Double Chapter... Yay!
It's actually only a single though, I split it because it's looks good that way, unlike previous chapter. So, be sure to read both of them, okay?
Because it's start to get really exciting...
--------------------
(Rimuru's perspective)
"Ciel-chan, do you Love Rimuru-san?"
...
Huh?
Ciel love me?
Ciel is in love with me?
...
Is it true?
Is that really true?
Is Ciel really in love with me?
...
...
My head is in utter mess, all of those questions keep floating around in my mind uncontrollably. Everything inside my head is like forming a giant violent water whirl with all of those questions that keep accelerating the currents of my mind. It's searching for a 'way' to alleviate the currents, it's keep searching and searching, yet to no avail finding it. The 'way' was yet to be found... The 'answer' was yet to be answered for all of those questions...
My head... My mind...
I can't think of anything besides all of those questions... I just keep asking and asking for it...
Hoping for the answer to emerge on its own... Hoping for the answer to just appear in my mind...
So, all of these never-ending questions disappear from existence...
...
Yet... It doesn't...
It felt like it had been for eternity in my own mind...
But... it doesn't appear... I can't find it...
The questions still keep floating around uncontrollably in my mind...
...
Until...
...
...
'Yes'
...
...
A very faint voice can be heard in the deepest part of my mind, but I can hear it very clearly. It's the familiar sweet mature woman voice which I always hear every time in my mind, since I get my second chance to live again in this world full of fantasy. That voice is the answer to the questions. But it only answered a single question, there's millions of it still swirling around forming a giant whirl still. So, I surf my mind deeper to get close to the voice, to hear it more clearly... and answer all of those questions.
The voice became more vivid by each moment... and all the questions began to disappear one by one...
I began to comprehend what's happening... and finally took control of my mind and myself...
...
That 'Voice'...
It's not from someone saying it to me directly by any means...
But it's from my very recent memory... just before all of this happening...
...
And In reality, it's an answer for a different question entirely... not for the answer to all my questions... ...
Yet, the way it's being told to me... where it comes from... the immense feeling it delivers through the voice...
...
Tell a very different story to me...
...
It felt like it could answer many kinds of different questions... if those questions had a string of similarity...
And all the questions that appeared in my mind before... was one of them...
...
It shed a light my mind...
And telling me... 'Yes'... to the unclear picture about what's happening...
...
Between...
Me and Ciel...
...
...
...
But...
I'm still not quite sure...
Ciel didn't say anything directly about it...
...
And What about myself...? I am still not sure... I don't know...
...
But it seems...
I'm not alone... about this uncertainty...
...
About Our Real Feelings... toward each other...
...
...
...
Ciel's face, which didn't show any emotion before, began to move again when Shizu-san's question got into her mind. Ciel's eyes widened in bewilderment hearing that question. Ciel's keep staring at Shizu-san's black eyes, she finds nothing but seriousness and a feeling that Shizu-san wanted to help her with this thing. Ciel kept staring at Shizu-san for several seconds, until her gaze shifted to me. There I can see Ciel's face full of anxiety and unsureness, she looks to be really didn't know what to answer.
And when our eyes met, my cheeks felt a little bit heated because of the topic they were talking about, but I was able to compose myself. I try to cast a warm smile to Ciel, to ease her a little... but it's to no avail, Ciel's eyes still filled with anxiety and unsureness, and the gleaming she usually had on her eyes were gone.
After a few seconds looking at me, Ciel then came back to look at Shizu-san in front of her, still holding both of her hands, and smiling warmly at her. Ciel looks into the depth of her friend's eyes for a few seconds, trying to compose herself... but it's also no use, it only makes it worse in fact. Ciel stopped looking at Shizu-san's eyes, her stare now changed, she had her head facing down, looking at their holding hands below her. We can't see her red eyes because her long hair covers it. then...
"I don't know" a very weak small voice can be heard from Ciel, it's like she is trying to muster all her energies to it.
"Ciel-chan?" Shizu-san tried to ask Ciel, she noticed there was something wrong with how Ciel answered her question. Shuna and Shion, who were looking forward to Ciel's answer before, now also feel the heavy atmosphere.
"I don't know... I don't understand... I'm not sure..." Ciel kept muttering all of those with a quivered voice, while her head shook right and left slowly, and her hands trembled slightly. Shizu-san seeing Ciel become like this, didn't know what to do, she didn't know why Ciel became like this... over such a normal girly question.
But that very question... was something Ciel never thought off before... and also...
Ciel is so fragile about these sorts of things... new emotions... new feelings...
And I need to be there for her in time like this... I have to do it every second of it... I can't see Ciel become so vulnerable like this...
"Shizu-san, this is a very sensitive thing for Ciel. So... please... don't ask about it yet to her" I said in a serious tone while having both of my palms on the table and standing. I got everyone's attention due to this except for Ciel who was still trembling. Shizu-san also let go of her hands from Ciel's hands.
I walk to the other side of the table, right beside Ciel. I still can't see Ciel's face because she is still hanging her head and doesn't move even a bit. I squat beside Ciel, so I can see her face from below. I grab both of Ciel's hands with my hands, interlocking our fingers tightly, so she can feel the warmness of me and ease her tremble.
Ciel starts to comprehend reality once again as a result, she moves her gaze to me, below her. I look into her red eyes deeply, and give her my warmest smile while trying to say 'I'm here Ciel, everything is alright'. It finally calms her, and she stops her trembling. I let out a sigh of relief a little, then...
"Ciel, let's go home for now, okay?" warmly I said to her, Ciel's calmness now it's only temporary, I need to help her more and make things clearer for her. After a few moments, Ciel nodded weakly to what I said. I then get up from my position and pull Ciel gently to stand beside me.
"We're sorry to go back home first... thank you for the feast and enjoy the rest of it without us. Bye~" I said firmly to Shizu-san, Shuna and Shion in front of us. Then without hearing their response, I immediately used [Teleport] with Ciel to go to our bedroom.
***
It's almost midnight, when we got back to our house, in our bedroom. It's dark with only moonlight escaping from the wooden window illuminating the whole room. In the middle of the room was our bed, layed on the floor widely. Ciel on my side was still stoic, she didn't feel anxious too much about what just happened. But there was still a heavy expression on her face, which showed that her mind it's still very troubled.
After several seconds, Ciel let go of my hand, changed into her pajama, and lay down on the bed, while facing the other side of the room. It's the same thing that happened yesterday, but now it's not from embarrassment. It's from the totally confused mind of her, she didn't have any clue what she needed to do, she kept thinking about it. In the end lost in her own mind.
I need to help her find the solution...
I change to my own pajamas, and I lay down on the bed, right beside her. My back is on the bed so now I face the wooden ceiling on top of us. Ciel still didn't move and her back was facing me. After a minute, I started talking by myself to her.
"Ciel, I know that 'feeling' is very new for you. But... You don't need to worry too much about it" warmly I said with a reassuring tone.
I didn't say... 'love' outrightly, I still not a hundred percent sure she really felt it. Nonetheless, the revelation of that feeling still bothers her and maybe if I said it will only trouble her even more. However, after I said those to her, I didn't get any response from her. So, I changed to a sideways position and faced Ciel's back. I want my voice heard directly by her ears, I want it to soothe her confused mind and troubled heart.
"I'm here... Your Master is always here for you... always beside you forever, Ciel" please don't forget that absolute fact Ciel. You are always here for me, not even a second you ever leave me. It's also worked the same way for you, Ciel. If you have trouble with something, I will blast that trouble away, every bit of it.
And the first and foremost solution for your current problem is...
"Don't overboard thinking about it. If you force it... the only thing awaiting you is a never-ending loop of thought without answer" put the majority of it aside for now, and don't need to think all of it at once. It's really hard to understand a new feeling for Ciel, especially for this one... 'Love'. It was a very complicated feeling, especially for someone who is fragile in emotions like Ciel.
It will only produce negative things that Ciel needs to...
"Ciel, you just need to throw away all your worry, concern, and trouble... to me, Your Master. Everything will be fine by then" I don't want to see you drowned by all of those, Ciel. You just need to forget about those, and give all away to me instead.
I happily receive all of those... just like...
"Just like back in our early days, when you first came to my life, remember?" I said a little bit cheerfully and smiled brightly to her, even though she didn't see it now, but I can see her move a bit when I said it.
Back then, when Ciel first was born into me, many waves of emotions surging into her. She never felt all of those before, she didn't know what to do with all of it. She was 'Perfect' being before that, who never makes mistakes and always lives according to the data and facts, like a machine. But that perfect existence wished for emotions, and that wish became true, when she got her new name, and turned her into an 'Imperfect' being like a human.
Ciel was like a newborn baby back then, from the perfect situation, like a perfect sphere. She was transferred into a bigger vessel, it was a really big container, and to fill it, a large surge of emotions was produced. She was born into a wild new world, she didn't get used to it. Because of that, feelings of bewilderment, insecure, and anxiety come into her. That new world she lives in now is me, she felt emotions because of me.
I always embraced her back then, helping her to feel all those emotions within her, slowly but surely. While always trying to wipe away all the negative feelings that come to her. And eventually Ciel got used to her new self, and didn't need my help anymore for the emotions she felt, she can feel it clearly and securely. I'm really happy because of it, and we haven't had any problems regarding emotions and feelings since then.
Until now...
Because of this feeling... named......... Love...
There's no true definition about what it is. It has many forms, many kinds, and many shapes. So, It's really hard to understand at first, and it's extraordinarily true for Ciel. Maybe she had long felt it before, but she never knew what it was. Until before when her friends asked it directly to her. Catched her off guard and made her completely bewildered. Ultimately made a mess in her mind, just like me before.
I need to embrace her again... ease her mind and heart, and help her to embrace those feelings...
...
...
...
A minute of silence came after what the last thing I said to Ciel. She now has changed her direction, facing me directly. There's still a little bit of heavy expression on her face, but her gleaming red eyes have come back. I look into her eyes directly with my warm, softened expression. then...
"Master... give me a hug" Ciel said in a very small voice with a little troubled expression directly facing me. Her demand was very simple, a hug, something that I will always give her by now. It is always able to soothe her, give her warmth, and feel secure. So, it's the very thing she needs now.
"Come here~" I open my arms and greet her with my warm smile.
Ciel then slowly moved to me, closer and closer. Her soft hair slid gently on my arm until her head rested close to me. All parts of her front were just barely touching my own body. She has her face right on my chest, but she didn't rub her cheek like she always does.
"How?" I ask her, I have my face right above her head now.
"More" a low voice can be heard again, demanding more of my hug.
As her wish, I place my arm over her body with the palm touching the back of her head. While my other arm, move leisurely on her back and place the hand on her hips. I bring all her body closer to me with my arms, hug her tightly yet gently. And Ciel now finally has her check on my chest.
"What about now?" I ask again, I also place my chin over her head.
"Tighter" Ciel keeps demanding more, my current hug still not enough, even though this is how I always hug before.
But My Ciel wants it more... So let's give her... all of me...
I slowly slid one of leg below her folded legs, while my other leg placed on the top of her, essentially wrapping her slender legs with mine. All my hands now on the back of her head, cupped it gently and brought her face closer to my chest. Ciel rubbed her cheek delicately on my chest, while both of her arms which before folded in the middle of our body, now have moved. One of her arms was beneath my body while the other on top of it, folded at the back of my body, and pushed it even more close to her.
"Comfortable yet?" I ask again. We have every inch of our body now fondling with one another, feeling all the warmth from the both of us, hugging each other really tightly. Ciel has her plump soft cheek squeezed gently on my chest, while me on the other hand, also has my cheek touching her smooth hair on top of her head.
"Yes, please keep hugging me like this until I call you again, and caress me like you always do, Master~" Ciel said in a very sweet tone, and she wanted us to be in this position for as long as she wanted. I don't care how long it will be, because I am also fond of hugging her like this, and I want to caress her as much as I want just like she said.
"Everything for you, Ciel~" I said in a very sweet voice, flirting with her. I then create a thick blanket to cover our tangled bodies, so we won't lose any warmth and we can keep feeling all of it.
Ciel has got back to her usual self now, with her happy smile, closed eyes, and her cheeks on my chest. She also hums 'Master~' cutely every now and then. She immensely enjoyed what we're doing together and looks really cute and adorable now. I know she always was, however when she is happy like this, her cuteness escalates a trillion times more.
...
We keep hugging each other for God knows how long it is now. I lost track of times when we are doing it, as well as my mind which contemplates the cause of all of this. That was...
...
Love...
...
Ciel, do you really love me?
Before, I was more concerned about your wellbeing. You look really troubled and I'm really worried about you. It doesn't look like you at all, I don't want to see you like that. That's why I tried to calm you with all I got, I can't stay to see you in those condition.
...
But deep down... I'm really curious about it actually...
Whether are you, My Ciel... love me or not...?
I truly want to know it...
...
What about myself then...
Do I love Ciel too...?
...
I... I... I...
...
...
(sigh)
I can't find the answer... I also didn't have much thought on this matter before, just like Ciel...
...
Of course, I know what love is... unlike Ciel...
Even though I'm a 60 years old man... without any experience in something like this whatsoever...
What a lonely man I am... (awkward laugh)
...
Ah- forget about that thing...
Right now, I need to give it some thought, figuring it out... do I really have genuine feelings for Ciel...
Do I love her or not...?
As for Ciel now, I think she can handle it herself... but if I find her having any trouble along the way, I will help her...
...
That's gonna be my plan going forward...
...
...
...
"Master~" my closed eyes slowly opened after I heard her faint voice calling me.
I didn't sleep, I just closed my eyes so I could only focus on all parts of my body to feel all Ciel's warmth. It's already, I don't know... maybe more than two hours past midnight by now, we really enjoyed our tight hug and Ciel doesn't want to stop doing it until now, just like she said before. Due to it, I loosened my hug from Ciel, retracted my hands from the back of her head, and pulled away one of my legs from the top of her own. I move my body a little bit away from, so I can see her face clearly and at the same eye level as her.
"Have you calmed yourself, Ciel?" I asked her, I didn't see the heavy expression on her beautiful face anymore. Her gleaming red eyes looking at me half open, there was also a shade of pink painted on her cheeks.
"Yes, thank you, Master" Ciel thanked me with a genuine little smile directed at me.
"Now, this is more like the Ciel I knew, calm, composed, and cool. But those lips need to be raised more..." I then used my hand to reach Ciel lips. With the index and thumb fingers, I gently touch the both corners of her lips and move it upward a little. After I'm done, I take back my fingers from her lips, and Ciel keeps the smile I make on her lips after that.
"There you go... you look more beautiful if you smile like that, Ciel" I genuinely smile to her pretty widely with my eyes looking at her eyes half open.
"(giggle) what are you just doing, Master (giggle)" I met with her cute giggles, but those giggles only made my smile widen. I then move my hand I used before, and place it on her cheek, caressing it serenely, fondling the soft and plump of her pink cheek. Ciel keeps giggling very cutely even after I have my hand on her cheek now.
Ciel... If there is something bothering you... just show and give it all to me, so I wouldn't worry too much about you...
You are the person I adore and care the most...
You can easily make me super worried about you... you know...
So please... keep staying like this... keep staying like you always were, okay Ciel...?
...
After a while Ciel stops giggling. And then, our eyes locked several inches away from one another, we kept looking at each other's eyes very deeply, with my hand still caressing her cheek. The only thing I can think of is Ciel right now, she filled my mind and my heart completely. I can feel the atmosphere around us begin to change more... romantic for some reason, maybe because what all just happened between us before.
Then on my sight, I can see Ciel move really slowly to me. I didn't notice it at first because my eyes were only focused on Ciel's eyes. I only noticed that Ciel moved very closely to me, when her face was on the same breath as mine, and the tips of our noses touching each other. The only thing I can see with my eyes now was her gleaming red eyes with the eye's lids covering the top half of its, with the looks I never seen before from her. It's full of the feeling she has in her heart for me.
But... Before I can even think of doing anything about this...
Her nose slowly slipped past my nose and touched my cheek softly beside it, and her eyes closed on my sight. And then, I feel something I never felt in my long life before, or even thought I would ever be able to feel it. I can feel something very tender and warm. It's also felt very soft, the softest thing I ever felt. And very sweet, sweeter than any honey I ever tasted. And my mind seemed to stopped in instant when I feel all of this, like flying out of my body to the place I never seen before. The cause of its are, I can feel something touching me...
...
Touching my...
...
...
...
Lips...
...
Ciel kisses me...
...
I can feel her soft and sweet lips intertwined with my own lips, squeezed tenderly with one another. My eyes feel like they're gonna pop out in disbelief and my face feels so hot like burning right below the sun, but my mind can't think of anything. The flow of time stops at this moment and all I can feel is Ciel's kiss, and all her feelings she has for me that delivered from it.
After a few seconds, Ciel pulled back her lips slowly from mine, and the tips of our noses met again, her red eyes which now looked at me the same as way before again were just a few inches away. The kiss she gave me before was light, she just places her lips on me without doing anything else. But nonetheless, it's still a kiss, and that was the only thing that filled my mind right now. Because of that...
"C-Ciel?" I unconsciously called her name. I was in total bewilderment after what just happened. And when she heard me calling her...
Her eyes opened wide in a matter of seconds, and her body startled a little. She then has some of her fingers on her lips, while her eyes constantly change to staring at my eyes and my lips, like trying to comprehend what she just did. Then after dozens of seconds of awkward silence, her face rapidly changed into crimson. And...
"M-Master please forget what just happened... let's go to sleep, Good night" in a flash with her blushed face. Ciel turned her body around, looking away from me, and without any spare moment... she...
"Wait a second, Ci---" before my hand reaches out her body to turn her back around, so I can see her again. My mind becomes blank in a split second, I can't see and feel anything. None of my limbs can move, my body becomes lifeless...
What happened was...
Ciel activates [Sleep] without my consent... I was forced to go to my slumber...
Before I could thoroughly contemplate what just happened...
***
Vigorously I opened my eyes after eight hours of slumber, my mind was entirely forced to stop the night before, because the [Sleep]. Ciel is the one who has the authority to activate it, so it's no wonder. But she never even once activated it alone without my wish before until last night. Maybe she accidentally did it, so we can escape that totally unexpected situation and didn't talk about it right away. However, let's just put that aside.
Right now, my eyes were met with angelic beauty, the peaceful sleep face of Ciel. This has become a usual sight whenever I emerge from my slumber by this time. But because of what happened just before we slept the night before, when I see her face now, I can feel my face heating up like crazy. And my gaze unconsciously moves to... Ciel's light pink lips... while all the memories of how heavenly good and nice it felt, blew up all over my mind...
It still feels so fresh and vivid on my own lips...
The warmness... softness... tenderness... sweetness... of her...
Kiss......... (blush)
...
AHHH!!! Thinking about it makes me extremely embarrassed...
It was probably my first kiss, you know...
And to put the cherry on top of it... it's a kiss from My Dearest Ciel...
How can I not...
...
But but but... it was not the time for it...
Rimuru calm yourself... calm yourself down...
...
You are a Man... and not a Goddamn Dense Slime...
Let's take this more seriously... and dwell thoroughly about what happened in the right mind...
...
Ciel kissed me before, but if I think about it again, her reaction after she did it was... utterly perplexed, like she was also being surprised the same way as me. With those, I think I conclude that Ciel was drowned by her emotions and feelings in her heart, it took over her body, and in the end, drove her to kiss me without her mind having any hand on it.
And the kiss was on my lips, not on my cheeks like she always does two times before. I can feel all her emotions and feelings through our intertwined lips. Then not forget about the fact that kisses on cheeks, and forehead can mean various things. But on lips it can only mean one thing...
The new feeling, she just found out before that she might have it toward me... because My Destined one asked about it to her...
I'm not a hundred percent really sure about it at first... but nearly close to sure that it was indeed the case...
Even though the person in question still didn't know what she really felt toward me...
...
But now, because the kiss she gave me was right on my lips...
...
I think...
I can finally conclude...
That Ciel was...
...
In Lo----------
...
...
...
Before I could say the final conclusion in my mind, my eyes caught a movement on the spot where I kept staring for the last minute, Ciel's lips. In a flash, I changed my gaze into her eyes instead. And the only thing waiting for me was her gleaming red eyes widened, with a shade of crimson painted on her cheeks ear to ear. My face also utterly blushed in an instant looking at her, fully awake.
Ciel and I immediately get up from our sleep, throw our blanket, and sit in the opposite direction of the bed. We can't bring ourselves to face each other because of what happened the night before. So, the awkward silence invades the atmosphere around us now.
Rimuru... you were calmed before, this time too, right?...
Say something to her, anything... don't just be silent...
"C-Ciel... i-it's that... t-that... w-was........." my head was facing the ground below me, and with a stuttered voice in utter nervousness, I tried to say something to My Partner. However, it ended up with me biting my lower lip and couldn't say anything else clearly.
AH!!!... I didn't mean it like that... Why is talking to her becoming so difficult right now...
"..." the girl I try to talk to just keeps silent with her hands gripping at the bed sheets beside her, like trying to get a hold of herself. Then after my failure, the awkwardness continues for a few minutes, all I can hear is the ticking clock each second on my head.
(sigh) I need to bring myself together... and try to face her again...
Before I try my luck to say something to Ciel again, I can feel the vibration on the bed. Ciel got up from the bed, and now walked slowly to the door of our bedroom, already wearing our usual attire. When she passed me, we had our eyes met with one another. But we immediately turn our gaze away with red color on our faces.
Rimuru why you become so embarrassed again... just face her already...
Before I can do anything else, Ciel has got out of our rooms into the main room. I, who just came back to reality, rushed to the door, to see what Ciel was doing. There in the main room that consists of the combination of kitchen and living room, stood Ciel, still slightly red on her face, alone in front of the kitchen's counter with some food ingredients in front of her. She was cooking our breakfast to distract her mind, trying the best she could to be how she always acted... even though it's really difficult.
After a few seconds, she catches me glaring at her, our eyes meet once again. But just like before, in an instant she cast her gaze back into what she was doing. While me oppositely, disappeared from her sight, hiding behind the wall separating us with both my hands covering my burning up tomato face. My back leaned on the wall and slowly slid downward, until my bottom sat on the floor.
What's wrong with you, Rimuru?
I don't know...
...
It's just so hard...
Every time I look into her eyes... all I can see is the scene from the night before... that kiss...
And the entirety of my mind filled with nothing but the 'conclusion' I thought of before...
...
It's really messing with me... My head was in utter chaos... I can't think of anything else...
Why is this happening...?
...
...
...
(sigh) I need to calm myself first...
I let out a long sigh, then breathing in and out slowly even though I didn't need to breathe. But it makes my face cool down, so I can stop covering it with my hands. I then get up from the floor and go to the bathroom which is beside the bedroom, with the door on the main room. I walk out from the bedroom with my eyes trying to not look at Ciel's who is still cooking in the kitchen. When I got into the bathroom, I immediately washed my face multiple times on the sinks. After that, I had both of my hands gripping the ceramic sink, then I looked at myself in the mirror in front of me. Looking directly into my own golden eyes and...
Get a hold of yourself, face her, and say something to her... anything...
Just try to forget what happened last night, and that conclusion... those two things are only messing with you right now...
You got it Rimuru... Don't be such a coward...
...
...
...
After a few minutes of encouraging myself, I got out of the bathroom. At the corner of my eyes, I can see Ciel sitting at her chair on our dining table. With our breakfast or more like brunch because it is around an hour before midday right now on the table in front of her, it's 'Omurice' by the way. Ciel sat still in straight posture, with her hands interlocking one another on her thighs, and her head looked nervously to her hands below her.
I silently walk to the table without looking at her, and then sit at the chair opposite her, with my face looking at the tasty Omurice in front of me. An awkward silence came to us once again for a minute. I clenched both of my fists on the table beside the Omurice, readying myself to say something to My Partner. Then...
""Ciel / Master"" we called each other at the same time, and our eyes finally met once again. There was full of resolve in her eyes as well as mine.
But as soon as our eyes met, the same thing as before happened all over again. We immediately cast our gaze away from each other's eyes, with our face in full blush. However, after several seconds we tried to face each other again. Our gaze slowly makes its way, turning our face to meet the other again.
Yet to no avail, we instantly cast our glance away once again when we see even the tiny glimpse of golden or red on our eyes. While our faces burn with imaginary smoke coming out at the top of our heads, trying the best it can to dissipate the heat on our faces.
My sight was in total disarray, my eyes were rolling around all over the place without stopping. I tried to look at Ciel again which always met with her eyes also trying to pick a glance at me at the same time, yet we always threw our glance away all over again. The same thing happened dozens of times without any progress, we just being there embarrassed with our own selves.
The air around us feels so awkward, I have never been in this much awkward situation before. What happened last night was too much for ourselves to comprehend, and made it really hard to put our mind back into where it should be after that. This situation between us lasted for several minutes. The food in front of us has become cold by now. We feel utterly defeated by our own selves who can't bring themselves to face one another and talk about what happened last night, clearing up all the problems we have together. In the shame of giving up, we eat our cold Omurice in absolute awkward silence...
You are a failure... I'm a total failure... loser... coward...
Where your resolve before went into, Rimuru... it's nowhere to be seen, only your cowardness gets the entirety of you...
Why do something so simple like looking directly into her eyes and saying something to her... become this hard...
...
Ciel also tried the best she could to do the same thing as me... but it also ended up in the same end as me...
Nonetheless, I need to give this more effort... if not, this problem will escalate even more... and I'm afraid I won't be able to solve this by then...
Thus, we would stay like this far longer...
...
I didn't want it... totally didn't want it...
I want us to come back and act the same as before... it's made me really happy and even more so for Ciel...
...
But how...
I didn't find any way to really solve it, and when I forced myself to just go like before...
I ended up in total failure... all my effort gone in vain...
...
...
My head was in havoc right now, I felt like I was about to losing my mind because of the failure I just suffered. I can't take it anymore, but I can't do anything about it. All other solutions I can think of are projected to meet with total loss because of the current condition we are in now. We can't look into each other's eyes without getting utterly flustered in nervousness, let alone muttering even a single word to the other.
Yesterday, I was able to solve the problem Ciel had because of that new 'feeling' she felt but currently didn't understand. I was able to did it because I'm still on the right mind. But now, I'm not, I'm in a mess and can't fix my own condition. I'm not myself right now, and can't bring myself to Ciel because of this condition.
I don't know for sure if it is just because of that kiss, and that conclusion, or there is another factor to escalate this even more. I think that 'feeling' also plays a huge role in this too, not just for Ciel who feels it at first, but also me. I felt something move and grow in my heart, but it can't come out and reveal itself. Leaving me in the dark without any shed of light that can help me solve this problem.
I'm in total darkness...
The only way to get out was to make my own light...
And I think it needs time to create it... but it's the only way I can think of...
...
Just give it some time... and I think I can create that light...
By then, I believe we can get out of this situation together...
Yeah, it's gonna be really hurt to be here a while longer...
But I think it's the price we need to pay...
...
Let's just endure it for a while and hope I can create the light very soon...
...
...
...
After we finished our brunch, Ciel just washed utensils with magic unlike in the usual way which was we were washing it together in the sink. After another awkward silence, Ciel then gets up from her chair and walks to the entrance of our house. When she passed me, she didn't look at me like before, and just avoided eye contact with me. I also do the same, it's really hurt not seeing her, but I didn't want to get flustered with no reason again.
Ciel was waiting for me at the entrance, so I got to her. We stood next to each other with our faces looking away from one another with pained expressions. There was some distance between us, unlike usual which was just a few inches away between our shoulders. And most importantly at times like this... I always offered my hand to her, like a Prince inviting the Beautiful Princess to dance together in the ballroom party. But now, we don't have any courage to hold our hands like we always were before.
This state of ours, caused intense pain in my heart... it's extremely hurting me...
...
Please don't joke around...
It's already hurting me so much already that I can't look directly at Ciel again and say something to her...
But now, I also can't hold her hand again...
It's far beyond that I can handle...
Holding her hand has become my habit, the way our fingers interlocked each other, always put me at ease, I feel so close to her in a way that we were never able to before. The warmth of her hand circulated to my heart, and cleared my mind like the sun casting away a raging storm on the blue sky. It feels like, as long as I'm holding her hand while she walks by my side. The Worlds is ours, and there's nothing to be concerned about.
But now her hand was gone from my hand, the cold invaded my heart, and the storm raging violently on my mind without an end. And even though she was still walking by my side, the only thing I could feel was the distance separating us, which in my perspective was really far from me like there was a never-ending sea separating us. Then when I try to swim at the sea, trying to conquer it so I can get close to Ciel again, it feels like a quest to reach the end of the rainbow.
Why does this suffering need to happen...? This is hurting me so much, I never felt this much pain in my life...
...
I need to stop it at all costs... I can't continue living like this with Ciel...
If this continues like this for a lot longer...
I think I would be going insane...
...
Aaaccchhh!!!
...
I am losing my mind right now and become truly mad at myself because of how weak I have become in this situation. The cause is still not yet clear, but I don't want to think about it. Because all I care now was to fix this in any way possible. I didn't find a way before, but I can't give up yet. Using all my brain power to come up with a solution, creating the light to illuminate this dark time. I don't know how long it will take, but let's just immerse myself to find the way.
...
After another awkward atmosphere, we both came out from our house together. Walking on the street without holding our hands, distancing each other a meter side by side, and our gazes look straight away to whatever thing in front of us with seemingly no expression but there was some pain on it. The sight of us now was never seen by anyone and we were emitting intensely heavy atmospheres all around us.
Our citizens who passed us, who usually greet us, now were distancing themselves from us sensing there was some change around us. The look on their faces was a lot of concern directed to us. Even the kids who were always playfully running toward us, also sensed the problem and became a little bit scared so they were running away from us. Our citizens were really concerned about what happened between their Beloved Lord and Lady, and the news about this spread easily like a wildfire to everyone in the town.
But we didn't do anything about it, we just kept walking without minding what happened all around us. My mind wasn't in the real world right now so I didn't notice all of this. I completely immersed myself in trying to find a way to fix our problem, but it still didn't show any sign of fruition. Ciel also has her usual former expression, the poker face, with herself also diving deeply into her own mind.
We kept walking until we got to the outskirts of the town, the training ground for our current Military unit. Goblin Riders with Hakurou, Yomigaeri with Shion, Kurenai with Veldora and Shizu-san. They were all in the middle of their intense training, one was fighting their instructor, another was fighting each other under heavy aura influence, and the last was learning new magic spells.
When we descended from the street above to the vast field below, everyone's attention was on us. Our Executives were running and leaving their teaching for a moment, so they could greet their Masters. But they stop in their tracks, freeze to the sight before them. Their warm Lord and Lady were no more, there's only a cold aura around them that can shiver anyone's spine. Their faces were utterly perplexed, not just our executives, our ordinary soldiers also instantly knew something very wrong happened between their two Masters. But they didn't know what it was, let alone know what to do about it.
And at the one corner of all of these people, there was someone with the most worried expression on her beautiful face, Shizu-san. When she first sensed us walking on the street beside the field, she had a hopeful expression but was utterly crushed when she saw us with her own eyes. She was probably one of the few people who knew what might be the reason behind the state of us.
The worried face of Shizu-san was being noticed by the being a few meters away beside her, who knew her fellow instructor for the same army, Veldora. He also sensed that something horribly wrong happened between his brother and The Girl who always got mad at him. He didn't find any clue at first until he noticed that Shizu-san was wearing a deep , concerned expression toward us. His brain concluded she might know something, so he decided to ask her. Shizu-san agreed to give him some explanation, then they both went silent afterward.
...
Ciel and I just didn't care about the new situation we created, or more likely didn't notice it. We keep walking, cutting the middle of the fields. Passing the hundred soldiers who make a way for us to walk in front of us, with their shocked but also concerned expressions. Their eyes were locked on us, until we got into the line of trees at the back of the training ground.
Ciel created a thin blanket to cover the grassy ground below us, we sat on it together. I sat with my legs crossed like normal, my elbow on my thigh, and I rested my cheek on my clenched hand. Ciel on the other hand was sitting beside me with both of her legs at the front of her, she embraced it with her arms.
Our gaze seemed to be on the field in front of us, but everyone can see that our eyes were completely blank like it had never been there at all. After a minute of silence invades all of us again. Benimaru, as the General, calls out everyone to continue their training. All of them immediately go to their training again with puzzled and concerned minds. Benimaru himself wanted to check on his Masters, although he was sure he wouldn't be able to help them, but at least he would know about it, so he tried to approach. But before he could...
Benimaru felt someone pulling him back by his shoulder. When he turns around, there is his new mentor, Veldora, who is pulling him with Shizu-san just some few meters away behind it. Benimaru instantly understands what their intention was, so he backs down and instead takes over the training for the Kurenai with Charys helping him. Veldora gives a glance toward Shizu-san as a signal which she easily understands, then they walk together and come to us, which I didn't notice until that brother of mine called me.
...
Will they be able to help them find a shed of hope to their unwilled situations...
And made them understand their longed feelings toward one another...
------------------
FINALLY some real kiss...
Though its not 'yet' end very well for both them...
And also Rimuru have noticed 'something' in Ciel...
What is it? You are the dense one if didn't noticed it like Rimuru...
...
You can read the next chapter to find out what they will end up with...
And also, to find out 'Two Twist' I have created...
Which will determine the course of the rest of this story...
...
AH! This is make me so excited...
I hope you excited like me too...