[🌙]
[Y/N's POV]
I paced through the corridors, ending up in the throneroom. Early in the morning it was, and there's so much to tend already. Lady Jungyeon followed me around with a length of scroll she kept in her hands. As I sat on my throne, she chanted chores for me to be reminded.
"In line with Lord Dantae and Lady Maeji's visit, you and His Majesty are ought to discuss the matter of Chulsan's produce."
"Chulsan?" I arched a brow. "I thought we've already solved the problem about their livestock?"
"No, Your Majesty. The governor pitched last week. The growth is unsteady. Feeds for the poultry are running out due to the drought."
"It's fine." I nodded. "I shall write a letter to our allied kingdom for help. What else?"
"Hmm," Lady Jungyeon scanned the roll. "Ah, you're bound to meet with the Head General next week, Your Grace. Your attendance into blessing the new border is needed."
"Yes, I know that. Continue."
"Letters have arrived from overseas too. I have instructed a servant to deliver them into your room for review. One came from Heoddok yesterday. I believe it was all about the infamous treaty."
I held my head straight. It has been pounding for the past few hours, but I had to keep focus. My eyes drooped down due to sleepiness. My breathing hitched. I felt drowsy. I must stay awake.
I have been treating work as a therapy— rather escape, for days. It was the only way for me to clamber out of the void my infertility had tossed me in. As much as I would love to rest, give myself a well-deserved leisure, I couldn't. For every second I spare, the dread seeps back in. It haunts me.
I internally sighed.
"Your Majesty?"
My body jolted. "Yes?"
"I was asking whether you'd like to inspect the new weapons for the knights tomorrow or should you leave it for the Emperor to do instead."
"Let him run that duty." I dully traced my brows. "I'm sure he doesn't mind."
Lady Jungyeon stared at me. "Are you alright?"
"I'm fine, Lady Jungyeon. Don't mind my actions."
"No, Your Grace. Your discomfort is reeking and I'm worried. Is there anything I could do for you? Perhaps call His Majesty?"
"I don't even know where he is."
"He must be near. His parents are yet to arrive in any moment. He wouldn't want to miss it."
Creek!
"..and you are sought to bless the new batch of Jeongdu's army next month."
Lady Hyunseul's voice echoed. We both turned to see her and my husband walk in. She was mouthing a few activities to Soobin while he listened attentively. I gulped.
They've been very close these days. I would often see them together everywhere I go. They were like twins, bestfriends, lovers. Highly inseparable. Ever since that night, Soobin had grown more accustomed to Lady Hyunseul's presence. Our deteriorating connection faltered even worse, now that he, too, was slowly leaning away.
It struck me. I felt terrible. In some sense, I figured that it might have been because of me ignoring him. I did try to pitch my side, but he's gotten sick of it. He wouldn't care to listen anymore.
"Don't I have any responsibilities this week, Lady Hyunseul?"
"According to this list, no, My Lord."
"I beg to differ."
The two of them halted and faced me. Lady Jungyeon rolled her parchment and crossed her arms. Lady Hyunseul smiled innocently. I held a firm stance. Soobin's eyes diverted on me— as they should.
"You have a pile of duties to work on for the next three days." I stated. "A few of which concerns our armed forces."
"I see." His eyes twinkled in dismay. "I thought I could at least take a break."
"You're an Emperor. It is your job to submit to these duties with diligence and compassion, Soobin."
"Right."
"Where were you anyway?" I questioned. "I was about to send Lady Jungyeon to summon you. Mama and papa will be here soon."
"I'm aware of that." He rolled his eyes sideways. "I came to see Lady Hyunseul for a light conversation."
I raised a brow. "What for?"
"Well, how good would it be to start your day with enthusiasm rather than dullness, correct?"
Lady Hyunseul lowered her head in fluster. I clenched my fists. A slight tug on my heartstrings made my lips twitch. Soobin glanced up the ceiling to avoid my glare. He did not just prefer to have a laugh with this lady.
How dare he.
"Lady Hyunseul and I will be at the gazebo."
"I beg your pardon?"
"We still have a few things left to talk about, Y/N. Do excuse us."
I stepped down my throne to follow them. "You are not going anywhere, Soobin!"
"And why is that?" He faced me, agitated. "Y/N, it's way too early for this."
"You stay in this room with me, so we could welcome your parents together. If you're concerned about your duties, you can have Lady Jungyeon dictate them for you as we wait."
"Y/N," he held my shoulders. "You act as if I'm going far away; it's unreasonable. There's nothing wrong with talking to a court member outside. If you want, you can call me when my parents are here."
"Soobin—"
"After you, Lady Hyunseul."
He gestured his companion to go before him. He abruptly tailed. I clasped on my robes in frustration, lips calling back his name.
"Soobin, you're being a handful!" I leaned towards a pillar as dizziness fully took over me. "Agh.."
"Your Majesty!" Lady Jungyeon scurried. "Please, have a seat. This is too much for you to handle."
Creek!
"Your Majesty." Lady Dalja called. "They're here."
I cracked a smile and straightened up. "Excellent."
Lady Maeji and Lord Dantae— or should I call mama and papa, barged in with Yujeong skipping behind. The moment they saw me, mama opened her arms for a hug in which I excitingly provided.
"Y/N!" Papa cooed, patting my head. "Goodness grace, you've grown!"
"Thank you, papa. You're still the same good-looking man from three years ago. Nothing has changed."
"Oh, you kid. Don't flatter me."
"How are you, Y/N?" Mama cupped my face. "You seem worn off. Have you been getting yourself enough sleep?"
"Not these days," I admitted. "Although, I'm alright. Fatigue comes and goes, but I must be tough for our empire."
"Dear," mama sympathized. "You shouldn't be working alone. Where's my son?"
I was about to respond when Yujeong chimed in. He held up a massive jar in his hands, shaking it with joy. Lady Jungyeon frowned.
"Sister, see what's in here!" He giggled. "Biscuits! Loads of cream biscuits mother had made! You must try them out! They're incredibly good!"
"I would love to, Yujeong." I beamed. "Now, put that thing down otherwise you'd lose grip and shatter it."
Yujeong dipped a hand in to steal a piece. He shoved the sugary treat in his mouth, beckoned Lady Dalja over, and surrendered the jar to her. Papa shook his head, seeing how childish Yujeong acted. Mama giggled fondly.
"You were looking for brother, yes?" Yujeong croaked. "I haven't seen him recently. Although, he's been with Lady Hyunseul since the break of dawn."
I blinked. "What?"
"I got up early to take Nabi for a ride and saw him knock on her quarters. The sun hasn't even risen yet."
"Lady Hyunseul?" Papa tilted his head. "Y/N, who is this woman?"
"She's the newest member of the High Court. She came in two months ago."
"What is she doing with my son?" Mama asked. "At such early time? What's the deal?"
"I have no idea." I pursed my lips. "He's currently with her until now. They're at the gazebo, discussing. He did tell me to call him over when you're already here."
"I don't think that's necessary, my dear."
To my surprise, mama and papa marched out of the door. I frantically skidded after them, realizing that they were heading to where Soobin and Lady Hyunseul stayed. As expected, the two of them were sitting on a cushion, facing each other. They held teacups in their hands, laughing.
"That sounds fun, Your Majesty!" Lady Hyunseul tucked her hair aside. "I never thought The Trials Of Nara would be this interesting."
"Such a preposterous book." Soobin sipped. "I suggest you read it in your leisure, dear. I could lend you a copy if you come to my study."
"Oh, thank you!"
Dear.
I mentally scoffed. Dear? What Emperor addresses an apprentice like that? Papa stepped forward and cleared his throat, successfully earning their attention. The pair stood up in haste.
"Soobin."
"Father." He grinned. "It's good to have you back. I didn't know you've already arrived."
"Maybe if you were with your wife, you would be aware." Mama inserted.
"Mother," Soobin frowned. "Spare me. Lady Hyunseul and I just had a nice conversation, that's all."
"A chat you initiated even before sunrise." I commented. "Is that what you're trying to say?"
"Who told you that?"
"Your brother."
"Heavens." Soobin rubbed his face. "Everything I do baffles you now, doesn't it? Why don't you turn back to your work and leave me be?"
"Soobin, I'm not damn of a wife to not be concerned about my husband leaving the bed at dark to meet with another woman!"
"How can you blame me for seeking happiness and comfort when you can't even provide it yourself?!"
"You know my reasons!" I argued. "Soobin, we've talked about this. How many times do I have to rerun my excuses in order for you to understand?"
"That's the point." He huffed. "I'm tired of understanding, Y/N. All I do is give, give, give. You have nothing for me to receive."
"What is going on?!" Mama shrilled. "What are you two quarreling about?!"
"Your Majesty." Lady Hyunseul bowed. "Forgive me. This is all my fault."
"We didn't ask you to speak, did we?"
"Mother," Soobin shielded her. "Don't speak to Lady Hyunseul like that."
"No, My Lord." Lady Hyunseul insisted. "I acknowledge my mistake. I wasn't mindful of the time. I should have reminded you to be with Her Grace minutes prior."
"No, no." Soobin hushed. "Cease for a while. You didn't do anything wrong, do you hear me?"
I rolled my eyes. "This is absurd."
"The only thing that is absurd in here is the fact that you're feeling upset over nothing." Soobin spat. "Honestly, Y/N. Your actions are getting way out of hand. It's irrational."
"Enough!" Papa belted.
I twisted my head sideways to blink the escaping tears away. It hurt. Soobin and I barely argued before. Yet these days, it's been relentless. We used to comprehend each other, exchanging shoes to recognize our varying situations.
It crushed my heart, seeing how he sided with Lady Hyunseul instead. I've always tried to convince myself that maybe she was merely doing her part as a respectful apprentice. But that embrace didn't sit well with me.
"Lady Jungyeon," I whispered to my friend. "Take Lady Hyunseul away with you. See to it that she tends to every single task there is at spare. Make her busy."
"Gladly, Your Grace."
Lady Jungyeon yanked Lady Hyunseul by the wrist and walked away. Soobin held his waist, sighing in displeasure. Mama and papa narrowed their eyes at him. My lips trembled from the adrenaline.
We will definitely dine in discomfort tonight.
------------------------------------------------------------
As expected, Soobin never belted a word. The dining table was full of delicacies, even his favorites. Yujeong, mama, and papa were talking and giggling heartily. I would occasionally jump in to ease my inner discomfort. However, my husband would remain seated, spoon boringly scooping from his soup.
"So, Y/N." Papa prompted. "Why don't you invite your own parents over next time? We would love to converse with them too."
"Mother and father are currently out of town, papa." I sipped on my water. "They are in Ilseo, supervising the reconstruction of a village torn by the great fire. I believe they will be staying there for a month or two."
"That's unfortunate." Mama pursed her lips. "No worries, sweetheart. Dantae and I will sure lend a hand."
"Thank you." I tightly smiled.
"Which reminds me," papa shifted. "Didn't you say you pushed Jeongdu to be a part of Heoddok's treaty? What for?"
"It is to strengthen our alliances with the other empires. Gyudam and Bokjjong have both joined the agreement. It would be an opportunity to tie bonds with them."
"Makes sense." Yujeong chirped.
"You're putting our kingdom on a tight rope." Soobin barked.
Mama squinted at him. "Soobin?"
"I believe that Y/N over here has gone a little too vague with her decisions. Might as well remind her that Heoddok had once challenged us to surrender a portion of our land. What Empress kneels before her enemies to seek fortune?"
"To forget an untimely encounter is one big step to greatness." I insisted. "Heoddok had already took back their intentions. Their General and I have been bargaining for the past few months. What makes you think I'm that reckless to put our people on a thin line?"
"You trust so easily." Soobin scoffed. "One thing I dislike about you is how quick you set things aside for your so-called betterment."
Smirking, I drank again. "You're not one to talk about trust."
Screech!
We all glanced up to Soobin as he furiously stood. His eyes were daggers to me but I didn't faze. I calmly set my cup down, lips pursed to zip.
"Soobin." Papa hissed. "What is wrong with you?"
"You've lost your faith in me." Soobin seethed. "Is that what you're trying to imply, Y/N?"
"I never told you that." I dully replied. "But if it's what keeps your boat afloat."
"I did nothing to you!"
"Being an indolent, irresponsible spouse is enough to drive me into thinking that you are up to no good. Tell me, do you still consider your actions redeemable?"
Soobin left his seat and approached me. "I don't know what you're talking about."
I hoisted up. "I'm certain that you do know what I'm talking about."
"I swear to God, if this is about Lady Hyunseul agai—"
"Ah!" I mockingly applauded. "Word came out of your mouth at last. Of all the things you could've thought about."
"What is your problem with her?!"
I tilted my head to the side. "Problem? All you did was leech onto each other, forget about your duties, sneak out of our room before dawn, and you're still clueless."
"Y/N." Mama anxiously called.
"Now what?" Soobin towered over me. "You don't see me as an unfaithful husband now, do you?"
I blinked. My guts were telling me to agree. Lady Hyunseul's influence towards him was suspiciously strange. If she was nothing but a companion to him, he wouldn't be this stubborn, crashing against me.
"Cat got your tongue?" He raised a brow. "Silence often means yes, Y/N. I can't believe you'd stoop this low to prove a ridiculous point."
"How can you blame her?" Yujeong butted in. "It wasn't her fault you were a foolish lad, caught up in a maiden's pretentious sympathy."
"Lady Hyunseul is not pretentious." Soobin sneered. "There's no wonder why I prefer to be around her presence. You're all a bunch of shallow people. What? Just because Y/N is barren—.."
Mama and papa froze. Yujeong's eyes widened. I lowered my head in shame. Tension touched the ceiling. The room was filled with nothing but undisputed silence. Even the servants in the corner turned away in surprise.
"Y/N?" Mama called.
"I'm sorry." I mumbled. "I'm sorry, mama."
"Why didn't you tell us sooner?"
"We were supposed to." I pressed. "But—"
"But dear brother was an incredibly petty spit of a being." Yujeong interjected.
"You never heard me complain about her infertility!" Soobin growled. "I comforted her, acknowledged her situation, told her to take it easy! What did she do? She let herself go, reprimanded me, neglected me, and now you choose to be on her side!"
"Soobin." Papa warned. "Shut it."
"You!" He pointed at me. "How can you be so ungrateful? I'm not one to dog around your situation, Y/N. It is not my problem if Lady Hyunseul had given me more than what I expected you to provide!"
SLAP!
Mama gasped out loud and papa flinched. Yujeong fearfully gulped, distracting himself with a piece of meat. I trembled; my right palm stinging after it hit my husband's cheek.
"Soobin.."
He fled the scene in haste. No servant followed him as he quickly marched to God knows where. I clutched my hands together. No physical pain could compare to the wrenching stab in my heart at that night. A part of me felt terrible for hitting him, yet the other half screamed that he deserved it.
"Let him be." I uttered. "He'll come back once he returns to his senses."