I'm sitting on Jungkook's couch, sitting with my legs crossed in a child like way, when he comes over with two cups of coffee in his hand, handing me one and sitting down. I take a sip of it, and exhale, loving the warm feeling down my throat. "You still take your coffee the same, right?" He asks, making me look at him. He's staring at me like he's scared he would be wrong.
I nod my head, "Yea." Jungkook nods his head but I can totally see how calm he is knowing I still drink my coffee the way I had it back in High School. I laugh to myself, but don't let him know I am. "So do you want to talk about last night?" He asks suddenly.
I take one more sip of my coffee before I place it down on the table and glance at him. "What about last night?"
He gives me a look and I smile. "What caused you to come here...? You seemed worked up, and you never act like that with me," he says. I don't feel like talking about my parents. But I know he's not going to get off my back if I don't...
"What do you think? They're the only people I ever want love and affection from and they refuse to give it me..."
"Did they say something?" I nod. "What did they say?"
I take a deep breath before answering. "He told me that I was a waste of time and money and that he never loved me," I respond, looking at my fingers in my lap so I don't have to look at his reaction when I say that.
"And by 'he', you mean your father?" He asks to be sure. I nod, feeling a tear slip from my eye. "Y/n..." Jungkook says, leaning over and pulling me into his chest.
"I don't know why I'm crying," I admit to him. "It's nothing new to me. He's told me these things before, I've heard everything before, I don't know why it's affecting me so bad..."
"Because, Y/n. You want his love, and the way he talks to you is wrong and shouldn't happen. Look at me," he nudges my chin forward and look at me. He wipes my a tear from my cheek. "You deserve better. You are capable of having better. This doesn't mean you are unloved, or are incapable of being loved. I love you...remember that, okay?" He speaks bluntly but gently. His eyes dance over my face as he waits for me to respond. How do I even respond?
"Okay..." I murmur, sniffling as I pick myself back up. He leans in and kisses me, and I'm caught by surprise. He's being so...emotional and affectionate...and why does he keep kissing me? He doesn't have to do that yet he does? He doesn't act like we're friends, he acts like we're together, or in the sense of, having a relationship romantically.
Don't get me wrong, I love it when he kisses me, but should it happen? Should Jungkook just be allowed to kiss me out of the blue? Even when we aren't in the process of our agreement? Our agreement was just sex and now it's something completely different... Do I want it this way? I know I want him...
Jungkook backs away and smiles at me. "You taste like coffee," he says. His smile is contagious because I catch onto it, laughing a bit.
"Let me finish my coffee and I'll give you another taste..." I wink at him before backing away to grab my coffee and drink it. He grabs the remote and turns the tv on and switches to some random show. Except, it isn't a random show...it's a show we used to watch together back then. I quickly look at him. "You still watch this??"
He nods. "Of course. I watch it all the time...do you not?" I shake my head and he purses his lips. "Wow, you're so mean. This is legendary, it made me who I am today!" He over exaggerates...
"I did that, dumbass, not the show," I comment.
"You watched it too, so it made us into who we are." He continues to stand his ground adorably, making me smile. I wave my hand, accepting the terms of defeat and sitting back, watching this nostalgic show to pass the time. We skipped classes today, so we have a lot of time on our hands.
I get a text on my phone so I pick it up to check it. It's Yuna. "Y/n!" She says, worrying me a bit. "What?" I respond quickly.
"Why didn't you tell me you weren't coming today? The professor asked where you were and gave you an unexcused absence! I could've prevented that... Also Jungkook isn't here either..." she replies, though she doesn't know Jungkook is right here next to me. "I'm sorry, i should've texted. I'm dealing with some personal things right now, so I wasn't exactly up to coming in today..." I say, telling the truth.
She takes a moment to articulate a response. "It's fine you don't have to apologize... but I did want to ask..." she writes, taking another second to type. "Jimin asked me to a bonfire this weekend. Are you up for coming? I just don't want to be without you :/" I sigh softly, thinking of a response to her. "Let me think about it, okay?" I say back. "Of course!"
"So..." I say, grabbing Jungkook's attention. "There's a bonfire this weekend?" He stares at me for a split second before relaxing what I'm talking about and nods his head.
"Right, yea. Jimin planned it. All the boys will be there, including me. How did you know about it?"
"He asked Yuna to come, and she asked me to go with her," I reply. "She likes for me to accompany her to these things because she's a little new to parties. I offer to go as well."
"Then you should go! I'll be there, and we can just hang out together and talk a bit. Get your mind off all of this..." he smiles at me and I try to hold my smile back. I feel like I've been doing that a lot recently. Almost too much with him. "Or you can just come to hang out, it doesn't have to be with me," he fixes himself, feeling nervous. "Or it can be with me..." he trails.
I stare at his face, watching as he awaits my answer. He's staring back and it's like he's begging me to say yes. I want to. But I don't know if I should. Should I allow myself to get so close with him again? Is that really the best idea?? "Sure...I don't mind. I'll take Yuna there and we can all hang out." I add that little word 'all' to keep myself sane over it. I can't tell if that disappointed him or not. I don't want to do that either.
"Okay. Cool...I'll let Jimin know," he smiles back, returning to sipping his coffee and looking back at the show. I text back Yuna, letting her know my decision on it. She's elated to know I'll be going. She really liked Jimin and I'm glad about it. He doesn't seem too bad, and if she's with Jimin, I can be with Jungkook.
Is that such a good thing...?
—
"Are you going to be okay?" Jungkook asks me, dropping me off back at my house. I pick up my things and I nod, not really wanting to respond. "Call me if you need me though, alright? I want you to tell me if something happens, Y/n...please?" He pleads, grabbing my hand that's about to pull the door open. I look at him, watching as he stares back at me with his doe eyes.
"Okay..." I respond, not looking away. He pulls me in and kisses me, and dammit, I should've left when I had the chance. Now I don't want to leave but I have to go. I need to, and he makes me want to stay. I don't know how I feel about that. I don't know how I feel about anything. He breaks away, his nose brushing mine and I want to pull him back. But I can't. "I should go..."
"Yea," he mutters, eyes gazing up into mine while his hand still holds my chin. It's like he doesn't want to let go. I don't want to either but I have to. I glance down at his lips, wanting to kiss him again. "Are you?" He asks.
"Am I what...?"
"Going to leave." He responds, his lips brushing mine so gently. He wants it too. But I have to go inside sometime... His lips finally lock with mine and I kiss him back with as much want and need he pushes back with. I pull him close, his head tilting to kiss me deeper and I feel it grow in my stomach. Why would I want to go inside where people who have no care for me when Jungkook is right here, giving me so much love and affection... I don't want to go in.
I break softly, catching my breath. "I don't want to go," I mutter, confusing him. "Let me stay... I want to be with you, Jungkook."
He freezes for a second, blinking his eyes at me. "But...don't you think you should go inside and talk to them?" He asks. He doesn't understand my parents like I do. And that's expected... but I don't want to explain everything to him right now.
"My father isn't home. It's just my mother. She's the only I want to talk to, but I can't stay there right now. I'd rather be with you..."
"Y/n, you should go talk to her. I can wait here and then you can say you're grabbing some clothes and at least let her know you're alive and with me, or something... Of course, you can stay with me, but I want her to know you're okay," he speaks, caressing my cheek with thumb. He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear, tracing my jawline. I love the way he feels on me, the way he touches me. I can't get enough of it.
I sigh, closing my eyes. "You promise you'll stay right here?"
"I won't move an inch..." he smiles gently at me, making my heart warm. "Okay..." he lets go of me, and I grab my bag and open the door to leave. I take one last glance at him, and shut the door, turning to walk up the steps. I hate this feeling. I'm uncomfortable in my own house, and it's too much to even be standing in front of it. It shouldn't be like this. I'm more comfortable at Jungkook's apartment, and I've been there twice in my life. It's stupid.
I fish my key from my pocket, and push it into the lock, twisting before I step inside and shut the door behind me. I hear Haru's bark invade my ears, and then his steps greeting me at the door. I lower myself to pet his fur, kissing his nose as he kisses my face with his tongue. I smile a bit before waking off.
"Y/n?" I hear a voice. My mother turns the corner and she meets eyes with me. "Thank God, I was getting worried..." she murmurs before walking closer.
"I'm here for some clothes." I state, dropping my bag by the door before trying to walk to the staircase.
"Oh, alright..." she sighs, "Whose clothings are those?" When she says that, I turn around and shoot her a look, watching as she backs off. She doesn't say anything more before I'm rushing up the stairs to grab myself some clothes for the next few days.
I don't bother with pajamas, because frankly, I enjoy the smell of Jungkook on me, but I do grab some outfits for myself, and a special outfit for that bonfire, whenever it is. When I'm finished, I hardly am able to close my bag, it all nearly spilling out. But I don't care, I just grab it and begin to head out. I don't want to stay too long anyway. I want to leave before my father arrives which shouldn't be too much longer now.
Walking down the stairs, I notice my mother instantly jump from the barstool. I decide to ignore it, acting unbothered with her. "You're safe, right, Y/n?" She asks. "You're staying somewhere good? Not getting into trouble?" She's probably worried I'm getting back into the things that landed me in the hospital... Jesus. I wasn't going to tell her who I was with or where I was, but I feel like I should at least tell her I'm with Jungkook. I don't want her thinking I'm back in that lifestyle. Or at least, all of it.
"I'm with Jungkook for now," I respond. Her eyes visibly widen.
"Jungkook? I haven't seen him in a while... You two are still friends?" She begins to pry, and I quickly shut her down and keep her in her place. This is what I was afraid of.
"It's none of your business, please," I say gently. I'm not trying to hurt her, but she is a part of the pain I had in my childhood, and it's not easily forgotten. She could've saved me from this awful life, but she never did. I could've been better than I am right now, but I'm not.
My mother nods her head, then lowers it. I hear her sniffle, and my eyes are stuck to her. She wipes her tears, and shakes her head. "I'm sorry for being dramatic... Y/n, I—,"
"Stop." She looks at me with big eyes, and I don't want to cry again, so I yank back my tears and swallow it. I'm not going to be emotional again here. I can't do it. "I'm not coming back..." I say. "Give me some time to figure everything out and you won't have to worry about me anymore. He won't have to worry, I'll just disappear from your lives like you never had a daughter..."
"Don't, Y/n, please..."
"I can't stay!" I burst out, getting tired of her pleading. "I can't stay with him, I can't stay with you, and I know you're trying, and I know you're sorry, but after everything's that's happened, I'm not the same girl that's going to take all of this shit!" I yell, feeling tears invade my eyes quickly. I'm sick of all the things I have to go through all the time now. I can't do this anymore. I want to tell her what all has happened. "I never got real, true love from here! Jungkook gives that to me, and he makes me realize that I don't need these distractions, or these quick fixes anymore! He loves me and I feel good with him, and he's out there waiting for me, and I love him too...so much..."
I pant for air as I finish my talking, watching as she looks at me with wide eyes. I realize all I said and become shy. I wipe some of the tears under my eyes, and clear my throat, trying to recollect myself. But I don't hesitate to explain a bit more. "I'm sorry...I do love you, but I can't be here..." she bites her lip and nods, holding back her tears as she looks at me.
"I'm sorry, Y/n. I truly am..."
I sniffle, wiping my tears again and walking to grab my bag. She doesn't follow after me until I near the door, and she quickly comes close to me for a hug. My mother wraps her arms around my neck, embracing me tightly, holding me close as she cries a bit more. I know this is painful for her, her daughter leaving her. And it's not all her fault, so I don't wish to punish her. But I have to think of myself for once. This place is not good for me. When she lets go, I turn away to leave, not wanting to look back at her, and I shut the door.
When I reach Jungkook's car, I climb inside, drop my bag to the ground and pull Jungkook in to kiss him deeply. He responds after being a bit shocked, but his hand reaches to my cheek, kissing me back with as much passion. I intertwine our tongues, and practically climb over to his seat, sitting in his lap to kiss him without feeling uncomfortable. He's a bit shocked, but only reciprocates, holding me close to him. After a few long, and passionate seconds, we break away, gasping for air and then I embrace him with my arms around his neck.
"Are you okay?" He asks gently, brushing his fingers along my side to calm me.
"Let's just go home..."