something for yourself in these last two years was when we were broken up. Even then, you were here for me the second my life fell apart."
"That's what you do when you love someone."
He shook his head. "It's my turn to sacrifice for you, Mia. I need to stay here, and you need to go off and become the person you have always wanted to be, no strings attached."
A nervous laugh parted Mia's lips. "I didn't envision this night ending with you breaking up with me."
Once again, he held her tighter to him. "My sweet, beautiful Mia. This isn't a break up. And I'm certainly not the one doing it; you aren't either. This is a pause without expectation, gifted to us by circumstance. I need to use this pause to fix myself; you need to use it to spread your wings."
All of the other times Jack and Mia had parted ways were tear stricken or full of yelling and hurled insults, but this was simply that: a parting of ways.
"I don't leave for another week. I'd like to stay here and help as much as I can before I go."
Jack released a breath of relief. "I'd like that very much."
"Can we sleep out here tonight? We're in a little bit of a warm spell. It won't be too bad."
And so they did. They dragged pillows and blankets and Jack's memory foam mattress topper out back. They snuggled into each other, both of them holding on tightly, earth below them, stars above them. The last thing Mia felt before falling asleep was Jack's warm breath on the back of her neck, and she knew that no matter where she was, she would always carry him, be it in her memory, her lungs, her soul.
a/n: I would like to point out that this is the first romance I've written where they aren't together in the end 😩
BUT, I think it's incredibly important to portray realistic people and romances, and sometimes that means leaving a situation that may feel okay in the moment but is, overall, a toxic environment that stagnates growth in both of its people.
Thank you for joining me on this journey. If I ever were to physically publish this, I have plans to extend it into a more novel-length work. Only time will tell 🥰
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Have the loveliest of weekends, friends.
Love,
L