The bottom line is that we never fall for the people we're supposed to.
~Jodi Picoult
A/N
Apologies in advance, this chapter is a bit lengthy.
Do we prefer longer chapters or shorter chapters?
Also Tanaka is our Scorpio :)
Chapter 16.1
Ryder's POV
I carried the weight of my head in my hands, hunched over my knees looking about as terrible as the guy beside me, who's daughter was in the middle of high risk brain surgery.
The entire room was filled with people whose loved ones could be very well dying for all they knew. Someone in this room would most likely be going home with an empty passenger seat, to a vacant house full of reminders and painful memories. And they have no clue, because none of us have a clue what in the world is going on because no one will tell you anything.
The man, who's name I had not bothered to ask, patted my back. "It'll be alright, son," he offered the best support he could considering the shape he was in. At least Beatrice isn't having brain surgery, I don't think.
What if she's in brain surgery?
I didn't know anything. I didn't even know what happened, how she fell so badly. The fire department had to practically dig her out of the debris; there were pieces lodged into her flesh.
I tried to breathe normally but I hadn't been able to do so since I saw her laying in a puddle of her own blood.
Loud, ominous footsteps echoed through the room, which had previously been dead silent—perhaps dead wasn't the most appropriate word to use at the moment. A nurse entered our vicinity. Every single body, including my own and the man's beside me, in the area quickly became alert and rigid as they all began to wonder if the nurse was there for them or someone else, whether she was there to deliver good news or bad. I inhaled a sharp breath, gripping onto my leg to keep my body from visibly shaking.
I hate hospitals, but then again who doesn't, except perhaps a medical professional. Being in a hospital almost always meant you, or someone you loved was hurt—unless in the rare occasion you were having a child but even then, plenty of people die during childbirth—so who wouldn't hate hospitals.
Part of me begged that the nurse was going to call out Beatrice's name, but the other half didn't want her to. At least then I could stay in denial but if that nurse was going to tell me Beatrice didn't make it, I didn't want to hear it. I didn't want to know. I can't go through that again, I won't make it. I won't survive.
The man gave my shoulder a comforting pat, as if to tell me everything would be alright. But how could he know? She was unconscious the entire time, while they were pulling her out of the kitchen, the ride in the ambulance, as they rushed her away for exams, she was unconscious the entire time. How could she possibly be okay after that?
I should have gotten the cup for her. I should have just offered to grab it for her.
The nurse took her spot at the head of the room, the clipboard in her hand a scythe. It was as if the whole room had begun to hold their breath as she read the name off her scythe. "Jasmine Alvarez?" She read aloud with such an unreadable tone.
The man beside me stood. "That's my daughter." His own aged hands trembled behind his back as he tried to seem composed.
This was it. This was the news that could break this man. A single sentence, five words that can destroy a person's entire life, that can change all that you know. Five little words that can ruin everything. "We did everything we could."
The man, who's name I now wished I hadn't been too distracted to ask, crumpled to the floor with an anguished cry. It seemed as though in this one instant he aged twenty years, his hair suddenly grey, his skin wrinkled, his eyes dimmed, his heart shattered.
The rest of the crowd watched, some tearing up themselves for this stranger who they'd never even had a conversation with, or maybe it was for the fear that soon they too could be in the same position as him.
And when I was in that position, I was alone but I didn't want to be. No one wants to be only after something like that.
I kept my steps light as I made my way over to him. I wrapped my arm under his, gently lifting him. "Come on, let's get you back in a chair."
He let me carry him over, his blood curdling cries filling the stagnant air. "My daughter, my precious baby."
"I know, I know." I whispered, setting him in the seat.
The poor man was long forgotten by most of the room as a second nurse stepped into our circle. I kept my seat by the man, hoping I could provide him at least an ounce of comfort, but nothing could make a wound that deep hurt any less.
"Someone for..." the nurse's voice trailed off as she glanced down at her own scythe, reading the name off. "Beatrice Henderson."
My body went taut, no longer inhaling nor exhaling. I released the poor, grovelings man's hand. It was perhaps the worst thing I had ever done in my entire life, but I needed to know if she was okay and if that made me a cruel human being, then so be it. I ignored his pain richened sorrows, standing before the nurse like a criminal stands before a jury to hear his verdict. "That's, um...that"—deep breath—"that's me."
The room was silent except for the man's pains which had been turned into muffled sobs threatening to tear the dam open and flood the city. But he had silenced it, so that he, and the rest of the waiting room, could find out if I would be the next person to be told 'we did everything we could'.
I waited for her to say something, anything. She smiled at me, took a breath and finally spoke. "Are you family?"
I blinked. Once. Twice. Three times.
Am I family? For all I know, Beatrice could be laying on a table, dead, with her insides hanging out and this lady's biggest concern is if I'm family? If I tell her I'm not family is she going to leave me out here to wonder if Beatrice is alive? She could be dead and all they care about is if I'm family.
I wasn't going to sit here and wonder if she was alright. "I'm her husband." I lied, begging she wouldn't call me out for it.
I received another bright smile from her. That had to be a good sign, right? No one delivers bad news with a smile, right?
"Well Mr. Henderson, your wife is in stable condition."
My body relaxed instantly, my muscles sagging in on themselves, sore from being tight for so long. She's okay. There was a small sigh of relief from the people around me, people I had never met in my life and yet they felt almost as relieved as I did at the news. Even the man, despite having just been informed of his daughter's death, gave me a solitary nod and an attempt at a smile, the most broken thing I'd ever seen. People who had no idea who I was, or who Beatrice was, and yet they cared enough to see if she was alright, and yet I had not bothered to ask a single one their names, or why they were here. I had not bothered to talk to a single one, only having spoken to the man because he started the conversation. And that is why she would never love someone like me. Because she would have asked their names, she would have asked all of their names and listened to all of their stories. I did not.
The nurse continued, having seen that my attention had been returned to her. "Your wife was pretty badly injured but she should make a full recovery. She hit her head pretty hard and needed staples. We are getting a couple more scans just to make absolutely certain but as right now there doesn't look to be any permanent damage. She is very lucky.
"And as you know, she came in with some pretty deep wounds and did need a few stitches. Thankfully we do have one of the best plastic surgeons in the state, so he was able to perform them with minimal disturbance, but some of the tissue was too damaged, so there may still be some scarring."
I nodded, just glad that she was going to be okay.
The nurse took a deep breath, letting her clipboard, which was now looking more and more like a scythe, droop to her side. Her features took a grim appearance, almost pitiful. "I know this is hard to hear but, the doctor has requested a psych evaluation. Events like this can often be triggers for burn victims."
I stared at her. "Burn victim?"
The nurse nodded like it was common knowledge, though I guess if I truly was her husband, it would have been. "Yes, burn victim. Your wife has severe scarring along 40% of her body. I'm sorry, I thought you would have known."
I sighed, my mouth suddenly dry. "We haven't been married for long." My voice was hoarse, nearly exposing my lie. "Can I see her?" I tried to stop the nurse before I could hear more information about Beatrice that I clearly wasn't supposed to know.
"She's resting right now, but you are welcome to sit with her till she wakes."
"Thank you."
"Of course. Right this way, Mr. Henderson." She led the way with confident steps. "We do have some paperwork you need to fill out and turn into the front desk, just the basics: medical, insurance, overall health info. Stuff like that." She handed me a hefty stack of papers, all of which I had no idea how to answer.
Thankfully I'd been smart enough to call her brothers the second we got out of the ambulance. The two were already on their way and would most likely be here any minute.
The hallway seemed never ending as we passed the hundreds of monotonous rooms. "What book are you reading?" The nurse asked, practically bouncing on her toes like she wasn't surrounded by the dying.
I glanced down at the book in my hand. I bought it from the gift shop while I was waiting. I figured she'd want a book to read when she woke up—that's what she usually did when she was upset—so I bought one from the gift shop. Who knows if she'll even like it. I picked out the first romance—her favorite genre—I could find. "It's not for me. It's for Beatrice."
The nurse was practically glowing in a building full of gloom. "Aw, that's so sweet. Is she a big reader?"
Big reader would be an understatement. "Definitely."
"My fiancé is a big reader as well. Our closet is literally a library. Now I have to store all my clothes under the bed." She teased like she hated it but anyone could tell that she loved it.
We finally came to an end, stopping before one of the last rooms in the hall. "She's right in there. Let me know if you need anything." And with that, the only bright thing in that place, left. Leaving me to sit with my shadows.
I opened the door gently, trying to be as quiet as possible. My breath hitched as Beatrice came into view. She rested on the bed, dressed in one of those hospital gowns that let you see everything. My eyes grazed down her body; her leg, her arm, her hand, her shoulder, part of her neck , her chin, behind her ear, all scarred and discolored. Some parts were shiny, others were not. Some were completely void of color, others were a variety of hues.
She was a burn survivor, and I had no idea.
I took a seat beside her bed. She looked so peaceful when she slept, she always did; completely blissful, without a worry in the world.
I gently placed her hand in my own, kissing her knuckles. The skin was rough and coarse making me realize that I'd only ever held her right hand, and I never even noticed. I didn't noticed any of it. I'd kissed her neck, and held her hand, and laid with her and yet I'd never noticed.
Alexia was right, I was a pompous ass. How could I not notice? She was on my mind constantly and yet I had no idea.
I held her hand a little bit tighter, holding it close to my face.
Most of the stitches were located on her legs, one or two laid across her arm. I pressed my lips to her hand once more. I whispered so softly she wouldn't have even been able to hear me had she been awake. "I'm sorry." I should have just grabbed the glass for her, I should have gotten it for her. Then she would be here and she wouldn't have needed stitches and wouldn't be getting scans to see if it was bad. I should have gotten it for her.
The door swung open lightly, the bubbly nurse walking in. "How is she doing?"
"She's still asleep." We kept our voices low.
"I'm just checking to make sure her stats are normal, her oxygen levels were a little low earlier but it's nothing to worry about at the moment."
Her oxygen levels were low? What does that mean? She's not breathing correctly?
"How long have you two been married?" The nurse asked, clearly trying to get my mind off of the fact that we were in a hospital.
I almost felt bad lying to the ray of sunshine but if it meant I got to see Beatrice then I had no problem with it. "Four months."
"That explains why she doesn't have a ring yet." The nurse laughed. "My fiancé didn't have a ring when he proposed either. He got a plastic one out of the gumball machine to use until he could afford a real one." She showed me her hand, a plastic childs ring placed upon it. "He bought me a real one that I wear around my neck but I keep this one for work."
It sounded like a story from one of the books that Beatrice would tell me about.
The nurse made her exit, pausing in the doorway. "She'll be okay, Mr. Henderson. She is okay." She tried to reassure me.
Is she? What if the scans come back and say she's dying?
What if she wakes up and realizes that I am a monster? What if she wakes up and decides she never wants to see me again?
The nurse left me alone with my thoughts. Not for very long though as the door swung open, crashing into the back wall and nearly coming off the hinges. I jumped out of my skin, bolting my attention to the doorway. The gorilla stood in the frame, his hair a mess, his clothes still sweaty from the gym, and very much out of breath. To see a person in that good of shape out of breath was terrifying. Behind him stood Sonny with a tear drenched face, holding onto the back of Klaus's shirt like a toddler.
"She's sleeping." I whispered, knowing that if she didn't wake up from that then she would wake up from talking at a level voice.
The two boys quieted their actions, gently closing the poor door and taking a seat on the other side of Beatrice. "How is she?" Klaus questioned.
I told him the same thing the nurse had told me, handing Godzilla the paperwork that I knew none of the answers to. "How long have you been here?" Sonny sniffled.
"The whole time, I rode over in the ambulance with her." And if Klaus asked me to leave, I'd take my death sentence because there was no way either of them were getting me out of this chair, even if that means being strangled by a guy whose hands are bigger than my face.
Thankfully though, the two seemed satisfied with my answer, the three of us falling into a comforting silence as we waited for Beatrice to wake. I'm not sure how long we waited, but long enough for the nurse to come in for Beatrice's second check. I hadn't released her hand the entire time, neither had her brothers, the two of them holding her other one.
Klaus did all the paperwork and took care of the doctors. He handled everything leaving me and Sonny to just wait. I think he needed to do all of it, to keep him distracted, because the second he sat down, I swear he looked like he was holding back tears. He didn't seem quite so scary like this, more like Klaus and less like the gorilla.
The same bubbly nurse from before took care of Beatrice's check. "We have new people," she gushed. "Who might you two be?"
Klaus took the liberty of answering, "We're her brothers."
The nurse nodded, smiling so wide you could see every tooth. How is she so happy?
"Well, I'm sure Mr. Henderson has already informed you on her condition but-"
I stopped listening there, expecting Klaus to jump over the bed and condemn me to a very long and painful death. But at least I'm surrounded by doctors, and witnesses.
But he was not angry, in fact both brothers' skin had begun to pale. "Who?" Klaus's voice quivered, even more terrifying than seeing him out of breath.
The nurse pointed to me. "The patient's husband."
The color quickly returned back to their skin, mine, however blanched.
She continued, "Speaking of which, I have a surprise for the newlyweds."
"That what?" Sonny practically yelled.
I rested my forehead against Beatrice's hand, which was still entwined with mine. I am a dead man.
The nurse handed me two little capsules with colorful lids. I stared at them before cautiously opening one. Inside each rested a small, plastic ring, one with neon colored gemstones and the other painted with dragons. I am a dead man. I am dead. The gorilla is going to kill me.
"I got them from the gumball machine in the pediatrics wing. That way you two can have rings, just until you can buy her a real one."
I tried to shrink myself down but the gorilla's eyes were trained on me. I regret nothing. It was a necessary lie, it just may also be the reason for my death. Perhaps he'll show me mercy and at least wait to kill me till after Beatrice wakes up.
The nurse beamed, bouncing up and down. "Go ahead, put it on her."
The gorilla's eyes sparkled. "Yeah, Ryder. Put it on her."
He's doing this to mock me. And it was working because my entire face was bright red.
Thankfully Sonny was too confused to join in on the humiliation, but Klaus wasn't finished, "this poor lady went through all this effort to get you a ring for your wife. Put it on her."
The death option is not looking so horrible right now. I kind of wish he was strangling me instead. I removed the ring from its tiny case, gently unwinding my fingers from Beatrice's. My shaky hands caused me to miss her finger three times, earning ever amusing glares from Klaus's, before actually slipping it onto her ring finger.
The nurse cheered, clapping. "That's so cute. I just love love." She waved me on. "Don't forget yours." She perked up. "Oh! Unless you want her to put it on you. That's always one of the best parts of the ceremony."
I nodded, suddenly very glad that Beatrice was asleep and could not see how flustered I was. She'd never let me live it down.
The nurse excused herself, once more telling me how cute of a couple the two of us were. The second the door closed, Klaus burst out laughing. It was the first time I had seen him smile since he got here.
Sonny frowned. "They're not actually married, right?"
Klaus stared at his little brother. "You really think Beatrice would get married and not tell us." He said it as if the most surprising part of that statement was the fact that she didn't tell them, as if getting married was just an everyday thing.
"Does this mean Ryder's technically engaged to our sister?" Sonny finally decided to join in on the teasing.
"I think so, welcome to the family, Adams."
I groaned, resting my head on Beatrice's lap. I am never going to hear the end of this. Of course the two of them were going to inform Beatrice the second she woke and then I'd have three people aware of how red my face had become. I could just picture Beatrice teasing me, poking my cheek and making all sorts of faces as she cooed like I was a small child, and then she'll toss her head back, close her eyes, and laugh like everything is right in the world, then with a big smile, she'll give me an apology she most certainly did not mean and lay her head on my shoulder to make it up to me, and it would work like a charm.
Beatrice let out a soft whine, squeezing my hand repeatedly as if trying to figure out who I was without actually having to open her eyes. She licked her lips, smacking them together a few times and then rolled her head over to me, taking a few deep breaths. "Hi," she mumbled, finally opening her eyes ever so slightly.
I let out a sigh of relief, standing up to brush the hair out of her face. Klaus frantically tried to pour her a glass of water while Sonny worked on tying her hair back how she liked it.
"Hi." I smiled, kissing her hand and gently brushing my thumb across the back of it repeatedly.
I waited for her to finish the greeting, like we always did, but she just stayed there, her entire body stiff in my grip, her eyes wide. She glanced down at her hospital gown, and then to me, then to our joint hands, to her arms and back to me. She tore her hand from mine, practically bolting out of her spot, sitting completely erect, gripping onto the bedside for support. Her eyes started watering as she began to pant heavily. She whimpered so softly that I could barely hear her, "Get out."
My face fell, my eyebrows drawing inward. "What?"
"Get out!" She screamed before hitting the railing repeatedly. "Get out, get out, get out..." she screamed it over and over, her voice cracking with every word.
"Beatrice," I pleaded, trying to step closer to her, only making her scream louder.
"Get out! Get out, get out. Just leave." She broke into full sobs sounding almost as excruciating as the man's had been in the waiting room.
I stumbled backward. I couldn't fathom it. I was causing her that much pain. I was. The thought nearly made me sick right then and there and yet I just stood in my spot, too stunned to move.
She gripped onto Sonny's arm so tightly that her nails had begun to tear through his flesh, drawing blood. "Get out!" She let out an anguished cry. "Please, Klaus, get him out, please! Out, out, out..." she repeated the word over and over under her breath.
This snapped Klaus back into motion, who seemed to be as shaken up as I was. He stumbled over the end of the bed, a frown painted across his lips, his eyes downturned. "Come on," he said softly, gently guiding me out of the room.
I kept my eyes on her the entire time. She just kept whispering 'out' over and over again even after I'd made it out of the door.
My head began to pound from the permanent droop in my facial features. I did that to her. I made her that upset. I did that to her. It was my fault she was in so much pain. My fault.
Klaus tried to give me a reassuring smile and for a second it almost seemed as if he were a half a foot shorter and not built like a cement block. "She just needs some time."
I nodded like I understood but I didn't understand a single thing. The way she looked at me, she never looked at me that way before. What did I do wrong?
"I'll let you know when she gets discharged, and the results of the scans."
"Thank you." I took in a sharp breath as I remembered the book still in my hand. I held it out to Klaus. "Here, for Beatrice. She didn't have hers so I got one from the gift shop. I'm not sure she'll like it but-"
Klaus cut me off by accepting the book. "It looks like we had the same idea." He let out a short, hollow laugh before pulling out a small book from his pocket. "I found it in the car before we got here." He handed it to me. "You mind keeping this safe for her, just until we can take her home."
I took the book from him hesitantly. "I can do that." If she ever wants to see me again.
Klaus signaled to the novel from the gift shop. "I'll be sure to give this to her." There was a long moment of silence. "Ryder?"
"Yeah?" My voice didn't want to come out.
"Thank you, for being here." And with that, he left.
I barely kept it together until he was gone and when he was, I threw up in a trashcan until there was nothing left in my body.
I finished rinsing my mouth out in the bathroom sink before gripping onto the sides of the counter to support myself. I couldn't get the way she looked at me out of my head.
I splashed cold water on my face, patting it dry with a paper towel, before walking back to the waiting room, figuring I'd just sit there a while before going home.
The man—his eyes red and puffy, his entire body motionless, his gaze set onto one spot, not even blinking—sat in the exact same chair in which I'd seen him earlier. I took the seat beside him.
I'd been through it all before, losing someone you love, I'd been through it and I went through it alone, not because I wanted to but because I had to. No one should have to do that, it's one of the worst feelings in the world. "Can I walk you home?" I offered to the man.
He barely moved, his actions sluggish and incoherent, finally getting out a small nod. I took his arm, helping him out of the seat. You would have thought he was eighty by the way he held himself in this moment, far different from the man I'd met when we first got into the hospital.
He took quivering steps, leaning onto me for support. The walk through the building was utterly silent but when we made it into the fresh air, the man spoke. "Why aren't you with your girl?"
The question was like twisting the knife that had already lodged itself into my chest. "It's complicated," I answered, knowing no other answer to give him, my eyes traveling down to the miniature book that rested in my pocket.
"Young love always is."
The air went still as I found myself quickly becoming trapped within my own thoughts. "What was your daughter like?" I asked, partly trying to change the subject but mostly knowing that when my dad died, I wished someone would have asked me that.
He took a breath, his answer lingering in the air before reaching me. "Her name was Jasmine. She was fourteen." His eyes started to regain their lively ness, their sparkle, the more he spoke about her, telling me everything from the time she broke her arm to the time she sang in front of her entire school.
I smiled listening to his every word but a single thought lingered in the back of my mind that I couldn't seem to shake because the truth is, I wouldn't mind having to store my clothes under the bed if it meant I got a closet full of books.
A/N
Hi lovies!
How did we feel about the chapter?
I feel like I kind of like this one, maybe. Not sure yet.
Also, I've been trying to get into Wattpad stars a few times but I'm going to try again because it is one of my dreams so wish me luck, I hope it goes well.
What are out honest opinions about the chapter? What did we like? What did we dislike?
Were any parts confusing?
Also we are 15 comments away from 1k I will be giving the 1000th commenter a shoutout in my next chapter (although you all deserve a shoutout honestly)
Lots of love,
Rachelle <3