I sense myself stop still at the last question that crosses my mind, my brain freezing for a second at the thought. While I would very much like for him to release me right now since I was much more comfortable earlier not holding hands with him like this, a small part of me almost likes it? I feel myself pale at the idea of even the concept of me wanting to hold hands with someone like Eli.
It's true though. As much as his hand admittedly does feel a little suffocating on mine and as much as the notion of our current position is laying heavy and burdensome over me, I also am almost low-key appreciating the comfort and warmth his hand is providing.
I will that small part of my brain to catch up with the rest of myself that feels nervous and anxious in his hold, the way I should be feeling right now but it just won't. Looking at his hand over mine feels troublesome and stomach turning, yes. And yet the picture of it is also is making an unexplainable warmth blossom in the pit of my stomach too. I try and tell myself that's it's just because I'm an affectionate person, which is true. I'm always linking arms with my friends and whatnot. I guess I'm just a person who appreciates that kind of physical touch, yes, that must be the only reason why some part of me doesn't want to let go.
My shoulders are beginning to feel heavy under the invisible pressure of trying to convince myself of things that I'm not even really confident in. And I can tell that if I don't distract myself soon that I'll just end up driving myself crazy. I try to busy myself by peering out into the night, recognising the streets we fly by and noting that we should be at my home soon. Eventually though when this distraction tactic fails and my mind just ends up lingering back to the whole hand holding thing, I decide to open my mouth again and be the one to disrupt the calmness that has momentarily settled over us.
'I mean it though. I am still a bit weary around him, I mean I don't really know him, do I? But he seems much more friendly than I would have expected, at least compared to what people say.' I eventually manage out in relation to our earlier conversation on Alexander, willing for my voice to sound just as as normal and carefree as it had a moment ago so that Eli doesn't suspect anything.
'I don't think the words 'Alexander' and 'friendly' quite belong in the same sentence.' Eli muses with a small grin before suddenly turning to me and titling his head in a notion of new found curiosity. 'What about me though, huh? I'm sure you hear all the talk in the girls bathroom and stuff. Am I better than the gossip too?'
He awaits with bright, alert eyes, eager to hear what our school's female population thinks about him which is odd considering that you'd have thought with the amount of girls throwing themselves at him that he would already understood this all too entirely by now. I know what he wants to hear, whether it actually is the truth or not which to be fair it is in this case, Eli's cocky self esteem wants to hear me tell him all about how every girl in school is just dying to be his girlfriend- well not today, Eli.
'Absolutely not.'
'You break my heart, Willy.' He tuts airily, letting out a dramatic sigh as he flops back into his seat but I can tell from the small smirk upon his face that he actually disagrees with my answer.
So I of course decide to use this chance to rile him up even further.
'You're like the smaller, less violent but more angrier version of Alexander.' I announce smugly, watching the way he instantly sits up a little straighter in his seat.
'What the fuck?' He angrily demands in shock, his attention now truly set on me, eyes shifting in outrage between the road and my own and hand squeezing onto mine just that little bit tighter.
'Hey! That's not coming from me, just how I've heard people describe you before. You don't need to get your knickers in a twist, Eli.' I snicker, purposefully using his earlier words against him for the fun of it as he grumbles beneath his breath, obviously unimpressed with my explanation.
Little does he know that it's not necessarily a bad thing to be known as this. And plus I've only known two girls to describe him like this in all the years I've been at my school for and even then it was in the context of their group as a whole with the question being 'if you had to date one, who would it be?'
Truthfully, most of the girls do swoon over Eli, in the exact same way they go crazy over his two best friends too. They're all known to be troublemakers as well as being insanely handsome and girls nowadays seem to just love that combination. I guess there's something about those signature, black skinny jeans matched with a bad attitude that just really gets their blood going, you know? Hence why even though the group does keep relatively to themselves, they're still really popular within the student body.
'You literally just called me a Walmart Alexander to my face and now you're telling me to calm down?' Eli jeers, a scowl resting on his plump lips as he lets out a big puff of air.
'Not in such words, I didn't.' I argue, trying to defend myself even though I did mean exactly that in some ways, it's just funny to tease Eli like this sometimes because I'm usually always the flustered one coming out of our conversations. 'I mean it's not really that bad when you think about it.'
'What do you mean?' Eli spits, still looking disgusted as to how him being the smaller, less violent but more angrier version of his best friend could possibly be seen in any sort of positive light.
After seeing how genuinely almost stressed out he looks at the possibility of his reputation with girls not being as sleek as he may have thought it was, I decide to just spare him already. Not without releasing an airy laugh at his state of vexation and his tense figure first though, having to bite my lip to stop myself from continuing when he shoots me a fiery glare in response.
'Well, most of the girls at school think you, Haider and Alexander are attractive, right. And like some of them actually think they have the biggest chances of like becoming boyfriend and girlfriend with you out of all you boys. You're not like Alexander where a lot of girls are scared to even sit next to him and just resort to admiring from afar. But you're also not as big a player as Haider in their eyes whose seen with a different girl each week.'
He pauses for a moment to actually take in my words, mouth set in a thin line as he nibbles on the corner of his lips in thought. I can tell this recent development of information has neutralised him, that familiar and arrogant look once again returning to his eyes. I watch with caution when he eventually lets out a long hum of agreement before turning to me with a lopsided grin.
'Is that so? Are there any particular names of these apparent girls who want to get with me then that you're willing to give up?'
'Nope, I'm not outing anybody.' I immediately decline with a laugh, shaking my head and teasingly wagging my fingers at him.
Noting the gradual stopping of the car and the rumble of the engine change, I shift my attention to the window to see we've finally reached my home.
'C'mon, just give me one name, babe.' He purrs in a lazy drawl, making my heart skip a beat with the unexpected and teasing nickname as he parks the car, switching it off before turning to face me. 'If someone out there wants to fuck me, it's only fair I get to hear who so I can decide if I want to act on it or not.'
'I don't think so, you can work it out yourself.' I scoff in response, rolling my eyes at the true intention behind his curiosity in my words- trust Eli to always go around chasing whatever skirt he lays eyes on first.
'Besides, I mean it should be obvious enough with the amount of girls fawning over you.' I can't help but add on in the now dead silence of the night now the car has been turned off, almost struggling to look straight at Eli now his attention is fully focused on me.
'Oh really?' He sneers, releasing a deep chuckle that has my eyes flickering to meet his and judging from the cheeky glint in them I can already tell that I'm not going to like what comes out of his mouth next. 'Is that a bit of sourness I'm detecting, Willow? You don't need to be jealous just because one of is actually getting laid.'
My cheeks are instantly set alight at his taunt and this time he doesn't even try and stop me from pulling my hand away from his to lean over and smack him right in the middle of his chest.
'Shut up!' I whine with red cheeks, wanting to hide my face in my palms at his words as I land a couple more light punches at his upper arm in retaliation at his success at poking fun at me.
The whole time, he's sniggering at me, not even flinching from the force of my hands before eventually breathing out to stare back at me once I stop hitting him and sit back into my seat.
'...I'm going to go now.' I finally and quietly muse, my cheeks still rosey and head still shaking at the cheek of him.
I'm biting my lip, struggling to come up with the right words to say now we're finally parting. I should say something before I leave, at least thank him for tonight even if he did take me out to make it up to me. But should I say anything else? I don't know.
Either way he doesn't give me much time or space to think, quickly reaching out to grip my wrist again before I've even made a move to hop out of the car.
'My ring, princess?' He quips in a low voice with a raised brow and a slight smirk, dark eyes staring right into my own and seemingly into my soul.
'Oh, yeah.' I exclaim with a vigorous nod of my head, having completely forgotten about the black ring on my right hand as I pull away from his grip to shrug it off and hand it over to him.
'I meant to check for the one that might be in your room but yeah, that one too.' He admits with a snicker, taking it from my hand before once again raising those green eyes of his to my face in a questioning manner.
'Oh, okay, give me one second.' I murmur with a determined nod before quickly turning around and climbing out of the car.
I can feel Eli's eyes burning a hole into the back of my head as I make my way to my house, stopping before my front door to get my keys out of my pocket. I could just technically knock on the door for my Mum to open it. I know she's home, she told me she would be at this time and plus her car is parked outside. But I'd rather not because I don't really want her to see Eli. When I had told her I was going to watch a movie earlier today, I had made a point of specifically not mentioning who I was going out with.
You see, my Mum loves Eli, she always has. Even when we were little, out of all my childhood friends, it was always obvious she had a soft spot for Eli. God knows why, even back then, he was the devil incarnation as a child. Her fondness of him only grew after Ciara's death and even now, despite the fact she rarely sees him partnered with how his Mum is constantly fretting to her about how she worries about him and his troubling and rebellious ways- my Mum still thinks the sun shines out of his backside.
Either way, I'd rather she didn't know I had been out with only Eli this whole time and can't even begin to think of the places her mind might wander to should she find out. She's mentioned a couple times in the past about how Eli and I would be cute together- disgusting, I know. I wonder what she'd think if she was actually aware of how he practically set out to ruin my high school life after Ciara's passing. I'm positive she wouldn't be fantasising about having him as a future son in law then.
Her attitude towards him is why I'm currently making an effort to be as quiet as possible and silently thanking Eli for having turned his car and thus lights off while he waits for me. However it seems I didn't need to after all a second later, when I've just turned the key in the lock only for the door to fly open seemingly on its own.
'Willow, is that you?'
I hear the distinctive sound of my Mum as I silently curse in my mind before the door swings open to reveal her figure on the other side of it.
'Hi, Mum.' I grin, forcing a smile onto my face and making a move to subtly stand directly in front of her, hopefully somewhat blocking Eli and his car from her view.
'Hey, sweetie. How are you, how was the movie then?' She eagerly greets me, seemingly excited for me since she knows how much I love the Crimson Sky franchise. ' And why didn't you just knock, silly? You knew I was home.'
'It was good, really good. How about we go inside and I can tell you all about it in the sitting room, it's a little chilly out here.' I gush in a hurry, silently willing her to just close the door and go back inside already.
She smiles at my words, nodding her head in response to my proposal. It appears she's just about to head back inside when her gaze eventually settles over the black car parked outside our house and she stills in her place with raised eyebrows.
Cursing at her awareness inside my head, I quickly open my mouth to answer her unspoken curiosity in a bid to stop her from getting too interested in the vehicle and finding out it is in fact Eli Walters sitting inside.
'I just need to grab something from my room for my friend real quick but then I'll join you on the couch.' I ramble, causally gesturing to the car and praying she won't be able to make out the dark haired boy's face from here before trying to usher her inside.
It seems the universe really isn't on my side tonight because before I can get to the point of physically trying to just push my Mum inside already, I watch in dread as she stares at the car with squinted eyes before a big smile breaks out on her face.
'Oh my god, is that Eli?' She cries, a happy noise exiting her mouth as she begins walking over to the car before I can grab onto her.
I watch from the porch, face palming myself as she soon stops right by the vehicle, wasting no time in raising a hand to knock on the window. She soon quickly catches the attention of the green eyed boy who seemingly hadn't noticed her presence and had been busy looking down and typing on his phone until now. He seems startled by her presence, straightening up at the sight of her as an awkward smile momentarily takes over his face. He glances questionably towards where I stand for a second before he returns his gaze to my Mother.
I heave a heavy sigh as I play spectator, watching the two of them from the front door for a second before soon deciding I don't want to witness my Mum's embarrassing ways any longer when I hear her shout out that awkward thing adults always say to us kids after not having seen them in a while- 'get out of the car then, Eli, Let me see you!'.
I decide to just hurry up and quickly search my room for his ring already so that the cringeworthy encounter outside will end as quickly as it possibly can. I already know how it's going to play out, it always goes the exact same way when my Mum and Eli encounter each other again after some time apart.
She's always so happy to see him, hugging him and asking how's he been and that she hopes he's been taking care of himself. Meanwhile he always stands there tensely and as stiff as a board, trying to force a smile onto his face as he attempts to keep up with her rapid fire questioning. And yet despite how indifferent and perhaps standoffish his behaviour might come across to others, I can tell he actually does kind of like my Mum- at least he tolerates her more so than most adults I see him with of whom he never fails to greet with a scowl.
As uncomfortable as it might be for me to watch the two interact, it's actually also kind of refreshing and amusing to watch Eli try and act as normal and respectable as he can in front her. I'm used to seeing him shout and scream at the teachers at school, I'm not used to seeing him so obviously try and force his laughter out at my Mum's dead jokes.
I honestly don't know why he had been so surprised that day when he had found out my Mum had no clue about the way he had been acting towards me in recent years. With the way she is always so joyful to see him, I had thought it was clear the picture perfect image she had of him hadn't already been tarnished by the truth.
Rushing up the stairs with these thoughts in my head, I take haste in running into my room and scrambling around in search of a glinting piece of silver on my floor. When I soon fail to find any such thing, I decide to quickly give up and return back outside where Eli is probably no doubt silently begging to me to hurry up in his head.
At least that's exactly what his face is screaming to me when I finally burst out into our front garden just in time to hear my Mum telling him how handsome and tall he's become recently.
'Sorry, Eli.' I breathe out in apology once I come to stop in front of them, trying to signal to him that I hadn't had any luck in locating his ring. 'I couldn't find the homework sheet you wanted.'
For a second he looks completely lost, that is until he takes in the pointed look I'm giving him and he nods in fake understanding, probably noting that it wouldn't exactly be ideal to have my mum become aware of his time in my bedroom that night.
'Willow! I was just telling Eli here that I had no clue you were going out with him tonight. Why didn't you tell me, darling?' My Mum excitedly chatters, giving me a large and knowing smile.
I internally sigh at the question I knew was going to be asked the second she recognised Eli and I already have no doubt in my mind that she's going to hit me with at least a further 10 once we go back indoors.
'Sorry, Mum. I guess it just slipped my mind.' I offer her a sheepish smile but judging from the wink she sends me straight afterwards, we both know that's not true.
I freeze at her not as secretive as she was probably aiming for wink, wanting to just bury myself 10 feet deep already. Luckily the only thing that stops me from immediately going on the hunt for the nearest shovel is the fact Eli doesn't seem to see as he silently stands there, gaze lingering longingly on his car. Poor him, I think as I watch him. He's probably wondering how much longer he has to wait until he can just climb into it and go home already.
'Anyway, Eli. It's getting rather late, don't you think?' I ask in a sugary sweet tone, pointedly raising an arched brow at him when he lifts his head out of surprise to meet my gaze.
'Yes, Eli, Mandy will be wondering where you've got to.' My Mum hums in agreement, making me exhale a sigh of relief that this meeting should therefore thankfully be cut short soon.
I watch in curiosity as Eli's eyes darken a little at the mention of his Mother, it's obvious he's displeased at the mention of her and I find myself wandering why exactly that is.
'Oh, wait! Sweetheart, just quickly before you go. I'm sure your Mum would have told you the good news already but about our cottage trip coming up soon, Well I've only managed to persuade Willow here to join along. And with you also coming, that means we'll have a full house, well apart from your Dad unfortunately. But Isn't that great, though?' My mum cheers in excitement whilst Eli and I both hover silently and tensely besides her.
Meanwhile I stand there with a sinking feeling in my chest and wanting to run inside as I find myself looking at anything that isn't Eli right now. I can feel his heated gaze on me as if the waves of irritation currently coming off him aren't enough to let me know how annoyed he presently is.
This isn't exactly how I was hoping for this to play out. Of course Eli was never going to be happy about this upcoming happy families beach trip. But I know for a fact he'd have rather had heard it come from my mouth directly about my presence on the getaway instead of coming from my Mum. And honestly I had been meaning to bring it up with him ever since my Mum had roped me into coming on this little trip but each time I pondered it, I found myself getting wrapped up in the intensity of his gaze and quickly chickening out.
'Oh, really, is that so?' I hear Eli grit out from behind his teeth as my brown eyes fly up to his face at the sound of his deep voice only to quickly spot the strained smile adorning it.
Oh dear, if looks could kill. Well let's just say I wouldn't have to be worrying about burying myself out of embarrassment then, dead people can't shovel up piles of dirt, can they?
'I'll make sure to look forward to it.' He musters up a small smile for my Mum who beams back at him before once again turning to me and giving me the most poisonous look I've received in a while.
Honestly, I don't understand how my Mum is currently looking at him with those heart eyes of hers when he's currently trying to off me with his eyes alone, green flames threatening to burn me if I get too close. I can already tell he's probably going to be bitching about me on the phone to Haider and Alexander the second he gets into his car.
'Anyway, I should really probably get going.' He eventually says with a tight lipped smile and a shrug when he turns back to my Mum who for some reason can't seem to catch onto the new found tensity lingering in the air for the life of her.
'Yeah, of course. You know I would have invited you inside, Darling. But it is a school night and it's already so late, I don't want to worry your Mum.' My Mum explains, surprising the brown haired boy when she proceeds to pull him into a quick hug as she pats him on the back.
After stilling for a second at the sudden show of affection, I watch as he eventually snaps himself out of it and slowly wraps his own arms around my Mum for a moment before also pulling back.
When he takes a step away from her, I'm hoping he's going to merrily continue on his way and finally get into his car and that that will be it for tonight. Which is why I freeze when he suddenly takes a step in my direction. Fixing him with a suspicious look and cautiously taking a step back when he comes closer, my eyes widen to the size of saucers when he suddenly holds out his arms.
'What, no goodbye hug?' He chides with a smirk in a too sweet to be true tone and a menacing look in his eyes.
I stand there like a fish out of water, my mouth staying open for a few further seconds until I forcibly close it. I don't trust him at all, when has Eli Walters ever felt the need to hug me goodbye? Besides I have no faith at all that this is just an innocent and friendly move on his behalf, especially not after what he just found out.
'Willow! Dummy, he wants to hug you.' My Mum ushers from the side, her eyes gleaming with joy at the sight of us together and I can tell this is just a dream come true for her.
I curse at Eli in my mind for doing this in front of my Mum. He knows I can't say no in front of her otherwise I'll be getting interrogated about this moment for the rest of my life. And the little shit knows it too, going by the evil glint in his eyes.
I take in a deep breath, knowing I have no choice but to comply right now as I hesitantly step towards him and close the distance between us. He instantly raises his arms to wrap them around my waist as he huddles me into his chest. I stand there, stiff and straight in his tight hold, feeling my soul leave my body when I catch a glimpse of the dazzling smile on my Mum's face, so bright that I have to look away. I just know that she'd be taking a photo right now had she had her phone on her.
My pulse begins racing erratically when he suddenly raises his large hand to cup the back of my head. Swallowing nervously at the movement that should come across as comforting but in actual reality almost feels threatening in some way, I blush when he leans further down to my height, lips now barely skimming my hair and the skin of my ear. I gulp in anticipation of what he's about to whisper into my ear, quite aware of the fact that to my Mum this is probably coming across as him murmuring sweet nothings into my ear.
'Oh, you are so dead next time I see you, princess.'
The colour leaves my face at his warning, the air getting knocked out of my lungs for a moment despite having anticipated such behaviour from him after the nature of the information my Mum had spilled earlier.
I instantly shrink even smaller in his arms, still hearing his breathy voice threatening me in the back of my head when he pulls away slightly to get a look at my face, hands now cupping my upper arms in what feels like an almost smothering hold.
As expected, he's wearing a cruel smirk, hooded eyes staring right back at me from where we now stand only centimetres apart. I watch as his dark gaze drinks in the obvious fear on my alarmed face, a malicious smile appearing on his lips at the sight of my wide and fearful eyes.
'Why don't I go inside so you kids can have a bit of privacy to properly say goodbye, hmm?'
I don't even fully register the sound of my Mum's voice behind me, my eyes being held captive by his own green ones in a way that I feel like I can't look away. At least that is until I shake my head to myself and finally process my Mum's words. And as soon as I do, you can bet I'm leaping away from Eli as if my life depends on it.
'No! No, that's- that's okay, Mum. I'm coming now, I'm tired anyway.' I nervously blabber out, not even daring to meet her or Eli's gazes and nearly tripping over my words before I'm hurling myself across the grass and into the house before anyone can even get a word out.