⚠️ Homophobia ⚠️
₍˄·͈༝·͈˄₎◞₊ ! 𓈒∿ ∿
ᝰ 🐰 ᝰ
[ 6 Years ago ]
"H-Hi Seungmin.." Jaemin was nervous, really nervous.
His heart was racing and he kept stuttering, he was beyond embarrassed.
"Hey Jaems, what's up?" Seungmin chuckled, eyeing Jaemin from where he was sitting—on a bench in the school's back garden.
"Uhm, well— Y-You see I—" He paused for a few seconds, trying to take a deep breath before continuing.
"I-I like you Seungmin!" Jaemin blurted out, averting the other's gaze while looking at the ground while he played with the hem of his uniform.
There was a brief pause, and the more seconds went by, the more Jaemin grew even more embarrassed and overwhelmed with anxiety.
"..You're gay?" Jaemin glanced up as he was confused, only to be looked at by Seungmin who's also confused.
"Huh? Oh.." Jaemin chuckled nervously, not really knowing what to do. "Y-Yeah.." He tried to smile but immediately failed to do so when he sees the boy in front of him frown.
"You like me?" Seungmin asked to which Jaemin just nods, nervously eyeing around his surroundings.
"That's weird bro." Seungmin stood up and walked towards Jaemin slowly, putting his hands in his pants pockets.
"W-What?"
"I said, that's weird, Jaemin." Seungmin scoffed, clearly disgusted at the boy before him.
"You're not supposed to like boys, it's disgusting." Jaemin froze, his eyes widened at Seungmin who just sighed deeply in disappointment.
"You're better than this Jaem, it's really weird."
Weird? Liking boys.. Is weird?
"D-Do you hate me? I— I'm sorry.." Jaemin hesitated, his eyes threatened to water.
"I don't hate you but you need to stop liking boys, you'll go to hell for it." And with that, he left.
Seungmin left and Jaemin was just dumbfounded.
The words disgusting, weird, hell kept running in his mind. He had never thought it was weird, even his parents said it wasn't.
Were they lying? Was he disgusting for liking boys? Will he go to hell because of it?
He walked towards the gardens wall, surrounding himself with greenery and flowers, and himself.
He felt lightheaded and his heart ached, he didn't want to go to hell.
The thoughts made him feel anxious and scared, what if his parents really were lying to him, that liking boys were bad, that he was horrible for it.
He sat down and leaned his back on the wall, hugging his knees and laying his head atop.
His tears started to fall and he couldn't stop feeling so bad, he was hurt by the words Seungmin said, it hurt so bad.
He started shaking and no matter how many times he tried to calm himself down, it wouldn't work.
He stayed there for an hour, crying until he grew tired, he rubbed his eyes and finally looked up.
It was dark and it felt scary, even more so when it started raining.
He wanted to turn the lights on as he was terrified of the dark, but he couldn't, he didn't want to.
Tiredness overcame him and he felt so hopeless, he was sure he was worrying his parents and he felt even worse.
He was so ashamed, how would he face Seungmin tomorrow? How would he have to face all his classmates?
It haunted him, he thoughts filling up his mind again and making him grow conscious and made him overthink.
Still lost in his thoughts, putting his head down to muffle his cries and sniffling—the door opening went unnoticed by Jaemin.
He felt shivers run down his spine as it rained harder, feeling terrified when he heard footsteps getting closer to him.
It kept getting closer and closer, stopping right in front of him.
He didn't look up, he was horrified to.
H was shaking uncontrollably and he closed his eyes tightly, worried for his life.
"Nana?"
No answer.
"Nana, are you okay?"
That voice is familiar.
"Don't worry, it's me."
Jaemin hesitated, he felt get goosebumps when a warm hand touches his cold skin.
"Nana, it's Jeno." He patted Jaemin's head lightly as he crouched down, putting his umbrella aside.
"Look up Jaem, it's just me, don't be scared."
And so he did, he looked up and saw his dear best friends face, who's hand moved to his cheek—caressing it softly.
"J-Jeno?" He sniffled, nuzzling into the other's palm to feel the warmth more.
"Yeah, that's me." He giggled, his eyes forming moon crescents as he smiled—although it was still very dark, he instantly made Jaemin's heartache soften.
But as he remembered Seungmin's words, he turned his head away—making Jeno hum in confusion as his hand felt empty.
"What's wrong Nana?" Jeno asked, his voice laced with worry as he could hear his best friend sniffling.
"Am.. Am I gross?" Jaemin slowly glanced at Jeno, his lips wobbling.
"What? What do you mean?" Jeno stood up and sat beside Jaemin closely, making their shoulders touch.
"A-Am I gross f-for liking.. b-boys?" Jaemin starts crying again and Jeno panics, quickly trying to turn the other towards him.
"What? No, of course not!" Jeno wrapped his arms around Jaemin, embracing him to a tight hug. "What made you think that?" He rubbed the other's back lightly.
"S-Seungmin—H-He said it.. it was gross—" Jaemin struggled to say as he kept hiccuping, his sobs filling the quiet room as he nuzzles his face at the crook of Jeno's neck. "He s-said I'll go t-to hell too.."
"That's not true! You're not gross at all Nana." Jeno hugged him tighter, not bothering to care if his shoulder gets wet with Jaemin's tears. "It's okay to like boys, you won't go to hell."
"R-Really?" Jaemin pulled away to take a glimpse at the other, his cheeks and neck stained with tears.
"Yeah!" Jeno cheered, cupping Jaemin's face in his hands. "I like boys too! So you don't have to feel alone, Nana." Jeno smiled sweetly, wiping Jaemin's tears away with his thumb.
"Thank you Jeno." Jaemin giggled softly, pulling Jeno back into a warm hug.
Jeno chuckles, bringing his hand up to Jaemin's head as he sighed in relief.
ᝰ ꗃ ᝰ
Jaemin sighs as he remembers the time he had confessed to Seungmin, immediately shivering as he cringes at himself.
He tugs on the straps of his bag as he walks down the hallway, bowing to a few teachers who passes by him.
I wonder what I'll get to learn next..
Recently, his mom had offered to teach him how to cook more of her difficult recipes.
Jaemin had always been interested in cooking, maybe even dreaming of going to a Culinary Arts school.
His mind instantly gets filled of the many dishes his mom had made him and takes a mental note of the recipes he wants to learn.
But as he gets lost in his thoughts he bumps into someone.
"Ah—Sorry!" The person apologizes, hastily trying to pick up the fliers that fell on the ground.
"N-No I'm the one who should say sorry," Jaemin helps pick the fliers up. "I was the one who bumped into you.." He takes a proper look at the person and widens his eyes in surprise.
..Hwang?
"Hyunjin!" Both boys take a glimpse of a girl who was out of breath from running—also holding a few fliers of her own.
"Oh hey sis." Hyunjin giggles, standing up once he finished picking up all the fliers and mumbles a faint 'Thanks.' to Jaemin.
"Where were yo—Hey!" She points at Jaemin to which he's just confused.
"Hi! My name's Yeji," She smiles. "we're having a small radio show for the festival." Yeji hands Jaemin a flier filled with bright but pleasing colors and big words saying 'Hwa-radio show'.
"We'll be reading out student's worst life stories so if you have any.." She points at the number below the flier. "You can just text or call us!"
"Mhm, and if you don't mind—can you share it to your friends?" Hyunjin asks and Jaemin just nods.
Well, my friends do have a lot of embarrassing stories..
"Sure!" Jaemin giggles, looking at the flier.
"Thanks!" After the two thanks him, they dashed away and asked another person they passed by.
So they're the oh so famous Hwang twins.
They were quite famous in their school, considering they're the account owners of Sejong High's update—gossip Twitter page.
They're pretty nice.
Jaemin chuckles, heading to find his friends.
ꗃ
"Guys guys!" Jaemin jumps in excitement, waiting impatiently for Chenle to finish his game with Jisung.
"What is it Nana?" Renjun sits beside Jaemin, sipping on his Bubble Tea.
They were hanging out at the skatepark as they always did on Fridays, though once again..
Jeno wasn't here.
"The Hwang twins gave me this flier! Have you guys gotten it yet?" Jaemin holds up the paper in his hands, shaking it a bit to get Chenle and Jisung's attention.
"Oh! They offered it to me a few hours ago but I just declined." Jisung sighs as he lost another game they were playing on their phones.
"Aw come on Ji, you got a lot of weird stories." Chenle snorts, turning off his phone to look at the flier.
"Hm, what about you Renjun hyung?" Jisung asks as he turns his phone off as well. "You must have at least one embarrassing story to tell."
"Well.." Renjun trails off, playing with his straw. "There's this one with Yang but it's too weird to tell.." His face flushes, earning stares of confusion from the three.
"Was it that one time where you guys ki—" Renjun covers Jaemin's mouth as he nervously laughs, glaring at him right after.
"Speaking of Yangyang hyung, I miss him!" Chenle sits beside Renjun while Jisung beside Jaemin. "He hasn't called us in a long time.. Is he still in England?" Chenle huffs out, pouting.
"Yeah, he's just busy meeting with his clients for the company." Renjun chuckles, ruffling Chenle's hair to which the younger whines.
"When did you guys even start dating?" Jisung questions, stealing a few glances at Chenle.
"Did you guys seriously just forget—"
"Renjun?" He hears a gasp, they turn to their lefts and sees Donghyuck skating with his friend.
"Not you.." Renjun groans, hiding his face with his drink whilst the three just laugh at his misery.
"Hey bud! You didn't even say goodbye to me after you gave me your notes." Donghyuck pouted, getting off his skateboard. "Are these your friends?"
"Hi! I'm Chenle, this is Jisung and Jaemin." Chenle points at his friends as he introduces them.
"I'm Donghyuck—but you probably know that by now.." He chuckles, glancing at the friend beside him. "Ah! This is Sicheng."
Sicheng waves at them, smiling brightly.
"Sorry not sorry but," Renjun stands up abruptly after finishing his drink, Jaemin follows after. "we'll be going now."
"Aw," Donghyuck frowns, sighing in defeat. "we can talk next time then?" He suggests and Renjun just shrugs him off whilst Chenle and Jisung nod.
Soon, they headed off to Chenle's house to drop him off, soon following Jisung.
All that leaves is Jaemin and Renjun, they decide to take a short stroll before they walk home.