Vinny Taylor
Family therapy was even more awkward than I thought it would be. Dad insisted on getting there early, so the four of us sat in the waiting room in silence for over half an hour before Dr. Brown was ready for our solo session. Then half an hour later we took a break and I waited with my family for another twenty minutes before Dr. Brown brought us back to her office.
She had the chairs set up in a circle when we entered. I sat between her and Logan, across from Dad who sat between Mom and Dr. Brown.
"I'm really glad you could all find the time to be here," Dr. Brown started. "I think this is important in not only Vinny's health, but the health of the family."
I tried to hold back my snort and got dirty looks from my parents when it slipped out. Logan was bouncing his knee beside me, resting his chin in his hand. The movement was all I could focus on.
"Can you fucking knock it off?" I hissed at him.
Logan glared at me but stopped his leg anyway. Now that the attention was on us, that was where Dr. Brown directed the conversation.
"Logan," she started. "How would you describe your relationship with Vinny and with each of your parents?"
Logan sat up straighter when Dr. Brown spoke to him and cleared his throat before answering.
"It's good," was all he said. I couldn't hold back my chuckle.
"You disagree, Vinny?" Dr. Brown asked, directing her gaze at me.
I shrugged. "I don't know. I'm sure Logan's relationship with our parents is fine."
"But not with you?"
Logan and I exchanged a glance and I couldn't tell what his expression meant. That was probably symbolic of our relationship as of late. The two of us didn't really know each other that well anymore. It went to show just how much could change in few short months.
"We're not really that close anymore," I told her, tearing my gaze away from Logan.
Dr. Brown nodded before turning her attention to my parents.
"Valerie, what is your relationship like with your sons?"
"They're the best boys in the world," she said with a sad smile. "I'd like to think I'm close with both of them, but Vinny has been drifting a bit."
Mom spoke in a small voice and it hurt my heart to think that she was upset.
Dr. Brown nodded again. "Jeff? What about you?"
"My relationship with Vinny has been strained lately," he admitted. "Something changed. We butt heads. We're both very stubborn."
"And with Logan?"
"Logan and I are good," he said with a sigh, making brief eye contact with me.
"I think we need to shift our understanding of how this family works," Dr. Brown began, speaking with her hands as she gestured to all of us. "This conversation is hyper focused on how Vinny has changed the family dynamic. What about how all of you have changed it?"
For the first time in a while it felt like I finally had someone on my side. Dr. Brown would hold me accountable for my shit, but she wasn't going to let them pin all the blame on me. She would hold everyone accountable and that comforted me.
"Vinny, how about you start," Dr. Brown prompted. "What is something you've done that has contributed to this change?"
There were likely many things, none that I wanted to say.
"I shut them out," I came up with.
"Okay," Dr. Brown said before turning to Logan, "And you, Logan?"
He glanced up at the ceiling as if he was trying to pluck an answer out of thin air.
"I don't know..." he said. "I guess, I'm sorta not around a lot? And when I am, I have my friends or my girlfriend there, so I guess I sorta stopped being around and stopped making time for just family."
"Valerie?"
"I've been more... emotional," Mom started. "And I think that sometimes makes things worse."
"Jeff?"
Dad was silent for a moment. I knew there was a lot he could say too. Because the majority of the problems within this family weren't about Mom or Logan, they were about him and I.
"Like I said, Vinny and I butt heads," he began. "I think a large part of that is because I have become more protective and that has caused me to be hard on him."
At least he could admit that.
"This sort of self reflection is important in realizing how you affect situations so you can hold yourself accountable," Dr. Brown told us with a light smile. "It's easy to realize the outside factors that change a situation or cause you to act a certain way, it's harder to realize the internal ones."
She continued, "Hyper-focusing on the external factors can lead to resentment among the family. It can lead to someone being isolated, the odd one out."
That one being me.
"Let's think about a time before this shift in your family," Dr. Brown said. "What was it like before these changes?"
"I'd like to think we used to spend more time together," Jeff easily answered. "We used to be so tight-knit, but the boys got older and weren't around as much, then things happened and made things different."
Again, I couldn't hold back a snort, causing all eyes to go to me. It was like he still wasn't getting it. Dr. Brown could talk about self reflection all she wanted and Dad still wouldn't have self awareness.
"Do you have something to add, Vinny?" Dr. Brown asked.
"I just think it's funny we're skirting around the subject," I replied, crossing my arms over my chest. I knew family therapy would be like this.
"What do you mean by that?"
"I mean that he can't even say what 'things' happened," I told her, looking directly at my father. "I came out, that's what happened, and he has treated me differently ever since."
Dad's expression morphed into one of surprise and offense.
"Vinny, that's not true," Dad immediately responded.
"Yes, it is," I said through gritted teeth. "That may not be the only thing, but that's what started it. You haven't looked at me the same since then."
I felt the burning of unshed tears in my eyes and I was doing my best to keep them from falling. Me coming out was the start of the rift between us, his reaction to it at least. He looked at me differently and it made me wish he just wouldn't look at me at all.
Logan looked at me differently for a while too, but I credited that more to him walking in on me having sex with my best friend than to me being gay. Mom never looked at me with anything other than love in her eyes. It was just Dad that had changed.
"Vinny, you being gay does not change how I feel about you," Dad continued, his tone loud and serious as he leaned forward in his seat. And I believed that he thought that, that he had convinced himself that he didn't care about my sexuality, but he didn't see the change in his eyes when he looked at me.
"Sometimes we aren't aware of the changes that others see," Dr. Brown explained. "You may feel that Vinny being gay didn't change anything, but to him it did."
Logan shrunk back in his seat like he was trying to hide himself away from the conversation being had. He wouldn't back me up on this, so I was alone in arguing that Dad had a less than favorable reaction to me coming out.
"I don't know what I did to make him think that," Dad said to Dr. Brown. "I thought I have been supportive."
"So supportive you told Carson to dump me to save himself?" I spat and Dad's eyes widened while Mom let out a gasp. "And no, Carson didn't tell me, I heard you in the house. That day after Carson and I had a fight and he came by the house."
"Dad, you didn't..." Logan trailed, looking at our father in disbelief. It surprised me that Carson hadn't told Logan.
"I wanted to protect both of you," Dad said, giving me a pleading look.
"Jeff, oh my God!" Mom exclaimed, her face contorting into an angry expression. "How dare you!"
I wanted to forget what I heard Dad saying to Carson that day, and the fact that it sounded like it wasn't the first time they had that conversation. I heard Carson come in, wanted to talk to him, but Dad had gotten to him first and I heard everything. I couldn't even be mad at Carson for keeping it from me. He didn't want to cause more problems and I didn't blame him for it.
"I don't want either of you ending up hurt," Dad continued, only speaking to me. "It's not about you being with a boy, it's that I don't think you should be in a relationship right now."
"That's not your decision to make!" I shouted, the tears leaking out as my hands tightly gripped the arms of my chair.
Logan pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingers and let out a heavy sigh.
"That's so fucked, Dad," he said. "Do you realize how fucked that is?"
"Is it so bad I wanted to make sure neither of them got hurt?" Dad asked and I let out a humorless laugh.
"You really don't get it," I said, shaking my head.
"Jeff, I think it's a normal reaction to want to keep your son out of a relationship to protect him," Dr. Brown started. "But that could also be detrimental for him, especially since Vinny doesn't have a solid support system right now."
Dad's face fell at that and Mom looked like she was about to cry, but Dr. Brown didn't say anything to console them or retract her statements. She would only say something if she completely meant it.
And she was right anyway. My support system was truly lacking and it did seem like at times that the only person who supported me unconditionally was Carson. That was why it was so hard for me to stay angry at him. He was all I really had and that wasn't a good thing. I didn't want to rely on him, I couldn't, which was part of what I talked to Dr. Brown about earlier.
I needed my family to be a support system for me because forcing all of that onto one person, my high school boyfriend at that, was unhealthy and toxic. Even though I didn't want to see it that way, Dr. Brown made sure I knew it.
"I think we can end it here today if no one has anything to add," Dr. Brown said. We all stayed silent. "I know this was a lot and you all have very heightened emotions right now, but I think it's a good thing to get these thoughts and emotions out for you all to see."
My parents thanked her and we walked out of her office.
"I'll see you next week, Vinny," Dr. Brown called out. "Remember to call me if you need anything."
I had a feeling I might have to take her up on that one of these days.
"Hey, look, I didn't know Dad did that," Logan whispered to me as we walked through the waiting room. Mom was walking far ahead of Dad as he tried to catch up with her.
"I know," I replied.
"And I don't agree with that at all," he continued. "I think you and Carson are good together and—"
"That's great, Logan, but you could've back me up a little in there," I snapped, stopping outside the door.
He looked at me with a confused expression.
"What are you talking about?"
"You know Dad has treated me differently ever since I came out!" I exclaimed. "You couldn't agree with me in there? Show him that I wasn't being fucking crazy so he would stop trying to fucking gaslight me into believing otherwise?"
"I didn't really notice, I'm sorry I—"
I let out a frustrated groan.
"You know, Dr. Brown is right about me not having a solid support system," I continued. "And you're part of the fucking problem, Logan!"
He looked at me with sympathy.
"Vinny, I really didn't know you felt that way."
I grew angrier as I felt myself tearing up. I couldn't stand the way I started to cry when I got frustrated.
"All I needed was someone in there to validate the things I said," I told him, my voice cracking. "But none of you did because you don't notice anything. I just needed someone to back me up other than Dr. Brown and I wish it was you."
Logan's eyes became glossy and I forced myself to look away from him. My tears would fall if I saw him looking like that.
"Can we go on a walk?" Logan asked. "Just the two of us?"
The only thing that made me say yes was that I didn't want to have to get in the car with our parents. Logan jogged over to the car, presumably to tell them what we were doing, before coming back to me. The two of us started down the sidewalk as our parents drove by us.
We were silent for a while. I had said all I needed to during my outburst, but Logan looked as if he had something on his mind. I wasn't going to coax it out of him. If he wanted to say something, he would say it on his own. For all I cared, we could be silent the whole way home.
"I think Dana's pregnant."
I nearly tripped at his words, stopping abruptly on the pavement.
"What?" I hissed.
Logan nodded, looking down at his shoes.
"I just have this feeling," he said, bringing his gaze up to my face. "She's been acting weird, feeling sick, having cravings. That's what all that means right? Or am I just jumping to conclusions?"
I had no idea how to answer that. Here I thought Logan wanted to talk about me and him, but instead he dropped this bomb on me and I had no idea what to do.
"I haven't told anyone," he said. "I haven't even talked to Dana about it. I don't wanna offend her or make her mad or something. I just need to know if I'm being crazy."
He needed validation, someone to back him up.
"I mean, I don't think it's a far fetched idea," I said after a few moments. "I think you should talk to her about it though."
"I know, I just—" He let out a frustrated groan, pulling at his hair. "Part of me doesn't wanna know. It feels like there's too much going on. And Dana's parents would be pissed, like, really pissed. Might kick her out kind of pissed."
"So she would live with us," I replied. "Look, you and Dana are gonna be fine."
"I'm just—" he paused. "I'm not ready to be a dad, obviously. But I also might just be stressing out over something I made up in my head."
I nodded because I didn't know what to say. The situation was weird to think about. If Dana did end up being pregnant, she may not even want to go through with it. And if she did go through with it, she still might not want to keep it. But if they did keep it, them being parents at seventeen would be strange to say the least.
"And look, Vin, I'm sorry for not backing you up in therapy," Logan said after a few more moments. "I will next time, promise."
"Okay."
"Dad does treat you differently," he said. "Differently than he treats me anyway. I should've said that."
"Okay," I repeated as we stopped at an intersection. "Can you tell Mom and Dad I'm going to Carson's?"
Logan raised his eyebrows. "Is that where you're really going?"
I rolled my eyes. "Yes, Logan, that's where I'm really going."
"If you're not, I'll tell them that you are," he said. "As long as you tell me where you'll be."
"I'm going to Carson's," I said before starting to cross the street. "I don't know if I'll be back tonight."
"Dad will love that," Logan sarcastically replied as he began walking the other way. "I'll tell them."
I waved to him and jogged across the street, making my way toward Carson's neighborhood. The sun was setting over the trees and the street lights starting coming on as I continued walking. I made it to Carson's house in a little over ten minutes, immediately noticing Paul's car in the driveway.
I had two options. I could turn around and go home, acting like I was never here in the first place. Or, I could suck it up and go inside despite the fact that Spencer might be in there.
Before I could talk myself out of it, I made my way up to the door and knocked. Cass opened it a few moments later, a wide smile breaking out on her face when she saw me.
"Vinny it's so good to see you!" she exclaimed, pulling me in for a hug.
"It's good to see you too, Cass," I said, returning the hug.
Carson came down the hall with a look of confusion that soon turned into a wide grin.
"What are you doing here?" he asked, pulling me to him. Cass smiled at us and disappeared down the hallway.
I buried my face in his chest. "Didn't wanna be with my family after therapy."
"That bad?"
"Could've been worse," I said, squeezing my arms tighter around his waist.
"I don't want to make anything worse for you, but Spencer's here."
I guessed as much. The thing with Spencer was that I was the problem. I continued pushing him away any time he tried to reconcile with me because it hurt to see him or speak to him, so he and Marina eventually stopped trying. Now Cass was dating Paul and Spencer was potentially dating Isaac, so it was going to get harder and harder to avoid him.
I didn't know what to do with that. It was possible it wasn't worth it trying to make things right with him because too much had changed. There was too much hurt and heartache between us for anything to be right with us again. But it could be worth it to challenge my emotions and at least be civil with him even if nothing went back to how it was before. I didn't think anything would ever go back to how it was before.
"It's fine," I told Carson after a beat of silence. I lifted my head and looked up at him. "I... I'm okay."
"Are you sure?" he asked. "We can go somewhere else."
"I'm sure."
And that was how I ended up sitting on the couch in the living room with Carson in between Spencer and me while Cass and Paul cooked dinner in the kitchen.
We hadn't said a word to each other the whole time we watched TV until Carson shot me a sympathetic look as he stood up from the couch.
"I have to go to the bathroom," Carson said, then whispered to me, "Do you want to leave the room?"
"I'm fine, Carson," I said, feigning annoyance in my tone. I loved the way he watched out for me and how he seemed to know me so well.
I tried my best to look unbothered, but on the inside I was fighting to stay calm when Carson left the room, leaving Spencer and I alone.
"Vin..." Spencer started. I kept my gaze straight ahead, but I could see him looking at me out of the corner of my eye.
"Stop."
"Why does it have to be like this?" he asked. I ignored him. "I don't even know how we ended up like this! All from that one fight we had?"
My eyes snapped to his. "Just shut up, Spencer. You don't get it."
"Then help me get it!"
"What's this thing with Isaac, huh?" I shot back. I hated myself for even asking but it had been bothering me since I saw them the other night. "Because last time I checked, you didn't like him while I was hooking up with him but now all of a sudden you do? Are you just trying to get to me?"
"Vinny—"
"It isn't enough that your dad is dating my boyfriend's mother? But now you have to be with his friend too?" I questioned. "With someone I have been with?"
"Believe it or not Vinny, this is not all some ploy to get closer to you," Spencer replied, rolling his eyes.
I knew that, but the irrational part of me had me convinced otherwise. It had me convinced that Spencer was moving in on me and I wasn't ready for that.
"Everything okay?" Carson asked as he walked back into the room.
Spencer and I silently nodded as Carson sat down between us.
And I luckily didn't have to speak to my old friend for the rest of the night.
**
Thanks for reading! Please let me know what you thought of the chapter.
Also, since I have been getting questions about this, I'm thinking there is going to be about 50 chapters total of this book, but that could change. I have it all outlined, but sometimes things change as I'm writing. Anyway, the goal is 50!