*Flashback*
Sean and I have been dating for about four months now, and things have been good.
Well, if you can call fighting and breaking up every month "good."
Today, we're meeting up at the beach to try and talk things out after one of our disagreements. He claims he can explain himself. I claim he's a lying jerk, so this should be an interesting conversation.
It's late in the afternoon so there aren't too many people around, and the sun shines brightly in the sky.
I've been sitting here for a good fifteen minutes already now, listening to him try to apologize, but nothing he's said has made any difference.
"I just think it's a really big coincidence that you wanted to 'take a break' the same week that your ex-girlfriend was in town," I say.
I'm barely holding back my frustration, but I'm trying as hard as I can not to sound accusatory. If he thinks I'm accusing him, he'll use it as an excuse to shut down, and I'll never get any answers.
"Come on, I already told you, that had nothing to do with her. I just needed some time to figure some stuff out," he says.
"Really? Because I heard that you asked her out and she rejected you. Then pretty soon after that, you called me up apologizing, asking for another chance," I shoot back, glaring at sand beneath my feet.
"That's not how that happened at all. You know you can't believe rumors, Mia," he says. "I asked her if she wanted to hang out some time as friends. I just wanted to see if I could be friends with her again, you know? Make sure there was no bad blood between us? Please, you have to believe me."
He sets his hand over mine, and I snatch my hand away.
Before I came here, I had made up my mind to end this, this ridiculous, unstable relationship.
I never wanted this. I never wanted to be that on/off couple, that couple people whisper about when they pass them in the halls.
I certainly never wanted to get so used to it that it feels normal.
"Sean, I can't keep doing this," I say softly. "I can't keep going back and forth with you. It's not fair to me." My throat is constricted now, and it's getting harder to breathe, but I need to say this.
He reaches out and grabs my hand again; this time, I don't pull away. He looks deep into my eyes, and I know whatever he says next will make me change my mind.
I should stop him, cut him off before he can get a word out, but I don't.
"I know, babe, I know, it's not fair to you," he says. "It's never fair. Look, that day when I ended things, I didn't mean a word of what I said. I was just frustrated and confused, and I took it out on you."
He reaches up and brushes a stray curl behind my ear. "But please, you have to believe me, it was never about whether or not I wanted to be with you. I want to be with you and nobody else," he continues. "Ending things on a whim was a mistake, and I lost the best girlfriend I've ever had. If you give me another chance, I swear, it'll be different this time, and I'll never let you go again." He pauses and runs a thumb over my knuckles before looking into my eyes.
"Please be mine again."
This has happened before, you know. He breaks up with me, comes crawling back, makes a speech, and I forgive him. Every time. But I can't help it.
I think I love him.
I don't know when it happened, but that must be what it is. That must be why I put up with all of this.
I close my eyes and take a deep breath before responding, steadying myself for the repercussions of my answer.
"Okay," I reply, letting out the breath I seemed to be holding for ages.
"Really? Oh my God, thank you," he says, leaning in and hauling me to his chest. "I promise, I won't let you regret it," he says into my hair.
I thought I'd feel relieved being back in his arms, that I'd feel better once things were resolved and we could be us again, but I don't.
I feel panicked.
"You better not," I reply, hugging him back.
"I won't," he says, pulling away, hands still gripping my waist. "I swear."
Without warning, he leans down and presses his lips to mine, hard.
We've kissed many times since that first one, and still I feel nothing every single time. I don't know how I can love him and feel nothing when we kiss, but somehow, I manage.
He moves his lips too quickly, and I struggle to keep up. When his tongue skims my bottom lip, seeking entrance, I decide to grant it. Before I know it, we're full on making out.
If nothing else, his kiss is familiar, safe almost, so I lean into him and place my hands on his chest, feeling his pectoral muscles beneath my hands.
We kiss for what feels like too long before finally pulling away. He leans his forehead on mine, his eyes closed.
"I love you," he says. "You know that, right?"
I want to believe that he means it, I do. But there's a part of me that knows there's no way he could.
He said it too quickly. We'd only been going out for a month when he dropped the L word on me. I don't think he even knows what love is.
If he did, he wouldn't treat me the way he does.
All of these thoughts run through my mind before I respond with an answer I'm not sure if I mean either.
"I love you too."
*Flashback Ends*
As I stare into the school's bathroom mirror and adjust my uniform, I allow myself to remember that moment.
That moment that could have saved me a lot of trouble had I made a different choice that day. If I had kept my resolve, if I had finally put my foot down and said no, maybe I wouldn't be in the situation I'm in today.
It was stupid to take him back, I know that now. All it did was set the precedent for him to think he could do anything, and I would still be there, waiting. And every time, I proved him right.
I did think I loved him. That was true, but now I know that wasn't why I took him back. In the back of my mind, I think I may have always known the real reason...
I was scared to be alone.
It's a hard truth to admit to yourself, and it's been difficult to live with all the disappointment I have for how I handled things back then.
It's been hard, but ever since Hunter showed up, it's been a little easier. Everything seems easier with him actually.
After that first week, time's been passing by so quickly. I walk to school with Hunter, go to class, run my lungs out at practice, and then walk home again with Hunter. It's strange how quickly someone can become a part of your routine. Hunter is even getting along well with all my friends, and we've been getting closer and closer everyday.
Ever since that day we almost kissed, I've been scared that I won't be able to stop myself from developing feelings for him. I'm terrified, actually. And yet, there's a part of me that wants to know what that moment was. I want to know what it meant to him, and I want to know what it means to me.
However, there's just one problem. Neither of us have even mentioned our almost-kiss since it happened.
Seriously. Not a single word about it.
After a week of overthinking about what it could've possibly meant, I was pretty much ready to explode, so I finally decided to tell Rose. We're in the girls' bathroom at school, and I just finished recounting the story to her.
She stares at me, mouth hanging open in shock. "NO WAY! YOU ALMOST KISSED?!" she yells.
"Shhh!! Why don't you say it a little louder? I don't think they heard you in China!" I hiss at her.
"Oh, sorry," she apologizes, lowering her voice to a more reasonable volume. "But seriously, you almost kissed Hunter?" I nod. "Well, what happened next? Did he say he likes you?"
"He, uh, he didn't say anything next, and neither did I. We haven't really talked about it since," I admit sheepishly.
"What?" she asks, her face deadpan. "Wait a minute, how long ago did this happen?"
"About a week..."
"And you haven't asked him about it?"
"Nope."
"Not even once?"
"Nuh-uh.."
"DUDE!" she exclaims loudly.
I glance around the bathroom to see if anyone's looking at us. "What?" I reply, annoyed at her rise in volume.
"What is wrong with you?" she pleads. "A gorgeous, sweet boy almost kisses you, and you just let the moment pass without saying anything about it?? You missed your window of opportunity!" she finishes, with a slap on my arm.
"Ow! I didn't miss anything, okay?" I reply. "You know I'm not ready for another relationship. Besides, he doesn't like me like that anyway. I probably just misinterpreted it or something," I reply, rubbing my arm. Rose is small, but she can really pack a punch when she wants to.
"I don't know anything," she responds, crossing her arms over her chest. I smirk at her with a raised eyebrow, and she narrows her eyes at me. "You know what I mean. Besides, it's been a long time since you and Sean actually broke up Mia. You're ready. And Hunter follows you around everywhere like a lovesick puppy. Trust me, he likes you," she finishes, grabbing my shoulders and shaking me. "Oh! And I have just the way to prove it," she says, her eyes lighting up.
"Oh great, another one of your genius plans," I say rolling my eyes.
"Okay, first of all, my plans are genius," she says. "And trust me, this one's going to work," she finishes with a smile.
*******************
"A party? You're throwing a party?" Zack asks Rose across the lunch table.
"Yep," she replies. "Come on, tomorrow is one of our last free Saturdays before track meets start up, so I say we bid our freedom farewell with a bang," Rose explains excitedly.
"Sounds good to me, I'll spread the word," Dejay says with a smile. He gets up and starts walking to different cafeteria tables, letting everyone know about the party. Like I said, he's a pretty boy who can melt your heart with a smile. If he's the one inviting everybody, this party is going to be packed.
"So is everybody in? Because I'm going to need some help getting everything together by tomorrow night," she continues.
"Sure, I'm in," Alex replies.
"Aww, thanks babe, but you didn't have a choice," she says patting his cheek. I stifle a laugh, while I'm pretty sure I hear someone else mutter "whipped." "Any one else?" she asks.
Everyone agrees to help out, and Rose starts giving out jobs to everyone, but I notice that she doesn't give me one.
I lean towards her. "So this is your plan? How is a party going to prove anything?" I ask while everyone talks amongst themselves. "And is there anything I can do to help?
"No, there's not, because, you, my friend, will be too busy tonight and tomorrow to help with the party," she says.
"Busy with what?" I ask.
"Busy with me," she says with a grin.
*******************
Today's practice was absolutely insane. I'm pretty sure if you added up all the drills we ran, you'd get at least twenty miles.
Okay, that might be an exaggeration, but either way, I'm extremely tired, and I really want to just head home.
If I move fast enough, hopefully I can avoid Rose and whatever it is she's got planned for tonight.
Hunter and I have just made it off the school grounds when suddenly, a car screeches to a halt at the curb near us.
I look up to see the window rolling down and Rose in the driver's seat.
"Get in loser, we're going shopping!" she yells with a huge smile on her face.
My face falls. "Rose, seriously?"
"I've always wanted to say that!" she laughs. She gets out of the car, walks over to us, grabs my arm, and starts pulling me back towards the car.
Rose then turns her attention to Hunter. "Sorry, lover boy, but I need to borrow her for tonight," she says. "Don't worry though, you'll thank me tomorrow at the party!" she finishes with a wink.
I wave at Hunter, who looks thoroughly confused, by the way, as I climb into Rose's car. Once my seatbelt is on, she drives off.
"Rose! I can not believe you just said that to him," I say, looking back as Hunter grows smaller and smaller in the rear-view mirror. "Oh my God, he's never going to talk to me again," I complain, covering my face with my hands. I'm sure I'm overreacting, but at the moment, I don't really care.
"Calm down, he knows it was a joke," she says with a wave of her hand. "Besides, we really are going shopping. We need to find you something to wear for the party tomorrow."
"I don't have money for new clothes right now, besides I have perfectly good things to wear at home."
"Don't worry, I'm buying," she offers. "Besides, I never got you a birthday present anyway so... happy birthday," she finishes with a smile.
Knowing that I've run out of protests, I lean back in my chair and let out a sigh.
Alright then, I guess I'm going shopping.
Lovely.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
A/N - Okay, sorry for the filler chapter and the complete lack of Hunter, but I swear there will be lots and lots next chapter.
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