"Look at me." He says.
"Please leave me alone."
"If you want space from me, I will leave. But you're going to sit here and smoke the rest of these and feel like shit. I can't have that." The look in his dark eyes is so intense I can't hold it. "I fucked up, Maya. If nothing else, I fucked up as your best friend."
My face begins to crumble again but I get the words out before I lose my will. "You've been so mean."
"Let me make it right." His hands cup my face, forcing my eyes to his. There is pure emotion in them, the Jonathan that has gotten me through really tough times. "Let me explain myself."
Without thinking much about it, I throw my hands around his neck and pull him into a tight, awkward hug. "I thought you hated me." My voice comes out muffled and childish.
"My little baby." He mutters his favourite thing he likes to call me. It seems like he wants to say more, but he pushes me back and climbs in bed with me. I breathe in his smell, soap and whiskey and leather while wiggling to make space for him.
Soon to find out space isn't what he wants.
His arms come around my waist, right over where my tank top has slipped out. I hold my breath, not understanding where we stand anymore and where to go from here. But a pressing need to confess builds in me.
"I saw you taking her into the pantry. I was so -" I swallow. "I don't know. Hurt and jealous. I wanted to do something that would feel good. I thought it would feel good. But it didn't."
Jonathan is quiet for a while, but I can almost hear the storm of thought. He wears a small frown each time he goes into think mode.
"I thought I knew what I wanted." He says quietly. "I've been interested in Anya for as long as you've wanted Aahil. Maybe I didn't want to date her, but it was there. I don't know anymore."
"Oh." I say dumbly. "Why?"
"I can't stop thinking about you."
My eyes shoot upto his and warm, delicious hope blooms in my stomach. Words just wither and fall off because I really don't know what I can say to that.
"Why do you look so surprised?" He gives me a lazy smile.
"I thought you were going to hit and run." I frown.
"Run where?" The smile starts to stretch further across his face. "We live together."
"Then why -"
"You were using me." He swallows. "At least that's what I thought. I thought you just wanted to get off. Like you were with me just because you couldn't have him. Pity fuck."
My face sours. "That's not nice."
"It's not." His eyes fall shut, and he takes a deep breath. My gaze follows the channels of his throat, his strong jaw and his pretty lips. My stomach tightens in response. Without thinking, I press my lips into his throat.
I hear him suck a sharp breath, hand turning into a claw on my flesh. "Don't fucking start anything you can't finish, Maya."
"I'm not." But I press my lips harder into his neck, grip tightening on his t-shirt. "I can't stop."
His hand dips under my t-shirt and he squeezes to get a yelp out of me. "You're so infuriating. I don't know if I want to throttle you or make you forget your name."
I can't help my laugh, but it ends as a soft moan as his hot breath blows close to my ear. I reach up and brush my lips against his.
He grabs my throat harshly and pushes me down into the bed, looming over me. His possessive hold and those dark eyes studying my entire face sends jolts of electricity down my spine. I could be here forever. Under him, with him watching me like I'm the only thing he can see.
"You're so beautiful." He says, and I lower my eyes instantly. In an attempt to hide, I reach for him. But he keeps me pinned. As he watches me squirm, delight lights up in his eyes. But it changes the dynamics for me completely.
"I don't know what we are." I blurt out. And maybe I just have a knack for ruining nice things for myself because I just wait. His smile falls a little.
"I told you you think too much."
"After today, we can conclude that you do, too." I frown. "Look. I just don't want my head fucked with. I'm sure you don't want that either. Everything about today could've been avoided. I just need to know where we are right now."
His grip on me relaxes and he sits up. For a moment I feel like I've fucked up everything, but then he helps me up as well. I stare at him, patiently waiting for an opinion.
"I mean, it's not fully up to you. I just want to know where you stand."
He inhales deeply and looks me in the eyes. Discomfort rises in my tummy but I hide it. "I have something to tell you."
I nod. "Tell me." The silence is killing me.
"Don't...don't give me any sympathy. I hate that shit."
I nod again.
"The first girlfriend I ever had was when I was seventeen. I loved her a lot even though I'm sure she didn't feel even a quarter of it back. Before that I only used to sleep around. One day I went to meet my best friend because my father was having one of his good days and he asked me to go out and have fun, and I found my girlfriend riding him on his couch. I beat him and cussed her out and went back home. But I was too late, my father was gone."
His words knock the breath out of me. Jonathan loved his father, but lung cancer took him away. He was orphaned after that until he finished college and got himself a business degree and started his own bar. Now he's untouchable. But this is something Jonathan had never told me.
"When I saw you with him, I felt the same emotions. The pain, the anger, the loss. I couldn't even lay my eyes on you without wanting to break something." He says, but there's regret in his voice.
"I'm sorry for what you've been through." I say, rising up and pulling him into my chest. "I'm sorry for how I made you feel."
He chuckles against my chest, position clearly awkward for him but I can't let go.
"You're my best friend. I would do anything for you." I press my lips into his hair. And then frown. "Is that what we're going to be? Just friends?"
He looks up at me, grazing his stubble against my bare chest. I shudder. "Is that what you want?"
I don't want to say anything. I just want to be his and I don't know how to tell him that. I reach down and nibble on his mouth until he pushes me down and latches onto my neck. His teeth and lips take turns as I slowly start to lose the progression of my thoughts.
"Friends who like to put their hands in each other's pants." His hand slides under my panties and cups me brazenly. I mumble his name, trembling. "Friends who like to leave parties early to come home and fuck. Friends who like to put on a useless show on Netflix and fuck. Friends who like to make breakfast before one friend bends over the other friend over the counter and makes her -"
"I think I get it." I say with a snort, even though my insides are wound up so tight it hurts.
"Is that what you want?" His face is devoid of humour.
He senses the hesitation in me and lowers his face to mine. "Or tomorrow I can eat your pussy in the pantry and let everyone know what's up."
I give a shocked laugh, looking to the side. "I'm not going to force you into a relationship if that's not what you want. It's about what both of us want."
"I know what both of us want right now." He pushes his hips into mine and my eyes fall shut. Molten heat churns in my tummy. It doesn't matter what we are right now. We can figure it all out.
I capture his mouth almost instantly and push up my hips in response. He lets out a raspy moan against my mouth and breaks the kiss to bury his face in my neck.
"You smell divine." He murmurs. I reach down into his pants to find my price. His skin is silky and warm, dick hard and ready for me when I grab it.
He jerks in my hands as I begin to stroke. Those gentle lips get replaced by teeth as I begin to fasten my pace. But before I can lose myself to the sensation, he shoves off of me and looks at me with the sort of dark and primal hunger that turns his face mean.
"I almost came." He speaks between his heavy breaths, eyes eating up every inch of my body. "Strip."
He watches as I painfully struggle to get all my clothes off without offering even as little as a smile. Once I'm fully naked he gets off the bed and motions me to follow. Confused, I follow him to the end of my room.
"Hands on the wall." He commands. I walk to stand directly in front of him, place my hands on the wall and bend slightly so that my naked ass becomes flush against his crotch. The brush of his dark jeans makes me shudder whereas he lets out a strangled sigh.
Within a second, he presses me into the wall so hard my breaths get short. He kicks apart my thighs and wedges his hand between them in a single smooth motion. I moan, buckling against the wall.
"If you're going to act up like that, this is going to be over before I can let our neighbours know you sound like a pornstar in bed." He grinds out, voice hoarse.
"Jonathan."
"Did you think of me when you kissed him?" His hand doesn't stop. "Because he can't give it to you like I can?"
"Yes." I feel so wound up I'm dizzy. He lets go of me abruptly and I hear him snatch away his belt and open his fly. My breathing once again goes completely erratic as I wait for him to slip in as deep as yesterday.
But before that, he rubs his rock hard sick against my ass. "I can never get used to the sight of this."
Then he's inside me in a slow, measured thrust. His hand slams against mine on the wall as a shudder passes through him. I stand on trembling knees praying they don't fail me as he begins to move.
"You feel so good." He says hoarsely into my ear. I moan in response, having a hard time understanding the amount of pleasure coursing through my body. It's never like this when I'm alone and it never will be.
His hands stay slow as he increases his pace, shooting a steak of hot pain along with thunderous pleasure up my spine. In not more than five minutes I'm reduced to a heaving, moaning mess. If someone asked me what the colour of the sky is I wouldn't be able to answer.
All I know is him.
"Please don't stop." I gasp. "I'm so close."
"Tomorrow I will make you beg me to stop." His voice is equally shaky. "Do you want that, baby?"
"Anything," I say and fall apart. My breath hitches hard in my throat and my knees buckle. He catches my fall, somehow pulling me deeper into his hold.
"Can't stand." My eyes are drooping, gut pulled tight with the intensity of my orgasm.
"No problem." He hooks his hands between my legs - prying them apart as he raises me up. BeforeI can make sense of what he's doing, he turns around with me in his arms and faces my vanity, giving both of us a full glorious view of us.
Painful lust explodes in my stomach.
"Let me in." He commands. I direct him and he's flush inside me without wasting any time. I watch, mesmerized as he goes in and out of me along with the waves of pleasure.
"You like watching us, baby?" He meets my eyes in the mirror. His are molten black, glowering with lust.
"Yes."
"You're so much dirtier than I thought." In a split second that lazy, lustful smile turns dark and rakish. "Touch yourself."
I'm close so I don't hesitate. I stick my hand between my legs and start rubbing my pussy. He makes a low noise and it's just enough to throw me over the edge a second time. He looks at my face, my breasts and my hand still working and bites down hard on my shoulder before spilling into me.
"Maya." He shudders. "I can't feel my face."
He puts me down on my shaky legs and I turn around to kiss him. Really kiss him. He welcomes it wholeheartedly. Soft, soothing and reassuring.
He touches his forehead to mine. "Do you forgive me?"
"Maybe." I say, holding his hand. "We'll see what you do tomorrow."
"Tomorrow," He mutters, pressing a kiss under my eye. "I'll get you high and fuck you on the roof."