Song recommendation: Fix You by Coldplay
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Ouch.
There was something stuck in my arm.
What had I been doing? Why would there ever be something stuck in my fucking arm?
My eyes weren't open, my mind wasn't awake, but I could feel that thing stuck in my arm.
I should rip it out.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep?
Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.
What the fuck?
My eyes opened to the dark room. My vision was blurry. You know how after you rub your eyes for too long, or if you sleep with your hands pressed on your eyes, and then your vision gets all cloudy and blurred? That's exactly how I felt at that moment. No matter how many times I blinked, I still couldn't make out much of what was going on around me. Based on the colour scheme of the blurbs that I could see, I was in our bedroom at the McBride's. Something was still stuck in my arm, and there was an obnoxious, steady, beeping noise coming from beside me.
I lifted my heavy arm to rub my eyes. I could feel fresh bandages on my forehead, but it didn't hurt anymore. I must've undergone some sort of magic ritual in order to make this pain disappear. Whoever my fairy godmother was, obviously went through extensive training in med school.
Nope.
My vision cleared.
It was morphine.
I looked down at my arm, there was an IV sticking in it. I almost gagged. I hated needles. Yep, fearless Philly Carter couldn't get bloodwork done without nearly passing out. Once I almost broke a nurse's hand because I was squeezing it so tightly while I was getting blood taken. I was fifteen, it wasn't my fault.
I craned my neck to see where the beeping was coming from. There was a monitor with my heart rate and blood pressure sitting on my nightstand. I was hooked up to the machine to make sure all my vitals were in check.
I was wearing my pyjamas. It was a light blue, silky, two piece set that I adored. I wonder who had changed me? Who'd taken me up to the bedroom? Who the hell was pumping me with morphine? These were all valid questions for me to have, but my brain was a little confused. I didn't really feel like I was awake. I couldn't properly gauge the temperature of my body, or how the blankets felt on my skin. My senses weren't one hundred percent heightened. I was just a fog of consciousness.
I would've panicked. What if I wasn't really on morphine? What if they were pumping poison into my blood? This could be a lethal dose of fentanyl for all I knew! Maybe I was finally dead!
I didn't panic, only because my gaze caught onto a figure in the chair by the window. The fireplace was flickering gently, casting orange waves of light across the walls. The dim, spastic glow was enough for me to recognize who was folded up on that uncomfortable chair. His neck was twisted in an awkward position, and his legs were spread out, probably just to distribute his weight evenly. Only he would think about things like that.
I didn't know why Niall was sleeping on that tiny chair, he should've been sleeping in the bed with me. It was our bed after all, and I had the space for it. I couldn't wake him up though. He looked the most peaceful I'd seen him in a very long time. His eyebrows were unfurrowed. He wasn't frowning, he just looked relaxed. Lately he hadn't been smiling as much as he used to. I wished I could make him smile like I used to be able to. I feel like all I'd been doing was causing him unnecessary stress. He shouldn't have to take care of me. That wasn't in his job description.
He would argue differently. I know he would.
He was my self-proclaimed protector. I didn't ask for a protector. I certainly didn't ask for it to be him, but there he was, bent into a pretzel, staying with me while I recovered. I felt like I'd been a burden. He was so smart, he should be using his energy to further the case, not to be worrying about me and my stupid, reckless, decisions.
But that humble motherfucker, that absolutely angelic dickhead, would never give up on me. He just wouldn't, and I don't know how much of that my heart could handle.
I've never had someone love me this much. Or at least, nobody has ever shown that they loved me like he has. My heart swelled with adoration, gratitude, and pride. I was proud to say that Niall was mine. As a piece of hair fell over his face, all I could imagine was introducing him to Gran, if I ever could have. I would've brought him back to Portland, and he could've stayed in my house with me. Gran would've made us breakfast, and she would've loved him. She used to warn me about the smart boys, and how they'd inevitably wrap me around their fingers. She was right. I was clinging to Niall's finger for dear life. I was never letting go.
As I thought of this, my heart rate rose, and it showed on the monitor.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
Beepbeepbeepbeep!
Niall started shuffling. He heard my monitor going crazy. He rubbed his eyes, sitting up in the chair, squinting at me.
"Shit!" His eyes went wide when he realized what was going on. My heart rate was in the triple digits.
He practically fell out of the chair, his hair falling over his eyes in the process. He hadn't been for a haircut in several months, so when he didn't style it, it liked to just flop and fall wherever it pleased. I couldn't help but smirk as he fumbled around, trying to regain his balance and grounding.
"What's going on?" He huffed after he'd stumbled over to my bedside. "Why are you smiling?"
I didn't say anything, I just stared up at him in adoration. His chest was rising and falling quickly, I could tell how flustered he was. He pushed back his hair, revealing his eyes that sparkled with the reflection of the flames coming from the fireplace. He'd changed from his dirty, blood stained, clothes, into a pair of grey sweatpants and a white t-shirt. It was the classic outfit that could drive any girl crazy.
"What's happening?" He quickly realized that I was clearly not in the right state of mind.
"Niall, am I on drugs?" I asked. Even my voice was foggy and slurred.
"Yeah." He nodded, keeping a tight smile. He was trying not to laugh at me. "One of Daniella's Dads, Henri, uh- his sister is a nurse. She got you hooked up and everything. We've got a steady stream of morphine flowing into you. Apparently you lost a lot of blood, so there's lots of fluids in there too."
I blinked.
"You're just staring blankly at me, are you... okay? Is there something wrong?" He looked confused, and a little afraid.
"I like you Niall." I said as if it were some big announcement.
"I would hope so." He let out a laugh.
"Do you like me too? If you don't, it's not a big deal. Like don't feel like you have to say it back. I just needed you to know." I stared at him intently. I was like a sixth grader telling her crush about her real feelings.
"How much morphine is in there?" He muttered before checking the monitor. His eyes went wide for a second before he looked back at me and put on a smile. "I like you a lot Ophelia."
"You do?!" I grinned.
"I do." He laughed.
"Awhhhhh I like you too." I wiggled a little bit, like a happy dance.
"We've got to get you off of this before anybody else comes here." He laughed nervously, scratching the back of his neck.
"Why? I feel no pain. I'm fucking invisible!"
"Invincible." He quietly corrected me. "I just don't want you to slip up and use my real name."
"You're real name? Is Niall not your real name?" It was like someone dropped a bomb on me. I questioned everything I knew about life. "Is it short for something? Niall... Niallexander? Niallimothy? Niallward? Like Edward, but Niall."
"No my name is Niall, but you're supposed to be calling me Nathan. Remember?" He looked slightly scared. I couldn't figure out why.
"Niall-than?"
"No babe, Nathan." He was getting increasingly nervous.
"Okay. Nathan."
"Yes! And you're Bella."
"No, I'm Philly!" I laughed at him.
"I know, but for right now, you're Bella." He took a deep breath. I hope he wasn't getting frustrated with me. I didn't know what was wrong.
"Okay." I nodded.
"Now, who am I?" He asked slowly.
"You're Niall!" I grinned. "I like you Niall.'
"Ah fuck." He turned away, regaining his composure. "I like you too. But I like you much better when you aren't on fucking morphine!" He seemed to be frustrated with something. Was he mad at me?
"I'm sorry." My face turned sorrowful.
"No, no, babe this isn't your fault." He immediately came back beside me. "I was watching the nurse, I'll turn down your painkillers. Oh god you're going to hurt." He put his head in his hands. "I'm so sorry, but we can't put the case in jeopardy."
"I like Jeopardy."
"I know you do." He held my hand, but his mind was elsewhere. "I'm going to turn down the morphine, okay? I need you to go back to sleep, and I'm so sorry, but it's going to hurt a lot when you wake up."
"Oh." I felt a twinge of worry settle in my stomach. This was obviously important to Niall. "Okay."
"Okay." He turned to fiddle with my IV. He seemed to know what he was doing. "I love you." He said, almost as a reminder.
"You love me?" I was in shock.
"Yeah I do." He nodded, looking back at me for a moment. "Just remember that I love you, and I would never do anything to hurt you, but this is going to hurt a lot."
"Niall- uh Nathaniel?"
"Close enough." He let out a little laugh. "What's up?"
"Could you sleep with me, please?"
"Oh- uh... yeah if that'll make you feel better."
"I think it will."
"Sure." He finished up with the machines.
He slid onto the other side of the bed, not touching me. I wish he would've, but I didn't say anything because I could already feel myself falling asleep. I fell into a deep, deep, sleep.
"Hey, Bella." I felt someone tapping my shoulder.
I opened my eyes to see an angel. His blue eyes, his fluffy hair, his ethereal smile. Niall really was one of the most beautiful people I'd ever laid my eyes on.
Then the pain kicked in.
It was unlike any sensation I'd ever felt in my life. I ached and burned all over my body. My head was pounding, and I felt nauseous. I wanted to throw up, but I knew that it would cause my ribs so much pain. I couldn't move.
"Ouch..." I whimpered.
"Do you remember waking up in the middle of the night?" Niall brushed a piece of hair behind my ear.
"No." I struggled to communicate.
"I cut off your morphine." He explained.
"Why?" I croaked.
"Because you called him Niallimothy." Harry laughed from the corner of the room.
"What?" I squinted, but even squinting hurt my head.
"You were just getting my name wrong." Niall explained. "We needed you in the right headspace. How are you feeling?"
"Not good." I confessed. "Really not good."
"I'm sorry. I just- I knew you could handle it." He pursed his lips.
"Because you're fucking tough." Harry commented.
"Would you shut up?" Niall gave him a look.
"Moral support." He shrugged.
"Where's Dani?" Niall asked.
"She's picking up Josephine and Keely. They should be here in about-"
There was a knock at the door.
"Now." Harry grinned.
"Quick!" Niall turned to face me. "What's my name?"
"Nathan."
"And yours?"
"Bella."
"What about him?" He pointed to Harry.
"Alex."
"Bang on!" He gave a thumbs up. "Good girl. Let them in Alex."
Harry opened the door to the bedroom. I was expecting Dani, Jo, and Keely, but instead it was only the two girls. No boyfriend.
"Bella." Josephine was the first one to see me. Her eyes went wide, then they shifted into this deep sadness, full of sympathy.
"How are y-" Dani stopped in her tracks. I guess she wasn't ready to see me all bandaged and bruised. I would've been shocked too. "No." She whispered as her eyes welled up with tears.
"What happened?" Jo sat at the end of the bed.
"Just a car accident." Niall shrugged, laying a hand on my shoulder, facing the guests. "She can't talk much."
"I can." I corrected him.
"Just not much." He countered.
"Yeah."
"I'm so sorry." Jo shook her head. "I can't believe Julian did that to you... actually that's not true. I totally expected this from him, but I'm still angry about it."
"Well, believe it or not, I don't think Julian planned it." Niall sighed.
That's weird, because he was so adamant on killing Julian approximately twelve hours ago.
"What?" I looked up at him. It hurt to move my neck.
"Yeah, I don't know. I thought about it. Julian loves to kill. If he wanted us dead, he would've killed us himself, and he wouldn't have been this quiet about it."
"He's right." Josephine nodded. "He's not one for subtlety."
"Hey Di?" Harry looked around the corner of the bookshelf to see Dani still standing in the doorway. She was silently sobbing. I felt terrible. It was my fault that she was so sad. "Come here." Harry walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her. He looked back at us and nodded to the main area of the wing.
Niall knew what he was trying to say, and nodded.
"She's dying." I heard Dani cry into Harry's shoulder.
"No she's not." He comforted her as he moved her to the couch outside. "She's going to be completely fine. Don't you worry."
I glanced up at Niall again, he was chewing his nails on the hand that wasn't resting on me. He always did that when he was nervous. He didn't look back at me. He had a blank stare fixed on the window.
"I'm okay." I assured him, even though I was in excruciating pain.
"I know." He nodded mindlessly. "Still worried."
"Hey Jo,"
"Yeah?" She turned her head to me. I must've caught her deep in thought.
"Where's Keely?" I croaked out. It was getting easier to talk the more that I did it.
"Oh, um, he wasn't home." She shrugged, her dark silky hair fell in front of her face, she quickly pushed it back. Judging by her frantic body language, something was wrong.
"Where is he?"
"I- he didn't really tell me. He just said he was going out." She refused to make eye contact with me.
I needed to intervene. This poor girl.
"Hey Nate?"
"Hm?" Niall broke out of his trance when he heard his fake name.
"Could you give Jo and I some privacy, just for a few minutes?"
"What if something goes-"
"I'll call for you." I assured him.
He hesitated for a moment, judging by my eyes whether or not this was a serious matter.
"Okay." He nodded. "Call if you need." He leaned down to kiss me on my wounded forehead when he remembered that it would hurt me. He danced around it awkwardly until I pushed up a little bit. He left a quick kiss on my lips, and left promptly, like he'd been embarrassed to kiss me in front of Jo.
I could see why though, she looked a little bit sadder as Niall walked out of the room.
"Why did you ask him to leave?" Jo looked at me worriedly. "Is something wrong?"
"I was about to ask you the same thing." I tried to push myself up. It hurt so much, but I didn't want Jo to be looking at me with the horrendous angle that I was laying at.
"Why? Nothing's wrong." She shook her head.
"Jo." I gave her a look. "What's going on with Keely? I haven't seen you two together in months."
"I- I don't know." She shook her head. "He's being weird."
"How?" I pushed.
"Well, one day he'll be super affectionate and touchy, and then the next day he's not even in the house. He's out doing god knows what. I just... I've been waiting since the spring for him to propose, and he still hasn't."
"I'm so sorry Jo." I shook my head. "Do you still love him?"
She didn't reply. I knew she didn't want to say what she was thinking. She didn't want to admit it.
"You don't, do you?"
"Why would I love someone who doesn't love me back?" She spoke quietly.
"Well, that's not always the case." I laughed softly.
"What do you mean by that?"
"Sometimes you just need to keep pushing for the people you really love, because you never know if they're just putting on a face." I said.
"I don't think that's what's happening. I don't- I don't love him anymore. He fell out of love with me." She shook her head.
"And that's okay." I took her trembling hand in mine. "I'm just saying that sometimes people will say things, but that doesn't mean that it's how they really feel. Okay?"
"Yeah." She nodded. "I don't know what to do, Bella. My parents were expecting me to be married by the end of the year, Keely's probably still expecting to get married. He's got so many ties with Julian, and what's going to happen if he's not connected to our bloodline anymore?"
"Break up with him." I put it plain and simple.
"I'll be shunned." She shook her head, she was on the brink of tears. "My family will-"
"Who cares?" I shrugged, making light of her worries. "I know how stupid it is with all this social status bullshit, but if you are outcasted, you'll never be shunned by me, or Nathan, or Alex, and I'm sure Dani wouldn't be like the rest of them. You need to do what makes you happy. You're twenty two years old. You have so much life ahead of you."
"Bella..."
"I can't make the decision for you, but I really think you should leave him."
"I think you're right." She nodded. "I'm going to do it right now!" She jumped off the bed and rushed to the door.
"I- okay." I let her leave. She was really doing this, and I was proud of her.
If I've learned anything, it's that love can change your life, and if you're stuck with someone who doesn't love you, you'll never experience what it's like to truly be in love, and Josephine deserves that. I know she does.
"What was that?" Niall came warily into the bedroom.
"She's going to break up with Keely." I sighed.
"Right now?"
"Right now." I nodded.
"Oh." Niall made a weird face. "Well Harry took Dani out, she wasn't doing well."
"I feel bad." I laid back down on the pillows.
"It's not your fault though." He sat down on the bed beside me. "You can't help the fact that you got hurt."
"I should've been more careful." I chewed on the inside of my cheek.
"It's not your fault Philly. Okay? Dani's just emotional, you know that."
"She is sensitive." I laughed.
"So it's not you. It's her. And Harry's got it handled." He stroked my hair. "How are you feeling?"
"Not amazing, but better." I looked up at him.
"Good. Better is good." He smiled. "Have I ever told you that you have pretty eyes?"
"No." I squeaked out. His compliments were so genuine.
"Well you do." He kissed my cheek softly.
"Thanks lover." I smiled.
The nickname made him grin right back at me. I swear his smile could light up the entire universe.
Niall stayed with me for the next few hours, watching tv beside me. I let him watch golf. I knew how much he liked it, and I remembered how much I liked watching him as he stared intently at the screen.
I just looked at him. He was a real person. A real person who loved me, and cared enough about me to stay with me when I looked like an absolute mess. I decided right in that moment, that if he would let me, I'd spend the rest of my life with him, however long that may be.
"What are you looking at?" He caught my stare.
"Nothin." I looked at him through my eyelashes.
"Nothing, hey?" He smirked. "I'd like to think I'm a little bit more than nothing."
"Oh you are." I leaned my head on his chest.
"Bella!" The door flew open. Josephine was standing there with tears streaming down her face.
"Oh..." I looked at her poor sad face.
"Jo?" Niall sat up.
"Come here honey." I patted the bed where Niall had just been laying. "Nate get outta here."
"On my way out." He was already walking to the door.
Josephine rushed over beside me and buried her head in the pillows.
"What happened?" I ran my hand down her hair, comforting her.
"It was so hard." She sobbed. "He was so angry."
"I'm sorry. I should've told you-"
"I feel so free." She looked up, her bloodshot eyes had something behind them, passion? Sadness? Relief?
"It's okay to miss him." I told her.
"I don't miss him." She shook her head. "He was horrible to me, and he proved it just now."
"I'm so sorry." I shook my head.
"Do you mind if I stick around here for a while?" She sniffled.
"Stay as long as you need." I nodded.
"Bella?"
"Yeah?"
"Have you always been this grounded? You seem to know exactly what you're doing. I would've let all my emotions get in the way."
I was about to answer when there was a knock at the door. Niall poked his head into the room.
"Do you girls want ice cream? I'll make a run out to this really good place out by an office I used to work in." He offered.
"Sure. Thank you." Jo nodded.
"I'll pick up whatever flavours they have and I'll bring it back." He gave a thumbs up and closed the door.
"He's so sweet." Jo looked at me.
"He is." I nodded. "But no, I haven't always had it together. I still don't." I sighed, looking at the door where Niall had just been. "You just have to surround yourself with the right people, and you'll learn. You'll learn so much."
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Hi guys!!
I'm very happy with this chapter! I'm excited to explore Philly and Jo's friendship a little more in the story now that they've bonded over this. It reminds me of like a older and younger sister relationship. I think Philly is going to learn a lot from her.
Hope you guys are liking the story!
Thanks for reading,
All my love, always,
-Kallie <3