[Hey guys, it's been a while but... I'm back. Kind of.]
I feel like a mess getting ready to head over to the Weasley's shop. I splash cold water on my face but something about me still looks tired and sickly. My skin is sallow, my eyes look almost sunken in by how dark the skin has grown around them. I know it's from how much sleep I haven't been getting the past few days. The bed seems too empty now and I stay up all night, lying on my side and imagining Draco sleeping beside me.
I haven't brought myself to take off the ring he gave me although I know I should. It's his family ring, the very same family that pushed us apart, and wearing it sometimes feels like hypocrisy. I guess I'm just not ready to part ways with it, yet, I'm still in love with him. I think back to how I must have felt when he first gave it to me, the memories hazy and incomplete because of being Obliviated. Had I really never considered how his family would interfere with our relationship? Had I never wondered how terrible it would be for me to have to endure how they treated me? I guess there was no reason to dwell on it now, that was the past. Maybe I'm a completely different person than who I was before being Oblivated. Memories and experiences make you who you are, after all.
Despite telling myself that I shouldn't spend too much time thinking about it, the thought occupied my mind as I walked up to the shop. It already looks considerably better than the charred, ashen mess it had been when it was destroyed and George greets me with a smile that nearly makes me forget how terrible I feel.
"I think I have my work cut out for me, George, the place looks amazing already," I say and he puts his hands on his hips to proudly gaze up at the building. Some last touches of paint, decoration, and stocking the building seem to be the only things left to do since the foundation and structure are nearly perfect.
"Thanks, it's been hard to sleep knowing that the shop was in the shape it was in so I would be working nearly all night just trying to fix anything I can. It paid off because now it's nearly finished," he says. I frown thinking about the long nights he must have spent here, how exhausted he must be right now...
"George, why don't you rest today?" I glance over at Harry, Hermione, Ron, and Ginny playfully dabbing each other with paintbrushes, "I think we have it covered. Besides, I invited some extra help." I find myself blushing at the last part and George raises a curious eyebrow at me.
"Is Draco coming?" he asks and I have to swallow the lump that rises in my throat.
"No, I, um, invited Noah from work," I add and George's eyebrows knit together in confusion but he doesn't question me further.
"Right, well, all I have for you to do is restock shelves and the backroom. You can use spells to do most of the work, but some of the merchandise has no-magic protections on it so you'll have to move those by hand." George guides me to the corner of the room with a tower of boxes upon boxes. I gaze up, the balancing boxes almost seem to defy the laws of gravity.
"I better get started then."
It's so like Noah to be punctual, I'm only a few boxes in before he walks into the room. His smile lights up and I feel myself smile in response immediately. He walks right up to me, pulling me into his arms as a greeting.
"Hey, I just passed George on his way out and he let me know what we're up to today." Before I could even respond he points his wand at a stack of boxes and directs them to their designated place.
"Hi. Thanks for coming and helping out, Noah, we all really appreciate it. I really appreciate it," I say, continuing the work I had already begun to do. He doesn't respond but I see his cheeks redden a bit, maybe embarrassed at the mild praise.
We work in silence for a bit, saving our voice for the short spells we cast to make sure all the items are placed in the right spots. Although no words are spoken, I notice him glance over at me a few times and smile. It's a pure gesture and I notice my own eyes linger on him longer than usual. While at work, he's concentrated– his fingers are delicately wrapped around his wand and his lips are slightly parted in spell casting. For a moment, it's hard to look away.
"Hm, my spells aren't working on these ones," he says. He looks up and meets my eyes that were already gazing at him. His eyes soften.
"Huh? Oh yeah," I say, caught off guard, "George mentioned that some needed to be moved by hand. The muggle way." I laugh, hoping a quick joke would take attention off my staring. I can tell it doesn't work by the way he hasn't stopped looking into my eyes. I turn, breaking the eye contact, and feel a warmth spread across my face. I grab the closest box and go to place it, avoiding making eye contact again.
This feeling was confusing. Just this morning I was plagued by Draco's absence but since Noah arrived, I hadn't thought much about Draco at all. It was as if Noah was the cure to the longing and the hurt. He takes my mind off of all the things that are wrong with Draco and I's relationship, and, although I hate to admit it, I can tell Noah has feelings for me. Those feelings aren't overbearing or uncomfortable, they're pure and gentle. I can see it in the way he looks at me.
I step on a lower shelf to give myself leverage to reach a higher shelf, but once I place the box on the shelf I lose my balance. I let out a short gasp, but instead of falling to the ground, I feel warm hands grip my waist. My shirt shifted up when I reached up, so Noah's hands are against my skin. He holds me, letting me find my footing, and I turn to face him. His hands are still against my waist.
"Y/N", he says. The sound barely leaves his lips but I hear my name clearly, and the desire that accompanies it. My hands gravitate up and find their place on his arms. My fingers trace down his biceps before wrapping around his upper arm. Although a part of me means it to keep us apart, I also want to pull him in closer.
"Noah... I can't...," my voice trails off. I sound unconvinced, even to myself.
"I know you feel it, too. Just let us have this," he says and he leans in. My eyes dart down to his lips and then to his eyes, his eyelids just beginning to close. To my surprise, I don't feel repulsed or wrong. I hear a voice in the back of my mind asking, what about Draco? But the voice gets quieter the closer Noah is to me. Eventually, just slightly, I lean forward just to be closer to him.
"Y/N. What is this?"
His voice stops me in my tracks, centimeters away from Noah's lips. I feel the blood drain from my face and I rip myself out of Noah's arms, despite his attempt to keep his grip on me.
"Draco? What are you– When–" I stutter and the hurt on his face stops my mind from working correctly. The ability to form sentences, even words, has left me. The hurt transforms into anger when his eyes fall on Noah and he scowls. He steps back slightly as if he's considering leaving, but he stops.
"Is this why you wanted to end things? Because of him?".
"No, no of course not, Draco. I–," any explanation I could think of would never work. He saw me, in the arms of Noah, leaning eagerly into him. What could I possibly say to him to make it okay? He scoffs, turning and finally hurrying out of the room. Without thinking, I follow.
"Wait, you don't have to go," Noah says after grabbing ahold of my hand. I pull it away from him.
"I'm sorry," is all I say. I can feel guilty about leading Noah on later, I know I have to follow Draco.
When I think I've finally caught up with him once outside of the store, he disapparates. Hermione, Ron, Harry, and Ginny are all staring dumb-struck as I pace around, biting the nail on my thumb. Their eyes almost immediately avert when Noah walks out, and they do their best to act as if they didn't notice the dramatic scene in front of them. Before he can say a word, I speak first.
"I'm sorry Noah, I think you should go," I say nervously, my voice shaking from what just happened. The voice that had reminded me of Draco before was now screaming in my mind. His face falls and I can see him try to fight back an argument. In a few moments, he nods in defeat.
"I know things are complicated right now. I shouldn't have done that, but I'll wait for you. You're worth that."
"I don't think that's fair for you..." I start.
"I think you just showed me that this can be reciprocated, I have hope that something can work between us," he reaches for my hand again but I gently pull it away. There are so many conflicting thoughts in my head, I know I can't handle touching him again right now.
"I don't think I should see you anymore." The words sound unnatural coming out of my mouth as if I don't mean them, and it's obvious he picks up on that.
"You don't have to make any final decisions right now. I know this isn't an ideal situation but, we can still be friends in the meantime, right? Just come to the meeting tomorrow. If you feel the same, then I won't ask you to see me ever again, okay? I just don't want us to miss out on something that could be great." With these last words, he pulls away from me and gives me space.
"I'll think about it..." I reply hesitantly and a look of relief washes over his face. He nods.
"Goodbye, Y/N," he says and disapparates. I groan, resting my forehead on the palm of my hand. What a disaster I've caused. I don't even have a chance to react before Hermione is dragging me back into the store.
"What just happened?" she asks.
"Noah and I almost kissed. And Draco saw." I explain simply and she cringes. Even as my best friend, I know she has no smart advice to offer about this. She's actually speechless for a few moments.
"Okay," she begins slowly, "So what are you going to do?". I think about it for a moment and the only option I have is Noah's meeting. Draco will be unreachable until he decides not to be, and I know I could never show my face at the Malfoy Manor.
"Noah wants me to go to his meeting tomorrow. I don't know if it'll be appropriate but... I just don't know. He said he doesn't expect anything and that after the meeting I can decide how I want to go on from then. It seems reasonable. Do you think I should go?" My question is desperate, I need an answer from my smartest friend. She just sighs.
"That is entirely up to you."