an: i know it's been a minute lmao but here you go and rEMEMBER THIS DOESN'T REFLECT REAL LIFE LAUREN OKAY ENJOY
Camila's roaming through Lauren's mind the next morning as she and Dinah walk to a nearby store for some necessities. In Dinah's case, it's a new outfit and some foundation of sorts, for Lauren, it's a hoodie. Hers has Camila's scent etched into it and sometimes that makes it painful to wear (other times, it's cathartic, but whatever).
Lauren's not sure of anything these days, and Camila's one that sticks out like a (very attractive) sore thumb.
Even when she's not thinking of Camila she's thinking of Camila, whether that be the way her hair always smells like coconut or her kisses always taste like watermelon gum or how when they'd share a bed Camila would hold her close and kiss her head and rub her back and she felt like nothing could ever hurt her.
She kicks at the ground as she and Dinah walk, the younger girl's singing some random pop song under her breath, Lauren thinks it's See You Again by Charlie Puth.
It reminds her of the night a couple of weeks back when she and the girls were all hanging out backstage and Dinah and Camila started an impromptu game of song guessing, taking Dinah's phone and picking random songs for the other one to guess.
Camila at one point started singing One Call Away, at first in her signature perfect Camila Cabello style and then switching to completely belting it at the top of her lungs with Dinah.
Their manager got reasonably pissed, worried that they were going to fuck up their voices, but the show went on as planned and their game had no impact on anything.
Lauren huffs to herself, practically hearing Camila singing in her ear even though the brunette is back at the hotel.
Truly, if she weren't trying to make up for ditching Dinah at the bar last night, she wouldn't be on this trip right now. She'd much rather still be with Camila, asleep in her arms and pretending ninety percent of her problems don't exist.
(The ten percent that does exist is probably that she's with Camila in the first place, but she's not going to complain about that.)
She and Dinah stop in front of a Target and walk inside, and Lauren lets Dinah lead the way. She's never really sure of these places, but Dinah always seems to figure out the best ways to get around.
"There are hoodies over there," Dinah says, pointing to a rack displaying different sweatshirts and sweaters and hoodies.
Lauren nods, "Thanks, DJ."
Dinah disappears to some other clothes and Lauren walks over to the hoodies. She runs her fingers along the fabric, both inside and outside, crinkling her nose at some of them.
She's not looking for anything amazing, she's in a Target, but she does at least want something comfortable that won't bother her when she inevitably uses it as a pillow at some point (desperate times call for desperate measures).
She finds one she likes and takes off her coat, slinging it over a bare shelf before pulling the hoodie on. It's cozy enough and not super baggy except for where she wants it to be, but when she pulls the hood on and it fits her head like some kind of glove, her excitement deflates.
She pulls the hoodie off and puts it back nicely, slinging her jacket over her arm as she looks once again.
Her mind swarms with Camila once again, wishing that she could somehow go back to the time where she was stealing Camila's hoodies, she didn't have a lot but Lauren took them anyway.
Her favorite was a San Francisco hoodie Camila bought when they first visited. It was a random long weekend when Lauren finally turned eighteen and they had some time off, not enough to go back home but enough to go on a road trip.
They stayed only one night and Camila forgot any sweatshirts at the apartments in Los Angeles, so Lauren bought her a random touristy hoodie once they got there.
Lauren misses that part of being in a relationship the most, going on random adventures and staying in crappy hotels. She hopes someday she can have that again, especially with Camila (even though she's sure she fucked that up).
Her mind floats back to the task at hand, finding a hoodie. Nothing truly sticks out to her and she crinkles her nose at it, deciding instead to go find snacks or something. Anything to make this trip productive, really.
She accidentally wanders to the games section of the store and finds herself staring at the card games. Cards Against Humanity sits at the forefront, along with some random decks of cards and some UNO card packs.
Her eyes fall upon a Rubik's Cube, however, and she can't help but grab it off the shelf. She remembers seeing one on Lucy's shelf years ago, but Lucy would say she couldn't touch it unless she were to solve it again.
Lauren's sure that Lucy's a bit insane, but that's not the point. Maybe this could be a better pastime than thinking about her ex-girlfriend all the time.
She holds on to it as she goes back to her original goal, finding snacks, and it's hardly surprising when she sees Dinah already there.
"Couldn't find anything?" She asks, and Dinah looks over at her, obviously not expecting Lauren to have found her.
"No, selection's shit," Dinah responds, taking a pack of gum off the shelf, "I texted the others. Mila wants gum, Mani wants Pringles, and Ally wanted Chips Ahoy."
Lauren nods, "How much time do we have before we have to be back?"
"Dunno," Dinah shrugs, grabbing a second pack of gum, "They're gonna rob me of all of my money, though."
"Oh," Lauren hums, "I thought I was paying."
"I have money, Lo," Dinah responds, walking towards the end of the aisle where a cart is sat.
Lauren follows and puts her new toy in the basket, "You were just talking last week about how you give your money to your parents... so I assumed... um, sorry."
"I do," Dinah says, "I also keep a quarter of it for myself. They don't know that, though."
Lauren notices how Dinah tenses slightly and decides to shut up and nod, following Dinah to another aisle.
They both grab some more snacks in a weirdly awkward but at the same time comfortable silence, Lauren's half-convinced the awkwardness is just her.
Lauren gets herself a bag of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups and puts that in the basket, and Dinah retrieves Normani and Ally's food.
"You ready for the tour to be over?" Dinah asks, glancing at Lauren.
"Yeah," she nods, picking at her nail polish absentmindedly, "It's exhausting."
"I guess," Dinah hums, "I'm not excited to spend two months in the studio, though. That was hell last time."
Lauren nods, "Yeah, especially because we don't do anything. At least you're close to your parents when we're in LA, though."
Dinah just snorts and Lauren furrows her eyebrows, "What?"
"Nothing," Dinah responds, leading them to the front of the store so that they can check out.
"No, what?" Lauren retorts, stopping Dinah by standing in front of the cart.
Dinah sighs, "Being near my family isn't always a blessing, Lo. Now. Move. Or I'll break your toes with this cart and not feel bad about it."
Lauren shuts up and moves out of the way, knowing in the back of her mind that Dinah would never intentionally hurt her, but not wanting to test that theory either.
At least she hasn't brought up the Camila thing yet.
-
"What's something you've done recently that's made you happy?"
Lauren ignores the fact that Camila floats through her head almost immediately and listens as Dinah answers.
"This morning, me and Lauren-"
"Lauren and I," Camila and Lauren interrupt simultaneously, making everyone in the audience laugh, and Lauren's sure she hears some squeals too.
"Rude," Dinah retorts, "Anyways, we went to get breakfast this morning and we ended up getting some really good pancakes. I think you guys were all asleep."
"I woke up late today, so yeah," Normani responds, "It's my turn now, right? Because that was a really great thing."
"Waking up late?" Camila asks, and Normani nods.
"Nice," Camila says quietly, and Ally goes for her turn.
Lauren only half pays attention, something about going on a walk is said but she's more consumed by the little piece of hanging nail polish on her thumb.
"I don't have something... appropriate," Camila says, running a hand through her hair, "Actually, the other day, I finally learned some new Taylor Swift songs on my guitar. That was fun."
"Say the other thing!" one of the fans calls out and Camila snorts.
"Nope. Lauren, your turn," Camila replies, glancing at Lauren.
"Um," Lauren hums, "I bought a Rubik's Cube this morning. So, if this whole singing thing doesn't work out, maybe I'll become world famous for solving a Rubik's Cube. That's if I learn how to solve it, though."
"Just when I thought you couldn't get any nerdier," Dinah says, making everyone laugh again.
Lauren rolls her eyes and decides not to respond, and Camila starts to stand.
"Thank you all! We'll see you tonight for the show!" The girls all follow her lead and wave, walking to the side of the stage.
Lauren's first off the stage and she hands her things to the stagehands before heading back to the dressing room.
She tenses for a second when Dinah wraps an arm around her shoulders, but then relaxes, and Dinah smiles, "You excited for the show?"
Lauren shrugs, "I'll be more excited when we're about to go on. I'm not looking forward to makeup right now, though."
"I get that," Dinah responds, "but this is our last show for a couple of weeks. We get to go home for a bit."
"You told me just this morning that being near your parents isn't always a blessing," Lauren retorts.
"It isn't," Dinah pulls them over to the side of the hallway, letting the other girls go ahead, "They're family, though. I just... since being in the group, we haven't seen eye-to-eye on a lot of things. It's not their fault or my fault, it's just the way things have gone. So, they're nice in small doses, but sometimes I wish I had the excuse of being across the country than barely being across the state."
Lauren nods, she knows exactly how irritating it's been to be around her parents since realizing that - if anything - she's not straight, with them slinging the f-slur around about their gay friends and casually calling trans people the t-slur. It's infuriating, even though she knows it isn't malicious, it's just the way they talk sometimes.
"So what do you prefer?" Lauren asks, running a hand through her hair.
"What do you mean?" Dinah asks,
"Like..." Lauren bites her lips, trying to find the most non-conceited way to say it, "us or them?"
"Depends on if you're breaking up with my best friend," Dinah responds with a teasing smile, it immediately disappearing when she sees Lauren's face, "I'm kidding, Lo."
"I know," Lauren responds quietly, "Um, I'm sorry, DJ, for all the family stuff."
"Yeah, me too," Dinah nods, "but it's alright. I'm giving them a better life, and annoying or not, they deserve it."
-
Lauren's downstairs in the hotel the next morning, finding breakfast, when someone comes up behind her and taps her shoulder.
It's a guy with hair falling in his face and dorky glasses and he looks so decent that Lauren's almost surprised.
"Hey," he smiles sheepishly, "I'm sorry for bothering you, but you... you're really pretty. Um..."
Lauren cuts him off, "I'm nineteen."
"I'm twenty," he responds quickly, "I'm actually only here because I'm roadtripping back to school."
Lauren nods and then cocks her head slightly, "School?"
Might as well entertain it while it happens, she supposes.
"Yeah," he nods eagerly, "I'm a student at MIT, but my folks live in Oklahoma."
"Oh, wow," Lauren's genuinely a bit interested now, "So you're like... stupid smart?"
"I guess," he responds, "Um, I know it's kind of weird, but would you like to go on a date with me?"
Lauren looks him over again, trying to convince any part of her that this could be good. This guy seems like a good guy, he's not famous, he's just trying to be nice.
But she feels a tug in her stomach the more she thinks about it, how she can't imagine a relationship with him, and if this is as good as guys get, she doesn't know what else she can do.
"Sorry, you seem really great," It slips out faster than she's ready for, "but I'm a lesbian."