Trigger Warning
There is mention of sexual assult in this fic but not really any actual details. As per usual, if this triggers you in anyway, I'd much rather you skip this fic then risk your well-being
Wooyoung's POV
Days off are the best, especially when I get to spend almost the whole day cuddled up with San, watching TV. We were both sitting on the couch with me lazily resting back against the couch as I was cuddled up to San's side, his hand running through my hair gently.
"Any idea when Jongsang are getting back from the gym," I asked.
"Probably not for another 2 hours. You know how those two get, they're far to competitive," he giggled.
"True. As long as they don't overwork themselves," I said with a sigh as I tightened my grip around his waist.
"You're awfully clingy today Woo. Everything ok," he asked softly.
"Yeah, I've just been really tired lately. Cuddling with someone always makes me feel better," I admitted.
"Then feel free to cuddle as much as you want," he told me, leaning down and placing a small kiss on my forehead.
"You really shouldn't have said that," I giggled. I placed my hand on his thigh to push myself up more but my hand slipped and I accidently fell forwards, my hand pushing into his crotch. I yelped in surprise and shot back, burying my face in my hands in embarrassment. I let out a small giggle before bursting into laughter, falling back against the couch as I laughed hysterically. As embarrassing and traumatised as I would be, had it been anyone else that I accidentally did that two. It was San and he wouldn't care anyway, we'll probably giggle about it later.
"I'm so sorry Sannie," I giggled as I pulled my head out of my hands and looked over at him. He didn't reply which confused me so I quickly leant forwards and looked over at San, confused and shocked to see that his whole body was stiff and his face was pale, eyes wide.
"Sannie? You good," I asked gently as I placed my hand on his shoulder softly. I immediately retracted my hand and my heart dropped as he started sobbing and flinched away from me. He moved away until he was backed into the corner of the couch, curling in on himself as he tucked his knees up to his chest. His eyes were wide and he was breathing heavily, his entire body shaking as he sobbed. I was frozen in shock, not knowing what to do. We were just laughing, we were having fun and cuddling. I don't know what happened, he was fine. I took a deep breath to calm myself down, recognizing that he was having a panic attack and knowing that I needed to find away to calm him down. I quickly grabbed the remote and turned the tv off.
"San, Sannie can you hear me. It's Wooyoung," I said gently, not going any closer. He panicked when I touched him which means I probably shouldn't do that again. I tried to think of what could've triggered his panic attack and then it hit me and my stomach dropped as I thought of the possibilities that it could stem from. I shook my head quickly to stop my thoughts and decided, definitely no touching until I figure out what's wrong.
"Sannie, Sannie aegi. It's ok, you're alright aegi, you're fine." My words didn't seem to make much of a difference as he didn't seem to recognize my voice and was still sobbing but there wasn't anything else that I could do so I continued to talk, hoping that it might eventually help.
"Sannie, I know you're probably scared right now or something but it's ok, you're safe. It's Wooyoung here and nothing is going to happen to you ok, you're safe. I promise you," I said gently. We were on either ends of the couch and he still wasn't replying or reacting but I noticed him starting to inch over. I thought I was seeing things but sure enough, he lowered his hands and crawled over towards me. I was slightly worried he wasn't conscious of what he was doing and I still didn't want to risk hurting him by touching him so I opened my arms wide, inviting him to hug me if he wanted but making sure my hands weren't near him. He crawls all the way over to me and cuddled up to my side, his arms encircling my waist. I held my breath, praying that he wouldn't panic more but I was surprised when he seemed to relax slightly.
"Sannie, can you hear me now aegi," I asked gently. He still didn't react which made me sigh but hugging me seemed to be helping him calm down slightly, no longer shaking so I decided to just sit there and let him go until he starts to react or show signs of being able to hear me. I looked down at him sadly as he sobbed, wishing I could take away whatever pain he was hiding inside.
San's POV
Everything was going so well. Wooyoung and I were hugging happily on the couch as we watched TV and just relaxed. Then everything went downhill, all it took was a split seconds mistake from Wooyoung that he didn't realise and I was lost in my head, memories replaying in my mind.
~
"Why hello there baby boy." I looked up to see two men about mid-forties walking up to me. Some nice men to talk to.
"Hi," I said with a small smile.
"How old are you kiddo," the taller one asked.
"I'm 10, how old are you," I asked as I hiked my backpack up more.
"Where are you headed," he asked, ignoring my question.
"I'm heading back home from school," I told them.
"That's nice. You must be hungry," the smaller one said. My ears perked up at that. Do they have food for me?
"Yeah, I usually eat when I get home," I replied.
"Well we have some food at our house not far from here, do you want us to take you there," the taller asked. It did sound really tempting but mum and dad always told me never to go anywhere with people they don't know.
"Mum and dad wouldn't want me going anywhere with people they don't know," I said nervously.
"Oh don't worry San, we know your parents. We're close family friends. We were around a lot when you were younger," the eldest said. They know mum and dad?
"Really!? Then they'd be fine with me going," I said with an excited grin.
"Perfect baby boy. Why don't you come with us," he said holding out his hand. I nodded and quickly grabbed it, letting him pull me along down the alley where I assume his house is. I'm so hungry, I literally can't wait for the food.
"How much food is there," I asked happily as I bounced a little while we walked.
"Lot's of food and lot's of lollies, just come with us," the smaller said. I nodded and grinned, very excited for some extra food. Maybe I can eat this and then still eat when I get home as long as they don't tell mum dad that I ate with them. They stopped outside some old looking building and I was slightly confused before I realised it was probably where they were living. I shouldn't say anything about it because it would be rude to point out their living space isn't really up to standard.
"Come on baby boy," the tall one said as he walked into a room with an old bed that had some chains on it. Odd?
"Where's the food," I asked.
"It'll be here in a second, Jaewon is just going to grab it," the tall one said as the smaller (Jaewon left the room).
"Why don't you come sit down," the man said, pointing to the bed. I shrugged and walked over, sitting down as he sat next to me. I was confused when he grabbed the chains and started to tighten them around my wrists but maybe this is just what they do.
"Are you going to be good for us baby boy," he asked.
"Of course. Mum says I'm the best boy, I never get into trouble and I have a perfect attendance," I nodded. I get straight A's as well.
"Good, that's very good baby boy. We're going to have a lot of fun..."
~
The memories after that weren't fun, not at all but no matter how hard I tried, I was trapped in my own mind as they begun to play over and over again.
There was something different about these flashback, something that isn't usually there. A voice. A soft, soothing and extremely familiar voice. I know it from somewhere, I just know but I recognize from where. It wasn't clear either but it was in the background and for once, there was a slight safety among my nightmares. It wasn't enough, I need to hear it louder, I needed to be closer. I slowly started inching myself towards the voice before giving up and just crawling right over to where it was coming from. I came in contact with something soft and warm, fear ebbing away as it also made me feel safer. I wrapped my arms around the warmth and pressed myself closer, wanting to feel safe and secure. The minute I did that, the nightmares went away and all that was left was me with my eyes clenched shut as I became aware of the sobs that were coming out of my mouth. I started coming more too, my brain coming out of it's petrified state and I became more aware of what was actually going on. I remembered that I was at the dorm on the couch, I wasn't in that old rusty building, I was safe. My head was gently rising and falling and I realised that my head was buried in Wooyoung's chest as my arms were tightly wrapped around his torso.
"You're ok Sannie, I promise you're safe," he whispered. The sound of his voice was soothing, safe, it was the voice that saved me from drowning in my sorrows and nightmares mere minutes ago. Wooyoung had pulled me out of a nightmare I've never been able to escape once drawn in to. I slowly stopped sobbing, feeling comforted from being close to Wooyoung, someone safe, someone who would never hurt me. I know Wooyoung would never hurt me, never do anything that make me uncomfortable. I remembered what happened earlier, what set me off. It was clearly an accident, an innocent accident and he never had any intention of upsetting me. That thought helped me calm down, the reassurance that no one was actually going to hurt me. I sniffled and lifted my head up, looking at the slightly younger. His arms were spread out wide across the back of the couch, hands tightly holding onto the furniture while his head was tilted away from me. I was confused at first before I realised what he was doing. He didn't want to touch me. He realised I hadn't reacted well to touch and was making sure he wasn't going to make me even more scared or uncomfortable. See, he'd never hurt me. I felt bad for most likely scaring him quite a bit from my episode. I don't remember how I acted but I know it's never very good and especially because Wooyoung has no idea what's going on and probably didn't know what to do. This is our day off, I shouldn't be stressing him out so much. I moved my arms away before slowly crawling into Wooyoung's lap, wrapping my arms back around his waist and resting my head on his chest. His breathing hitched and his body tensed up, worrying me. Have I scared him so much that he doesn't even want me touching him?
"I'm so sorry Wooyoungie," I said sadly, squeezing my eyes shut. His body relaxed under mine which gave me hope.
"D-Don't apologize," he stuttered quickly but firmly. I frowned slightly when I realised that his hands still hadn't moved from where they were clutching at the back of the couch, he was still trying to make sure he didn't accidentally set me off. It made me sad but it also made me realize just how good of a person Wooyoung truly is. I raised my head up from his chest and looked into his eyes. The were red and tear-filled as other's silently trailed down his face. It pained me to see the amount of worry in his eyes and the hint of fear hidden in them. I knew he wasn't scared of me, he was scared for me, worried about why I was so upset. I sighed before slowly leaning forwards as his eyes slipped closed, realising what I was doing. We have this thing when we're upset or scared, we give each other affection eskimo kisses to calm down. I gently brushed my nose against his a few times, feeling him relax slightly. His grip on the couch loosened but he still refused to move his arms.
"Woo look at me," I whispered as I moved my head back a little. His eyes slipped open and met mine.
"It's ok, you can hug me," I assured him. He looked apprehensive but slowly moved his arms to wrap around me. I tensed up anxiously to begin with but the minute his arms were fully wrapped around me I relaxed completely. This is Wooyoung, my soulmate, someone I'm safe with. I shuffled closer and rested my head on his shoulder as he tightened his hold on my and nuzzled his nose against my hair softly. We remained like that for a few minutes, just laying in each other's arms, basking in each other's warmth and the safe feeling that came with it, the reassurance that we were ok.
"Are you ok now Sannie," he asked suddenly.
"Yeah," I whispered back.
"D-Do you want to tell me what happened," he asked apprehensively. I was silent for a few seconds and he didn't say anything after that, just waiting patiently for me to reply. I haven't told anyone outside of my family and my old therapist what happened on that day but Wooyoung is different, he's special. I've never had anyone able to pull me out of my nightmares, make me feel safe while I was having flashbacks. Not mum, dad, my therapist, no one. He deserves to know, especially after how much I've probably scared him just now. I don't have to give him details but he deserves the basic rundown.
"I was 10 when it happened. I was such a naïve kid and so trusting, too trusting. These two men came up to me on my way home from school and said they knew my parents and offered to take me to get some food. I was foolish and trusted them, following them to some random building. I didn't realise anything was wrong until I was chained to the bed and they started to take off my shirt," I whispered.
"Oh my god Sannie. Did. D-Did they rape you," he asked in shock, his hands clenching around my shirt.
"There wasn't any penetration but they, they touched me inappropriately and they, did other stuff. I don't really want to talk about it please," I said, squeezing my eyes closed.
"That's fine, you don't have to talk about it. I don't need to know Sannie," he whispered softly into my ear, making me relax.
"T-That's why I panicked. I know you'd never hurt me but when your hand slipped, I wasn't prepared and it just sent me straight into flashbacks," I said with a sigh as he immediately froze.
"I-I'm so sorry San," he rushed out.
"Don't be Wooyoung. It was an accident and either way you didn't know, it wasn't your fault. Plus if anything I should be thanking you," I said gently.
"Why would you thank me," he asked in confusion.
"In the years since it happened, I've had over a dozen episodes and I've had to put up with hours of flashbacks over and over, not being able to pull myself out of my nightmares until I passed out. But you, your voice broke through my mind, it made me feel safe, made me come out of it while not even my own family could do that. So thankyou," I said softly.
"I'm still sorry and I promise from now on I'll keep and eye out for you and I'll look after you. I promise you," he said firmly, and I believed him. I nodded and closed my eyes, once again cuddling down as he relaxed as well. We just sat there in a peaceful silence, relaxing and enjoying each other's comfort...
A/N
This was requested by @taebytae(sweetae) and I hope it's what you wanted.
Thank you so much for reading.
Also Yay, 3k views on this fic, I'm so stoked. Thank you so much to those who have stuck by and continue to read as I update!!