And so I had another entry for the Akashic Records of Introspective Regretful Adolescent. Mukhang hindi na naman matatanggal sa isip ko ang ginawa ko kay Alcantara. Jasmine's case was enough, but Alcantara's worse. I feigned my lust and detached her ribbon and a few buttons. She embraced me and I was reluctant to accept it. Two contact in different newly met girls at the same month.
WAAAAAH! I ought to die!
Hindi ko pinagsisisihang iligtas siya sa tatlo 'yun. Kung tututuusin parang ganti ko na 'yun dahil ayaw pang umalis ng isang babae sa upuan ko. Tinarayan pa ko huh. What I regretted the most was the means to reach the goal.
With a mental scream on myself, I blankly scrolled on FB to pass time. Of course, the posts were the typical ones. The reverbed and slowed lyric video clips, their rants about themselves and sometimes, the change of their display photos.
What happened that afternoon. I was genuinely relieved when we managed to safe her from those bullies. And also felt pity when she's in a miserable state. But the unnecessary scenes were stamped on my mind and hard to erase. The position that seemed she's hugging me. It's a cliche reaction in fairytale rescue scenes. Kulang na lang ay-bwisit! Muntikan ko ng masabi.
May tiwala ba talaga siya sa'kin o parang...may iba akong nararamdaman. Not love, it's out of my bounds already. Something more cruel. I couldn't even find the word.
Or baka inaakit niya lang ako para mahulog sa kaniya tapos iiwan ako sa huli, o kaya ay gagamitin at lolokohin. Walang hugot d'on, I seriously considered the scenario. Probably she's an Irene Adler-type of person. Beautiful, clever, and can wear a mask like that Prima Donna from Warsaw. She's a girl of mystery, at least for me. I still ought to be conscious.
Don't worry, I trust you, her gentle voice rang on my mind. But should I reciprocate to a girl I barely know? No.
Despite of what she said, Steven? Yes, despite what she said. Having a logical and rational mind is important to survive this domain of fools. Dahil kapag nagpadala ang isang tao sa emosyon, parang wala na silang pinagkaiba sa mga hayop kung makagamit ng instinct.
Being bored by the repetitive posts on my newsfeed, I called it a day and prepared myself for another day ahead. And that reminded me...oh shoot! Should I testify for that shady girl? Sir, kailangan pa ba?
****
Thursday, the second half of our morning session. Alcantara was absent due to the incident yesterday. She must be recovering from her injuries. Though this was an annoying admission, her endurance was something I could give praise for. If I was the victim, I might had collapse or just activate my berserk mode to kill them.
Still, she could have used her techniques to save herself. I just got lucky when I reached her torture so I could testify for her self-defense. If she only just did. What a fool.
We managed to cover the incident under wraps, though the collateral was the whole class being worried for her. They shouldn't pry on her life. Respect privacy, y'all. She's gathering attention lately huh. Not surprised. She somehow managed to gain some friends(and enemies) in this academy so it's sensible to me.
Speaking of enemies, mukhang 'di rin sila pumasok para iwasan ang gulo. What a nice move anyway, pero siguradong i-de-delay lang nila ang parusa ng tatlo. How cute. 'Di bale, siguradong papakiusapan ni Alcantara na suspension lang ang maibigay sa kanila-if Alcantara managed to appeal to the higher ups.
Me? As always, at the corner of the room. Maagang nag-dismiss ang teacher namin sa Oral Com kaya nag-iingay sila. May mga kumakausap din sa'kin minsan. Mga nagpapaturo ng assignments sa iba't ibang subject. Lalo na ang Gen. Math. Since hindi naman ako madamot na tao ay pinapaliwanag ko sa pinakasimpleng paraan. Mukhang ang impression na sa'kin ng iba ay isa Mathematician. Salamat sa intro ko nung first day. So it backfired huh. I ought to enter it to my Regret Records.
While I was peaceful despite being the mastermind for Alcantara's rescue, Jasmine was being dumped by question about Alcantara's whereabouts. Unconsciously, she became my scapegoat from the interrogating. Well, she's one of her friends so it's common sense to ask her.
And some girls were currently asking her though. Hirap talagang maging famous.
"Ah,eh, ang alam ko lang ay 'di siya makakapasok kasi medyo nahihilo siya." I heard Jasmine said awkwardly. Then her gaze went onto me, a strained smile was etched across her pinkish lips.
Huwag mo kong idamay. Marami pa kong pangarap sa life. With those thoughts, I faced the window and let the wind gently brushed my face. Isa lang ang pinoproblema ko ngayon. Ang posibleng summon sa'min ni Sir Albores.
Oh! Please! Don't! But the important part was we made in time and prepared for evidences. I hope Sir Albores would manage to explain it himself. If I was summoned to the principal's office, I hope the principal wasn't close-minded.
I felt my phone vibrated and when I opened Messenger, something horrible occured.
Jasmine set your nickname to DAZAI
Jasmine
Um hello....
Now that reminds me, she's not on my friends list in FB nor had a chat in Messenger. Well, as if I had interest in any of my classmates. Since she's my friend, maybe I should use my habit in conversation.
Yo! How's dealing with the incident? Kinda drag, right?
Well, as if I had something to hide on her. And wait what?! I got my nickname sa convo namin. I read that line indicating my nickname. My eyes were probably seeing things. They're lying, right? They're surely lying.
Jasmine set your nickname to DAZAI. Dazai. Dazai. Osamu Dazai. Hey, hey, hey. Ako lang naman ang nagbabasa ng mga akda ni Osamu Dazai. Excluding Alcantara na siguradong nabasa na 'yun sa Japanese sub nila. Isa lang naman ang suicidal author na 'yun sa mga magagaling na author ng kaniyang panahon Then another line of text was seen.
Jasmine set her nickname to ANGO
Ango, huh. Familiar sa'kin yung Ango. Saan ko nga ulit nalaman 'yun? Pero ang tanong ko lang ay paano niya nalamang nagbabasa ako ng mga akda ni Osamu Dazai. Or specifically, No Longer Human.
"No Longer Human, huh. Nagbabasa ka rin pala niyan?"
Ugh! She probably heard about our little exchange. Back to my question, who the heck is Ango? Was he some sort of author related to Dazai? Yeah, he is.
As far as I could remember, they're the main authors of some sort of school or movement. There's another one, di ko lang maalala kung sino. But I'm sure they're mainly three. And the name of the movement is...B...Bu...Bu-something? Err. Whatever.
How d'ya know about Dazai?
Just heard from Brit. I sometimes read a few of them. But my favorite is Discourse on Decandence by Ango Sakaguchi
So she's also reading mature contents too, huh. As far as I could remember, their novels were quite mature-including No Longer Human. But it's not worth discussing. Their mindset from Post-World War II was irrelevant to what we are today. So young bookworms and close-minded folks, I advise not to read their novels. Especially Dazai's. Suicide, sex and negative vibes were within it. If you're gonna tackle Japanese literature, I advise to read Ranpo Edogawa's books instead. Not that Filipinos would be interested to these types.
Getting back on track, they're pretty close huh. Is Alcantara calling her Jas or Mina-chan or something? Whatever.
Can we visit her house on the weekends?
Visit...her house? So their closeness really reached to that level in just a couple of days? Wait. She's inviting me...to go to that girl's house?
My eyes blinked as I re-read that string of words. And they're not lying! I'm always free in weekends. I don't mind hanging out with her, but her objective was kinda...uncomfortable.
Sigh. Sorry, Jasmine. As I tried to choose my words to reject her, another messenge popped out. And coincidentally, it's from our adviser. I was planning to ask him about the case though. At bakit siya online sa oras ng trabaho? Naglalaro ka na naman ng DOTA or something.
Chill chill nalang siguro kayo ni Delos Reyes. 'Di mo na kailangang mag-alala kasi ako na ang nag-testify sa inyong dalawa. Besides, natanong ko na rin yung dalawang "chicks" mo so you can just ignore what will happen next, he said.
Chicks, huh. I'm not in a freaking romantic cliche teleserye. Letting it slip, I replied.
"How about those three bitches?" I asked.
"Ah, about that...we haven't been reached a consensus, yet."
Bullshit! They haven't reached a consensus yet?! Di naman maapektuhan ang sweldo niyo kapag nagpatalsik kayo ng tatlong kupal, tama? I massaged my temples to control my frustration. And also to bring back my logic.
Baka kailangan pang kausapin ang mga magulang ng magkabilang panig. But still, the victim is injured. They should have expelled those three idiots. Kung gagatungan pa 'to ng mga magulang ng tatlo, mas lala ang diskusyon dito. Kung may kapangyarihan man ang tatay ni Alcantara-and it's most likely that he is-they'll be expelled in a snap.
My phone vibrated and the notif gave me a glimpse of a shocking message. I shifted back to Jasmine's convo and what she said was jaw-dropping.
We can hang out after that.
You may consider it as a date if you want to ;-)
She's being cheeky. She's damn being cheeky. Ito ba talaga 'yung mahiyaing nakilala ko ilang linggo ang nakalilipas? Well, she showed a glimpse of it once 'nyway. At sa tingin ba niya, gan'on ako kauhaw para sa isang date? She misread me. I-multiple date niya ang fan club niya.
I gave dagger stares to the farmost part of the back row. And there she was, a cat-like smile etched across her lips. When our gazes met, she winked and stuck her tongue leftwards. Pakiramdam ko ay inaasar niya ko. If I were the old me, I would be struck in a shot. Mabilis akong umiwas ng tingin.
But I cannot deny that she's cute there. Yeps, because she's cute. I glanced to my surroundings at mukhang walang nakakapansin. Pero may mga nakapansing mga lalaki na parang na heartstruck sa ginawa ni Jasmine. Napataas na lang ako ng kilay.
"Steven, nais ko lang ipaaalam na namumula ka sa mga oras na ito."
My eyes shifted to my neighbor whose reading her notes. Reiza, with her uncharacteristic smug aura, displayed a poker face. But her cheek muscles were slightly twitching, a sign of suppressing her laughter.
With a mental sigh, I looked away and wore my earbuds to listen a song from YOASOBI. I also occassionally snapping my fingers to accompany its beat. Men, songs inspired by literary pieces are the best.
Minutes have passed since the sound of the bell, yet our teacher's not here yet. Kinda suspicious
I just did until I heard the screeches of the chairs. It must be the sign of our next teacher's entrance. And here we are, the commencement of today's Understanding Culture, Society and Politics. Our teacher was sort of 5'0 in height. She's probably in her 40s, wearing specs and has a short yet wavy hair. May white bracelet din siya kaniyang kanang pulsuhan. Lo and behold to Ma'am Matabungkay. May reputasyon siyang magpalayas ng mga estudyante sa kaniyang klase. Pero mukhang stressed siya ngayon. I wonder what she did or ought to do.
"Good afternoon, Fitzgerald," she greeted. We greeted back. "Salamat sa paghintay. Mayroon kasi akong urgent na aasikasuhin. Bilang pamalit ay may ipapagawa na lang ako sa inyo. Pakigawa ang nasa..."
Here we go. It's already typical for the teachers to do this yet it seemed legitimate. Her speech was kinda rushed and I could also notice the beads of sweat on her forehead.
Nagsilabasan naman kami ng mga notebook at ballpen habang nagsasalita siya. Siguradong may mga mag-e-enjoy na naman dito. Lagot tayo. Magwawala na naman ang teacher namin after this.
"'Yun lamang, may mga tanong?"
Nagtaas naman ng kamay si Reiza. When acknowledged, she stood up, "Ma'am, just out of curiosity lang po. Ano po ang kailangan niyo pong asikasuhin?"
Our instructor's eyes narrowed, "Di niyo alam?" All of the students, including me, said "no" in different ways. She scratched her head. "'Yung transferee nyo, na-bully ng tatlong kaklase nyo. Kakausapin namin yung mga magulang nung tatlong estudyante."
The class froze by the icy silence. Only the rustles of our notebooks being shifted from one side to other could be heard. After a good six seconds-yeah, I counted-they all uttered words of surprise. I even cussed under my breath. Our classroom became haunted by their buzzing noises.
I glanced to Reiza whose unfazed 'bout the announcement. Alam mo yung tungkol kay Alcantara? I asked telepathically. She nodded. Jasmine probably told them out of the blue.
I forgot to mention that Ma'am Matabungkay's sorta guidance counselor here so her intervention was necessary.
Yeps, I was surprised. Not to the incident, but to its announcement. It's kinda frustrating. Ginawa namin ang lahat upang hindi malaman ng iba tapos sasabihin din lang pala sa huli. Did it all went for naught?
I gave a quick glance to Jasmine. Luckily, our gazes met. Mukhang 'di yata napansin ng teacher namin ang palitan namin ng tingin. Kung sinoman ang nasa delikadong sitwasyon, ako 'yun. All hail to my impulse that could be misinterpreted as an attempted assault. Ilalagay ko na naman to sa akong Regret Records.
Umalis na sa eksena ang aming instructor, iniwang nagtataka ang buong klase. After a few seconds, the whole class was eneveloped by whispers. Kailangan pang patahimikin ng mga bida-bida ang buong klase. But I ignored them and faced the activity blankly. What will happen is like fighting your shadow. The more you counter it, the larger the collateral might be. I must have a talk with our adviser later.
****
"Hays, kahit kailan talaga. Ang daldal talaga ni Ma'am Matabungkay." Sir Albores sighed exasperatedly.
I was currently outside the faculty room, taking a sip of my coffee in a can. To be honest, it's a bold move to talk to him personally. Well, I wanna study his expression if he's lying though.
"Ga'non po ba kadaldal si Ma'am?" I asked and took a sip.
"Yeps. Sa buong tatlong taon ko ay ang dami niyang tsismis at kuda," he sighed, "Madalas ay sa politika, minsan naman ay tsismis sa neighborhood nila. Binubuhay niya ang atmosphere, pero minsan ay 'di siya naghuhunos-dili."
Ba't ba kase siya ang guidance counselor? Kung gan'on pala siya kadaldal, ba't siya napadpad sa gan'ong posisyon. Probably setting aside the tsismis habit, she must have the degree to that position nonetheless.
"Baka isa siya sa mga diehard fans ng current president ah," I jested.
"Nah. In fact, she's always criticizing the useless bills and activities of the government. Hanggang ngayon nga ay 'di niya tanggap ang naluklok na presidente eh." He chuckled. In response, I slapped my forehead. I reminded myself, That's it for the icebreaker. Let's go down to business.
"Um, sir. Musta po 'yung usapan nila?"
He cleared his throat, "Gaya nga ng sinabi ni Ma'am Matabungkay, nag-usap sila kaninang ten. Pumunta rito ang tatlong magulang. At 'yung yaya ni Alcantara."
Ya-yaya? I gulped, realizing my fear about this case. Paktay tayo. 'Yung kotse, 'yung yaya, siguradong rich kid ang babae. Kung Lamborghini pa ang kotse niya, mas lalong tatag ang claim ko sa worst case scenario. Those three might get expelled.
"Syempre, 'di naniniwala ang mga magulang ng tatlo. Kesyo, mababait naman sila sa bahay. Matulungin, gan'to ganyan." I rolled my eyes to his narrative. Well, that's typical to the parents. Especially to the idiot ones. Mga 'di alam ang kulo ng mga anak. At ito naman akong hipokrito.
"Nang ipakita namin ang mga ebidensya ay syempre nagulat silang lahat. Lalo na ang yaya mo na akala ay babastusin ang alaga niya." He sighed exasperatedly, shaking his head as if he's saying "My oh my".
I flinched. That's reasonable reaction. Kahit ako ay magugulat din sa ginawa kong stunt. Awkwardly, I asked, "So...paano niyo po na-clear ang..." I gulped. "...misunderstanding?"
"I just said your lousy reason na ginawa mo 'yun para magkaroon ng chance na ma-analyze ang injuries niya at para ma-corner mo sila," he shrugged. He drained the remaining content of his coffee and tossed it at the nearby trash bin. "Of course, it's not convincing enough."
"I see." I drained the remaining coffee and tossed the can. "Should I assume na dapat kasama ako sa ipapatawag?"
"Oo. Nagrereklamo nga sila na kesyo may favoritism daw kami ganito. Dapat ipatawag ka rin daw kasi kasama ka raw sa mga gumawa kahit ikaw ang nagpatigil sa pag-bully. Pero salamat sa pakiusap ni Alcantara through chat, the so-called attempted assault was nullified."
Daijoubu, daijoubu. Don't worry, I trust you. And I will not pull it against you.
While I calculated it considering her attitude, her words became an annoyance. I just saved her because of Jasmine's pleas. Nothing else. I shook my head.
"Yes, sir. I know it's my fault. Kailangan ko lang pong gawin 'yun kasi medyo slow po kayong mag-grasp ng sitwasyon," I notice a sharp glare being pointed at me.
He's kinda scary. Sabi ko nga po, joke lang. Hindi naman talaga siya slow mag-isip, medyo natagalan lang kasi may tinatapos pa siyang gawin-according to Jasmine.
"Pero tanong ko lang po, pa'no niyo na-play 'yung video? Diretso o paputol-putol?" I asked curiously. With a hint of accusation. 'Yun talaga ang napapansin ko kanina pa.
He chuckled awkwardly, "Ah...eh...kailangan kasing putol-putol para ma-explain ko in detail ang nangyari kaya...ayun."
I just let it slip and maintained a poker face. I cleared my throat and said, "So ano po ang sunod na nangyari?"
"Nang matapos na ang act mo at pumasok na ko sa eksena ay doon na unti-unting naging malinaw ang lahat. Ipinakita ko rin 'yung tatlong bag na naiwan sa room."
"Dala naman ni babae ang bag niya eh," I added, carressing my chin.
He nodded, "Then the chat and the pictures and the video while the three where fleeing the scene. Mabuti na lang at doon mo nilagay si Jasmine." Yeps, Jasmine did it. That's another nail to their coffin.
"Syempre gulat silang lahat sa kung gaano kadetalyado ang naging explanation ko. A hard pill to swallow for the parents and a sigh of relief to the yaya. After that ay pinag-usapan na ang magiging fate ng tatlong babae."
When he mentioned the word fate, my interest was piqued. Looking him at the eyes, I asked, "So what's the verdict then?"
I already know the answer, but I wanna confirm it from this guy's mouth. After a short sigh, he replied, "One and a half month of suspension."
I see. Considering Alcantara's attitude, siguradong hindi niya hahayaang maging malala ang collateral. Or probably she did it to retain her image. Ayaw niyang magmukhang walang awa kapag pina-expel niya ang tatlong iyon.
Frustrated, I summarized it with a click of a tongue. Her soft side would be her downfall later on. This incident was the opening act. She must brace herself. As a citizen in this stupid country, I wanna remind her some things. She's an immigrant. She ought to adapt the culture, hence being vigilant at all times.
Japan's culture is different from here. Japanese peole are different from Filipinos. Both of them have a good image. But I'm sure there's an invisible stain they're trying to cover. I've seen the dark side of the Filipinos already. Their behaviors, the politics, the culture, the toxic mentality. How about the other side of the Japanese society? I know this sounds accusatory, but I couldn't help but be curious. I'm certain they also have it.
Humans are born naturally evil. That's my belief. Even I, as a human being, has demons lurking within me. Hindi ako magpapakahipokrito sa fact na 'to. I always play solo. I sometimes become selfish to preserve myself. But this belief will remain steadfast as time past by, right? Better safe than sorry. This country is a domain of fools. I should always be aware. No. I ought to be aware.
"Hoy, Legaspi. Ano na?"
Snapped back to reality, I blinked. Men, ito na naman ako sa deep thoughts ko. "So, ano raw po ang sinabi ni Alcantara?"
"She wants a compromise. Ayaw niyang palampasin ang ginawa nila pero ayaw niya rin pahirapan 'yung tatlo kaya sinabi niya na suspension na lang. Well, kahit naman 'di niya sinabi 'yun ay suspension din ang consensus namin," he explained.
"Wow," I feigned my surprise. "Mukhang kahit papaano ay may puso pa rin ang babaeng 'yun."
"So naniniwala ka pa ring may tinatagong baho ang babaeng 'yun?" he sighed in exasperation and scratched his head. "Alam kong lahat ng tao ay may tinatagong baho, pero 'di pwedeng i-ignore mo na lang 'yan?"
"Ignore, huh," I rasped. I pocketed my hands and reclined. Ignore huh. I could ignore it, but I didn't want to. Because there's an angle I haven't seen yet.
"Have you vetted your friends before befriending them?" he asked.
"Nope, they became vulnerable themselves. They showed their dark sides themselves. I also did the same and we accepted each other. I don't want a person I trust backstabbed me," I replied honestly, "Besides, it was back on my fool years though."
A wry smile was formed across myself. Then my stupid past resurfaced to me. The times I was a naive boy. Kung paano ako naging tanga, bida-bida at kung anumang nga bagay na pinag-sisisihan ko sa buhay ko.
I gave a side-long glance and noticed him looking at his watch. Seems it's time to get outta here.
"Malapit na palang mag 12:30. Let's end the conversation for now. May mga gagawin pa ako. You should go back to your room, Legaspi," Sir Albores said. I simply nodded and started to walk away.
"Legaspi." Nakakailang hakbang pa lang ako ay tinawag ako ni Sir. Alam kong seryoso ang boses niya pero hindi ito 'yung tipong papagalitan ako.
"Any instructions, sir?" I turned around out of courtesy.
"Maybe what you're doing is right. But you used the wrong word to put it. I guess you should change it from precaution to observation. Observe Alcantara for now."
Brows furrowed, I replied, "What do you mean?"
He shrugged, as if he didn't know the answer. "I wonder. Do it, and you will find the answer you longed for. Have a good day."
With a wave of his hand, he entered the faculty room. And here I was, mouth gapped like a fool. I just greeted him mentally. His words were vague, pero anong ibig sabihin n'un? Did he read my mind at all? Kinda annoying. I hate people who give vague replies.
Pakiramdam ko ay mas bagay pa siyang guidance counselor. Ba't nga ba Math main ang napili niyang subject?
Yes, I admit. I had this stupid question on my mind. It's something I myself don't know how to put into words. But I always set it aside in order to focus myself to my survival. To my survival of this country full of fools. But the question is: how observing Alcantara will help me find the answer? Will it be worth it, anyway?
With those thoughts baffling in my mind, I turned back and strolled to my classroom. Wanna know the gist of the question? Probably some other time, when I already put it into words.