uhhh I read too many character studies online and now I want to do one?
All jokes aside this seemed interesting to do since John has been through so much.
Edit: this is like 3-ish weeks later before I even started to write it and warning it's going to be angsty. I don't want to make it sound like a self-insert but something caught up with me and I think writing might help me unload. In a way, I can sort of relate to John/Claire so if it's a tiny bit out of character you know why.
I'm sort of an author and what better author would I be if I didn't turn my life problems into something somewhat entertaining for people to read?
Some of the parts don't relate to me but some do, I won't bother pointing out which ones relate to me.
If you don't like so much darkness and angst then I suggest you don't read this, you can skip it. It won't have much impact or none at all on my canon story.
For most of his life, all he's known is pain and darkness. When was the last time he felt happy? Maybe it was when his mother was in his life but he didn't remember any of that. Any ounce of happiness he might have felt then was long forgotten. He had no power over anyone, but they had the power to serve him pain and anger. He could never act on that anger though, it would just lead to more pain would it not?
Years and years of built-up anger yet he still never acted on it, not yet at least. Resentment and urges to hurt them always simmered underneath his skin. The anger and resentment, the pain and the darkness built and built until he was exposed to the tiniest shard of light.
A girl helped him. She let happiness seep through to him again. Then a boy, he joined the girl and suddenly he was happy.
He didn't know it yet but the short time of happiness held nothing to the years of built-up anger and bitterness. There were moments when the well-trained anger was about to lash out yet he held it in. He might be angry but he also knew that he wouldn't be able to do anything.
Suddenly, the shard of light grew. It shined upon him so brightly. He had power now. So suddenly that all he could feel was pure exuberance. He could fight back now! He could put his trained emotions into place with his newfound power.
Unbeknownst to all of them, that shard of light would slice through the short happiness they felt. Because that's what it was, a shard of light, not a path. Sharp and rigid, if you get too close, you'll get cut. No matter the happiness, if you walk too close to the sun you'll get burned.
Or in their case, it cut through the thin line of restraint and emotions that were barely held together.
He used his new superiority to punish those who had wronged him. And he enjoyed it. Years of rage and fury finally found an outlet, a way to express how large the anger had built. He punished them to the fullest extent he could, he might have proved his superiority but he didn't prove anything to gain trust or respect. He might hold the King title in hand and it might have given him the chance to give as much as he has taken but was it worth it anymore?
He might have people to rule over now but in the process, he pushed away those closest to him, the ones that helped him with the power he was given. And then suddenly he was lashing out. To everyone and anyone. No matter the rank because he was the strongest now. No one could beat him, no one tried. He finally managed to lash at his own kin.
The very people that exposed him to light and now he was the one swallowing them into his darkness. Into his world of pain, in the world he grew up in but many times worse. Because he was calling the shots now, he might have had to deal with other people that angered him to the fullest capacity but what would it be like if he pushed all his emotions into a cannon and fired without stopping, with no plan to stop.
He fired at anyone, giving them a first glance at what he had to deal with. He fired and fired, never stopping just continued his reign of the pain he went through until it was utter chaos and devastation.
The girl had enough of this, her life might have been hard but she would never wish it upon other people so she decided to act, without anyone knowing. She teamed up with the other people that were suffering from his reign. She might have lied and she might have tricked him but he would be untouchable if she didn't go into the extremes. He was the ruler of the school, what he does and says can't be questioned because he was the strongest.
The surprise attack didn't work. It only infuriated him to no end and at that moment he used that and almost brought the end to most of them. Yet, her words rang loud and clear for him and now he used that past anger to cover up what he was feeling.
She betrayed him when he was the one to protect her. She was a liar, she was only using him to be the strongest. She was just like everyone else. She was the same as the people who bullied him. The same as the people who ignored him. The same as all the twisted people in the school.
What he didn't know was that she felt almost exactly the same.
Guilt ate up at her freely for lying but she didn't regret it, no. Not one bit. He would've continued terrorizing all of them, without end. She thought they could relate, she thought that he would be different when she discovered that he had powers.
She helped him. She believed in him. She supported him relentlessly even on his darkest days. They might have been close friends but what she did not know was his anger. The anger that would control him, that he controlled too. He wasn't blinded by it though.
He was aware of it.
Anger didn't blind his actions, they just supported them.
Despite doing everything she could to help him, he betrayed her in the end. Her trust in him snapped, it was gone when she was done sitting around doing nothing but witnessing darkness and toxicity.
She ignored all the red flags that appeared constantly. People getting beat up in the hallways became a regular thing, her along with them if she tried to stop it.
They cast her out too, because she was friends with the tyrant that was dragging them through hell daily. She deserved it didn't she? She helped him harness his powers. The powers that she hoped would save them ended up destroying them.
Toxicity ended up being common between them too. She tried to stop his beatings upon people? She would get hit. She tried to talk him out of situations she knew would end up getting messy? She was lashed out on.
She was tired of facing this daily. She wanted change.
She acted and she got what she wanted didn't she? He was gone, his reign of terror gone forever.
But what was left? Ruins, mistrust, toxic air around people, trauma.
The trauma he left upon everyone would never leave them. But the trauma he would gain wasn't leaving either.
He tried to deny it, he did deny it until someone forced him to see differently.
Liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar.
Lies, all of it was fake, Fake.
"Tyrant"
His voice chanted in his head as he kept on thinking about what had happened when he sat in prison. Boiling mixed feelings sat with him. He wanted to do something. But, he didn't have any power here though. He was in prison.
Still, people should know that he was capable of many things, they had no right to look down on him when he was the strongest.
Someone forced him though. He was powerless here so they could do anything they wanted to 'cure' him. He might have tried to deny what she said but they forced him to re-see it differently, and twistedly. It continued that way, he tried to deny it but was forced under until he didn't have the strength or the motivation to deny the inevitable anymore.
Currently finishing this on my phone so I'll edit it tomorrow on my laptop.
This was kind of dark and sad but if you end up feeling that way then I did a pretty good job writing it I guess.
Hopefully next chapter will be more happy but I'm kind of in a mood for dark/sad stuff lol. I did just finish Squid Game so that's a factor to add in.
Hope you enjoyed this chapter.
Please vote and comment 🤍
✨Astraea