Super excited to put this chapter out there. It's really been a ride y'all.
"She hit him again?"
"Keep your fucking voice down." Lauren whispered back to Joey. They were sitting in a tight circle with Brian, Darren, Nick, and Holden.
"Are we even surprised?" Darren groaned, sipping from his red solo cup. "I don't know what the fuck to do anymore. I just want to help him."
"Okay, you're cut off," Nick said, reaching over and taking Darren's cup as he began to tear up a bit.
"You don't have to be drunk to want to cry over this bullshit," Lauren said miserably, reaching over and taking Darren's cup from Nick. She took a sip to calm her nerves, pursing her lips at the taste. "I've never felt so helpless. Even when he can get himself own that she's hurting him, he won't leave her."
"It's like, he knows that he needs help, but he doesn't want it?" Holden asked, tossing his drink back.
"You're also cut off," Nick said, the natural father of the group. He reached over and took Holden's cup from him. "All we can do right now is support Joe in whatever decision he makes. We almost lost him the other day."
"Nick's right," Joey added. "If we try to go against him, he's just going to push us away, and then Zoey will really have him. We have to stay supportive."
"Where is he anyway?" Brian asked, finally speaking up.
"He's up in my room, hopefully sleeping." Nick answered, standing up to throw away Holden's cup. Lauren took one last sip of Darren's before handing the cup back to Nick.
Joey nudged Brian's elbow, leaning in so that the others couldn't hear him. "Maybe you should go check up on him?"
Brian shook his head. "I should? Why me?"
Joey raised an eyebrow at him. "You know why. Joe may be oblivious, but he cares for you. And more than that, he respects the fuck out of you. If anyone can get through to him right now, it's you."
"Lauren couldn't," Brian pointed out. "What makes you think I can?"
"You and Lauren are very different," Joey answered honestly. "Lauren gives him tough love, which is the last thing he needs right now. Go give him some of that unconditional love and support."
Brian groaned, anxiety flooding his chest. Joe was most likely either sleeping or crying, and Joey wanting him to go upstairs and disturb him? "I, I don't know man. Obviously I want to go check on him, but at the same time I really don't want to annoy him. Maybe he just wants to be alone right now."
"He probably does. That's all Zoey's been trying to do; isolate him," Joey stated factually. "For fucks sake, she literally threatened you with violence so that you'd stay away from him. She knows the impact that you have on Joe, by the looks of it more than either of you two do."
Brian sighed, really wanting to believe Joey's logic. Still, he couldn't shake his fear of Joe rejecting him.
He stood up nervously, shaking out his arms and legs. "If I come down here in twenty minutes completely heartbroken you owe me. Big time." Joey smiled and gave him a thumbs up, shoving Brian's leg so that he started walking. Brian kept his head down as he made his way up the stairs, trying to remember where Nick's room was. He'd only ever been over once.
To Brian's surprise, Nick's door was wide open; the familiar glow-in-the-dark Star Wars wallpaper sticking out to him from the hallway. Through the dark, he could faintly make out a figure curled up on Nick's bed. Brian leaned against the doorframe, observing Joe. The older boy had the blanket pulled up over his head, so all that Brian could see was a circle shaped lump under the High School Musical fleece blanket. He listened intently for any noise; snoring, crying, mumbling, but Joe was silent. Summoning courage that he didn't have, he gave Nick's door a gentle knock.
Joe stirred, rolling over and pulling the blanket down just enough so that he could see who it was. A faint smile found it's way across his face when he saw that it was Brian. "Hey you."
Brian let out a soft laugh, running a hand through his hair. "Can, can I come in? If not it's totally cool—I understand if you want to be alone. I, um, I just wanted to make sure that you're doing okay?"
Joe sat up, rubbing his eyes. "You're so sweet. Yeah come in, but close the door behind you?"
Brian nodded and obeyed, his stomach doing backflips at the thought of being alone with Joe in a bedroom at a party. He shook his head, pushing away all of the dirty fantasies that were flooding his mind. Now was not the time to be thinking about that. He turned the lights on for good measure.
"Thanks," Joe said with a smile, resting his back against the wall next to Nick's bed. "I'm a little worried that I might start crying, and I don't need anyone else hearing that."
Brian noticed that Joe's eyes were a little red, but he didn't look like he'd been crying all that much. "Were, were you sleeping?" He asked nervously, his hands fiddling with his T-shirt.
Joe shook his head. "Trying to, but my brain won't shut the fuck up and let me." He groaned miserably, bringing his knees up so that he could rest his arms on them. "On the bright side I think I cried myself out earlier with Lauren. I'm, I'm assuming she told you about what happened?"
Brian stared back at Joe silently as his eyes went wide. Would Joe be mad at her? Would he be mad at him?
Joe noticed Brian's alarm. "Hey, it's okay. I'm not mad."
"You're not?" Brian asked in disbelief. "You have every right to be. We shouldn't be talking about your life like that."
Joe shrugged. "I was pissed off the other day, you know I was. But I know that you guys are frustrated because you think that I should leave Zoey. And I understand that the whole reason you guys feel that way is because you care about me." He shifted over closer to the wall. "Sit with me?"
Brian nodded, his heart racing as he crawled onto the bed and sat next to Joe. "Do you, do you want to talk about what happened?"
Joe shrugged. "What is there to say? She... she did it to me again. And Lauren told me that there's no excuse, and I know that she's right. But full honesty? When it was happening, Zoey had me convinced that I did deserve what she was doing to me." Joe felt his cheeks flush red with humiliation. Part of him couldn't believe that he was admitting this, but at the same time it felt good to finally talk about it. "I just, I don't really know what to do."
Brian was quiet for a long time, terrified that he was going to say the wrong thing. "I'm... I'm sorry. For everything that you're going through." He reached over nervously, but Joe practically jumped into his arms the moment Brian gave him the incentive that it was okay. "If you don't know what to do... then don't do anything." Brian weighed over what'd he'd just said as Joe curled up against his chest. "You don't owe anyone anything. You don't need to give her a decision right now, and you don't need to explain your actions to any of us. Just... take time to listen to your heart."
Joe felt a sob forming inside of his throat, but he tried his best to keep it inside. He just wanted all of this to end. He just wanted to get up and go celebrate the success of the play with Brian and the rest of his friends. He wanted to forget about Zoey. He didn't want to hurt anymore.
He allowed himself to let out a sob, tightening his grip on Brian, who hugged him back. He felt woozy from the days events. "I, I need to lay down." Joe muttered.
"Oh, shit, I'm sorry." Brian mumbled awkwardly, letting go of Joe and scooting away from him. He resisted the urge to facepalm himself. Clearly, what he'd said had been the wrong thing.
He was stopped from exiting Nick's bed by Joe grabbing his arm. Brian looked back in surprise, locking eyes with Joe's tear filled ones. "Can you, can you lay here with me?"
Brian's heart skipped a beat, before dropping down into his stomach. His breath got hitched inside of his throat as his eyes nearly popped out of their sockets. Joe wanted him to... hold him?
"You, you don't have to if you don't want t-to," Joe reassured, picking up on Brian's unease. He felt like an idiot. "I, I'm sorry. That was a really st-stupid request."
"No, no not at all," Brian choked out, crawling back over to Joe. "Of course! Um, of course I'll lay down with you." His heart was pounding a million miles a minute and all of the hairs on his body were standing on edge.
Joe smiled at him shyly as Brian crawled over, laying down next to Joe. The older boy curled up against him, resting his head on his chest and wrapping his arm around him. Brian stared down at Joe in disbelief. Was this happening? Or had he passed out in the Lang's living room and dived into a dream? He wrapped his outer arm around Joe, curling up so that they were basically cuddling.
Joe sighed in relief, a slight smile spreading across his face as he closed his eyes and nuzzled his head against the younger boys chest. He immediately felt a swift sense of relief spread through his body. Curled up in Brian's arms, he finally, truly could feel his body relaxing. As weird as it felt to admit to himself... he felt safe.
He allowed his eyes to open a smidge, peaking up at Brian. The younger boy was staring in front of him, most likely observing Nick's huge High School Musical poster. As he guiltily admired the cute boy above him, he thought over Brian's advice to listen to his heart. What was his heart saying? Right now, it was confusing the fuck out of him.
"I love Zoey." He admitted, once he was finally able to speak up. "I probably always will, regardless of if we stay together. But the way I've been living these last few months, it just—it just isn't living. Maybe she's right, and it is me. Maybe you guys are right, and it's her. Maybe it's a combination. But... we're not good for each other. There's nothing healthy or stable about our relationship. I've never felt more exhausted, miserable, or alone as I've felt throughout this past year." Joe allowed a cry to slip out as his voice broke, tears running down his face and onto Brian's shirt. "I wish I was the right partner for her. Maybe if I'd done certain things differently, she wouldn't be this way. But I can't change who we are when we're together."
Brian was listening intensely, taking in everything Joe was saying. Was there a 'but' coming? Surely, there had to be. "Do you, do you still want to work through your issues with her?"
Joe was quiet for a long time, even though he knew the answer. "No," he admitted, surprising himself with his honesty. "Not after tonight. There's no fixing this. I've just been so unhappy for so long, and... I've refused to resort to breaking up with her because I know that I'll be unhappy without her. I've spent so much time hoping and praying that she'd make me happy again one day. I've just been fantasizing that I could be happy again."
"And now?"
"And now... I know that I'm not going to. This relationship is never going to make me happy. I'm honestly starting to believe that the overly-loving person that she was when we first got together wasn't real. I don't know if that makes me sound crazy, but I... I just know that that person isn't coming back. And that version of Zoey is the only one that ever made me happy." He hesitantly wiped away some of his tears, Brian reaching down and softly stroking his hair. "All I can hope for is that... maybe one day, just maybe, way down the line, once this whole stupid fucking mess is behind me, I can be happy again."
Brian was quiet for a long time. Was Joe for real this time? Was he really going to leave her? "You will be." He finally reassured. "I promise. One day you'll find someone who treats you the way you deserve to be treated." Brian resisted the urge to admit to Joe how badly he wanted to be that person for him. "One day you'll look back on this period of your life, a-and you'll see it for what it is; a big fucking nightmare that you managed to escape."
Joe nodded, his thumb rubbing against Brian's chest. "Thank you. I, I really hope so." Joe curled up more, noticing that his legs had become slightly intwined with Brian's. Was this weird? Were they crossing a boundary? He allowed himself to sneak another glance at Brian. He really looked adorable right now, his hair all messy from the show. If they were in fact crossing some sort of boundary, it didn't feel that way for Joe. In fact, he couldn't remember the last time he'd felt so safe and comfortable with another person. "You know what though? This entire period of my life hasn't been a complete nightmare." Joe admitted.
Brian raised an eyebrow at him. "You deserve to be happy Joe. And you haven't been happy."
"Most of the time, you're right. But... I got to get a lot closer with you. And you... you make me really fucking happy."
'Why, the fuck, does he do this to me?' Brian thought anxiously. Now his heart was really pounding. He forced a laugh. "Well, err, good to know that I'm the silver beacon of hope throughout all of this." He responded, laying on a little sarcasm so that Joe would know that he was joking.
Joe laughed, hugging Brian tighter. Something about that comment had made his heart skip a beat. "You are though," Joe admitted, smiling to himself as his cheeks blushed a light shade of pink. "You, you make me happy. Stupidly happy. And you're the only person that I can, like, really truly be my entire self around."
'Seriously, what is he setting me up for?' Brian could feel his heart beat picking up. 'Is this a prank? What the hell is going on?' He focused everything he had to stop his arms from trembling. "Your, your entire self?"
"Yeah, like... I can be every version of myself, if that makes sense? Like there's my usual happy, goofy self that everyone knows. But I can also be... vulnerable with you. I can be sad with you. I can be angry with you. I can curl up against you in my best friends bed on a day where I feel completely broken. Even better, I can throw a blanket around myself and act out Harry Potter movies with you. I... I can be all of me when I'm with you."
If Brian hadn't been trembling before, he was now. He couldn't fight how incredibly nervous he was feeling. Joe saying all of this felt like too much; he just wanted to grab him and tell him how much he loved him. He knew deep down in his heart that he was reading way too far into everything that Joe was saying, but that didn't erase his feelings. "Are you, are you talking about your horcruxes?"
Joe laughed, reaching up and playfully slapping Brian's cheek. "You know that's not what I was referencing, you fucking dork." Joe laid back down, hugging Brian's chest as he giggled to himself. He could hear Brian's heart beating. "You know, you told me to listen to your heart... have you been listening to yours?"
Brian jolted, accidentally hitting his head against the wall. "What?"
"Your heart." Joe responded simply, pretending to not have noticed Brian's nervous flinching. "It's beating a million miles a minute right now." Joe sat up slightly, so that his face was level with Brian's. Brian flushed horrifically at the change in how they'd been laying. Now Joe was the one slightly on top of him. "Are you... are you nervous or something, Bri?"
Brian blinked several times, wishing upon everything else on earth that he could just calm down. "Why, why would I be nervous?"
Joe shrugged, brushing Brian's bangs out of his eyes with a smirk. "I don't know, you tell me." Joe suddenly became aware of the fact that his own heartbeat had picked up; he could hear it pounding in his ears. He gazed down at the younger boy longingly, taking him in. As his eyes traveled over his lips, he couldn't help but think back to earlier that day, when he'd wanted to kiss him during Glee Club. Back then, he'd wished that they were alone, so that he could do something about how he was feeling. Now, they were alone. Could he act on it? "Is there, I don't know, anything, that you want to tell me?" He leaned in closer, reaching a hand up and stroking Brian's cheek. "Anything at all?" Joe had absolutely no idea where this surge of confidence had come from, but it was the first time he'd genuinely smiled since the show.
Brian stared back at Joe, a small whimper escaping from his lips. He was so intoxicated by the older boy; the only thing stopping him from crashing their lips together was his fear of Joe rejecting him. He would reject him if he kissed him, right? Of course he would. Even if Zoey was out of the picture, it didn't mean that Joe would ever have feelings for him.
But then why was Joe blushing? Why was he so close to him? Why did his eyes keep glancing down at his lips. Was this real? Was this happening? Was this his chance? "Joe, um, I, I—"
"I JUST CAN'T LOOK, IT'S KILLING ME, AND TAKING CONTROL—"
Joe jumped back, Brian again jolting into the wall. Joe's legs were tangled in Nick's blanket and he found himself tripping over the edge of the bed. By the time he wrestled himself out and managed to stand, he found Brian's eyes locked on him, his face having gone from red to a very pale white. The younger boy looked completely mortified.
Joe couldn't blame him. Had that... almost just happened? It really had felt like it. "Fuck, fucking ringtone." Joe mumbled, breaking eye contact with Brian and looking down at his phone, which had stopped ringing. He reached down, picking it up and checking his lock-screen.
Three texts and one missed call. From Zoey.
I had you going, didn't I???😉 but this book ain't over yet! Unfortunately, Zoey might still have some evil tricks up her sleeves. I do promise that this was the last pump fake.