" merlin, don't scare me like that „
tw: panic attack
SIRIUS AND JOCELYN DIDN'T AGREE ON MUCH but both were in the affirmative team for Halloween. The Noble Black boy and Brave Potter girl were avid enthusiasts of Halloween.
"I don't understand. What's the big deal?" Lily played with her oatmeal.
"What?" Joss and Sirius asked simultaneously. The Marauders were talking about the annual Halloween Party. Each year, the 7th years would plan a party in the different houses. The party was open for 4th years and up- although the Marauders had been going since 3rd. This year was being held in the Slytherin common room, which, James and Sirius were furious about.
"I just don't get it. Why are we making a huge deal about Halloween? We can't trick or treat or watch scary movies, we can't even carve pumpkins! Why on earth do we have a party each year, when we can't do the traditional stuff," Lily ranted.
"So, you're not going?" Marlene challenged the redhead. "No. I am but- I'm not sure... it was just a query."
"Well, Lilyflower, the wizarding community loves Halloween. Something about how it's ironic or something." "No, that's not right." Jocelyn rolled her eyes at her brother's incorrect explanation.
"IT DOESN'T MATTER!" Sirius jumped up, catching the attention of the entire Gryffindor table. "HALLOWEEN IS THE MOST FABULOUS, AMAZING, BEAUTIFUL AND FUN HOLIDAY TO EVER EXIST! AND NO ONE-AND I MEAN NO ONE- CAN TELL ME OTHERWISE!"
"NOW! Lads," the Black boy screamed but then sat down, placing his leg over his other leg, lacing his fingers together. "Let's. Talk. Costumes."
Jocelyn honestly couldn't care less what the boys were dressing up as. She and Marlene always went to the party in a couples costume. And they were always executed perfectly.
"Oi, Mars, Joyce what are you wearing?"
The two girls looked at each other, their eyes glinting in a similar fashion.
"It's a surprise," they said simultaneously. Many joked about how similar Marlene and Jocelyn were to James and Sirius. But when said out loud the two pairs scoffed audibly, saying how ridiculous that is.
"You?" Marlene asked quite sassily. The two boys mirrored the girl's answer. Going so far, as to even twirl their hair girlishly, "it's a surprise."
They snapped out of their impression, everyone giggling except for them. "Who were you trying to be?" James looked over to his brotherly figure.
"Joyce," Sirius replied as if it was obvious. "Ok good. I didn't want us to clash." James moved his hand flamboyantly. The two girls rolled their eyes at the boy's antics. Lunch was over and they began to walk to their respective classrooms.
JOCELYN WAS A CONFIDENT and strong person. She had people who cared for her, she was intelligent and she certainly didn't lack beauty. So whenever she got anxious over a little thing, like a party, she felt a negative out of body experience. She told herself how selfish and negative that is, practically invalidating herself.
So there she stood in front of the boy's full-body mirror, in the bathroom.
The 5"6 girl was hyperaware of every bone in her body, the way the lacy fabric rested and scratched against her ivory skin, the way her figure looked in the maxi skirt and the way her hair wasn't exactly its natural curl but didn't make her look any different. She hated the way she knew all this. She despised the way it made her feel.
As if her spirit had floated out of her. She looked up, feeling as if her essence hovered opposite her with a look of disgust. She was alert and open-minded about her entire life story. At that very moment, she was all too aware of everything around her and although she didn't want to attempt it, it scared her.
Sirius watched from afar. Stealing quick glances through the slit between the door and the wall. He watched as the girls' soft smile turned into a straight, anxious line. As her chest began to flatten, only to arise fully every few seconds. Jocelyn's eyes were fuzzy, a metaphorical fog, glazed over her coffee-coloured pupils. She wasn't moving at that point. She wasn't blinking, she was completely frozen.
Sirius stood up, not wanting to alarm anyone. He glided towards the girl, slowly creeping behind her. He opened the door slightly.
As the door squeaked, Jocelyn jumped out of her frozen state. "Merlin!" Jocelyn placed her hand on her heart, "Sirius, don't scare me like that."
"Are you alright?" The delicateness in his voice frightened her. The sarcastic, rude blemishes in his low, English accent was replaced with a caring tone and slight whisper.
"Yes?" She said although it appeared as more of a question. "Joyce. If you don't feel comfortable going to the party, don't."
He wouldn't attempt it but he knew what was happening. The panicked look on her face, the slow short breaths she was wheezing, her heightened senses, it was all too familiar. But he wanted her to tell him, not the other way around.
"What?" She said breathlessly. "You heard me. If you don't want to go to the party, if it makes you anxious-"
"I'm not anxious!" She scoffed, "look, I am trying to be helpful." There was a beat of silence, neither of them moved before Sirius muttered under his breath; "even when you're having a panic attack, you still manage to be way too stubborn and piss me off."
"Pardon?" "I'm trying to be helpful! I'm trying to make up for all the shit that happened!"
"Exactly! You're not helping me because you want to help me! You wanna help 'cause you think you ought to!"
Jocelyn suddenly felt extremely lightheaded. The essence that had been watching her previously, seemed to force itself back into her figure, knocking her over. She felt on fire as her knees gave out. The room was consumed by shadows as she fell into Sirius's comforting arms.
He didn't know what to do. There was a girl, in his arms who was blacked out and she wasn't on any substances. It was surely new for the Pureblood boy. He curved his arm around Jocelyn's shoulders, sitting her down on the bath. The shower curtain grazed both the teens' backs. Her head rested on his shoulder whilst her charcoal artificial waves laid all over her face. He missed her curls. He thought, brushing a strand behind her ear.
"What's happening here?!" James stormed in.
"Oh thank fuck! Prongs, your sister just collapsed on me." He fibbed.
"Ugh! Remus, can you help me out?" James stuck his head out of the door.
A tall, lanky grandpa sweater came into view. "Moony-"
Remus looked exhausted, more than halfway to insanity. He didn't like Halloween, he only went because Jocelyn went. Remus knew she was anxious, especially recently due to not being able to talk to her brother.
"Thanks, pads. I'll take her," he whispered. He kneeled next to the pair. His long hand, which carried a large gold ring, grabbed Joyce's firm shoulder. "Josie, Josie."
The girl's eyes opened. "Oh shit, I am so so sorry. Oh, fuck that is humiliating." Sirius hadn't seen Joss so quiet and embarrassed before.
He felt terrible. She lifted her head off Sirius's shoulder, looking at him. "I'm really sorry, Sirius. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."
"It's no problem, really." Sirius suddenly felt awkward, he felt under pressure. He didn't know how to act when Jocelyn wasn't being a bitch to him. So he did what he does best, "Your boyfriend's gonna take you to lie down."
Remus and Jocelyn scoffed simultaneously. "Ok, way to ruin it." "Yeah, Godric, I was trying to be nice."
They left the room, Remus leading her out.
"Pads? May I speak your honour?"
"Granted."
"You are a right dick," James leaned against the sink, spitting out the 'k' sound.
"Ok, yup, I'm ready to get drunk," Sirius copied the k sound.
NOTES FROM LWM:
• THIS IS ANOTHER FILLER
• you could literally just skip tbh but whatever ig
• big things are coming 😎
• i had MAJOR writers block whilst writing this so it sucks sozo
• this chapter was also a reminder that panic attacks don't always include heavy breathing and rapid actions. this was also kind of a vent chapter because I wanted to put how my own panic attacks feel in words. so if you relate to this, just know you aren't the only one :)
• stay safe and enjoy !!
• 1326 story word count •