The trees and houses rushing past the window outside of the car were more than familiar. For weeks and months, Pete had been traveling back and forth from the city to the Compound. It had been a while since he had left the general vicinity of the Compound though.
They had gone out to dinner twice to a place somewhere in Poughkeepsie that Pepper had organized. A little Italian restaurant. The entire dining area had been empty except for them. Even the waiter looked distinctly like one of the agents Pete had seen before at the Compound, even if he had changed into black trousers and a white shirt instead of the dark leather and camo gear they would usually wear.
He had stared at the "waiter" as he hurried away then down at his pizza. "I really hope you don't have more agents hidden in the kitchen."
Tony had raised his eyebrows at him. "Not manning the stove."
Pete's mouth had popped open but he wasn't entirely sure if Tony had been joking or not. Tentatively, he had taken a bite of his pizza. Not like there was anything wrong with it. It was perfectly fine pizza. With a cringe, he had pushed away the question if they had even made it there or if they had just had it delivered to give him the illusion of eating out, but in all honestly, he didn't really want to know.
As he sat in the car that took both him and Pepper back into Manhattan, he couldn't help but think back on that night. The way her leg was jumping next to him now, the nervous energy that was radiating off her, he wouldn't be all that surprised if his suspicion had been correct. Both of them had been nervous about the change of location. Pete had been mostly annoyed with having to move again.
Pepper had her arms crossed but repeatedly looked down to her phone then out of the window again. The road was mostly quiet. What traffic there was, affected the opposite direction but she had been jumpy ever since she had made him breakfast, insisting that she was too busy to sit down. He hadn't seen Tony at all that morning. Well, at least not after sunrise. He had been there like he always was when Pete had dragged himself out of his nightmare.
"Pepper?"
Her head shot around, eyes wide. "You okay?"
"Yeah..." Pete frowned. "Are you?"
She reached over and squeezed his hand. The corners of her mouth twitched with the attempt of a smile. Not a convincing one. "Just trying to think of everything, darling."
He bit his lip. That wasn't true. "You don't have to worry," he mumbled, then looked back up when a low chuckle he hadn't expected rolled off her tongue.
She squeezed his hand again. "I'll never not worry about you, darling." Her eyes found his in a sideways glance. "I mean that in a good way."
"Right." Pete's teeth gnawed on his lower lip. "The good kind of worry."
Her eyes were a lot softer when she leaned towards him, one hand carding through his hair. "Only the good kind."
In all honesty, he hadn't been worried but the closer they got to the Tower, the more antsy Pete became. The car made its way through the light traffic in the city unnoticed. There were no paparazzi lining the streets like they had when news about his parentage had first been exposed. Still, it was strange seeing the city as lively and bustling as it was after weeks and weeks of isolation at the Compound.
Not just seeing it, feeling it.
His skin was prickling with everything his senses picked up around them like they had grown more sensitive after such a long time of lying dormant.
He rubbed his hand over his arms but the goosebumps didn't go away.
"Oh, sweety..." Deep lines of worry had appeared on Pepper's face, her eyes squarely on him now. "You don't have to be scared." She cupped his cheek. "You know Tony would have never agreed to the Tower if he didn't think you'd be safe there."
"I'm not scared. Really. Just... just my senses are a bit—" He shook his head. "Agreed to?" His eyes narrowed. "What do you mean? What was he gonna do?"
She tilted his head at him. "What do you think?"
"Urgh, something stupidly heroic, unnecessary self-sacrificing—"
"Now, now..." She squeezed his shoulder but her face was open and warm. "Pot, kettle, hm?"
His cheeks turning hot, he grunted in frustration. That wasn't... well... was it fair? He bowed his head. Not like he currently had any chance to be an overly self-sacrificing, jump-first-ask-questions later kind of... hero. He pushed out a breath through pursed lips. The kind his father was.
His father who had been worried enough to consider not going back to the Tower after all? Would there have even been an alternative?
He glanced at Pepper. "Where did he want me to go?"
"You to go?" She frowned as her hand rubbed his arm up and down like that would make the goosebumps on his skin simply fade away. "He was looking into places for the three of us to stay for a bit. To lie low. All of us." There was a certain emphasis on those last words.
"Right," Pete mumbled.
"LA would have been a possibility. But mostly, he was looking into us staying at the house in French Polynesia for a bit. Possibly over the winter."
"French Polynesia?"
"Yeah..." The corners of her mouth pulled up into a soft smile. "Tony has a house there that we... we used to go to. Back when..." She shook her head and sighed, cementing a smile on her lips that seemed a lot more genuine. "He was just looking for somewhere to lay low for a bit. Somewhere we'd not have to worry too much about the press and the politics of the city and the country."
"Where you used to go." Pete's eyes were on her hand, which was still trying to soothe him. "We did. Back when I was little," he mumbled, his voice husky.
Her face fell a little before she pushed her shoulders up in a small shrug. "Well, yes."
Endless white sand beaches and turquoise water, the sea calm and inviting. A sense of paradise. He could almost smell the salt of the sea in the air. The idea of seeing it, not just on a screen but in real life. The chance to go there and make new memories, some he would be able to remember. It was only then that it hit him how much he was yearning for a chance at that. The idea to leave everything behind for just a little while. A shot at paradise with his father. His dad. And, well, the closest thing he had to a mom right now.
As fast as the fantasy seemed to steamroll his thoughts as hard was the jerk back to reality. It was like his mind had hit an ice wall.
Pepper might try her best to replace his mother, but there was someone else who had taken care of him like that for years. Someone else who had been the closest thing to a mother he would ever have.
Bitterness rushed through his veins and he bit his lip hard.
May didn't have a shot at paradise. May didn't have anything, anyone. Anyone but him.
"Honey?" Pepper's hand was squeezing his arm where goosebumps had erupted once again. Her eyebrows knitted closer together. "What about your senses, darling? Do you... do you need me to—"
"I'm fine." He shuffled closer to the window, effectively throwing Pepper's hands off him.
How could he be that selfish? Daydreaming about white sand beaches and the warm ocean when May had not left the hospital in weeks. Had no idea when they'd even let her leave. If they ever would.
"Pete?"
His shoulders twitched. She never called him that.
"What just happened? What's wrong?"
"Nothing." Watching the housing blocks roll by the window made him nauseous. He turned his eyes down to his hands instead.
"I'm right here, darling." With a sigh, Pepper shuffled on her seat next to him. "We're always here for you. To talk."
"I know." But he bit his lip instead.
There was a moment of silence before a soft buzzing pulled him out of his thoughts. The partition was slowly moving up. Pete only just caught the bland expression on Happy's face as it cut him off from where he and Pepper were sitting in the back.
He glanced at her. "You didn't have to do that."
Her eyebrows arched. "Wasn't me."
For a moment, Pete stared at the spot on the partition where he should be able to see Happy's face in the review mirror.
"You know..." She leaned back with a sigh. "He's known Tony for a long time. Longer than me."
"Yeah?" With another glance in her direction, he leaned back too, shoulders slumping against the seat. She said it like that was supposed to mean something to him.
"Hm..." Pepper nodded. "Tony doesn't trust a lot of people. It takes him a while before he moves on from brooding over something to actually talking about the important stuff. And when he does open up, it's to the people he trusts. That's a very short list." She bit her lip, eyes on him. "But you already know that."
He did. It wasn't hard to pick out the people Tony unequivocally trusted. It was the people he allowed to be close to him. The people that didn't push his pulse to fasten, his face to fall into a version of his official Tony Stark mask. Pepper and Rhodey. Happy.
"I know Tony trusts him."
"But you don't."
"I..." He shook his head. "I do. Of course." He squinted at her but looked away immediately, the obvious lie heavy on his tongue. "I just don't... I don't really know him..."
Pepper hummed. "Well, Happy used to know you."
His teeth grazed the inside of his lower lip. That wasn't really a fair assessment though, was it? Projecting the character of a two-year-old onto, well, him.
"And knowing Tony... for someone who really knows him, it's easy to see how similar you two tick. Even if the way you show it isn't the same."
A glance in her direction was enough for her to answer the question that stayed unasked.
"Tony tries to deflect. Tries to distract people from what he's really thinking about so he can mull over things on his own. Growing up the way he has, he always was the center of attention no matter where he went. So, whenever he couldn't get himself out of the spotlight, he'd make a spectacle that would draw people's attention away from the important stuff onto the ridiculous." She scrunched up her nose like some very particular memories came to mind at the thought. "Seems like... well, like you were taught the opposite. Had to be. To disappear in a crowd. Not to draw attention. So, you just keep things quiet. You just hide away like that way people would forget you're here altogether." Her eyes held his. "That's not going to happen now. We're here for you. We're here to listen. To help."
It was almost eerie, the sense of honesty that pulsed between them, security that was filling his chest with warmth now that it was just the two of them. Eerie and a little annoying. Was he really that predictable? That much like his father? With a huff, he clasped the edge of the seat, eyes on his knees. It didn't matter. The words were burning on his tongue, on his soul. They had to come out, no matter how predictable that made him.
"I was thinking... now... now that we're back." His fingers drummed against the seat. "You think... you think Tony will let me see her?"
For a moment, Pepper was quiet. Maybe he was being too vague but as he shot a glance at her, her eyebrows were knitted closely together, the lines on her face drawn deeper than he had seen on her in weeks.
"We can talk about it tomorrow, okay?"
"So, that's a no." As expected, but the disappointment still stung the same.
Pepper sighed. "That's not what I said, was it? I don't know when Tony will be back tonight, but tomorrow when we're all unpacked and settled in, we can sit down with Tony and—"
"No." He bit his lip. There was no point in even doing that. Tony would just say the same stuff he always said.
Not now.
Things are complicated.
It's not safe.
Maybe later.
It would be the same argument they've had before. About school. About going into the city to see his friends. About Spider-Man.
But it wasn't just that. It was the look on Tony's face whenever any of it came up like it physically pained him.
Pepper reached for him but came up short now that he pressed his side against the window, her hand settling on the empty seat between them. "We're not going to solve it if you don't talk to us about it."
"I already know what he'll say." He glanced at her. "We both already know what he'll say."
"Things will change."
No. They wouldn't. "He'll always hate her."
"Sweetheart, he doesn't hate her."
"Whatever," he mumbled, rubbing a hand over his face. "Can we just... We both know he has more important things to do and..." Pepper opened her mouth like she was going to interject. Like she'd say the thing she'd always say.
You're the thing that's most important to him.
Maybe that was even true. Yes, it probably was. There was little sense in denying it. It was also the problem: Tony's constant need to protect him from every single thing to make up for the times that he felt he hadn't.
A wave of his hand had Pepper stop short of interrupting him though.
"...and even after today he'll have a whole bunch of things to deal with. He doesn't need to worry about this."
"Darling—"
He pulled up his hand again. "There's nothing for him to worry about with this. I'm not... I'm not gonna do anything. I'm not gonna... pull any attention to myself when I'm there. I just... She's all alone. There's nobody else. Pepper, please..."
She tilted her head to the side and sighed like it pained her not to give him the things he so desperately wanted. "Darling, you know that's not an option."
"He'll be in the lab. He's not gonna come out before dinner anyway." He sat up a little straighter, trying to make himself look more capable of pulling this off. "There's no reason why he'd even have to know that—"
Pepper laughed but there was no humor in her face. "If you think he's not gonna notice you leave the Tower, I honestly don't know what to tell you."
"You could take me. We'll..." He shrugged. "We'll tell him you're taking me shopping or... or out for lunch and we don't have to stay long either, I just—"
"I'm not going to lie to him. Least of all about you." Her throat moved as she swallowed hard. "I can't, darling. I can't."
Pete blinked quickly but his eyes kept on stinging. "I don't want to hurt him. He hates it and I don't... I don't want to hurt him."
Her face sank. With a tug on her seat belt, she created a little room for herself to shuffle closer until one hand was on his face, the other slung around his shoulder. "Think about how hurt he'd be if he found out that we were doing this behind his back."
"He won't find out. He's got so much on his plate. Please, Pepper."
She gave her head a small shake, studying his face. "What did she say to you?"
"Wh-what?" He pulled back from her, pushing her hand off his face, but Pepper didn't retreat, studied him with a rising sense of urgency.
"Where is this coming from? Doing this behind Tony's back? Did she say something to you?"
His cheeks grew hot. "No."
"Darling, listen to me." She took his hand instead, squeezing it. "You're not in any trouble, okay? You know you can tell me anything. I just need to know if she—"
"No! She didn't do anything, I swear."
It was the truth but the look on her face didn't seem like she believed him.
His chin wobbled with a suppressed sob. "I'm not lying!"
The irony that he was just trying to convince her to lie to Tony instead wasn't lost on him, but Pepper nodded, indulging him.
"Okay." Her lips were pressed flat as her eyes roamed over his face, looking for something. The truth. "Okay, I believe you."
"Just... just forget it, okay? Just forget I said anything."
Embarrassment was blazing painfully in his chest. Such an idiot move. What had he even been thinking? She'd run and tell Tony about this the second he was back and he would lose any ounce of trust he might have gained by sitting by obediently at the Compound for the last month and a half.
It had taken 2 weeks of phone calls with May until they had relaxed about it. At first, both of them would sit with him whenever he talked to May. Then it was one of them, after a little while of no incidents and boring back and forth about the TV shows he had watched and telling May about the projects with his tutors, they had grown tired of listening to the same stories Pete had told them already.
Now, he had just ruined things in like 5 minutes. Idiot. If they'd still let him talk to May at all, he'd probably get a new babysitter.
"Darling, hey... look at me."
His eyes burned and he kept them low as he turned back towards her.
"Listen to me..." Her hand was running through his hair, coaxing him to look up to her. "It's very gallant that you don't want to burden Tony with any of this."
Pete snorted, impressed how she managed to sell this in a way that made him look somewhat selfless.
"But it's not fair to keep him out of the loop." Her voice was leveled but determined. "You know it's not."
"He's never gonna let me see her."
With a long breath, Pepper kept pushing her hand through his hair. "The only reason he wouldn't allow it is if it's not safe for you to go. It has nothing to do with her."
He threw up his hands in resignation. Like there was even a chance that Tony would agree. Not when he'd even been reluctant to move back to the Tower.
"We'll talk about it. We'll find a way to..." Her shoulders sagged with another deep breath, obviously biting her tongue before she would promise something they both knew she could never keep. "We'll work it out."
The Tower was only a few more blocks away but Pepper didn't remove the arm she had slung around his shoulders until Happy pulled to a hold inside the parking garage. His head was resting against her, thoughts still circling back and forth around all the things that were going to change now. And all the things that wouldn't. That might never.
"Come on..." She ruffled his hair, a little too cheerful. "Let's get settled in. See if you have everything you need, okay?"
There wasn't much Pete needed, but at least this time he'd had a little time to pack his stuff. His room at the Tower was a bit larger than the one he'd lived in at the Compound, the penthouse far more spacious than Tony's quarters there, too. He had barricaded himself in his room for a while, pretending to unpack even though he didn't bring all that much.
It was past 6 pm by the time Pepper stuck her head into his room.
"Hungry?"
He shrugged. "Shouldn't... we wait?"
Her lips pressed into a flat grimace, she leaned against the door frame. "Tony might still be a few hours."
"Oh..." He picked at his fingers, suppressing the rising urge to check his phone. The media would just be speculating after all and Tony had told him that everything was said and done anyway. This was just a formality. The reading of the pardon. Everyone signing it. "I didn't think..." His teeth grazed his lip as he shrugged. "Tony said it was a matter of pure form."
With a nod, Pepper tilted her head to the side, studying him. "Yeah, but it's a lot of pages. I'm not sure if he'll be back before midnight."
"Okay," he mumbled.
The sound of her feet was soft, heels long abandoned, as she walked further into the room and came to sit down on the floor between the boxes right next to him. "You can call her if you want. That's always still an option."
Pete dropped his head, furious with himself. His stomach felt foul for once again he hadn't really been thinking of May when he should be.
The food didn't help. It was lying in his stomach like a giant rock of cheese and pasta, weighing him down, his mood as well as his body. He excused himself back to his room, not even bothering to make up an excuse. Pepper didn't stop him, didn't try to interrogate him about his mood either, thank god.
He was sitting on the window sill facing south with a rather spectacular look over Manhattan. They were down there somewhere. Tony, the Rogues, all the government and law enforcement officials.
Crouched as closely to the glass as the window would allow and as high up as he was, it almost felt like it used to be when he was sitting on the edge of a building. Only the wind in his face was missing though the warm summer days were long gone and it wouldn't be anywhere near as comfortable as he had felt the last time he had been sitting up there on the Tower's platform lost in his thoughts. The day he had found out about all of this. About Tony. About himself. More than two months now.
It was like time had stopped that day. Like he had been thrown into a vicious circle always torn between protecting and hurting the people that meant the most to him. Keeping secrets and lashing out at the most inopportune moments. May. Tony. Ned and MJ.
Pepper now. And Rhodey, too. They had been nothing but great, nothing but supportive while Pete was still reeling under everything that had changed so drastically.
The night was an uneasy one. It had taken him a while to fall asleep in the first place and it was still dark in his room as he jolted awake, not from a nightmare but from a strange feeling of being somewhere he wasn't supposed to be. For a moment, confusion clouded his mind. Things around him were different, felt different but still the same.
He wasn't alone.
His pulse kicked into overdrive. It was pitch black and his eyes hadn't quite adjusted to the dark shapes inside the room, but the one thing his senses picked up was the loud thumping of another heartbeat. It wasn't the steady beat that he had grown so used to that rang in his ears though. The rhythm was faster, harsher, skipping beats, so different from the strong anchoring pulse of Tony's heart that he would usually wake up to. At first, it felt almost like someone else entirely was there in the room with him. His senses were quiet though, no goosebumps, no danger, nothing that was a threat to him. With that realization, Tony's uneven breaths trickled through into his consciousness. His pulse dropped just as fast as it had spiked, despite the wet breaths he wasn't familiar with echoing off the walls.
"Tony?" He mumbled the words quietly, nervous. "What... what happened?"
"Shh..." Tony shook his head as he held him pressed against his chest.
"Tony..." There was an urge inside him to get up, but Tony's arms were wrapped around him tightly.
"Nothing happened." His voice was husky and low. "Go back to sleep."
"But... but you're..." Pete sucked in a breath, his own pulse quickening again like it was trying to catch up with Tony's. "Are you hurt?"
Something had happened, that couldn't be any plainer. Something had scared him, panicked him even and something that managed to scare Tony, that could only mean disaster. Pete's hands were shaking as he patted him down, lingering on his wrists that had been chaffed and bruised by cuffs the last time they had tried to get to him.
"What... what did they do?" He couldn't feel a thing and Tony didn't shrink away from him either, but it could only be something bad the way his pulse was racing. "Dad?"
It was a calculated move and they both knew it. They also both knew that it would work.
Tony's entire body seemed to shake. "Nothing." He squeezed his hand that had been rubbing the skin on his wrist instead, then his arms settled back around him. "I'm not hurt. I'm fine. Completely fine."
"But..." Pete pressed his own burning eyes shut. "But you're crying."
"I... I know," Tony whispered. "I'm sorry, bud. I just... Just go back to sleep. It's all good."
Pete bit his lip then pressed himself as closely against him as he could manage.
Tony's every word was trembling with emotion as he mumbled a little more, almost too low even for Pete to hear. "I'd never not want you. You know that, right?" He pressed a kiss against Pete's head like his hair would muffle the desperate tone in his voice. "I'd never just decide to give you up."
"I know." Pete tried to nod but Tony's hold on him was iron-clad.
It didn't feel like he was talking about LA, about that day he had left because he had thought there had been no other way. Because he had thought it would keep him safe. It was the same thing Tony had said then. That he would always want him. Always. Though this felt different. More real. Like real pain.
"I know." It felt important to repeat it, his voice a little stronger. "I love you, Dad." He said it as loudly as he dared. It only came out as a whisper but he meant it, a little more than he had before.
Tony's heart reacted with the expected flutter and he dipped his head against his, his breathing so obviously reaching for control that he just didn't manage to keep.
"I should have been there. I should have... should have known... should have paid attention. I'm so sorry, baby. I'm so sorry."
He muttered it, over and over again, quietly, the tremor in his voice never easing. It didn't matter how often Pete told him that he was okay. That everything would be okay.
By the time Pete woke up, he was alone. The windows weren't quite as dark anymore, filtering more and more daylight in to help him wake up. For a moment, it felt like last night had been a dream. Not a nightmare per se, but weird and scary all the same.
"FRI?" His eyes flickered to the ruffled sheets next to him. "When did Tony leave?"
"Mr. Stark left at 6:34 am."
"Hm." His teeth nipped on his lower lip.
His phone was right next to his bed. 8:29 am.
He let his head fall back against the pillow and closed his eyes, concentrating on his senses. There was a little bit of commotion outside, likely in the kitchen. With a little nod to himself, Pete shuffled out of the bed and in the direction of the noise.
Unlike he had expected, it wasn't Pepper preparing breakfast.
"You want eggs?" Tony sounded normal. Relaxed. His heart was pulsing a little faster than usually still but his stance seemed normal enough.
Pete shoved his hands into his pockets and stepped a little closer. "Would there be any bacon with that?"
"There can be but I'm not gonna make any promises on how edible it would be."
"Well, practice makes perfect, right?" His stomach was queasy and not with hunger but he managed to keep his own tone surprisingly light.
Tony huffed out a snort that could almost count as a laugh. "Right, I guess no time like the present for you to start practicing then, hm?"
"Oh, so you trust me with open fire now?"
It was just meant as a joke, truly, but Tony's shoulders stiffened, his eyes still on the stove. "Of course, I trust you, kid."
"I..." Pete crossed his arms, the tension in the room suddenly just as thick as the night before. "I know you do."
"Listen, I..." Tony was staring at the pan, the butter sizzling. It was like he didn't even notice how close to burning it was. "I'm sorry. For... for last night. If I freaked you out, I..." He shook his head, spatula splattering the hot butter as he aimlessly stirred it, muttering a low "cause I freaked you out" under his breath.
Not being able to stand still any longer but unwilling to leave as well, Pete stepped up to the fridge. He pulled out the carton of eggs and with a couple more steps he was at the stove. With a frown, Tony shot a glance at him then to the egg Pete was holding out for him. Almost too careful not to graze him, Tony took the egg and cracked it against the side of the pan.
"You gonna tell me what happened?" He struggled to keep his tone light, painfully aware that if Tony hadn't told him under the cover of darkness in his room, he was less likely to do so over breakfast.
Without so much as a sideways glance at him, Tony took the second egg. "It doesn't matter, it just... fuck." He had cracked the second one a little too hard, small pieces of shell now floating in the egg white. "I overreacted. I'm sorry."
Pete's eyes were glued to the pan where Tony was poking around for pieces of eggshell. "So, you won't tell me."
"I don't..." He pressed his eyes shut for a moment before he turned to Pete, his face soft. "It doesn't matter now. It's in the past."
Tony was impossible to read. Even after all these weeks that he had shed his mask in front of Pete for the most part, all Pete could tell was that he looked tired. Exhausted.
"You did." Pete gnawed on his lip, trying to hold onto that little ounce of bravery he still had. "You did scare me."
Tony's face fell. "Buddy..."
He stopped, his eyes flickering to the third egg Pete held out for him to take. This time, his hand covered Pete's, giving it the tiniest squeeze before he took it.
Tony's chest was rising and falling with deep breaths but for a moment only the hissing from the pan filled the apartment.
Tony's eyes didn't leave the eggs. "There is something I wanted to talk to you about."
Pete's heart skipped a beat as Tony took the fourth egg from him. "Oh?"
"I talked to Natasha. I was thinking, it'd be good for you to get a bit of training in."
Pete almost dropped the rest of the carton. "A bit of training?"
"One on one, self-defense, a few hours to give you some real technique, just in case."
Adrenalin was rushing in his veins. Tony would let him train! Tony would let him train?
The sudden joy bled away just as fast as it has rushed through him. And with the Widow? He would let her near him like that?
"Jeezes, kid..." Tony was studying him for once, a painfully stiff smirk on his lips. "We need to work on that face of yours, too. You go from exhilarated to agonized with the blink of an eye and it's all written right there." He held up the spatula, gesturing at his face. "I'll be there, okay? If you're worried. You don't have to be. It's all good. Everything..." He cleared his throat and poked at the eggs. "Everything will be fine."
"Yeah..." Pete's voice was a croaky mess. "Yeah, you said that..."
"I mean it, kid." His features were soft, like he truly meant it, like he believed his own line.
Pete's mind was spinning. It had to have something to do with whatever had happened yesterday, right? Natasha had been at the Compound on and off over the last couple of months. If Tony had wanted this for him, there would have been plenty of room at the Compound. Were there even rooms for training at the Tower? There used to be, probably, but now?
Pete shook the thoughts from his head, tried to focus. He couldn't get the way Tony's heart had been frantic hammering in his chest the night before out of his mind. There was no doubt, something had happened. Something was different.
As he put the carton back into the fridge, he collected all the courage he could find in his heart.
"Was it about Clarke?"
Tony froze for just a second before he turned away from the stove towards Pete. "No. I promise you don't have to worry about that. He's not gonna get out."
Pete studied his face, the wide eyes, the open expression, then he nodded in his direction. "Okay."
Just like that, he turned his back, scouring the fridge for bacon. There was little he could do if Tony didn't want to tell him. It was one of those things he had learned early on. Only early on, he had combatted it with finding secret backdoors to his server. That had only lead to more disaster though.
"Okay?" Tony's eyebrows were raised, his arms crossed with the spatula still in hand. His eyes didn't stray from Pete. "I really did freak you out, hm?" He sighed, one hand rubbing at the bags under his eyes. "You're safe here." He nodded like he had to convince himself of that just as much. "You are."
It seemed ominous, his tone, the way he said it to himself moreso than to Pete. The bacon in one hand, the door in the other, Pete just stood there, staring at him until the high-pitched beeping next to him complaining about the open fridge door pulled him out of his thoughts.
"You know." Tony cleared his throat. "You're supposed to fry the bacon first, then the eggs."
"Hm." Pete looked down at the package in his hand, then shrugged. "I guess we'll practice tomorrow then?"
"Yeah..." Tony's eyes creased with a smile. "There's always tomorrow."
###
Tony had made a right ass out of himself. Not like that was a new experience. In fact, it was turning into more and more of a regular occurrence.
The kid was walking on eggshells around him and the new training routine he had suggested - well, assigned him to - hadn't helped. Not just when it came to Pete either.
"Natasha Romanoff?"
He cringed at the edge in Pepper's voice.
"You'll leave him alone with Natasha?"
His heart gave a jump in his chest at the thought. This time, he turned away from his project and towards Pepper instead. "I'm not planning to leave him alone. Not for a while anyway."
Her arms pulled up in resignation, she shook her head. "What happened. I thought..." She shook her head again. "Just last week you said you want him nowhere near any of this. And... and I get that. I get that you want to protect him but then... Natasha?" Her eyes were searching his face for clues. "Do we trust her now?"
Tony gave a grunt, dropping his screwdriver into the top drawer. "Trust's a strong word. I trust her to know her shit on the stuff she'll teach him. I trust her not to hurt him during the training." He tapped his fingers against the tabletop of the workbench. "I trust the kid to tell me if anything is off. If she tries anything."
In all honestly, it was unlikely though. Natasha's prime motivator was to keep the team together and she was well aware that there was one fail-safe way for him to truly never, ever trust her again. If she lay a finger on his kid.
"I need you to tell me."
Her eyes were hard as he met them, determined not to give an inch.
"Pep..." He blew out a sigh. "I told you, everything's fine. We're safe here."
"You don't make decisions like this on a whim, Tony." Her shoulders were pulled back, making herself a little taller. "Don't take me for a fool who will just--"
"Alright, alright." His arms held high signaling defeat, made her stop. "I just want to give him all the tools we can, just in case, okay? There's no imminent threat, no lurking danger, I just..." He dropped his hands with a huff. "Looking at Barnes all day, them moving to the Compound, it just... it freaked me out. It was a bit much."
Barnes' voice was still ringing in his ears, still dominated his thoughts unless he distracted himself.
I showed him the arm. I told him that his daddy had built it.
"I want him to be able to protect himself. That's all."
Told him it was a test, that his father didn't want him anymore.
A shudder went down his spine, god, even his arms twitched with it.
"Tony..." Pepper's eyebrows were closely knitted together, eyes flickering over his face. "Honey, what..."
No. He reached for her hand, gave it a strong squeeze. There was no way that he could tell her. Ever. No way. Not about what Barnes had said. Not that he had talked to Barnes in the first place. He could hardly deal with the harsh truths himself, was hard-pressed trying to forget Barnes' words whenever he was looking at his son's face.
There was no way he'd torture her with those particular details. Not when she had been right there, when she had struggled to forgive herself for all these years.
"It's practical. It'll keep him safe and it's something he could use if... if push came to shove, it'd be a way for him to protect himself without having to reveal his powers right away."
Pepper huffed out an unsatisfied grunt, clearly seeing that there was more to it. Keeping his eyes open, Tony did his best to look convincing, to steer the conversation away from Barnes.
"I mean, you're the one who said that you'd be okay with him going out there with the suit." He shrugged. "So I don't really understand how this is a step too far for you. This will help him. In the long run."
"Okay with it?" She took a step back, hands balled into fists. "You think I'm okay with him going out there? With a 13-year-old out there crime-fighting?"
Tony's mouth opened but with the pained look on her face, he was lost for words.
"Just the thought of him out there makes me want to throw up! It gives me nightmares." She closed her eyes, taking in a deep breath. "Just as much as it does with you. Iron Man." She spat it out like a curse. "That... that footage of you... you flying a damn nuke into space. Sokovia, Siberia? You... you lying in the hospital bed, unresponsive for days..." She looked back up again, her eyes wet. "None of this is okay. But he... he's your son alright. In so many more ways than I could have even guessed. And I... I love you, Tony. I love you for who you are. For everything you are."
He pulled her close, her shaking arms wrapping around him, settling on his back.
"It's who he is. We... we can't change that." She shook her head, face buried in his shirt. "I tried to change you for 8 years, tried to make you stop, but... but I couldn't, and I... I almost lost you for it. I won't do that again with either of you, not anymore."
The sincerity in her voice struck him to the core. There was nothing smart or at least feisty to say. All he could do was to hold her close, cling to her just as much as she was to him.
"I don't know if I can do that, Pep." His voice was low, hardly above a whisper. "He's... he's just a boy. He's still so young. How... how can we ever—"
"Shhh..." She shook her head, brow furrowed. "It's not... I'm not saying that he... that we can just let him roam around out there. There... there have to be rules and... and restrictions and... I don't know, just something. Something to make it... well..."
To make it safe. How were they ever going to make crime-fighting in the city safe?
"I guess... this will help, right? Natasha training him?" Her chest was rising against him, a clear attempt to reel in her emotions. "At least, he'd be a little more prepared, a little less likely to... to..."
To get hurt. Or worse.
"Right," Tony mumbled.
"And the... the suit you built him. It can... it can keep him safe, right? It will protect him."
He nodded against her shoulder. It would. To a degree. To a degree, he'd be safer from physical harm. "He's only 13. It's not... it's not just physical pain, is it..." Tony had his eyes closed, his face turned into her hair. "He's been through so much more than any kid his age should ever be. The stuff he's seen out there. Everything he's been through."
The images flickered in front of eyes, little Aiden flung over Barnes' shoulder, trapped in a car with him until he was delivered to Barnes' handler like a package of online shopping.
"I could... I could always go out there with him. At first at least. Make sure he's okay and--"
"No. No, you can't! People would know right away. They'd put two and two together and..." She shook her head then pulled away from him, her eyes wide. "Oh... oh god, I didn't... they'll know, won't they? The more we'll protect him when he's out there and with Clarke and with Spider-Man disappearing just as Addy--"
"Hey, shh..." His hands bracketed her face. "Take a breath, honey. It's okay."
Her eyes were wild, her mind clearly running through all the worst-case scenarios. "But, oh god, it's so obvious. The... the timeline and--"
"Honey..." He made her look at him. "Breathe. It's okay. I got it under control."
For some reason, that didn't do anything about the panic in her eyes.
###
[We're really getting to the end now, guys. I might already be contemplating a sequel, but let's not get ahead of ourselves.
As always, things have gotten a little longer than I planned them to be. I'm thinking there should be 2 more chapters plus the epilogue, but you know... don't hold me to it ;)Thank you as always for reading and special thanks to everyone leaving a comment!
If you enjoyed this chapter, please consider giving it a vote.
Go and check out Spagbol99 and her current Bio!dad fic! Lots of thanks again to her for all the help and sitting through my rants! ;) ]