Director: Dear Chairman.
Fade in to the jeep being chased by the Hornet
Director: Sir, while I appreciate your concern, allow me to correct you in one area. I value all our subjects' well being, but I revere above all else our ability to continue as a species; our ability to survive. And no committee, no bureaucrat, will ever convince me otherwise.
Grif: Hey I have a question, why do we agree to come along on these things if we're just gonna be the decoy the whole time?
Thea: Shut up!
Washington: Looks like you have it under control. I'll be right back.
Cut to inside the base with Church calling for Tex.
Church: Tex? Tex, are you here? Tex, come on. Tex! Allison?
Sound of a gun cocking
Guard 2: Alright, freeze.
Church: Ahw, what?
Guard 2: They told us to be on the lookout for someone acting odd, and you're acting odd. So, hands up.
Church: Hehey, buddy, come on. You don't need to be like all...
Wash enters behind the guard and knocks him out.
Church: ...knocked out. Thanks Wash.
Washington: Church, is that you in there?
Church: Uh yeah, one sec-
Church appears next to the guy he was previously inhabiting
Church: There.
Guard 1: What happened? I feel kinda...
Guard 1 falls over
Washington: What do you think you're doing in here?
Church: I had to see Tex's body I uh, ...she's like me Wash.
Washington: I know all about her Church. Come on, you're not gonna find anything in here.
Church: But where is she? She should be here, right? I mean, shouldn't she?
Washington: We've all lost people Church. What's important is that you remember her. And what's even more important is that you don't slow me down while I'm in the middle of a mission!
Sound of explosion
Washington: What now!?
Cut to Wash and ghost Church standing outside the base watching the chase
Washington: What is going on out here?
Sarge: What does it look like?
Grif: We're running from the stupid plane!
Thea: I'm not dying a virgin! That's Simmons job!
Simmons: Hey!
Thea: You know it's true.
Washington: Well, we need to leave. We have a Warthog at Blue Base. We'll take that and you follow me.
Sarge: What about the ship!?
Washington: Well, take it down!
Sarge: Not that simple!
Grif: If it's so easy, why don't you do it?
Thea: What?
Washington: Fine.
Wash fires at the Hornet to get its attention, and starts running.
Church: Should we help him?
Grif: We could, or we could take bets on how long he's gonna live. I got ten bucks that says it's less than a minute.
Church: I'll take that action.
Shawn: He's a freelancer, pretty sure he'll make it.
Wash manoeuvers himself up on a cliff and shoots a barrel into the 'man cannon', which hurls it at the Hornet. Washington fires at the barrel as it nears the Hornet, exploding the barrel and bringing down the Hornet.
Thea: You freelancer's need to stop being badass's all the time.
Washington walks back to them.
Washington: Okay, now can we go?
Cut to everyone gathered outside Blue base
Washington: Alright, I need suggestions. The Freelancer Command Facility is an underground complex of secure bunkers and fortified chambers. Let's put our heads together and see if we can figure out a way to get in there.
Grif: I have an idea.
Washington: And "let's not do it" is not an acceptable plan.
Thea: (To Grif) That's your suggestion for everything.
Grif: Oh. Well you probably should have said that before you asked for suggestions.
Washington: Next idea.
Simmons: Why don't we call Command, and ask them what the proper procedure is for invading their headquarters?
Thea: Your supposed to be the smart one.
Washington: Next.
Sarge: How about we build a makeshift nuclear device, and blow the entire place to kingdom-
Thea: (Sighs) Should've seen that coming.
Washington: No. We have to get in there.
Simmons: Why?
Washington: 'Cause we need to unlock the Alpha.
Simmons: The what?
Church: It's the main A.I. from Project Freelancer. You know all the A.I.s that we've been dealing with over the years? It's where they were all copied from originally.
Simmons: You can't copy an A.I.!
Thea: (Grimly) We know.
Grif: The main one? Screw that. Those things have caused all of our problems. Why would we go looking for the main boss one?
Church: That's a good question. Agent Washington? Do you wanna answer that?
Washington: You'll understand everything soon enough.
Shawn: That's not reassuring.
Simmons: We're not going.
Washington: What? You have to go.
Simmons: Not really.
Washington: We can't infiltrate Headquarters with just three people. You're coming. That's an order.
Grif: Order? You're not our Commanding Officer. We don't even know what rank you are.
Washington: I'm a Freelancer!
Grif: Not a rank dude.
Shawn: He's got you there.
Simmons: The other Freelancers never gave orders, they just offered to trade favors.
Thea: Yeah, that'll get them to come Wash.
Washington: Okay, then let's bargain. What do you want?
The Reds conference, with random mumbling between the real words
Grif: Three words guys,
Sarge: New base-
Grif: Gold plated vagina.
Simmons: Shut up.
Sarge: Lasers.
Simmons: Always with that.
Grif: Nudie mags.
Sarge: Robots and lasers. Lasers, and robots.
Grif: Milkshake.
Thea: I didn't even understand half of that and I heard what they were saying.
The Reds turn to the Blues, Thea and Washington.
Sarge: Alright, we talked about it, and we figured out what we want.
Washington: Alright, let's have it.
Sarge: We want you to demote Grif.
Washington: Done.
Grif: What!?
Simmons: Another wasted opportunity.
Washington: Congratulations. You are now Private Grif again.
Thea: What was he before?
Simmons: When we went to rats nest, Grif was promoted. It was going to be you but you stayed at blood gulch.
Thea: Oh, guess Sarge didn't take to well but hey! I have one thing that i don't regret leaving the canyon.
Simmons: Why?
Thea: Because the day I became a leader of a group is the day I grow my hair out, never gonna happen.
Simmons: Oh.
Sarge: Got anything lower?
Washington: Private... Junior Grif?
Sarge: I was thinkin' something with an insulting adjective, or... maybe a demeaning adverb...
Washington: How about, Minor Junior Private Grif, Negative First class?
Sarge: Heh heh, I like the way you think.
Grif: You realize you just doomed us to certain death just so you could insult me, right?
Thea: What'd you expect? It's Sarge.
Sarge: Hey, if we do get killed, at least we'll go out on a high note. Well, everybody but you. That's to be expected, you haven't had a high note in five years! Why break the God damn streak.
Washington: We still need to figure out how we're getting in there.
Caboose: Mister Washington? Me and Shawn have an idea.
Washington: I really shouldn't even bother asking, should I?
Shawn: No, it's really good.
Church: I don't know, Caboose with Shawn? An idea? I think their bluffing.
Caboose: No uh, it's a really good idea. We drive there.
Church: Yeah, he was bluffing.
Caboose: We're going to Freelancer City, right? The place where Freelancers are from. And this is a Freelancer car! If they think that we are Freelancers, because we are in their car, they will just let us right in!
Washington: But you don't look like Freelancers. Or Recovery Agents.
Caboose: ...They can't see inside of a tank.
Everyone:............
Shawn: Dibs on driving!
Cut to Project Freelancer - Operational Command Center. Wash and Church are in the Warthog, everyone else is in the tank.
Church: There's no way this plan is gonna work.
Washington: Just stay quiet. Follow my lead.
From inside the tank everyone was taking.
Sarge: Grif! Get off me, you weigh a ton.
Grif: Stop pushing me! Ow!
Thea: Ow! Who elbowed my breast?
Caboose: Tucker did it.
Shawn: Stop moving around! It's hard to drive with you moving.
Simmons: Okay guys, it's hard enough to fit in here oh! Wh-Who did that?
Grif: Alright, whose hand was that? Is Donut in here?
Caboose: I can't breathe.
Guard: Alright. Uh, story checks out. Looks like there was a new incident at Outpost 17-B. Glad you fellas made it out okay.
Washington: Yeah, thanks.
Church: Yeah, it was crazy. We lost a lot of good men. Especially Joe... Joe Johnson. He was a great guy. I remember he had a girl back home named... Fritzy.
Washington: Stop embellishing. They already believe us.
Church: He also had a dog named Mister Chomps. Anyway he's dead now, it's sad.
Guard: You're clear now. So drive on to Building Three.
Washington: Understood. Thanks, soldier.
Church: Can't believe that worked.
Washington: Yeah. Seemed like it was too easy.
Church: Wash, you're gonna learn when you work with us, there's no such thing as too easy. You're just being paranoid.
Washington: Yeah. You're probably right.
As they roll into the compound the Meta is seen hanging off the back of the tank and Thea got another chill up her spine.
Thea: I have a bad feeling about this.