Dorinda
"Oh, so I get a name now mama?" Nikkia smirked as we walked into my house.
I chuckled at her anxiousness of wanting to know who I was dating.
"Yes, you do. His name is Maurice."
"Maurice? That's Chris Brown's middle name. I like that. How old is he and what does he do?" Nikkia asked.
"Oh, so you want to know everything?" I asked.
"I do. I need to know who this man is that's got you glowing so profoundly. I also need to know for safety reasons."
"Okay, well his name is Maurice Montoya. He's 25 and he is very handsome." I said.
"Montoya? That sounds like a mafia last name is he mixed?" Nikkia asked.
"He has a light complexion. If he is mixed I wouldn't care. I'd still want to be with him. I'm with him for him not for what he can do or what he's done in his past. I don't care about any of that. I want him."
"Ouuuu, mama why it sound like you in love? Did you fall in love with this man?"
Looking down, I found myself getting butterflies in my stomach just thinking about him. Had I fallen for him already?
"I, umm.... I don't know. What I do know is that I like him. I like him a lot. I'm very.... infatuated with him. Yeah, that's the word I'll use. I know that I like being around him and he makes me feel good in more ways than one. He's so sweet to me and he's patient with my needs. He's understanding, he's good with communicating his feelings, and he's very open. I just... I don't know. I like having all his attention." I said.
Nikki smirked as she folded her arms.
"You've definitely fallen for him mama and that's okay. You'll know when the right time presents itself. I want to meet him though."
"You can meet him. As a matter of fact, I think I'll give him a call right now." I said.
Pulling out my phone, I dialed Smoke's number and waited for him to pick up. It rang for awhile then went to voicemail. I called him a few more times and it went straight to voicemail which made me began to worry. What was happening?
"He's not answering. I think he may be at work, but honey I will definitely set something up so that you can meet him. In the meantime I'll just show you this picture just so you know what he looks like."
I went to my photo gallery and pulled up a picture that Maurice had snapped of him and I on FaceTime. It was so cute to me.
Nikki placed her hand over her heart as she smiled at it.
"Oh, wow. He is fine. You did good mama."
"Thank you sweetheart. I think so too. I'm going to set up something for you to meet him. In the meantime I'm going to get situated and you call me when you get home. I love you princess." I said.
"I love you too mama. I'll call you." Nikkia said.
I kissed her head as she hugged me goodbye. I watched her out the window as she pulled out of the driveway then left. As soon as she left I grabbed my keys and headed out the door. I had a weird feeling so I headed to Maurice's house. He never not answered my calls and if he didn't he'd always send a text letting me know he'd call me back.
Once I pulled up to Maurice's house, I got out and headed inside. I saw his car outside so I knew that he was here. I let myself inside his house with the key that he'd had made for me. When I went in his house I found him sitting on his couch in the dark.
"Baby, what are you doing sitting in the dark and why didn't you answer my phone calls?" I asked, turning on the lights.
I walked up to him and tried to kiss him, but he moved his head back. I looked at him a little taken aback by his actions.
"What's.... what's wrong with you?" I looked at his face and saw that he had tears underneath his eyes.
He sniffled as he sat forward and looked at the wall.
"Maurice, baby please talk to me. What is going on?" I asked.
"I can't be witchu no moe." Smoke said.
"W-What?" I asked, being thrown off by his words.
"I can't. I can't do it no mo'. You a good woman ma and it's best that we go our separate ways cause Ion wanna hurt you."
"Where is this coming from? Why are you moving differently with me?" I asked.
"I ain't no good for you anyway. I'm a street nigga. The hood and gangster life is all I know. There's a huge age difference. This was good while it lasted but I need to be alone."
Tears came to my eyes as I looked at him. Seeing that he had tears underneath his eyes I knew that he didn't mean what he'd said.
"You don't mean that.... you don't mean any of it." I sniffled.
"Ma, I'm sorry but it's true. I don't want to be the cause of you being heartbroken. You should be with a church nigga. Someone that can actually give you what you want." Smoke said.
"Uh uh... no. You don't get to do that. You don't get to say that to me. You don't get to tell me who I get to love. I'm not hearing that from you."
Smoke paused and looked at me for a moment.
"You love me ma?"
"I do. I didn't know it at first but now I realize that I do so please.... talk to me. I know that something is going on. This isn't you. You're not this person. What's going on?" I asked.
Sitting in front of him, I took his hand in mine and waited for him to talk to me. I brushed the side of his face gently as he looked at me.
"Aite, I'm telling you dis cause I care bout ya ma. Please, don't get defensive and don't take it the wrong way, aite?"
"Okay, what is it?" I asked.
"Well, the other day Dave and I was sitting in a parking lot smoking and I must've smoked a lil too much cause I started having hallucinations dats when I had a sex daydream about someone else." Smoke admitted.
I looked at him silently for a moment before speaking.
"Who was in the dream? Was it the girl from the party that you told me about?"
"Yeah, ma. I ain't gon lie. The last time my condition started acting up this was the first thing that started happening. I started having dreams about the female then the next thing I knew I was in her bed. That's why I can't be with you. I'm not taking the chance of hurting you. I'm not finna do it ma." Smoke said.
"So, that's it? You're done?" I asked.
"Ion know what else to do. I refuse to hurt ya ma. I'm not doing dat shit. Ion care if it means us being separated then so be it."
"Baby, I told you when we first started that you wouldn't hurt me. I have so much faith in you. Life isn't easy for anyone, but that doesn't mean you give up. If you really want to move past something you work hard at beating that thing and you move past it. You can do this. I believe in you. If you're having trouble with your condition that just means that we're going to check you into a facility so you can get the help you need. I'm not mad about you having that daydream because the important part is that it was just a dream and not real life. You didn't sleep with her for real. I want you to play this game and I want you to win. You will conquer this sex addiction do you hear me?" I asked.
Smoke nodded his head yes as he looked down. I grabbed his chin and made him look into my eyes.
"It's okay to be scared. That just means that you're human. I know that you've probably never been in this situation before and neither have I, but one thing I do know is that you're worth it. You're probably used to people giving up on you, but that won't be me. When things get hard we don't run. We stay and we fight. I'm not giving up and I'm not leaving. You got me." I said, caressing his chin softly.
"You promise?"
"I promise babe. You got me." I said.
I brushed his face softly as he continued staring into my eyes. Before I knew it he'd leaned in and kissed me. I kissed him back as my tongue made its way into his mouth and his met mine. They began to wrestle as he picked me up and placed me in his lap. Feeling his hands come down to my ass and squeeze I moaned as I placed my head on his. Before we could get too carried away I broke away from him and sighed.
"Why you stop ma? It's been a minute. I need to feel you again." Smoke said.
"I'll let you have me, but first I need to say something and I don't want you to freak out either, okay?" I asked.
"Fasho, wassum?"
"Well..... I um, I think I'm pregnant." I said.
Seeing the look on his face let me know that he was panicking on the inside.
"Whatchu mean ya think?"
"Well, my period is late.... like a few weeks late." I admitted.
"How long is a few ma?" Smoke asked.
"Three weeks almost four."
Smoke scrunched his face up as he looked at me.
"Yeen been to no doctor to get checked out?"
"No, I just.... I don't know why. I should have went but I haven't. I wanted to let you know first in case you wanted to come with me. I didn't want to leave you in the dark." I said.
"You said you got kids. So, you know how it feel when ya pregnant. Do you feel pregnant ma? Be honest."
"Honestly? I do, but I don't want to assume anything." I said.
"You feel pregnant and ya period ain't came yet, fuck!" Smoke said, rubbing his face.
I sighed already knowing that he wasn't ready to be a father yet or at all even in that.
"We been practicing safe sex. How dis happen?" Smoke asked.
"Maurice, remember that night when we had sex at least seven times in one night? Condoms were used the first two rounds, but after the second one we took the glove off and enjoyed ourselves. If I am pregnant that would be the night that it happened."
Smoke shook his head as he stood up.
"Ma, I care about ya and all but I ain't ready to be nobody's daddy. I still got shit going on with me dat I need to get sorted out."
"So, what are you saying?" I asked.
"What I'm saying is that you need to take a pregnancy test then we'll go from there." Smoke said.
I looked at him for a moment before going into my purse and pulling one out.
"I knew that you would say that which is why I brought one. I'll be back." I said, getting up.
I went into the bathroom and took the test. I waited fifteen minutes before coming out with it. He looked at me as he waited for the results.
"What it say?"
I took a deep breath before answering.
"It's positive. I'm pregnant."
"Shit! Fuck man!" Smoke said.
"This is not the end of the world. Please, don't look at it that way."
"It is fah me. I'm young. I ain't wanna be a daddy and especially not right now. I can't do this bruh...." Smoke said, rubbing his face.
"What are you saying to me right now?" I asked.
"What I'm saying is that maybe it's best if we go our separate ways for real. I care bout ya but I can't do it." Smoke said.
I looked at him as tears filled the brims of my eyes.
"Why are you walking away? This isn't the man that I love. We had sex Maurice. More than once, more than twice, and more than three times. I don't know what you expected to happen but this is what happens when you have sex without a condom. We did that more than once. You can't just walk away when the going gets tough. Man up and take responsibility for your part that you played in this."
Smoke shook his head no as he sat back down on the couch. He put his head in his hands as he went quiet. I scoffed as I shook my head and the tears I was holding fell down my face.
"You know what.... fine. If you don't want to have this baby we won't. I'll get an abortion. I hope you're happy." I wiped the tears that fell from my eyes before walking out his house.
I went to my car and sat there as I cried into my hands. How was it that I always ended up with men who blindsided me? I thought Maurice was different. I really had faith in him. Part of me wanted to hate him, but the simple fact remained, I was already in love with him.
I was in too deep.
I didn't know what I was going to do but I had a decision to make.