Jungkook's lips linger on my neck, kissing the bare skin delicately, his nose brushing my skin and causing me to sigh. My fingers run through the strands of his hair, but my eyes are closed, sleepy and exhausted. Our naked bodies entangled together, and the relaxing silence fills this room, and I absolutely love it.
But my mind is full of things... not bad things. Just thoughts and memories. Things my mind is just passing through at the time. But somehow it's all about Jungkook. It's funny how he seems to occupy my mind all of the time... but right now, I don't mind. He's everywhere on me. My mind, and my body, my lips, my tongue, my fingertips... Just absolutely everywhere.
"Can I ask you something?" I blurt out. He stops his soft kissing, and lifts his head. He hums, smiling at me just a little. "How did you go through your life? High School? College?" I ask. I notice his hesitation, and I rephrase it... "I mean... for me, once I had sex, it was something I felt like I needed to feel. The love or intimacy... You said you lost your virginity in High School, and up until me, you haven't had sex since then... How did you do that?"
He understands my questions, and smiles. "Well, you knew how my family was. We're all close, and I didn't feel the need to fill that void... I didn't feel required to find a different source of affection..." he answers, but looks down after a second, seeming hesitant again. "But I also just...don't want to be taken advantage of. A lot of people want to have sex, and leave. So many girls wanted me just for how I was in bed, and I didn't want that. I wanted a real relationship." He finishes, making me watch his face.
It never occurred to me how our agreement would have an effect on him. This whole time he knew he was only in my life for sex, and not once did he say anything about it. He allowed me to use him like that, and he just went with it... God, I feel like such an ass. Jungkook's insecurity was being wanted for only sex, and I did that to him.
Who knows how long this has bothered him or hurt him... This thing has kept him from having a relationship with somebody. Am I not good enough? Did I hurt him again? Why is he still with me right now if he knows that I didn't want him from the start, while he willingly gave up all this time, sex, and love, just so I could feel better... It doesn't make any sense to me. Why is Jungkook still here?
"So why did you stay?"
His eyebrows furrow. "Stay? What do you mean?"
"You knew I only wanted to be with you for sexual purposes, yet you still tried to go after me and make sure that I was okay. Why didn't you just leave? I hurt you, Jungkook," I say, my fingers dancing over his bare chest.
"Because," he mutters, making my eyes jump to his. He has this answer so quickly. "I love you...I mean it when I say it. I'm not just throwing it loosely with you, I truly do love you, and I'm trying to help you get better. I didn't care if I was hurting myself when it came to you... as long as I could have some time with you, that's all I wanted." I stop and just look into his eyes. Jesus, he's perfect. "I don't think you realize how much I mean that. And I don't think you understand exactly how I feel for you..."
It's this again. My heartbeat speeds up, and my stomach is in my throat. Yuna was telling me this, and I didn't know what to say about it. But now he's telling me himself...
"No, Jungkook, don't ruin it, please..." I say, pushing against his chest to stop him from speaking. I don't want to get in my head and freak myself out. I just want to be with him how we are.
"Y/n, I have to say it, just listen."
"I don't know if I can do this again... It wouldn't be fair for me to just go on with this. I'm not even completely sure if I feel the same for you. I haven't done anything like this since High School, and it was so long ago... I'm scared of failing and hurting you," I let out to him, his hands pulling me closer to his body as I let it happen.
"Hey, Y/n... look at me, please," he says. My eyes move upwards to look into his, and he smiles gently. "I'm not going to make you do anything... but I want you to try. And if it doesn't work out, then I'll move on, and I'll leave you alone..."
"No." I abruptly say, and his eyebrows furrow. "I mean... I don't want you to leave me alone." I continue, watching him smile. "I get if you can't, but I can't lose you again..." Jungkook smiles, nodding his head as he agrees. His smile is so bright, and it makes me want to smile with him, but I'm too scared to. I don't know why. But even still, I love seeing him do it.
Is that me telling myself that I love him? In the same way he loves me?
Jungkook kisses me, his hands coming up to hold my face as he does this, and I smile gently into this. He pulls me closer by my waist, our bodies touching, skin to skin... It feels so good. I don't know why I like to torture myself and hold myself back from him. His tongue enters my mouth, and I let him take over the kiss and let him love me like he begs to do.
He moves over to get himself on top of me, holding himself up from crushing me with his larger body, and I run my fingers up his chest to his hair as he sighs, the sound ringing through my ears and arousing me again. He's in between my legs, hands on my waist, and I don't want to feel anything else but him. I only want him right now. God, it's so bad how much I actually do. Fuck. I can't help how my hips move upwards to surprise him...
"Eager?" He asks teasingly.
"Mhm..." I hum, smiling up at him.
"How are you not satisfied?" He laughs, kissing my cheek, before pecking my lips again.
"You're just too good..." I mumble in between, while Jungkook just continues to laugh at me.
"And this isn't just you flattering me so I can make you feel good again...?"
I shrug my shoulders. "You will never know." He purses his lips, eyes narrowing at me as I bite my lips. He gets a hold of my hands and slowly moves them above my head like he so frequently does, making me feel so submissive, when I never do or like to. But for him...
"You're so irresistible, hm?" Jungkook leans down and kisses me again, our lips swollen and the room filling with the noise. He exhales, but after some movement, I feel a hardening object between my thighs and I laugh to myself. He's just as aroused as I am, and he's so cute about it. I think it's adorable, despite that he's about to fuck me again. "Stop giggling or I won't let you move the whole time..."
"I'm sorry," I laugh again. Jungkook pokes my stomach with his free hand, making me squirm and then release more laughter.
He giggles with me, but then stops and gazes at me with his big doe eyes. "I love you," he breathes out, caressing my arm a bit.
"I love you too," I repeat. He smiles uncontrollably after I say that, and I begin to smile too because of him. I love him so much actually...
—
"Baby," Jungkook murmurs across the room. I'm sitting on his bed, my laptop in front of me and searching through things online. I hum as my answer to him. It's weird how I've gotten so used to him calling me that... "What are you looking at?" He asks.
I glance at him before answering, feeling his hands gently touch my shoulders. "Scrolling through apartments...it's really expensive in the area near the school, I just might have to get a job..." I mumble, clicking through the list of places. It's not going so well at all. I need to find a place to stay so Jungkook isn't bothered. I can't ruin this, and I don't want to irritate him.
"What the hell are you even talking about?" Jungkook blurts. I look at him with a raised eyebrow. "Y/n, you don't have to live somewhere else. My place works fine for you, and I don't care at all. Why are you looking when there's a perfectly fine place, with your perfectly fine man here for you...?"
"Well— I mean, I would be fine staying here, but I just thought that you would want some time before we started living together. I didn't know if you would think it would be too fast," I explain, feeling suddenly shy about this topic now.
Jungkook sighs, and then quickly shuts my laptop, pulling me to the edge of the bed which surprises me. My eyes widen as he does this. "Y/n. We've known each other for fifteen years, I've seen you naked, we've slept together, we've showered together, so frankly, I think we've gone beyond the question of living with each other. Don't think I don't want this when it's all I've wanted for a long time."
"But what about cooking for the two of us?? That's—,"
"No."
"But, Kook—,"
"Y/n, shut up," Jungkook grabs my thighs, pulling me closer to him, then gripping my waist to lift me. "Jungkook..." he chuckles a bit, shaking his head. "No 'but's. Come in the kitchen with me." I groan, not fighting him anymore on this and allowing him to take me. He's impossible, but I love it.
...
"Here, try this." Jungkook hands me a spoon of the food he's making, blowing it carefully before handing it to me. I eat it, tasting the food before telling him it how it is. After a second, I hum and nod my head. "Good?" I nod again. It's very good, in fact... I'm starved.
"Give me another..." I mumble, watching as he smiles teasingly, scooping the food and blowing the steam off it again. After I eat it, I hum, sitting back against the cabinet, letting my legs dangle off the edge while he just laughs. "Why are you laughing?" I raise an eyebrow at him. Jungkook shrugs, poking my stomach as he steps closer to me.
"You're just so cute..." he says, leaning in and pulling me closer by my waist. He plants a small kiss on my lip, then sits back and gazes at me. "Can I ask you something?" I nod my head, letting him continue. "We've already established this...thing...but," he stutters, not exactly making sense, "what exactly are we...?"
The question scares me a little... I wasn't expecting to talk about this right now, nor do I even know how to respond. I've already told myself I don't know how I feel about Jungkook, but he wants me to try this... But I don't even know what 'this' is. What does he want from me...? And can I give it to him? I don't want to fuck this up, and I'm terrified of hurting him... I'm not a relationship person, I wasn't raised to know how to give or receive physical affection properly...so I'm absolutely terrified to respond.
"What do you mean?" I ask hesitantly.
"I mean...we sleep together, we kiss each other, and we say I love you, and frankly, do everything together... Last night I talked to you about trying this, but you never gave me an answer... I just don't want to be on a different page anymore, Y/n..." he speaks, hands brushing my thighs as he stands in between them. I'm still scared to reply...
I gather my thoughts before responding to him. I'm scared I'll mess up now, and later...but I owe him this. "I'm not good at this, but I just want to be with you...I don't see the meaning in labels, they don't have value to me, and I don't understand why we can't just enjoy each other without having something that forces us into something we don't want to be for now... I like doing what we're doing, and when we're ready for people to know, we can tell them. Or, at least that's how I feel." I feel shy, my cheeks heating up as I look down at my lap. I don't know how he'll respond to what I said. Will he like it? Will he understand? I peek my eyes up to check his reaction, and see him smiling at me fondly. "What?" I ask confused.
"You're shy..." he says. I still give him a confused look. "I've never seen you act so shy before... it's cute. And I understand. I'll do whatever you're comfortable with, as long as you're in my arms at the end of the day, I don't care what we call ourselves." His words cause a smile on my face. He can't keep my from smiling. "Let me take you out."
I raise an eyebrow. "Hm?" He nods. "Where? And...why?"
"Because, you deserve a nice dinner, and something fresh. We can officially start this relationship with a good dinner, some wine, and I can treat you to whatever you want. And after...you and I can finish the night off tangled in my bedsheets..." he says with a sly smirk creeping up his lips, moving towards me with climbing hands.
"You're always like this...you always tease me and say something cryptic," I respond to his endeavors, smiling gently at him and his cuteness.
He chuckles lightly. "Baby, I'm never cryptic... I usually am straightforward with what I want, and that will always be you...so spare me the expense of working you up, and let me fuck you senseless on this counter," he says, a wink coming my way. I push against his chest, letting a laugh out to hide my bit of arousal.
"You'll overcook the food, asshole."
"No, I won't. I can just save it for later," he says teasingly. I pause to respond, smelling the delicious scent of what he's made. "That's stupid..." I murmur. "But I guess it just means you're a horny ass who is addicted to me."
He smiles. "You're right about the second part..." my cheeks flush as he leans to kiss me. "Let's just go once, I love the idea of eating you out in the kitchen... Please, babe, my dick can't take it."
I shake my head. "Deal with your own hormones and save it for later. I need to get ready if we're going somewhere nice... I'm glad I brought at least one dress from my house or else I would've been screwed..."
"You're about to be more than screwed if you don't hop off this counter and run that fine ass to the bedroom," Jungkook retorts, leaving me to gasp as I laugh. I throw out a yelled "asshole!" before scurrying off to his bedroom to change and get ready. He really is something else...but he's different slightly. He was never like this when we fucked around. But I kind of like it.