I take a deep breath and open the door. There he stands in his black turtleneck and grey slacks and he's got that look on his face that I could never read. His eyebrows pinched in the center I'm not surprised he's here we always find ourselves back to each other after one in run in. Of course he'd know where I live but how does he know? His jaw clenches and I know he's fighting back his emotions. I look away momentarily trying to regain the composure I had at the restaurant.
"Eric, how did you find my address?"
"I've had it since the start of the divorce it was on the divorce papers you didn't hide your address."
I nod realizing, I remember the choice there to conceal the address on the form. I figured I know Eric, he wouldn't be coming by the house for no reason. Here he is in the hallway of my studio. I don't even have a room like my last apartment, everything is in the one space. I don't know if I should invite him in he hated my last apartment and this is even smaller. My neighbor opens her door carrying a garbage bag in hand. I step aside letting him in weary that the neighbors will hear us speaking. I have a nosy neighbor Beth that is the gossip of the hall she blabs everyone's business to anyone that is willing to listen.
"So you're dating..." He says looking around and then focusing his eyes on me.
I don't know why but there was this hint of sadness in his tone mixed in the form of a question whilst sounding rhetorical. I nod not saying anything, I want to have the words but honestly I'm afraid of what I might say. His scent is still intoxicating, his features still as beautiful and the slight sight of grey in his hair is exciting he's growing and looking so much mature. His birthday is nearing he's going to be 32 years old. I'm reminded of our 10 year difference and begin nibbling my lip reminded of all the ruckus that once caused.
"Please release your lip." He says not looking at me; knowing exactly why, I do as I'm told. He thanks me allowing himself to look at me again. The tension in here is so thick and I wish I knew how to get rid of it.
"Why are you here Eric?"
"That guy is a bit of a shmuck no?"
I chuckle, "No Eric, Marcus is a good guy."
"I seen that little number outside the restaurant created a lot of buzz for my business thanks for that I guess." I laugh and he continues, "It was very romantic ... he's one of those?"
"He is, I kind of love that he's so different from you in that way."
He nods not saying much else, "You really are killing me here." I look around the room desperate for something to lighten the mood. My heels are in the middle of the floor and the light in here is incredibly bright. I notice the dust forming on my curtains, perhaps I should change those. He clears his throat reminding me that he is sitting on the couch alone. Why is he even here?
"Eric what are you doing here?"
"I seen you today and truth be told I was hurt when Marcus, called me your friend." The way he said his name it was distinct, his solemn feelings about him or perhaps that moment. "I realized I'm not even allowed to be that am I? I've tried all these awful three months to not reach out to you but after seeing you today I felt every need to talk to you. I feel like if you're really with that guy maybe now is as good a time as any to be friends."
He looks up at me his blue eyes searching my face gauging for any reaction. I don't know what my face is telling him but I pray I'm not going anything away he sure knows how to read me better than anyone. How scared I am to have him in my circle again. Not because it's him but because of how badly I'd like to have him in my circle again. I am what scares me. I finally allow myself to sit beside him and a chuckle escapes me.
"Eric I'd love to have you as a friend." Am I sure about this? I smile and think how he and I used to be so nice to each other. Is there any reason to believe he and I can't be friends?
His shoulders visibly relax and I feel myself settling a little as well. I sit back a little unsure of what to do or what to say. Is he trying to start the friendship thing tonight? He is smiling to himself I rise from the couch and grab some glasses from the kitchen and bring glasses and a bottle.
"Well, we could always enjoy a glass."
"Need something to calm you?" He grabs the bottle, "Ah this is a good one."
"I learned from the best... after drinking with you I couldn't just buy anything well I can but when I had money I bought this and saved it for a special occasion. I know you can't enjoy the cheap stuff so I pulled it out for tonight."
He pours us both a glass and I sip at it, "So you made new dishes on your menu?"
"Just a few things, I'm more interested to hear about the romantic guy."
Do I tell him? What benefit will that bring him but I am excited to tell I haven't had the chance to tel Jordan yet. Like a pot boiling over the excitement spills and I find myself telling him everything. How I met him and every conversation since, his features shift from smiles and tight lips to nothing. We drink some more and he decides heat he wants to play some music adding how he would've chosen a different song.
"That's just because you're not romantic."
He feigns disdain, "You hurt me woman." He taps at his chest, "I wouldn't even know how to be like that outside of sex when I was younger I was though. I was a big romantic, I mean I fell in love with my babysitter I'd buy her flowers with my allowance, write her poetry, make paintings, I took so many pictures of her." He laughs, "Maggs embarrassed me and told me to let it go she was out of my league. It broke my heart but I listened. Never could say no to her."
"Sounds like you were attracted to me because I was you. Obedient and naive, that's what you initially liked about me."
He grimaces clenching his jaw, "How'd this come to be about you?"
We laugh and I'm not sure if it's all the wine but our laughs are infectious and the music in the background is filling the room. I get up to my feet and I dance around drinking more of the wine. He sits there finishing his glass watching me. This moment is so familiar I almost managed to forget our history, felt like we hadn't missed a beat. He leans into the couch I lean forward to grab the bottle but it's already empty.
"Shall we ope—"
He's fallen asleep, I sit down beside him looking at his face. Three months of no contact I didn't even pick up my things, my father and Elijah got them for me. He's not angry with me either, he has never tried to call or text me. He has never reached out after I leave, my mind brings up the betrayal with Fraya, guess the one time her tried we weren't meant to fall into each other. I cover him in the blanket and head over to my bed. I lie in bed and drift into a deep sleep dreaming of Marcus.
Eric POV:
I wake and its nearly four in the morning, I'm still in her place. I can smell her scent all over this room. I wouldn't imagine calling this place a home it's basically a bedroom. Everything is right here she's got her clothes on a rack. I roam about and find her home doesn't really have much in it but the necessary items. She has clothes and her many shoes, walking by her nightstand there is the mask from the masquerade party. Next to it is the invite to the party, the latest of Adrianne's parties, I didn't know they were still in touch.
I glance over at her bed her face has always been relaxed when she sleeps. She looks so cute when she's resting I leave her bedside and go to the kitchen knowing her she's got nothing in it but some coffee beans. Opening the refrigerator to see eggs, a bottle of juice and coffee grinds. She has nothing else in it and only a tub of ice cream in the freezer. This woman is hopeless when it comes to food.
When I seen her yesterday in the restaurant I thought she had come back to me. The feeling in my chest when I seen her standing there it felt as if my life had finally found its meaning. I was sure that then I was meant to be with her, to be in her life. When he grabbed her hand it felt like cruel punishment for only a moment. When she kissed my forehead the trace of her lips felt as if it had imprinted on my head. I was so happy, maybe she doesn't hate me, even after all I've put her through. She still can manage to look at me, she kissed me, took me completely by surprise. That's one of her specialties, the way she always manages to surprise me. The smirk I have fades upon my recollection of events.
Ultimately I ended our relationship with my stupidity but I still believe she is the one for me. If I have to be here whilst she is with someone else, I will. I know for certain no one can do for me what she has done. That woman in that bed has managed to remind me of the person I used to be. She brings back the way I felt when I was younger, all the passion I had to give and she takes it in allowing me to truly be myself not looking for reasons for me to put a lid on it. All my life I've had to put a lid on it, on my emotions, feelings, and for the one person who deserved to have the lid off I couldn't seem to keep it off.
This woman doesn't even know how badly I want to be hers forever I'll endure this pain forever. Seeing he happy with someone else as long as I'm in her circle. As long as I can be around her, as long as I can be someone she cares deeply for. I sound pathetic and incredibly weak, I am sick of my own self. A sigh escapes me and I put my shoes on trending lightly so as to not wake her. I wish I could stay, I wish I could lay in that bed with her. She doesn't belong to me and I will never wish to interfere with her happiness again. Closing the door I head for the deli on the corner and get her breakfast before fetching a ride home.
A/N
I am so sorry. I had a bit of writers block for some of these chapters but I think I've gotten it back. I'm working hard to finish this out and I hope you all stick with me. I've finally decided on the ending and I'm getting excited again. I hope you all enjoy and I'm very curious to know who everyone will root for. Marcus or Eric?