Sam sighs as she enters her house, the familiar sound of yelling sitting in the place of a welcome home. She hears a door slam, and her mother comes running downstairs, anger fuming on her face. "Don't even begin to explain yourself, Samantha. I know you were out with that stupid Johnson."
"Stupid Johnson? Is that what you're going to be calling her? Because if so, I'm not going to be lectured by you telling me how she's such a bad person in your book. Her name is Deena, Deena Johnson. Call her that or shut it."
"Fucki- Deena. You stay away from Deena."
"Do you hate her because she's a lesbian? Is that why you always try with everything in you to keep me away from her? We live on the same street!"
"I hate her because she is messing with my daughters brain. Ruining her life. She is using you."
"Using me? That's a strong accusation coming from you. Don't act like you haven't been using me all of your life!"
She clenches her fist, taking everything in her not to take a swing at her mother right now. "You are just fucking like her."
"Thanks. I'll take that as a compliment. Though I'm not as brave, not as kind, nice, funny or caring as her. I wasn't the one who took the stabbing to my stomach, that was her. She was protecting me, your only fucking daughter and you hate her!?"
"I would've rather it been you."
Sam's expression immediately swings from anger to pure sadness. Her fist unclenches as she puts her hands together, looking at the stuffed animal in her hands. Tears slowly stream down her face as she looks at the photo of Deena, just wishing she was with her right now. But she had to go back.
She would've said she had to go home, but this wasn't home. Home is a place where you feel comfortable, loved, safe. Home isn't a place where you have to hear constant yelling and doors slamming, along with the long lines of manipulation and guilt tripping. That wasn't home. This wasn't Sam's home at all.
Sam's home was Deena.
And she wanted to go home.
"But it's because I love you," her mother continues, and Sam slowly looks up at her, so much pain in her eyes she can't even get a word out without choking on her tears. "Because you love me, huh?" she asks, her voice cracking, "you love me but you want me to be stabbed? Why? You love me but you manipulate me, you use me, you guilt trip me, you abuse me. But you claim to love me so much. If this is what love is to you, then you need to change your use of words."
Sam's mom doesn't respond, anger filled in her as she stares at her daughter. "Or maybe you should learn what love is. And it's kind of funny, you know why? I find somebody who loves me, people who love me, and I love them too, and then you try to take them all away from me."
"They're brainwashing you!"
"ONE OF THEM RISKED THEIR LIFE FOR ME!"
"She should've."
"Should've? Should've what? Risked her life? I don't know. She was just being herself. But I wanted to help. And I couldn't."
"No."
"No? What do you mean no?"
"That's not what I meant by she should've."
Sam looks up at her, confused.
"I mean it should've killed her."
Those words broke Sam into pieces, the batter of her anger and sadness spilling out all the bottled up anger and sadness. She throws a punch at her mom, immediately backing up and running upstairs, the stuffed animal and photo of Deena in her hand. She realizes her door was still knocked off, but she picks up the fallen door and places it where it would be, her mom not being able to come in as she couldn't fit through the gap of the bed and loose door.
"You're a piece of shit! I HATE YOU!" Sam yells, "IF THIS IS WHAT YOU DO WHEN I FINALLY FIND PEOPLE I LOVE, I THINK YOU JUST WANT ME TO BE LIKE THIS! Depressed! You want me to be the PERFECT girl who shows no emotions and when she does it can only be HAPPINESS? Do you know how fake my smile is! I only feel it as real for once when I'm with Deena. Simon and Kate also."
She sighs, cuddling onto the stuffed teddy bear Deena had gave her as her tears soak it. She looks at the photo and even though Deena was in her house down the street, even though Deena wasn't actually in the same room to hug her, hold her, kiss her, cuddle her, to tell her it would be okay, even with those circumstances, Sam still felt safe seeing the photo of Deena.
She put it next to her, on the teddy bear as she got into bed, not getting out of Deena's multicolored sweater. It smelt like her, and Sam adored that.
Eventually, with everybody falling asleep, the night went on, rain still pouring, even pouring down still when Simon had woke up.
Hungover Simon waking up first was not good at all, as he would either break something, forget what days he had to work, or he would wake the others up. "What the fuck?" he grumbles, his hand flopping down as he stood up, getting a horrible headache. He walked to the kitchen, looking for something to eat, until he feels the need to throw up. He runs upstairs and into the bathroom, puking all over the toilet.
He recalls the one time— technically two times where he threw up on Deena. The first time was when they first met, first grade. It was the end of the year party and there was a ton of snacks, and Simon, Kate and Deena were in line, making their food. Simon put too much chocolate syrup on his ice cream but then proceeded to fill it to the brim with m&ms, and after he had finished it, he puked rigbt on Deena. Both had finished their ice cream, but Kate hadn't, and she honestly didn't have an appetite after witnessing that.
The teachers had ran over to them, but Deena was so disgusted she stepped back and went tumbling down the hill, falling into the field. Simon laughed so hard at it he fell onto Kate, but Kate was just finished with her ice cream, so when Simon fell on top of her by the trash can, she went flying into it.
It was a hilarious day for them all, but at the time Kate was so pissed she purposely tripped Simon on the black top. He got scratches and he was going to blame Kate for it but he knew her mom would actually get really mad at her, so he just said he tripped over his shoe laces.
He still has a scar from that. So does Deena, because when she fell down the hill, she hit this gigantic fucking rock and it grazed the side of her head and under her armpit, as she was wearing a tank top that day. The second time, he managed to throw up on Deena, and get some on Kate also.
The second time was his second time ever getting drunk, but he drank wayy too much, so Deena gave him a bucket and he got it all in, but then he slipped on it and his barf went flying all over Deena, and some on Kate too.
That time was just purely gross.
Simon somehow managed to throw up so loudly, he woke up Kate. "Simon, how the FUCK do you manage to throw up like you're SCREAMING!?"
Her yelling woke Deena up, scaring the shit out of her. She grabs for the blanket she was under, until she realized it was just Kate there. "What the fuck!?"
"Okay, well if you're going to blame anybody, blame him!" she yells, pointing to the blonde boy as he trips down the stairs, "he woke me up first."
Deena tries to get up, but she trips over her blanket, falling right onto Kate. "Ow, you son of a bitch Deena!" she groans. Simon walks back over, his eyes shut, expecting to just fall onto the air mattress next to Kate like he had woken up, but he falls onto Deena as she tries to get up, making a pile.
"SIMON!" Deena and Kate yell in sync, scaring him. "What?" he yawns, opening his eyes, "oh."
"Fuck, fuck," Deena groans in pain. "Deena? Deena? Are you okay?" Kate asks.
Deena falls back onto the couch and nods. "Yeah, just, hurts a bit, ouch."
"Can we go out and get breakfast?" Simon asks, throwing his shoes on. Deena and Kate nod, and they get in the car, driving around to find a place to eat breakfast. Meanwhile, Sam was in her room, just waking up, debating on if she wanted to stay in bed or just get up. She looks at the photo of Deena and her stuffed animal before yawning.
But her dry throat makes her decide to get up and walk downstairs for a cup of water. But she's greeted with her mom, standing at the bottom of the stairs, a look on her face that makes Sam freeze in her steps.
"You're grounded."
"What?"
"You're grounded," she says louder, "get back to your room. Seal your windows. I don't wanna see you with that Deena girl anymore."
Sam doesn't know if she should be more angry or sad, but she just runs up to her room, kicking the door. She puts her head back on the teddy bear, tears falling from her eyes as she starts shaking. Sam's mom was never not strict on groundings. She would have to ask for things or she wouldn't be able to leave her room at all.
And just as her mom said, her windows were sealed shut. She sobs, staring at the photo of Deena to tell her that it could possibly, still be okay.
And the days go on like that. Only asking for water and food when she needed them, looking at the photo of Deena to make her feel better, and cuddling onto the teddy bear that Deena gave her. It helped her fall asleep.
And as all those days go by, Sam doesn't take off the multicolored sweater Deena gave her.
And as all those days go by, Deena grows more and more worried. She hated being stressed, worrying. She hated it so much, one reason being that her mind always went to the worst conclusion. And then it would just stay in her mind until she was relieved of whatever she was stressed about.
Days and days Deena stood under Sam's window, climbed onto the roof waiting for her, and each day, Sam didn't come out, as much as she wanted to, and the panic in Deena just growing, her stomach dropping more and more each day.
But on the first day of school starting back up again, Deena stands in front of Sam's door, in a brown flannel and loose jeans. And she knocks, expecting it would be Sam at this hour, since she it was time to go to school. But it was Sam's mom.
"Get off of my property, and stay away from Sam."
"You've- I've— I was worried about her. Is she okay?" Deena sighs.
"She would be better if you weren't standing here waiting for-"
"Deena," Sam mumbles. Deena lets out a relieved sigh, but the feeling in her stomach didn't just go away. Sam walked out the door and started walking to school as Sam's mom slammed the door on Deena. The brunette runs up to Sam, who was walking up the road. "Sam? Are you okay? Are you hurt?" she asks, worry in her voice as she puts her hand on Sam's shoulder.
"I'm.. okay."
"You wanna ride to school? I don't think I can be walking too much."
She nods. On their way back to the car, Deena reaches out her hand for Sam. The blonde puts her hand in Deena's walking up to Simon and Kate.
"You look like a mess," Simon spits out, earning a slap from Kate. "What!? Sorry! I wasn't calling her ugly! She just looks tired, messy!"
"Don't worry. I didn't take it harshly."
"You're still in the sweater," Deena smiles, her voice raspy as she gets in the drivers seat, Simon climbing in the back with a frown sat on his face. Kate had beat him into the front seat, but Simon didn't really care, mainly because of how tired he was.
"I.. am. It smells like you, that's all."
Deena smiles, and she keeps the same, huge stupid smile on her face until they reach the school. "See you guys around," Sam says, but she walks right back over to Deena when the speakers go off again.
"All students and facilities of Shadyside High, please report to the cafeteria."
The four look back and forth at each other, shrugging as they walk into the cafeteria. There was the principal, stood on the stage, coughing into the microphone to clear her voice before she spoke. "Please take a seat," he smiles, and everybody does as she asks. Deena stretches out in her seat, and Sam and Kate sit next to her, Simon sitting on the floor in front of them because he didn't wanna sit next to one of the sweaty jocks.
Once the cafeteria was full, he taps on the microphone to catch people's attention. Most look up at her, others whisper, others do their own thing.
"As you all know, last week, a very tragic event happened at Shadyside High. A stabbing. And there was exactly one victim, of who survived. And before I come up here and congratulate that person, I want to first say, this was a huge set back, but this does not destroy our reputation. Continue being strong."
He looks around at the crowd, trying to spot Deena, but he gives up. "Deena Johnson, is a hero," he continues, "saving not only one person, but the whole rest of the school. I want you all to seriously thank her for doing what she did. For risking herself, putting herself out in the danger. And I want you all to go easy on her, I mean it."
Everybody nods, and Deena just stares at her shoes, moving the strap of her backpack around in her hands. "Now, go back to your classes."
Deena slowly stands up, walking out of the room. She felt anxious as practically everybody's eyes were on her, but she just shakes her head, walking over to her locker. She didn't really think that speech was necessary, if anything, she thought it would bring her more trouble from people who already hated her.
And she was right, as when she opened her locker, she felt a person put their hands on her. She expected it to be Simon or Kate, possibly Sam, but when she turned around and saw a jock standing behind her, laughing, she slams her locker shut.
"You risked yourself for some basic ass cheerleader that you'll never get?" he laughs, crossing his arms. Deena storms forward, but he keeps following after her, laughing. "You know that Sam can be a bitch? Fuck you then dump you?"
Deena clenches her fist, stopping and turning around. "Yeah, maybe that's what it's like to you. I'm not abusive, I don't want to fuck her."
"I'm sure you do, Deena."
"I don't want to use her just for that? I love her."
"What a shame that Sam doesn't love you back!"
Deena throws a punch, clenching her jaw as she walks away and into her classroom. She sits next to Sam, putting her head down.
Like the time they first really interacted.
"Hello, welcome back, and welcome back Deena, glad to see you're doing okay."
Deena looks up at Mr. Spotsor and nods, putting her head back down after. Sam could tell something was up, but she wasn't sure that was her place to ask. She was sure Deena most likely wouldn't want to talk about it. But she couldn't just sit there, staring at her like that and not even ask if she was okay.
"Are you okay?" she whispers, squeezing the girls hand as she slowly looks at her. Deena wasn't angry. She wasn't sad. She was just emotionally tired.
"I'll be fine."
Sam moves closer, sitting on Deena's lap. "What're you doing?" she spits out, not thinking as she was flustered by Sam's sudden movements.
"Nobody's gonna suspect it. And if they do, we keep our guard low. I just wanna up ourselves from glances at each other in school."
Sam moves off the shorter girls lap as Mr. Spotsor looks back at them, fixing his glasses. "Deena, Sam, get to work."
Deena nods. She was happy that for once she wasn't being treated as if she needed more time or help than others because of what happened. She wanted to go back to being treated normally, but she knew that wouldn't happen. Not that quick, at least.
The two girls look at each other, gulping, realizing that they had never worked on the essay. Neither of them even started it. They were going to work together, but then they played one of Deena's mixes, then almost kissed, then the power went out, and they had just brushed it by them.
Deena pulls out her pencil, getting to writing.
— Samantha Fraser ; Not Just A Cheerleader
— An essay by Deena Johnson
When you first take a look at Sam Fraser, you'd expect her to just be another cheerleader. Blonde hair, ocean blue eyes, just another girl that everybody drools over. A popular cheerleader girl that's the most drooled over at Shadyside High. But when you get to know her, she's different.
A sweetie, so caring, she makes you feel safe. A sense of home, or warmth. She'll hug you when you're sad, do the sweetest things to try and cheer you up when she notices you're down. Samantha Fraser is more than just a cheerleader.
But people treat her as an object. They use her because of her looks, they want to get close to her just to mess with her. But Sam isn't an idiot. She can tell when that's happening and she'll be sure to put a stop to it. But usually only if it's affecting people around her, too.
You see, Sam is so caring, she usually throws her own stuff to the side. Her emotions, her..
The bell rings, and Deena throws her hand off of the pencil, dropping it down. Her hand was weak from writing that much, and Sam just smiles at her, which made her melt. Her bright smile lighting up the room, the only thing Deena could pay attention to.
Until they were reminded to leave the room by Mr. Spotsor. They get up, walking different ways once Deena reaches her locker. She throws her books in, taking the ones for next period out. "Deena, these people are so annoying," Kate sighs, leaning up against the locker, books in hand.
"You tell me."
"They keep asking us stuff, some stuff even so personal as if we can answer it," Simon groans, "can't imagine how it is for you."
"I just wanna be treated normally, you know?" she sighs, closing her locker, "I know nothing about last week was normal. But having teachers take their time with me as if I'm not capable of doing my work still, it gets really annoying."
"Do you know when practice is back on?" Deena asks Kate, and she nods. "Day after tomorrow. You eager to kiss Sam or something?" she teases.
"I can do that plenty much in my free time," Deena brags whilst Simon and Kate laugh. "Well, good luck," Simon salutes.
The day goes on with Deena, Simon, Kate, and sometimes Sam being asked questions about last week, and them ignoring every last one. On the way out of school, Sam runs into Deena at her car. "Sam? You okay?" Deena asks, noticing she was looking, well, not okay.
"I'm uh, grounded. If my mom catches me with any of you, who knows what she'll do," she sighs, and Deena wraps her arm around her.
"So you can't come to the park with us?"
"No, I uh, can't, but thanks. I wish I could, I just—"
"It's alright, Sam," Simon yells from the drivers door. He had climbed over the passenger seat just to yell that. "Simon! You're crushing my shit!"
Simon looks down and moves his hand back, sitting back into the seat, arms stretched out. "You need a ride home?" Deena asks, and Sam nods. "Just, stop me off a bit further away. I just wanna be able to seat you sometimes, but if you keep coming around she's gonna go to big extents to stop you."
Deena nods, frowning. But she just let's everybody get in the car before pulling out of the lot and dropping Sam off at the start of Fier Street.
She waves and walks down the street, and Deena continues driving. Josh didn't want to come, mainly because he was exhausted from physical education, so Deena dropped him off at the house and then drove right to the park where her, Simon and Kate always used to go. Deena still went there sometimes, when she had to distance herself before she ended up hurting somebody with her bottled up emotions spilt out like acid, or before she managed to end up hurting herself.
They all sit on top of a rock, watching as the water flows down the river, splashing onto the bigger rocks. Simon takes a few smaller ones and hands some to the others, and they all laugh as they throw them into the pond, whoever getting the farthest throw winning.
Deena won, and they all just sat there, laughing and messing around for hours. They walked around, Simon constantly tripping over rocks or sticks, Kate sometimes accidentally running into tree's, Deena being especially careful because of her wound but sometimes still falling on the rocks.
And whilst they were calm, having fun, Sam was stuck in her house, cuddling the teddy bear as she waited for the yelling and ruckus to stop.
Once it did, she decided she couldn't take it anymore. She put a note down on the table saying she went on a walk, but in reality, she was going over to Deena's, expecting to see her at the door when she knocked on it.
But instead, she was greeted by a man, beer in hand.
"Hello?" he slurs, and Sam just gulps.
"Is, uh, um, is Deena here?"
"Deena? She's not here, probably with fucking Simon and Kate, I don't know."
Sam nods, "yeah, uh, sorry," she apologizes as she starts to walk away. "Come in," he says.
"Really, I can't—"
"COME IN!" he yells, and Sam gulps, nodding as she walks in and takes a seat on the couch.
He grabs another beer, offering Sam one, but she declines, sitting there, waiting for Deena to hopefully come back.
But what she got was Deena's drunk dad, rambling on and on about stuff, only one conversation really catching Sam's attention. And that was when he started to talk about Deena. He said horrible things about her, it made Sam sick to her stomach to hear. And that's when Sam realized where the guilt tripping and manipulation came from. Because that's what he sure sounded like he was doing.
And little did Sam know, it was starting to work.
"What did you even want to see Deena for?"
"She's uh, she's my uh-"
"Girlfriend? That depressed piece of shit finally got a girlfriend? Woah. You be careful."
"What?"
"Deena uses people. She gets close to them so they think she loves them, and then she uses them for whatever she wants. That's what she did with me. And she's really damn great at it. Will have you convinced she really cares, that she really loves you. Sometimes it can take years, sometimes it can take months, but she will. So be prepared for it."
"That's not true."
"Oh, but it is, don't you see me? A drunk old man, beers thrown everywhere? That's because of what she did to me. And she doesn't regret it. She laughs at it. And that's what she's going to do to you. Just don't let her mess you up as much as she did me."
"But, Simon and Kate, they, them and Deena have been friends since first grade. What about them? Wouldn't they know?"
"Like I said, it can take years. But you should stay away from them also. They're the same story as Deena, they'll do the same thing."
"I don't-"
"You don't believe me?" he yells at her face, "don't you see me? You can't believe somebody who's in this kind of state? How don't you? You should feel fucking ashamed of yourself for not. I just wanted to look out for you, from them."
"Is it... true?"
"It's hard to believe at first but, it's true."
And then the man gets up, slamming the door on his way out. Sam picks up the beer, chugging it. And she continues, not wanting to be able to stay with her thoughts there, she drinks until she gets sick, throw up filled to the brim of the bucket.
Deena walks in. She looks at the mess of beer cans.
"Da-" she begins to groan until she spots Sam, on the couch, slanted over, "Sam!"
She runs over and kneels down, her face in front of Sam's. The blonde opens her eyes, everything around her dizzy, not being to focus on Deena. "Sam, Sam it's me. What happened here— what happened, Sam? Are you hurt? Are you okay?"
Sam burps, her whole world spinning. "Fuck, Sam," she sighs, "what'd you do?"
"I.. drank."
"I can see that- how much?"
"Everything. It's all," she starts, but can't finish.
Deena sighs, putting Sam on her shoulder and bringing her up into her room. She puts her down in bed, pulling the blankets over her as Sam just stares, Deena finally not being blurry as she squats down in front of her. "I love you."
Sam nods, yawning. And with that, Deena runs downstairs, checking on Josh downstairs. He was playing video games still, and Deena just sighs as she picks up the mess of beer cans, throwing them into the trash. Usually, when she came home to empty beer cans and throw up, she would be angry that her dad left yet another mess for her to clean. But this time, she only felt worry. Even as she cleaned up the mess, the worry and stress still stuck, even when she was done. She plopped down onto the couch, staring at the phone, wondering if she should call Simon or Kate. She groans as she gets up, walking towards the phone, picking it up and putting in Kate's number.
"Hey ladykiller," she smiles, "what's up? Thought you were going to work on the essay."
"I need help."
"Oh, oh, oh. Okay. Let me get Simon and we'll come over," she says.
Kate throws on her jacket, grabbing Simon by the hand and throwing him out the door. As he almost falls over, Kate just laughs.
"What's this about?" he yawns.
"Deena. It's about Deena."
"What happened? Is she okay?"
"Don't know. She said she needed help, in that tone, the one where you can tell she's worried. So hurry your ass up and let's get over there."
Simon nods, the two of them racing down the street to Deena's. Once they reach the door, Deena immediately opens it without them even knocking.
"It's about Sam," Deena sighs, walking back and forth around the room, sometimes in circles. A thing she does when she's stressed.
"What happe— woah," Kate says, mouth agape at the huge pile of beer cans stacked up in the trash, "was your dad here again?" she says, gritting her teeth, "if he stepped foot near Sam and started saying his stupid shit I'm going to-"
"It was Sam," Deena cuts her off, and Kate just stands there, staring into Deena's eyes, her stomach dropping. "That was all.. Sam? No way."
"She said it was, Kate, and I don't know what to do. She could hardly speak correctly, she said she felt like everything was spinning."
"That's like, really drunk dude," Simon points out.
"Tell me something I don't know," Deena groans.
"So, what are we supposed to do?" Kate asks, tapping her food against the floor. "I don't know. I just couldn't handle it alone here, she's up in my room, I gave her water, a bucket to throw up in, I cleaned up the mess, I don't know what else to do. But I'm so fucking stressed and I know being alone will just stress me out more."
"I don't think there is much you can do, Deena."
"Simon's right. You need to start worrying a bit about yourself in this situation. What do you think can calm you down?"
"Knowing that she's fine would work, and being with you guys. That's all I really know of."
"What if her mom comes over here?" Simon asks, and Kate pushes him with her shoulder. "What!? I know it can be stressful, but if you think about it, it's probably going to be the first place she's going to look. How is Sam gonna go to school that hungover? It doesn't make sense, really."
Deena stamps back and forth, thinking.
"Can you guys spend the night?" Deena asks.
They nod.