25th December 2013
8:25am
i know i can never get close to you ever again. or have any closure from all of this. i leave you these text messages, but i know you can never read them. i visit your grave from time to time, hoping that this all would just be a nightmare. but it isn't. i'm living the nightmare and it's fucking horrible to deal with the fact that i don't have you by my side anymore. i sometimes wake up crying in the middle of the night and i can't ever breathe because i feel like my heart has broken and shattered to the extent that it doesn't want to function anymore. my parents worry for me. your parents worry for me. i won't promise you that i would ever be able to get over all these secrets you've kept from me nor will i ever be able to forgive myself for what i have done to you.
one thing is for sure: i'll never love anybody else as much as i love you, Xander.
i'll see you soon. and, merry christmas.
- Amelia.