My life wouldn't be this kind of a hassle when I didn't change names.
I was already thirty minutes waiting on queue in the grocery. My stomach was already grumbling ten minutes ago, but I cannot afford not to wait. I looked again at the empty prestige lane beside me and sighed. As much as I wanted to line up there, I can't use an ID to support my identity.
I am living by the name Sherice Gamboa or just plain Sher, a daughter out of wedlock, just so I can explain where the cash was coming from since I do not work. Everything else went by the name Catalina Patricia Sherice Fuentes or Catalina Patricia Fuentes, because the first one's too long. I don't own anything under my name. Everything's paid in cash. I can't even drive a car because I can't risk anything.
Fortunately, the line moved and I was able to eat a hearty breakfast after.
Celia's calling me for the 36th time today. I was avoiding her calls for a week already because I know what her piece would be. I was afraid I'll cave in.
The ringtone ended, and a message beeped right after.
I'm outside.
My eyes widened upon reading Celia's message and jumped off my bed. I never heard knocks not even a door bell. I halted from walking. Was it possible that Celia's only bluffing? But she's never the type. My heart was racing loud when I turned the knob.
"Miss me?" Celia Alexandra Ramirez in her loose shirt, yoga pants and black cap smiled at me.
"Of course, dummy." I enveloped her for a big tight hug and escorted her inside the unit.
I arranged a bottle of water for me and a glass of orange glass for Celia. She's inside my room rummaging my things.
"For Pete's sake, Kata! What are inside of your closet?"
I rolled my eyes as I handed her glass. She mumbled a thanks and continued her raid.
"Did you fucking run out of money? Because I can arrange it for you. Your closet is so...."
Before she could complete her sentence, I cut her off. "Says the one dressed in yoga pants."
Celia raised a brow. "This is me making you a favor."
I giggled. I miss her.
We spent the whole day like the old times, like I didn't avoid her for a week. I can't remember a day Celia and I are away with each other. When her family are on trips, I'll tag along. When mine does, she tags too.
"Are you fine living like this?"
"You sound like I'm living like a criminal," I chuckled. Actually, uneasy with how the conversation is going where I don't like to.
"Aren't you?"
I sighed. "Celia, if it's about George..."
"This isn't just about George, Kata. This is all about you."
I bit my lips, unable to speak.
"And since you've already opened up about George. God, please, Kata. Save the woman out of her misery. She's gone nuts for the past three years. I can no longer watch her blame herself for something she has no control over. I'm at the verge of telling her the truth."
Celia held my hand, squeezing it gently. "I know and understand where you are coming from. But she's George, she's practically family. She'll understand."
"No. George won't understand," I said in a subtle manner. "She won't forgive me, Celia."
"What do you mean?"
"She loves me."
Celia burst out laughing. "What the fuck, Kata. Of course, that bitch loves you. I love you too."
I remained silent. Celia doesn't know. We never told her. I never told her.
"Shit, Catalina Patricia. What the actual fuck did you put yourself into?"
**
George was a year older from us. I met her on college, different courses, but coincidentally we chose the same elective subjects. That was when we first met. We were supposed to be just project partners. I was in an on-and-off relationship with some jock, and she made me realize dumping the jock for good was the best course.
I invited her once at a college party, that's when she met Celia. After that, the three of are inseparable.
Except that I grew fond of her. And that she felt the same way.
She said she liked me first. She was mesmerized the day I showed up on class. I didn't know the exact moment I fell for her, but it didn't matter. Because the important fact was we liked each other.
We loved each other.
**
"And you didn't tell me?"
"I'm sorry Cel." I truly was. If there's a person I would trust my whole life to, it would definitely be Celia. Yet with George? It's different.
It was scary.
But I would never regret any of it.
"You didn't think I won't accept you, did you?"
I hated seeing Celia hurt. I would hurt for her. But lying meant delayed pain. This, it's inevitable.
"We thought you wouldn't accept us."
"The hell, Kata. Did I not accept you after knowing you had an orgy with the college football team when we were still freshmen? How dare you think I wouldn't support your love?"
Celia and I giggled. "You didn't have to bring that up. I couldn't walk for a whole week after that," I said.
"Besides the whole world knew George was a lesbian. She's into girls."
My eyes widened.
"You didn't know?" Celia fired back at me.
I was taken aback with Celia's statement. "I know she's lesbian. She told me. It's just, I didn't know that you know."
Celia sighed. "Remember Aiken?"
I nodded. Celia's ex-boyfriend. The guy we thought she would marry but didn't.
"George and Aiken are cousins. Aiken told me. George didn't come out to the family, but I guess they just know. The bitch didn't bother hiding her sexuality."
"I thought it was your first time meeting her when I introduced you two."
"It was. I haven't met her, but I knew she was George. I saw pictures."
Puzzled with the sudden information, I reached for my bottle of water and gulped it.
"She didn't tell you." Celia said it like it was a statement, not a question.
"She didn't," I verified.
"You were afraid the world will not accept you."
She was right. She knew me so much more than myself.
I could live with the world's unacceptance of our love, but my parents wouldn't accept us. I tried to, but it costed me their lives.
"To be honest, I already had a hunch. But I knew how you love sucking dicks, I brushed the idea away," Celia chuckled. "George must have loved you so much to endure it all. You know, all the hiding and secret meet-ups. It must have been so hard to keep it all by yourselves."
"She deserves someone better."
George really does. She's so wonderful, she doesn't deserve to be loved in the dark.
"Weren't you listening to me the whole time? George, the bitch, is knocking every time of every day on death's door since the day you were pronounced dead. I lost counts of how many times she wailed for cheating death. The woman's fucking in love with you, Kata."
My heart aches for every story about George. I would be lying if I'd say I no longer love her because I do. I love her that my heart breaks because we can never be.
Celia squeezed my hand. "Stop being afraid. The world is changing, it's so much accepting now that it was before."
I shook my head. I looked at Celia's worried face.
"My parents died because of George."