Olly raised his hand to help me down. I wavered, not wanting his charming ways to win me over, but as his wide, enticing glare glared up, gravity pulled, and I put my hand into his.
He gripped my hand tightly, and for a moment, time stood still. As if hit in the face by a football, he was back in my life in ways I didn't want. That feeling of familiarity smothered me, telling me I belonged there, in the moment and with him, as if the time and distance between us defied everything planned out for us.
I stepped off the bench and let go of him, brushing the sweat on my palm on my Jeans as I sat down. For a moment, silence bound us, and it was eerily calming. Fear hooked my stomach the longer neither of us spoke. Five minutes had passed since not being able to sleep from my mind running all over the place, and now it was complete mush, a blank canvas.
Leaning back on the bench with my gaze on the black sheet of night sky ahead, I took the cigarette packet out of my pocket. I listened to him let out a large breath.
"He really has won you over, hasn't he?" Olly muttered. I said nothing, exhaling out my first drag, watching the smoke float, wishing I could grow wings and fly away with it.
"They're my dad's, and he gave them to me," I paused, "Not that it matters."
"Oh," was all Olly replied, and I couldn't help but feel a little smug as he adjusted his position on the bench, not knowing what to say. I didn't want to look at him and admit that Kyle, just like he assumed, had influenced me, so I didn't. Olly didn't deserve such satisfaction. Instead, I kept my distance and denied what he wanted, and that was to say I told you so.
"Why do you care if Kyle has anything to do with me anyway, you have a girlfriend." As the words left my mouth, I nearly choked on the smoke that caressed my throat as I stared at the sky. The stars faded, and the clouds moved in as if something terrible was about to happen. That would come next in the movies in a scene like this.
I remained calm as long as I didn't look into Olly's gorgeous face. His contagious smile couldn't tempt me if I ignored it, but then, at the same time, I didn't know if he was smiling. The tone of his voice sounded far from happy, so sad and faint. Why was he there? I then asked myself.
"Did Kyle tell you that as well?" he retorted.
Argh! Why did he have to be right all the time? I hate him. I feel nothing and have no reason to love him. Olly lied and left me. I reminded myself.
"My mum did," I said, irritated. "Maybe with your new girlfriend, don't let your mums become best friends; that way, you won't have your secrets spoilt."
"I didn't mean to keep secrets from you, Ashley," he mumbled as I watched his Nike trainers tap the floor.
Dropping the cigarette to the ground, I crushed it beneath my shoe, then looked at him, hearing nothing but the crease of my leather jacket.
Sat in Jeans and a black t-shirt, Olly appeared different. His sportswear was missing, and so was his cap. But still as captivating as ever, he entranced me by the second with his deep brown eyes and soft smile. I couldn't fight it no matter how hard I tried.
"But you did. You ruined everything," I said. I glanced away, breaking eye contact, remembering how I felt when I heard he had a girlfriend.
Olly tucked his bottom lip between his teeth. He was wry, not wanting to say sorry, which frustrated me.
"Why are you even here?" I asked, rubbing my hands together and leaning my elbows on my knees.
"I finished for half term."
"No, here, sat on the bench behind my house," I said harshly.
"I didn't know it was your house."
"If you say so, Olly."
I looked away, playing with my hair, and then sensed him leaning his elbows onto his knees beside me. I retreated a little as he reached towards my hair and tucked it behind my ear. My lungs tightened, and I allowed him to steal my breath as I stared into his shimmering eyes.
"I'm sorry I hurt you, Ashley. It's the last thing I wanted." Olly's jaw clenched as I watched his Adam's apple quiver, "I miss you so much."
I frowned, denying my eyes to squint and form tears and glanced away. It didn't work. I still felt Olly burning me with his gaze, so I stood up and kept my back to him. He was still too close, waiting for me to tell him I missed him too, so I took a few steps and then walked across the street to the field.
"Ashley," he gently said, following. "Ashley, where are you going?"
"I'm not doing this," I grunted, crossing my arms as I shivered. I walked fast, and my strides became wide. Olly was nearly jogging to keep up.
"Why? You wouldn't let me the other day, and I don't know when I will see you again."
I stopped and turned, stepping towards him, putting little distance between us. My expression scolded him for being too complaisant as my chest puffed hard and fast. A droplet of rain fell down my cheek, and a grumble of thunder darkened the sky; it was my movie moment, the minute I could scream at him for no one to hear. My dramatic scene.
I put my hand's palms up and watched the rain pool into them. Big, slow droplets sat there and then slid off. I was no longer invisible. The rain saw me, Olly saw me, and I saw myself.
I was no longer a smear of tears and rain.
Being treated differently, feeling any different like I used to, angered me. Thunder roared, and the rain fell faster, matching the fury in my chest.
"I don't believe you. All you do is lie and keep secrets. You have a girlfriend. How could you miss me? You haven't even given yourself time to miss me," I shouted. "I thought I knew you. I thought you cared about me, but Kyle was right; you're not as nice as you make out. You're not perfect; you're a dick."
The rain fell heavier, soaking us as Olly was yet to speak. His lips were trembling from the cold, and he looked breath-taking as he threaded his fingers through his long messy wet hair. I didn't let myself fall for him and pulled my gaze away, hating that I could smell him as the rain interfered with his luscious scent.
"Hate me all you like; I deserve it," he shouted over the storm. "I am a dick, and I never said I was perfect. But Ashley, I miss you. Since I left, all I've done is think about you and hate how I left it between us. I shouldn't have broken up with you or treated you like I did. I love you," he said, stepping closer to me, so close I couldn't see what was happening. Despite wanting him and yearning to be so close, I found my courage, pushed my hand against his chest, and backed off.
I looked him dead in the eye and bit the inside of my lip. "I don't even know her, but I hate your girlfriend," I scowled and turned away, walking further up the field, wiping the rain from my face. The sky was black, cloudy and miserable, grumbling. Frightening.
"You're allowed to," I listened as Olly continued to follow, "You can hate her all you like; I get it. Why do you think I hate Kyle so much."
"There is nothing between Kyle and me," I huffed, stepping through the long grass, trying to judge the ground as I could barely see it.
"Not yet, but there will be. You're so alike. It's bound to happen," Olly panted.
"You almost sound jealous."
"Ashley," he said, grabbing my wrist and stopping me from walking further. He hushed me, taking his hand to the nape of my neck and his touch was as if touched by an angel. It shattered the walls around me, rising light in the sky; it was electric. He leaned in, and I inhaled, letting his lips touch mine. They were gentle yet firm, pushing hard against mine, sinking me into serenity. He set my heart on fire, and I suddenly belonged to him again.
I saw the Olly I met and felt his soul reclaim mine, but then, as if he was standing next to me, a skater boy intruded my thoughts, shaking his head, and I pulled back. Why was Kyle in my mind ruining this moment? Why was his voice chasing Olly away? His presence was immense, holding something over me. I tried to tell myself it was a figment of my imagination, but when I looked back at Olly, it reminded me he would be leaving again, and his spell broke. I remembered his girlfriend and that he hadn't been there to wipe away my tears. Olly was different, and so was I. Even when it seemed right, kissing him wouldn't heal my wounds, not when he belonged to someone else.
"I best go home," I said, breathing heavily as I licked my lips, treasuring Olly's sweet flavour. Olly nodded and reached for my hand, but I refused, putting it in my pocket. "I can't," my teeth chattered, "It's not fair on you, me, or your girlfriend."
I couldn't believe I was thinking of his girlfriend when all I had wanted for the past ten weeks was to have Olly back, and now I was the one being loyal.
I knew how hard it hit Olly finding out I kissed Kyle, and now I'd done it again, kissing Olly when he wasn't mine.
It was clear the Ashley I used to be was gone.
"Come on, let's go home," I said, walking back down the field.
We exchanged no words as the rain slowed. I listened to Olly's heightened breathing, which eased me, telling me I still somehow affected him. It gave me hope. But then, I had just made him run up a field in the rain.
"How are you going to get back to your bedroom?" Olly asked as he stood on the bench, helping me back over the fence into my garden, holding my hand as I found my footing.
I looked back to the window, then back at him, "I moved bedrooms, and I'll climb up the trellis that I climbed down and go in through the window."
"Be careful. The fencing will be slippy."
"Always the gentleman," I smiled.
He let go of my hand and rubbed his arms as he shuddered. "Ashley," he tentatively said as I went to walk off, and I glanced back, "Why have you moved rooms?"
"You know why," I swallowed, "I couldn't bear the reminder of you anymore."
Olly gave me a faint smile, but his eyes told me he was upset. They looked as confused as the sky, clear yet constantly growling.
"You've changed," he muttered, and I fiddled with my fingers.
"I know, and you hate it, right?"
Olly shook his head and exhaled profoundly, "No, I could never hate you; you're perfect to me."
I held my breath for a second too long, surprised, coughing a little as I let it go. "Night, Olly," I said, then turned away and walked back up the garden.
"Night, Ashley," he whispered, then disappeared. My heart ached again.
How was I ever going to forget about him? I was supposed to hate him, and I wanted to. But how could I after he pulled a stunt like that?
Everything was so complicated.