"The future keeps changing Tine, but I keep living through my worst nightmare over and over again. I can't go through it again Tine, I can't."
Sarawat's POV
I hugged Tine tightly one more time. I had been to his grave twice in the last week and honestly I never, ever want to see that godawful tombstone again.
"Wat, you are scaring me now. Please tell me what happened?"
Looking up at Tine, closely this time, I realised he was all dressed up for a date — a date with me that was never a part of new memories, and now I knew why. I was the reason. I wasn't just living through the consequences of what changed in my future, but I was changing my future too — And Tine's future with it.
When I gave those news headlines to Tine, it led to us meeting in his world, which changed my future. And now that I am here in front of Tine, talking to Tine — I am changing the future again, slowly and steadily. I was the catalyst behind it all and Tine was only following through on my actions. I started this and may be I was the only one who could end all of this.
"Cancel your dinner, Tine. Its time we had a talk."
"But he is waiting — I mean you are waiting. Why don't we talk after I come back, Wat? You'll be home, right?"
"I know, Tine. I know who's waiting for you. But cancel your dinner. You can't meet me again in your world, not until we sort this thing out."
"But what changed Wat? Why do you look so... so baffled?"
"A lot of things changed.
You, cancel that dinner and lets just talk Tine. We can't throw arrows in the dark anymore. We need a plan."
Tine sighed. "I—I am honestly happy that you are here, but Wat, I really don't want to cancel the dinner."
"I know, Tine. Trust me, I hate it too. But there are some things I need to tell you — about the future. I think it's time you knew."
"What—what about the future? What happened, Wat?"
I looked down. "Why don't you send out a text first to cancel the dinner? I am probably waiting for you — I mean, the me in your college."
"Yeah. Yeah you are right. Okay. I'll do that now."
Tine picked up his phone and I saw him text me in his world to cancel the dinner. It was the same text that I saw in my memories.
Tine[07:58pm]: Hey, I am sorry but something urgent has come up and I don't think I'll be able to meet for dinner. Let's catch up another time. I am really sorry.
Sarawat[07:58pm]: Is everything okay, Tine?
Tine[08:00]: All good, nothing major. Sorry for cancelling at the last minute. Hope you hadn't left your dorm yet
Sarawat[08:01pm]: No, I was just about to leave. Don't worry about it. I'll see you tomorrow.
I remember the new memories now, I was lying to Tine. I had already parked my car outside his building, waiting for him to come down — which he never did.
The wheels were already in motion and we needed to stop it.
"Okay Wat, I have cancelled my dinner. Now please tell me what went so wrong in the future."
"I will. Lets—lets sit down first. Is it okay if I go take a quick shower? I have been wearing these clothes on set all day."
"Yeah. Yeah of course."
I didn't really need to change clothes. I just needed to clear my head and think one more time about what I was going to tell Tine. The last time I shared details about my world with Tine, it changed the future. I have been very very careful about what I tell Tine since then, but I didn't think I could hide things from Tine anymore — He needed to know what happens in the future to avoid it completely, or to fight it at least.
"God, I feel a lot better.." I said as I walked out to the living room in my changed clothes.
"You do? What did you do on the set today?"
"Some live song sessions and some photoshoot.. It was all very confusing—" As I sat down on the sofa next to Tine, I noticed his calloused fingers. "You hurt your hands because of those guitar strings, didn't you? Why did you take off the band aids I gave?"
"You remember giving me band aids?"
"Of course I do. I also remember the dinner we had together.. and the breakfast."
"You know I sometimes forget that you and the Sarawat in my world are the same person — Just one is older than the other."
I looked at Tine "We are the same person, Tine. Never forget that. I am him and he is me. You'll always have a Sarawat with you, whether its in your world or mine. You'll never be alone, not anymore, I promise you that."
Tine looked down and we fell into silence.
In the new memories that I had today, the accident still happened and I pushed Tine away from me as much as I could. Tine tried to get in touch with me so many times, but I was just too much in my world — too worried about trying to put food on the table for Phukong and paying for dad's hospital bills to even care about anything else. I didn't have the time to even sort through my feelings for Tine. There wasn't even a moment where I believed that I was good enough to be with someone like Tine. After months of trying, Tine gave up and stopped reaching out to me — and the next time I heard about Tine was when he was already dead — engulfing with this immense guilt in my heart. But not anymore, I wasn't going to leave Tine alone. I was going to save Tine no matter what it took.
"Hey Wat?"
"Hmmm.."
"Do you get all these new memories as and when they happen in my world?"
"I am not sure? It usually comes at me all at once." I looked at Tine's fingers again, full of scratches and unhealed. "God, they are bruised so bad. Let me get you more bandaids."
"But Wat—"
"Just hang on.."
"No but Wat —"
"They must be somewhere in the first aid box."
"Wat what I mean is —"
"Found them. Here" I finally found the band aids and brought them back to put them on Tine — only to watch those bandaids go through Tine's hands like he was just thin air and in that moment reality came flooding back to me.
"I was stopping you because I knew I cant use your band aids, Wat." said Tine.
"Because you don't exist in my world and I don't exist in yours."
"Well no, you exist in my world, but its just your bandaids don't exist in my world because they are from the future. And hopefully I exist somewhere in your world too. Did you ever try finding me?" Tine smiled at me but it wasn't enough to stop my heart from breaking. I had no idea what I needed to do to save Tine in my world. I had no idea what I needed to do to just keep him happy and alive.
I settled down on the sofa and closed my eyes. "Tine, there is something you need to know."
"What is it?"
"I looked through the police report of the accident, I wanted to find more details that could help us avoid the accident."
"And? Did you find something helpful?"
"The accident happened near the Bangkok University Freeway on 1st Feb, around 11am. That was the day of the college music fest. Dad was driving me there to see my performance"
"So, we have a location and a rough time for the accident. That should be helpful. I just have to convince you to not take that road around that time and definitely not bring your dad to the college fest that day."
"Actually.. there's more Tine. The accident happened because a drunk driver with a red Mercedes jammed into our car. Apparently there was a truck involved in the collision too, but it went out unscathed. The drunk driver.. she—she died on the spot."
"Okay.. but why do we care about that? She shouldn't have been driving drunk. We just have to make sure you and your dad aren't on that road while there is a drunk driver crazily driving their car on the freeway."
"Tine, the police report said the drunk driver was in her early 50's and she was driving a red Mercedes with the license plate 3030."
Tine stared at me with a blank expression in his eyes, blinking incessantly. "What are you trying to imply here, Wat?"
"Maya Teepakorn, that's your mom's name right, Tine?"
"No. No. No. No. There has to be a mistake here Wat. Maybe you read the wrong report or something. Mom quit drinking years ago. She promised me, no she swore she would never drink. It can't be here."
"I checked and I rechecked. Its her, Tine. I don't know why she was even there — May be she was coming to see you at college? But that doesn't make sense, right? If she wanted to talk to you, she would come to your apartment here."
Tine suddenly got up. I could feel the anger radiating through him. "If she wanted to talk to me, she could have picked up the hundreds of calls that I have made ever since I left home."
"Does she even know you have been trying to contact her?"
"Why wouldn't she know? I have been calling her and texting her for months now. And to answer your question — No she doesn't know I live her because she hasn't cared about her son ever since she realised her son wasn't straight enough to fulfil her life's wishes."
"Tine, I am sure there is some—"
"You know what? Fuck this!" Tine kicked the dining table in anger. "I don't care whether she drowns herself in liquor and dies or not. If that's what she wants to do, then let her do it. But the fact that she would drunk drive risking other people's lives... god, selfish till the very end, huh?"
"Don't say that Tine."
"No, think about it Wat. I can may be help avoid your dad's accident, but can I ever save mom? May be I could get to her on time that day and avoid the accident. But what happens if she decides to pick up a drink the very next day and does the same thing all over again?"
"And what happens if she drunk drives again the next day, but this time, instead of my dad its someone else? Shouldn't we stop her Tine?"
"I don't even think me or anyone else can stop her"
"You said she isn't supposed to be drinking anymore, did she have a drinking problem before?"
"She did. When I was a kid, up until I was 12-13 years old. Mom was severely depressed and it took a lot to get her back to normal."
"Why was she depressed?"
"My grandfather passed away, mom's father, and then I think dad cheated on her or something. I am not very sure, I was still small and my memory is a bit blurry. But I remember there were fights, lots of fights."
"How did she end up quitting alcohol that time?"
"I begged her. I literally went on my knees and begged her — if I didn't, I think mom would have died years ago."
"What about your dad, he didn't do anything?"
"Dad was too busy with his work to even care. He took over the company after grandpa died. Actually, mom was supposed to head the company back then, but given her condition at that time — dad ended up heading the company and mom just stayed at home."
"And what about you?"
"What about me?"
"You were close to your mom, weren't you?"
"I was. We were very close. And I love her more than anything in this world." Tine tried to laugh but it didn't reach his eyes. "She always loved her husband more than she loved her son."
"I am not sure if its true, Tine.."
"Oh come on Wat, you don't have to give me false comfort here. I know the truth and —" Tine suddenly looked up. "Wait a second, you found out about my mom. You knew the person who caused the accident was my mom. Does that mean you found me too? Did we meet in your world?"
"About that, Tine.."
"What do I do now? Do I look different? Do I still remember us meeting here in this apartment? I mean I should, right? It happened in the past for me."
"Tine..." I walked up to Tine and held his hands tightly. "I found where you are but I also didn't find you."
"What is that even supposed to mean? Am I abroad somewhere?"
"No Tine..." I took a deep breath. "Listen, this has just happened in my world, which is the future — The future that keeps changing everytime that we meet in your world and nothing is set in stone."
"What is it Wat? Now you are really scaring me Wat."
"I am sorry Tine. I really am sorry." I couldn't stop my tears from falling, thinking about Tine's funeral again. "You aren't alive in my world anymore. I wish, I wish I could have saved you on time."
Tine moved closer to me and wiped my tears. "How—how did I die?"
"After you found out about your mom's accident, you went into depression and eventually took your own life."
"Wow, that's one way to channel all of my anger, I guess. I thought I was lucky to have my mom's jawline, but turns out I inherited her depression too, huh?" I could feel Tine's hand's shaking, so I held on to them even more tightly. "How many more good years do I have left before depression gets the best of me? I just want a ballpark number so I can try to live my life to the fullest."
"Tine, look at me...This isn't going to happen. I am not going to let this happen. No matter what it takes, I'll save you."
"Do you even know what depression does to people, Wat? I have seen my mom go through it before I even knew what depression was. You can't save people who don't want to be saved."
"But you saved her back then, didn't you? You stopped her from drinking and you saved her. I'll save you too, Tine."
"The future stays the same Wat. Didn't you just say that? Things change in your future but the accident stays the same."
"It does, but not your death. It changed."
"What do you mean?"
"When we first met in the apartment, I tried looking for you in my world and found out you died in July 2019, but today when the future changed — It also changed the day you died. It changed to December 2019."
"But how is that even possible?"
"I am not yet sure. But the good news is — It means, your death isn't a permanent event. We can change it."
"I think we are being a bit too helpful Wat."
"I promise I'll save you, Tine. Just please, please believe in me and believe in yourself. Now, we know everything that happens in the future and we can use that to change the future."
"And what if the accident still happens anyways?"
"So be it — I don't care about the accident Tine. I don't even know if we can change what happens in the accident at this point. But if I can just save you Tine, that will be enough for me. That will be enough for me."
"I—I am scared, Wat."
"Don't be, you have me by your side."
"I don't know if we can even do this — if I can do this."
"You can, Tine. First, you need to create a support system— A group of people close to you who can keep a check on you. Even if the accident still happens, we can save you Tine, if we get you help at the right time."
"I have some friends Wat and I don't really need help —"
"You will need help, Tine. Everyone needs help at some point. I know its not easy for you to carry the burden of all this future knowledge, knowing what's about to happen and still feel helpless.
"But-- what am I even supposed to say? How do I ask for help when I don't even need help right now?"
"Just tell your friends to keep a check on you Tine. Those friends that came to help you move? Ask them. And me too. You need to meet the Sarawat in your world and make him promise that he'll always stay in touch with you, no matter what. I know me, and I never break a promise."
"I don't know. I'll try may be. But if I meet you again, won't it change the future too?"
"It probably will. We also need to be prepared of not being able to meet each other at the apartment. We could just stop seeing each other or I may wake up at a completely different place in the future — This is why I wanted to tell you everything today."
"No. No. No. That can't happen. We can't just stop seeing each other."
"We didn't start the merging of our worlds through this apartment, Tine and we definitely can't end it. Its out of our hands."
"I know, but may be I can talk to you in my world again and convince you to take over my apartment if I ever move out? At least we'll both have access to the apartment."
"I don't know if it would work, but we can try."
"I'll also try to convince you to not go to the music fest with your dad. I know you said that accident can't be avoided, but I still want to try my best.
"And may be you should try reaching out to your mom again Tine?"
"I love my mother more than anything else in the world Wat, but I don't even know if she will pick up my call right now."
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--A/N: hellooo are you still with me or have I confused everyone with my weird brain?
Future Sarawat finally confides in Tine and tells him everything that is supposed to happen. But can you really change the future even if you know what's about to happen? What would you do if someone told you that you were about to die in a few years?
The next chapter, we go back to the present and meet college Sarawat again. The next change in future – will be quite something, to say the least.