Opening the front door I sighed.
I could already hear the sound of the TV blaring from the living room. It was mom's favourite show, this one about a bachelor and women..
Dad hated it, but he loved mom enough to force himself through each episode. It was really cute.
And in that moment, I felt a lot less drunk but a whole lot sick.
.
.
Naturally. I threw up.
After I'd emptied my stomach— I was glad that they watched TV so loud— I leant against the wall, trembling.
I needed to eat something and not throw it up or I'd fall sick again.
But before that I needed to clean up this mess before someone else got home.. Someone meaning my siblings that were probably all on their way home at this moment.
Glancing around I quickly stumbled to the guest bathroom, nabbed a bunch of toilet paper and cleaning supplies and stumbled back out.
Just to come face to face with my elder siblings. Both of which looked absolutely— and I suppose rightfully— disgusted.
"He's drunk." Malya snorted.
I stepped back into the bathroom in surprise, because I hadn't heard her voice in.. I'm pretty sure, months.
I had almost forgotten what she sounded like.
I'm not exaggerating by the way. Both her and Ewen, my two eldest siblings, hate talking to me or even near me, let alone looking at me.
Deciding I was clean enough to face them I stepped out of the bathroom. "Correction, I was drunk. Not anymore.."
Ewen gazed through me as usual, but for a moment I could have sworn I saw him look at me, actually look at me with a look of almost pity.
Although it was probably all in my head.
"Ewen come, we have muito trabalho importante a fazer. Não podemos nos dar ao luxo de ficar bêbados o tempo todo, ao contrário de algumas pessoas" Malya said and stalked off.
Ewen glanced at me— again it was probably just my head— and followed our eldest sibling into the living room.
"I understand Portuguese too, Malya.. And just because I get drunk all the time doesn't mean I don't have important things to do.." I mumbled as I cleaned.
I sent up a silent prayer of thanks to whoever was up there, that I'd cleaned just in time for Rory and Kelya to come home.
"..the bitch Kel. Don't go blaming your friends for your own mistake! That's how you lose them! And I don't want you to go thr—" Rory came to a stop when he saw me.
"I know okay? And I didn't mean to soun—oofh!" Kelya bumped into his back, "What? Why'd you just, oh.."
I suppose I still had some alcohol in my system considering I didn't move away from the door, instead raising to my full height and smirking at them.
"What? See a ghost?" I cooed.
The two of them flinched and then glared, "No just your ugly ass face. Where're your manners? Get out so we can go in you bastmhfd!?"
I cut him off by slapping my hand over his mouth.
"What were you saying? I'm a what? Come on, what am I?" I growled as I slammed him into the doorframe.
"You freak! L-let him go! You're hurting him!" Kelya whined as she yanked at my arm.
Not letting him go I turned and glared directly into her eyes, "Shut up miss perfect. Stay out of this. Or you know, do what you do best, tattle away, miss perfect.."
With one last flinch and worried glance at Rory she bolted inside.
"Now, would you look at this, I'm out of the door. And you are inside, you're. Bloody. Welcome. Rodrique, lucky for you I was already leaving"
I grinned when he avoided my eyes.
"Good boy.." I whispered and let him go, watching in satisfaction as he sank down onto his knees from the shock.
I don't normally lose my cool, and he knows it's only when I'm drunk— Which I suppose is a very bad thing and I'm going to have to fix that.
God kill me before I become an angry drunk.
Suddenly guilty I turned around and walked to my car, there was only one place that would help me forget all of this.
And it was three hours away.
I felt my stomach clench as hunger rolled through my system in excruciating waves. But I just couldn't go inside after the stunt I'd just pulled.
And I knew I'd probably be at a hotel for a few days to escape the reality of it.
.
.
Not that I cared.
.
.
Bullcrap. You do care.
I startled, I was pretty sure that was my own thought voice, considering I used the word crap rather than the 's-h' word.
Oh well.
I was about to shake my head then decided against it, fearing a wave of nausea would pile on top of my— already difficult to ignore— waves of hunger.
"Yes - I told my father about it, yes - I understand si—ofh!?" and so I finally met my fifth sibling.. Meaning the whole family had been successfully met.
Yay me.
"Sorry, Salvador.. I wasn't looking at where I was going.. Are, are you okay?" I stammered. I felt like my stomach was about to empty itself again.
Though from the nerves this time.
"No sir - Yes I am - Ah I just hit someone - No! Not in a car ahaha - yes that's right - alright I'll inform him - alright sir - of course, you too" Once he'd ended the call he looked at me.
I kept my gaze to the right of his face, unable to make eye contact.
"Really? What the hell is your issue? Is it so difficult for you to stay out of my bloody way? God damn it! You embarrassed me in front of my..." He stopped.
Then with a glare full of disgust he said, "Nevermind, it's not like you'd care to apologize, let alone understand. You're too bullheaded" with that he barged my shoulder and walked inside.
I gulped back a cry of rage and stuffed myself into the car. Once I was inside though, I did let out a cry of pain.
A cry filled with the pain of self deprivation, the pain of being despised, the pain of being ignored, the pain of being forgotten..
Simply the pain of being alive..
After my head went especially light, I put the car into reverse, pulled out of the driveway and onto the street.
For a moment my hands were shaking too much for me to steer so I sat there and waited for the trembling to pass.
Driving down the street I turned up the music to cancel out the distorted rage rap going on inside my brain.
Most of it might have just sounded like keyboard smash but whatever.
I decided to listen to the playlist with a mix of 24kGoldn and tripleX, not my favourite, but fitting for my mood at this moment.
.
.
I only stopped driving when I passed out on the empty road, hit the road curb and was, as a result, jolted awake.
I also realized I didn't just pass out from being tired, considering the amount of pain rolling through my body, I was guessing I passed out from that.
I figured I should have gone in and grabbed something from inside, but that stupid encounter with my sweet younger siblings left me unwilling to.
Stupid.
I checked maps to see where the nearest fast food joint was and groaned when it said there was none for another forty five minutes.
I still had almost one and a half hours till I reached the mall. It was exactly 5:24. Meaning at best I'd reach at 7:00.
At least I'd still have time.
For a moment I panicked thinking I'd left my gear at home, but then I remembered that I never took it out from the last time I went to the mall.
I felt a wave of nausea at the overwhelming feeling traveling through my body. It was like all my problems suddenly turned into a chain around my neck..
Drowning me.
So I sat there, letting the nausea, the pain and the music wash over me like a stream of scalding water.
Burning me.
And finally after I couldn't take it anymore I shifted on to drive— this time unable to control the trembling— and continued my grueling travel.
.
.
Finally, after two more near death experiences, one of which was a result of pain black out and the other a result of me passing out again, I reached a food joint.
Although thankfully, each time, it was only me that had any chance of being hurt. So at least I know that no innocent life has been affected.
Or at least I think so, considering no cops have hounded me just as yet.
Parking the car— albeit almost vertically— I stumbled out and leaned against the closed door as waves of pain rolled through me.
Clenching my teeth I straightened. I could do this.
I looked up at the cozy looking small restaurant in desperation, I willed myself to walk normally till I got inside.
Although I did stop casually every now and then to stare very intently at my phone— definitely not to cover up my terrific waves of agony.
That would be stupid.
And also exactly what I was doing each and every time I stopped.
Very cool.
The moment I reached the door I barely managed to look relatively normal as I inconspicuously put all of my body weight against the door to open it.
It wasn't very inconspicuous.
But thankfully everyone inside seemed too busy eating to notice my very embarrassing entry into the god dang place.
Anyways.
Taking a moment to collect my breath I glanced up to see how long the wait was going to be. And thankfully, by the look of it, it would be very short.
Considering I was the only one in the line.
Straightening up again I put on my people smile— the one I practice in front of a mirror in case you can't remember— and walked up to the employee.
I will think before I speak.
I will not speak in Portuguese.
I will not slur.
I will not speak.
No? I will speak.
Okay I got this.
The moment she started talking without bothering to glance at me sent a jolt of worry down my spine.
I watched as she spoke without even looking at me, the same way my parents did. The same way everyone at home did.
She asked me something? What did she say?
I opened my mouth and panicked. What had she said? Why am I here? She's not even listening.. She doesn't care.
"..okay? Hello? Hey mister?" I felt a hand on my arm pull me out of the downhill spiral and pulled my eyes from the floor to hers.
I couldn't hold her gaze and felt my eyes continuously flitting here and there, stupidly still feeling panicked, despite the fact that she was looking at me now.
"Are you okay?"
I felt myself clamming up and focused on a point on the counter to clear my mind and control my ridiculous panic.
I took a deep breath and smiled again, albeit at the counter., "Yeah, sorry. Could you please repeat what you asked me? I hadn't been paying attention"
I heard her let out an exasperated sigh and felt my heart drop into my stomach.
The only thing that stopped me from apologizing and leaving was the pain that was rolling through my entire system.
"Please? Sorry for making you repeat, I know it's annoying but I genuinely didn't catch what you said to me.."
I waited for my heart to travel back into its place then looked up and met her eyes. Although I instantly regretted it.
I watched her face turn a soft pink as she drank in my features.
I forced myself to smile kindly, "So what did you say?" I coaxed her back on to the topic that would help me get food.
"Uh, ah yeah right.. I had asked what you wanted to order.." she stammered and instantly I wanted to slap myself.
Of course.
What else would she freaking ask? How old I am? What I drank last? What the hell is wrong with me?
"Oh oh right" raking a hand through my hair I laughed self consciously. "Uhm just fix me with the best seller I suppose.. And add a drink to the tab as well thanks.."
"Uh I'm going to need an ID for that.."
I laughed again, this time not a nervous one rather a baffled one, "No not that kind of drink, trust me I've had far too much of that already.. I just want coke"
With a surprised snort she grinned, "Ohh! Okay I get it now sorry.." She took in a giddy breath and continued, "Can you please put in your order?"
"I'll pay after I get the food so I pay appropriately, oh and don't worry about.. Prices.." I realized too late how stuck up that sounded but pushed through it.
Her eyes lit up in excitement and then she nodded.
I glanced at her again and smiled.
Then, thanking her one more time I took a table number and I moved off to find an empty place to sit.
After I found a spot I slumped down and— came to the realization that my hands were wailing in agony. And because of them my whole body was too.
I looked at the bloody tissue bandage thing and sighed. No wonder I was in pain.
I thought for a moment whether to go and re-wrap tissue from the bathroom, then decided against it.
God knew how many diseases were in the toilets here.
Finally a couple of girls walked out holding a couple of trays in their hands and one of them was holding a whole jug of coke..
I really should have kept my mouth shut.
"Hey mister, here's your order.. We didn't know what you'd like so we put a few different options for you to check out—"
"Could I have a first aid kit before anything please?" I grit out, interrupting her.
Attempting to force a smile onto my face when she flinched in surprise, I tried to ease her sudden fear.
"Wh— I- I mean are you okay?"
I held back an eye roll as I shook my head carefully, "No. Actually, I'm not. But would you like some evidence as to why I need it?"
"Yeah that would be a good idea.."
I pulled out my hands from under the table, only to find that there was not a single spec of blood or tissue to be found and everyone lived happily ever after.
Right.
What actually happened when I pulled my hands out, is I realized it's a lot worse than I originally thought.
And the girls all reacted pretty much the same.