I had no idea how to respond. I simply sat silently, dumbfounded and unable to process anything. What was the correct way to respond to something like this? Was there one? If there was, I had never learned it.
"Wait...so if this is all true..." I managed to articulate. "If we died in his dimension, and he died in ours..."
"Then...we've never met before," Ryan completed sadly. He looked at Jack with no emotion. "We know each other as brothers, and I wouldn't change that. But...the versions of each other that we knew in our own..." He hesitated, still trying to grasp the situation, "...in our own dimensions...they're all gone..."
I heard Jack's shrill gasps and saw his hand fly up to his face. He was trying so hard to control himself, but it wasn't working. Tears were welling up around the corners of his eyes. We sat in pained silence and I watched as he rose from his seat and stormed off toward his bedroom.
"Jack..." I muttered, standing up and chasing after him, Ryan in tow.
I could hear quiet sobs resonating from down the hall before Jack's bedroom door slammed, causing the walls to shake. I stopped in my tracks and stared into the empty hall. I felt like shit.
"Jack?" I called out, a bit louder than last time.
There was no response. Only uncomfortable stillness.
"Jack, come on," Ryan added. "We're still your brothers..."
A few more seconds passed by without words or any kind of sound. Then, I could just barely make out what sounded like speech.
"No, you're fucking not..."
"What?" I questioned. "What are you talking about?"
"My brothers are fucking dead! You aren't my Adam and Ryan, you're...you're..." Jack's sob was audible through the walls.
I had no idea what to tell him. How was I supposed to comfort him, knowing that these entire two years, he had been a completely different, maybe even supernatural version of the person I had grown up with? I stayed quiet as Ryan approached the door.
"Jack..." He began. "...do you remember those trips upstate we used to take with Dad? When we'd all wake up early for the drive there, and then we'd be exhausted and fall asleep on the drive home?"
Jack sniffled. "...Yeah? What does that have to do with anything?"
Ryan smirked slightly. "And our first show? How we played to six people in a room built for over two thousand?"
"Yes, Ryan, I remember."
Ryan took a breath. "And when the two of us used to do acting?"
Jack let out a small chuckle. "It's...kind of embarrassing to remember, but...yeah."
Ryan half-smiled. "What I'm getting at is that even though the versions of us you used to know are gone...we still have the same memories, the same experiences," He explained. "We're still the same people...and we still love you, Jack."
The other side of the door grew quiet. No sobs, no sniffles, nothing. After a moment, there was a click, and the door slowly creaked open to reveal a dejected-looking Jack. He simply blinked at the floor for a second before he spoke quietly.
"...I love you guys, too."
He stepped into the hallway as Shay nudged his hand lovingly. I hoped he knew how much we all cared. We weren't going to give up on him, and I hoped he wouldn't give up on us.
"But...what now?" Jack's brow furrowed. "We got all the documents, we know what they did. What's left to do? What...should we do?"
I thought to myself for a minute. I wasn't even sure that we'd get this far, let alone that we'd have a next step. But now that we were here, what were we supposed to do with the information we had? I looked to Ryan, who had an intense look on his face.
"Ry? Are you okay?" I asked.
He looked at me with a sort of sideways glare. "...No..."
My expression hardened. Jack seemed to tense up again.
"Are we not addressing the elephant in the room here?" Ryan asked. "The Project messed with things they shouldn't have messed with. They...killed us. And probably dozens, if not hundreds of other people who didn't deserve it. Reading those documents..." He was getting choked up. "Reading those documents made me hate them even more..."
Jack squinted at him. "What are you trying to say?"
Ryan took a breath, crossing his arms in front of him. I could see it; something was on his mind, beyond just the documents.
"...I'm saying we should do something," He declared. "More than just break into their facility, more than just steal their documents. I've been wanting to strike back at them for everything they did to us for over two years now...and this? This doesn't satisfy that urge."
"Ryan," Jack interrupted. "I hate to break it to you, but that kind of sounds like bloodlust."
Ryan scoffed and made eye contact with Shay to his side. He went unnervingly quiet. Jack and I glanced at each other nervously.
"Ryan..." I intervened. "You aren't...seriously suggesting murder...are you?"
Ryan hesitated, then shook his head. "I don't really know what I'm suggesting. I just want them to know the severity of what they did. I want them to pay."
"Alright, so...what does that entail?" Jack asked.
Ryan stiffened. "I don't..." He shook his head. "I don't know..."
Jack stepped forward and looked him dead in the eyes, almost like he was reading Ryan's mind. "...I think you do know," He said. "You're just scared to tell us."
Ryan's eyes widened and he stuttered. "No, That's...that's not like me! I'm not a murderer! I-I don't kill people!"
"No," I concurred. "None of us are murderers. But the trauma from it all, having to watch each other die...fuck, we were literally being tortured."
Jack took a step back. "That's true..."
Ryan patted Shay on the head and took a breath. "...I'm not going as far as murder. I can't do it. I don't care how badly they hurt us in the past or how tempting it might be. I couldn't fucking live with someone else's blood on my hands."
"Then what's your idea?" I asked.
Ryan shrugged. "All I've got is confrontation."
"You really want to see their faces again?"
"If it means getting closure, absolutely."
I pursed my lips. I guessed we were doing this. We were really going to try and confront them. I don't know what it was, but I couldn't fight against it. Somehow, I assumed this was all going to work out in the end. I looked at Jack for a definitive answer. He still seemed uncomfortable, shifting in his stance.
"Jack?" I called.
Jack glanced up at me, then looked back into the distance. "...I'm not too keen about any of this."
"I'm not either," I replied. "All I'm asking is if you'll come with us."
Jack stayed quiet for a few moments. I hated having to put him in these kinds of situations. He fidgeted with a button on his flannel nervously, then sighed as he made eye contact with Ryan and me.
"I don't have a good feeling about this..." He warned. "But...I'm not gonna leave you guys to go alone."
I half-smiled at him as Ryan placed a hand on his shoulder reassuringly. Things were going to be harder from now on, and we had to stick together. It might just be what saves us.
My brow furrowed. "This...may be one of the most dangerous things we ever do. I mean, it could kill us. We could die."
"Thanks for the pep talk, Adam," Ryan muttered sarcastically.
"Point being," I continued. "there's someone we haven't seen in two years, maybe even longer. A member of our family. And I think if we don't see him now, before we go off risking our lives, we might not see him ever again..."
Jack and Ryan nodded morosely in agreement, turning their attention to the front door. I fiddled with my keys in my pocket, hoping that this trip, at least, would be safe.
****
It was a quiet drive to Long Island. It was a rare trip for us, but this was needed. Two years had gone by, and we hadn't really thought about anyone but ourselves or each other. I'd like to think it was out of survival or coping, because of everything that happened to each of us. Maybe I'm just being selfish and making excuses. Whatever the case, it was time to change things.
I parked on the side of the street and closed the driver's side door gently. Jack and Ryan did the same, all of us staying awkwardly quiet. I crossed my fingers that we were even in the right place. It had been two years, after all. A lot can happen in such a long amount of time. We stood looking at the ominous skyscraper for a moment before I led our convoy through the revolving doors.
I was too nervous to even look around the lobby. From what little bits I could glimpse, it was the same as it always had been. A few chairs sat by the wall on one side under a painting, while some bushy plants adorned the opposite wall. Quiet, ambient piano music played over the stereo. But I couldn't take any of it in. I quickened my pace the second we entered the building and made a beeline for the elevator, Jack and Ryan trying their best to keep up. Subconsciously, I guess I wanted to be rid of the burden as fast as possible. I called the elevator and waited anxiously, the music doing nothing to calm my nerves.
"You know," Jack piped up as we stepped into the elevator, "this whole thing is kind of...familiar to me."
"How so?" I asked inquisitively.
"Back when I was looking for you guys," He explained. "I stopped at your apartment building, just to see if you were there. But...they'd already given your apartment away to someone else," His expression turned to sadness. "I was too late..."
"Oh...you've never mentioned that before..."
"I didn't know how to bring it up until now."
I frowned. "...Do you think he'll still be here?"
Jack exhaled sharply. "I'm...nervous to think about it either way."
Ryan looked at us with unease. "We'll...we'll probably have to explain a few things to him..."
I nodded. I was trying not to think about that part. Then again, I had been trying not to think about many things for over two years now. Maybe that wasn't always the best strategy.
"What are we gonna say when we get there?" Ryan reiterated.
I shrugged with a deep sigh. "I guess we'll think about that when we get to it."
The elevator dinged and opened up onto the seventeenth floor. It was brightly illuminated by fluorescent lights and the sun shining through the windows. The happy, yellow wallpaper would normally make this a more cheerful scene, but none of us could think happy thoughts now. We were all worried about what was to come.
"Do you...remember which apartment it was?" Ryan asked.
"1707," Jack reminded. "It's on the left side...I think."
"You think?"
"I remember the number at least."
I raised my eyebrows and started down the hall, hoping that Jack's memory was right. In the end, if we had waited too long, all of this could end up being for nothing. The hallway was awfully quiet, the only sound in the vicinity being our footsteps on the stone floors. It only added to the suspense.
"1704...1705...1706...17..." Ryan's voice trailed off as we came to a stop in front of the apartment door. He pursed his lips nervously. "...That's the one?"
"If my memory's right," Jack confirmed with a sigh. He glanced back and forth between me and Ryan. "...Who's gonna knock?"
My hands were shaking and sweaty with nerves. I put them in my pockets. "...I can't. It's too much."
Ryan looked at me with concern for a moment, then shook it off. "I don't...I don't know..."
Jack shook his head. "...I don't want to, either. At all. But..."
He hesitated for a moment before reaching his hand up to the door and knocking three times. I felt like my heart had stopped beating altogether. Behind the door, I could just barely hear footsteps. Whether they were from who we had come to see, it was impossible to know. I looked quickly at Ryan; his hands were trembling, the same as mine. I wanted to reassure him that everything would be fine, but...how was I supposed to know? And more urgently, there wasn't enough time to get the words out. The lock behind the door unlatched, and the door slowly swung open to show a familiar face. A face we hadn't seen in so long.
Dad.
He looked at us with a sense of what I could only describe as relief. His face shifted from neutral, to shock, then into a surprised, gleeful smile. He gasped with joy as tears formed around his eyes.
"...Boys...?" He whispered.
I found myself turning red. I dabbed at my eyes with the side of my sleeve.
Jack and Ryan stood still and speechless for a moment before their faces twisted into light grins. Ryan lifted his glasses up and wiped a couple of tears from his face, while Jack hadn't even bothered to dry his eyes. Every person on this side of the hall was as teary-eyed as the next.
"...But..." Dad muttered. "I thought...I thought you boys were..."
Ryan took a breath to steady himself, then looked straight into Dad's eyes.
"Dad, it's...really complicated..." He began. "The past couple of years have been extremely hard on all of us. Hell, there's been days when I couldn't even get out of bed because of..." His voice trailed off as he realized what he was saying. "...Not important right now. Regardless, I think I speak for all of us when I say..." I saw tears streak down his face. "...we're so fucking sorry we never came to see you sooner..." He paused for a moment, stifling a sob. "I'm so sorry..."
Dad's face kept the same joyous smile. "Ryan...bygones are bygones. You're all here now, that's what I care about."
He stood to one side of the doorway and gestured for us to come inside. Ryan sniffled as he led the way.
The inside of the apartment was modest. A creme-colored loveseat and two matching armchairs stood beside an angular wooden coffee table, with a petite potted plant sitting on it. A small flatscreen TV hung on the opposing wall. A wood-patterned ceiling fan spun slowly overhead, circulating the tense air.
"Can I get anyone anything?" Dad asked.
In near unison, we all shook our heads.
Dad nodded as he sat in one of the armchairs, and we joined him in the remaining seats. There was so much I wanted to say, but I didn't know how to say it. All I could do was sit and stare at the floor. It felt like the walls were closing in around us. I glanced over at the others; Ryan's eyes were fixated on the plant on the table, his legs bouncing with anxiety and his hands still shaky. Jack's gaze darted around the room as he fought to keep his mind occupied. I didn't know what was coming next, or who was going to say what. I just wanted something to happen.
Dad watched us with clear concern in his eyes for several minutes, saying nothing. Eventually, he caved in. He cleared his throat.
"Boys...why are you here?" He asked dejectedly.
We glanced at one another, trying to glean an answer from each other.
I shrugged with pursed lips. "We just...felt bad that we hadn't seen you in a while, is all."
Jack and Ryan nodded in agreement. It wasn't a complete lie, that much I could take comfort in. But Dad still didn't seem convinced.
"No..." He squinted around at each of us. "Something happened. Something you're not telling me."
We each returned to our uncomfortable positions. It seemed he'd found us out.
"I'm not upset. I just want to know where you were all this time. I was..." Dad's eyes drifted to the floor. "I was terrified for you. You scared your old man half to death, you know."
I sighed heavily, trying to piece together the chain of events from the past two years. I had pushed it down so far, out of my conscious mind, to try and forget about it. I'd spent so much time trying to forget it that I hadn't spent time on the important things. And no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't really forget; only ignore everything and make myself numb until some kind of aggressive reminder hit me in the face again.
It was time to fight the numbness.
"Just so you know, it's...kind of hard to believe..." I prefaced. "And it's not easy for us to talk about."
Dad nodded. "It's alright."
I looked to Jack and Ryan and gave them a single nod. All three of us each sat in discomfort for what felt like eons, unsure of how to retell our story. Then, I heard Jack's quiet sigh.
"...It began with a bad decision."
****
The same stillness as before had returned to the room as the three of us finished recalling the events of the past two years. Dad was watching us with a frightened intensity.
"...And now you're here?" He asked, a hint of disbelief in his voice.
Ryan shrugged. "Yeah. That's pretty much everything."
Dad's eyes were the size of moons. He fell back in his seat and leaned on his hand. He looked like he might burst into tears.
"Dad?" Jack called.
Dad was unresponsive. He sat staring at the potted plant on the table in speechlessness. I didn't know what to say, either. This was all a lot to take in, for every one of us.
"...Should we not have said anything?" Jack asked, a guilty tone to his voice.
Dad shook his head, drying the tears from his eyes. "No...trust me, it's not that...I'm glad you told me."
My expression softened. "You can talk to us, I promise."
Dad's gaze met each of ours before he took a breath and spoke again.
"...I was worried that you boys were dead," He explained. "By the sound of it, you guys thought you'd lost each other, too. And, sure, everyone's here, and we're all alive and well now. But...you went through hell and back. That's...that's almost worse than death..."
All of our eyes fell to the floor. He had a point.
"But the important thing is, you're alive," He continued. "You all went through hell...and you came back alive."
I smirked. "...I guess that's kinda badass."
We shared a chuckle. I watched as Dad got up from his chair.
"I'm gonna grab something to drink," He announced. "Sure I can't grab anything for you guys?"
"We're sure," I replied. "Thanks, Dad."
He gave me a single nod before ambling down a short hallway toward the kitchen. The only sound in the room came from the traffic outside. I got up slowly and walked to the window to look at the streets below. It was nearly noon now, and every road I could see was full of cars and people moving in every direction. A typical day in New York City.
...Wait.
Something seems familiar.
Not too far in the distance, there was a vehicle I recognized. It was traveling at speed down the highway, moving away from us. It took my eyes a second to focus on it, but once I saw it, I froze in place. My palms got sweaty. I knew it from a mile away, and I knew what we had to do.
It was the black transit van.
"...Guys..." I muttered quietly. "We have to go."
"What?" Ryan questioned. "Adam, we haven't seen Dad in ages. You want to leave now?"
"Yeah," Jack agreed. "We just got here. We should at least stay a little longer."
"No, guys, you aren't understanding me," I reiterated in a panicked voice, pointing out the window to where I had seen the van. "We have to leave."
"What is with you?" Ryan asked, narrowing his eyes at me.
I sighed and grabbed him by the arm, pulling him to the window. "Look!"
He stood glaring for a moment before his expression changed to fear, then to understanding. "That's...that's the van over there."
"Yep."
"That's...not good..."
"Nope."
"...We've gotta get out of here."
We each turned and started toward the door just as Dad returned from the kitchen with his drink. He looked at us each confusedly, then glanced at the front door.
"You weren't thinking of making a break for it while my back was turned, were you?" He joked sadly.
"No, Dad," Jack sighed. "Something came up. Something...important. We have to leave."
Dad read each of us carefully. He could tell something was wrong.
"...This is about the people that hurt you, isn't it?" He asked.
We looked at each other for confirmation, then nodded sorrowfully.
Dad pursed his lips, looking off into the distance. "...Listen, I'm not going to ask for details or tell you to stop. Whatever you guys are doing, this is up to you. All I ask is just..." He hesitated for a moment, holding back tears. "...Please be careful. If for no one else, at least do it for your old man...I want each of you to come home to me."
"We'll try our best," Ryan responded with a nod.
"...Hey, Dad?" Jack spoke up.
"What is it, Jack?"
"Um, before we go..." He was very nervous, his voice trembling as he talked. "I just want you to know that...regardless of whatever happens today, whatever ends up happening to us...I love you," He glimpsed over at me and Ryan. "We all do."
Tears flowed down Dad's face. He tried to hide under his hand, but it wasn't helping.
"Go, don't let me hold you back," He commanded, smiling through the tears. "Show them you won't be hurt again."
Before I knew it, we were sprinting out of Dad's apartment and down the hall into the elevator. I don't remember looking back.