Tahimik lamang akong naupo, natatawa ng bahagya dahil sa ganoong pangyayari. He's driving his car while still muttering curses. Naalis sa isipan ko ang sandaling pag-aalala sa kanya dahil natabunan iyon ng nangyari kanina.
"Stop laughing. You always win when it comes to that." I raised my brow and looked at him. Nakakagat ito sa kanyang labi ngayon, iyong kanyang isang kamay ay unti-unting lumalapit sa hita ko.
I didn't stop him from doing that dahil alam kong nasasanay ito na gawin iyon sa tuwing nagmamaneho siya. His cold hand landed to my left thigh and gently caressed it, maneuvering the car using his other hand smoothly.
Hindi naman maiksi ang suot ko kung kaya't hindi ako naiilang. He loves doing that. It's as if feeling my presence beside him calms his mind, feeling that I am safe.
"Sorry, Jaed. Hindi mo naman siguro gustong ma-late tayo, hindi ba? Naghihintay na roon ang magulang mo, sigurado ako."
We would always set a date for ourselves and that includes his parents. Hindi naman siya pinaghihigpitan. Pareho naman naming gustong ganoon ang gawin kaya nasanay na.
It's like a family gathering also. Sa bahay lang naman nila tapos kapag nagkaroon ng bakanteng oras sa ilang araw, nagkakaroon naman kami ng oras para sa ibang gagawin.
We'll have a date on our own and that's just so precious. I like how he improved himself whenever he's with me. I can see the true smile of him.
"I told them about your defense so they understood that we'll be late." His hand caressed my thigh more, calming himself. Hinawakan ko iyon saka tahimik na pinagmamasdan siya sa kinauupuan.
Tumikhim ako. Ang tanging alam niya ay nagiging maganda ang takbo ng pag-aaral ko. That I am slowly reaching everything. Tanging nasasabi ko lang sa kanya ay ang mga magaganda, hindi iyong mga problemang nakakaharap ko dahil ayokong mag-alala siya sa akin.
"Ilang beses nila akong tinanong. Chantal and her friends are my groupmates. So far, naging maayos naman ang kinahantungan. Magse-second year na ako, Jaed!" masaya kong sabi sa kanya kahit sa isang parte ng isipan ko ay may kaunti pang pagdududa.
I still need to do my best though.
He pulled my hand to his lips and kissed it gently, smiling sweetly after doing that. Katulad ng lagi kong ginagawa kapag nakikita ang matamis niyang ngiti, humanga ako ng tuluyan. Like there's a spell hidden in his smile that makes me melt while staring at it.
"I know you can do it as always. You've got this confidence, baby, so there is no chance for you to not succeed at everything," he chuckled and I slapped his arm a bit.
Kung mayroon man akong laging pinaniniwalaan, iyon ay ang kanyang paniniwala sa kakayahan ko, sa posibilidad kong matutupad ang lahat dahil sa lahat ng kagustuhan. He's one of those people that believes in me and I appreciated them, him, for making me feel loved.
Bumaba kami nang makarating na sa kanilang bahay. Their house is always full of decorations everytime we're here. Hindi nawawalan ng kahit anong palamuti at naroon din ang kumpletong presensya ng kanyang mga kapatid.
Nakasuot pa rin ako ng uniporme pero hindi naging problema iyon lalo na nang sinalubong ako ng kanyang magulang. Like what his parents would always do, they gave me a hug and offered me the seat beside Jaeden's.
Binati ako ng kanyang mga kapatid. Their big family is a goal, a perfect image for a good family they call. Iyong kanyang magulang ay laging sinasabi na parati akong welcome rito sa kanila. Still, though it's been months already, I feel the uneasiness inside me whenever I see their presence though I know that they are good to me.
Napapaisip ako kung paano kaya kapag bumagsak ako? Will they still support me? Will they let Jaeden leave me because I don't deserve their help?
Though I know for myself that I don't like chasing people if it's not worth it, not for me and would give me nothing. If I would define love, I would say that it's a kind of thing that gives people a chance to be with someone they can call home and safe haven. Pero kapag alam ko naman sa sariling walang magandang maidudulot, hindi ako maghahabol.
In case that will happen, I will accept my fate and go back to the province instead because I know that help doesn't lasts and so is love.
"Kumusta ang defense mo, Diana?" his mother asked me. Siguro ay nakikita sa mukha ko ang kaunting pagod kanina.
Their children are now eating except for Jaeden who's also waiting for me to finally start eating. Nagbigay ako ng maikling ngiti sa kanila, sinisiguradong maayos lang naman ang naging takbo.
"Okay naman po. Medyo natagalan lang kaya late kami ni Jaeden nakarating dito," paumanhin ko. Tito Gael shook his head after drinking a glass of water.
Sila na nagsabi sa akin na ganoon na ang itawag ko sa kanila. I am not new to them anymore.
"That's normal and it's okay for us, hija. Sanay sa hintayan itong si Jaeden kaya alam kong ayos lang din naman sa kanya."
Alam na alam nila ang minsang paghintay sa akin ni Jaeden sa labas ng university. Jaeden values the time and he's always earlier than the said time. Kaya kahit na minsang biglaan akong nagte-text sa kanya na late ang uwian namin kahit na naroon na siya sa labas, hindi siya umaalis dahil gusto niyang hintayin ako.
"As long as I am waiting for her, that won't be a big problem," he replied. Tumawa ang isa sa kapatid niya.
"Wow, iba nadudulot ng in love kuya, ah? Hintay daw. Weh?" Isaiah said as he ate his food. Isang masakit na tingin ang iginawad sa kanya ni Jaeden.
"Shut up. Finish your food first before engaging to our topic."
His other siblings are talking to each other. Sa tuwing nasa hapag ay hindi rin nila mapigilang magbangayan sa isa't isa. Jaeden's the oldest and he only paves the way to not stress himself to them.
"The always strict Jaeden. Paano kapag nag-asawa na 'yang kapatid mo? Don't tell me, you'll still give him some kind of dangerous warning?" his mother said as she ate her food subtly, like what Jaeden's doing now.
Tumunog ang kubyertos nito, nagsimula nang kumain.
"We are all still young to marry someone. And yes, I will still warn him because I am your first born. They are all my responsibility also, Ma."
"Hay naku, don't be stressful as their kuya. We are also curious with your decisions now, Jaeden, if you don't know," saad ni tito Gael na binigyan siya ng seryosong tingin.
Jaeden halted from eating and cleared his throat. Binigyan siya ni tita ng mapanuring tingin din. Iyong mga kapatid niya ay patuloy lang sa pag-iingay habang ako ay tahimik na ngumunguya lang ng pagkain.
They are always into this topic. Even me has this curiosity about Jaeden but I don't think I have rights to question him.
"Pa, I know what I am doing. Don't be so stressful about me too because I know what's right from wrong."
"Alam namin. But we're still hoping that whatever decision you choose, please let us know. Magandang desisyon lang yatang nagawa mo ay ang naging girlfriend si Diana," he followed it with a chuckle and I went with the flow. Tita Olivia elbowed him like what she's always doing whenever her husband is saying something that she doesn't like.
"Pasensya ka na, Diana. Gael really likes you for Jaeden so don't think anything about what he said. And I like you too for my son."
I feel overwhelmed with how they accepted me totally in their family. No pretentions. Just pure talks only. Not even sugarcoated words.
"Salamat po. Hindi naman po mahirap pakisamahan si Jaeden. Gustong-gusto ko po ang anak niyo." And everytime I am saying that, Jaeden's eyes will automatically land at me after, feeling shocked at my revelation.
Napahawak siya sa kamay ko, pinisil ng marahan at alam ko kung gaano niya kagustong ngumiti ng malapad ngayon. Her sister, Dominique, smiled at me, approving to what she heard. She's the genuine person I've known.
She's younger than me but I can sense her total understanding to some situations.
"Mag e-expect ba kami ng enggrandeng kasalan sa susunod?" Nagulat ako roon. I didn't expect that, especially from his mother because I know she wants the best for her children.
I heard Jaeden's groans, contradicting his mother's opinion. Hindi ako nakapagsalita, napipi yata ng tuluyan sa narinig.
"Stop thinking about that damn wedding, Ma. We're too young for that!"
"Bakit? I know you have your own money now so what's the problem?" His father shakes his head but I can see a fragment of happiness on his face.
Ang dali nilang magdesisyon. Pareho kaming walang alam kung magtatagal ba kaming pareho ni Jaeden.
"Maraming problema. I don't like settling on a young age. Akala ko ba walang padaloy-daloy sa desisyon?"
Hindi naman sila nagtatalo. They're just talking normally. Wala rin namang bakas ng kahit anong galit mula sa kanila. Natapos lang ako sa pag kain nang hindi nakapagsasalita.
Sanay na ako. Hindi rin naman sila nag-uusap kapag tungkol sa mga bagay na hindi ko gusto. I know that this wedding thing is a joke plan and I don't have plans to take it seriously.
Hinatid lang ako sa dorm ni Jaeden pagkatapos. So far, the night is not that really stressful for me. He went inside my room. Mag-isa lang ako saka medyo may kalakihan ang tinutuluyan. I only have enough bed for me and some stuffs.
"I am sorry about my parents. I know that wedding is a big thing so I don't like you hearing it from them," saad niya nang nakaupo na sa kama ko.
Nagbihis lang ako ng madalian. He chose to not look at me while doing that. Nasa mga gamit ko lang ang mata niya.
"Okay lang naman. Siguro excited lang ang magulang mo na makitang ikasal ka." I closed the door of my cabinet and tied my hair. Doon lang umangat ang tingin niya sa akin.
What would be his reaction if ever he'll marry the love of his life? Ibang ngiti na ba ang sisilay sa kanyang labi? Will he cry for the first time?
Will he consider it if I am not the bride?
Halos gusto kong matawa sa naiisip. Wala akong ideya kung anong kahahantungan namin sa huli. I won't imagine myself wearing a white gown and walking on the aisle, ready to meet him at the end if we're not still reaching about years. Ni hindi pa nga kami nagtatagal.
He gestured me to sit on his lap. He kissed my shoulder while I am looking at his blue eyes softly.
Iyong kanyang mata na sobrang kakaiba sa kanyang mga kapatid. He's the only one who got this deep blue color. The rest of his siblings got brown eyes, inherited from their mother.
"Pwede bang ulitin mo iyong sinabi mo kanina?" I smirked. Alam ko ang ibig niyang sabihin. He wants to hear it from me again and this time, in front of him without the presence of anyone.
I cupped his face and kissed his pointed nose. He held my chin gently and I don't know how to resist myself from not drooling at him this near. I saw how his lips moved, almost waiting for mine to land on it.
Iyong mukha niya ay ibang-iba sa Jaeden na unang nakita ko. He learned to show emotions now, show how his eyes slowly admiring me.
"Gustong-gusto kita, Jaed," I said softly. He breathed deeply and for a moment, he felt unreal, he felt invisible because of the words he loves to hear, how the words made an impact to him.
"I think you're the only one who can calm my dangerous side. God, you're so pure, baby." Kinuha niya ang pagkakataong iyon upang gawaran ako ng halik.
It's a long, soft kiss from him. Sa kabila ng kanyang naging kilos ay nakuha kong kumuha ng balanse sa pamamagitan ng paghawak sa kanyang buhok.
He was busy combing my hair using his hand. At the middle of what he's doing, though I know that I am not dreaming, his lips stretched for a smile, overwhelmed by what he heard from me. Mas lalo niya akong inilapit sa kanya na tila hindi nakukuntento sa distansyang mayroon kami. I can always smell his strawberry scent and I kinda like it now.
"Ako rin. Gustong-gusto rin kita, Diana. Tonight, I promise myself that I will only love no one aside from you. I won't ever love someone else from now on because I can only think of you," sabi nito nang sandaling magdikit ang noo naming dalawa.
"Young love, huh? You're promising to a twenty-year-old, Jaed. Pwedeng-pwede pang magbago 'yan," tugon ko, sinasabi lamang ang katotohanan. "I don't like accepting promises from someone just because they're happy as of the moment. Papaano kung sa ibang panahon, galit ka? You would take that back."
Umiling ito sa akin. People are always making decision whenever they are happy. Kaya sa huli nagsisisi dahil sa kamalian, dahil sa walang kasiguraduhan na maisakatuparan iyon. Ayokong mangyari iyon sa akin.
"Nothing will change. I stick to my promises, Diana. And I love to promise you that because you deserve someone like me. You deserve this true version of me that no one can see."
I was drowned with his kiss again. Seryoso niyang sinabi ang mga iyon. Walang biro at kahit ilang beses kong paulit-uliting marinig sa utak, nananatiling makatotohanan.
I trust him so much. Kailanman ay hindi ko nakitaan ng kamalian. I admire him for that and now, thinking that he made a promise to me, I can only assure one: I am sure that I we'll come into years still feeling the same love whenever I am with him.