Did I hear him right? He would catch a bullet again for me? Am I hearing things now?
I wanted to ask, to be honest. I wanted him to at least clarify but I'm afraid. I'm afraid if that's really the truth or just another plot to cure whatever trauma I have in my system.
But why would he do that? What will he get if that's exactly what he wants me to think?
I don't know what to feel anymore. All these mixed up emotions are lingering inside my chest. The pain of betrayal, the uneasiness from the trauma I thought I learned to live with, the lies that I had to accept as years went by and... the truth.
I shook my head as I looked at our intertwined fingers as we went out of the mall. I feel so empty inside even though I have these bottled up feelings inside me.
I don't know what to believe anymore. I want to ask again— I want to question everything but the lies that have been told are some of the things I can't really ignore. Given that they came from the people I least expect it from.
"W-Where are you taking me?" I asked as tears continued streaming down my face but I couldn't care less anymore.
Zeki or should I call him Ezekiel now, stopped on his tracks as he faced me. I can barely see his face because of the tears that's been pouring like waterfalls from my eyes.
I felt him wiped my tears before gently smiling at me.
"I'll take you away from here. Enough." he said almost a whisper as he pulled me towards the basement parking where we met earlier.
He clicked his car keys and the lights of the black Bentley in front of us blinked.
"Please get in." he sounded so concerned but his voice was laced with an unknown emotion. It sounded like... pain?
I didn't even say a word as I went inside his car— not caring about my car anymore.
He went to the driver's seat and immediately started the ignition. It roared into life and just as I thought we'll be zooming out of that place, his hand caressed my cheeks wet with tears.
"I'm sorry." he gently said and still, I don't know what's that for. I don't have any idea which part of this drama is he sorry for.
I want to know more. I want to ask more and regain more information but I'm afraid I'll be lied to again. I'm afraid the fragments of memories that I currently have will be tampered again by someone that I'm... starting to trust.
"Why are you doing this?" that's the only question I can come up for now.
All these lingering questions in my head but that's the only thing I can utter for now. I can't afford to be told another lie just to fix whatever is broken inside me.
"Because I care for you... genuinely." he flashed his infectious smile before putting the gear shifter to drive mode as we zoomed out of that place.
I don't have any idea where he'll take me but I couldn't care anymore. For the very first time, I don't even want to know. I want to stop talking and going around asking questions. For the very first time, I appreciated the silence. I appreciated his comfort even in defeaning silence with just the revving of the engine as the only sound between us.
It was a comforting silence, I must say. The kind of silence that can put my raging heart and chaotic mind in solace.
I don't know how long we drove but as I was brought back to my senses, I saw the sea in front of my eyes again. The crashing of waves against the rock formations, the familiar squawking of birds, the rustling of the leaves— it somehow calmed my nerves even more.
Even without any of these, at least I know I have someone whom I can count on. A single person in this world whom I know will not let me go alone.
With the short time I knew Zeki, the comfort he gave to my heart is something that no one in this world has given me— not even Lennox.
"Do you want to get out of the car?" he asked like that's not already a given.
I slapped every sarcasm I have inside me before nodding at him.
We went out of his car and the first thing that welcomed me is the salty wind of the afternoon. The sun is about to set and my eyes wandered across the vast space of the sky where the orange and dark violet skies are like fighting with each other for their own personal space.
Just like how I fight for the memories I lost, happiness I knew I once had and the family that is on the verge of being broken.
The sense of betrayal once again scrapped through my chest and a pang of pain dominated my entire existence.
Tears streamed down my cheeks but I tried to stop them. I took a deep breath as I smiled through the pain. I wanted them to stop. I want everything that I have inside my chest to stop and just go on at least a hiatus.
I'm tired. I'm tired of seeking. I'm tired of running just to get the things that I badly want. It's unfair that other people don't have to fight for their place in this world— let alone fight to regain their altered memories.
"Here." the man beside me said as he offered me his handkerchief.
I almost forgot that he's the one who brought me here in the first place.
I took his handkerchief and wiped my tears away. It's weird how I can show my frustration and true self in front of this guy without being judged.
Even if it's Luis, I wouldn't dare cry in front of that dick head. For all I know, he's just going to judge me or worse, tease me for crying.
I know he's not that insensitive but we are each other's nuisances — at least I know that much.
"So..." I said as I cleared my throat. "Are we still playing this little game of yours?" I asked almost in an accusing tone and I saw how his forehead creased. "Are you still going to continue to pretend that you don't know me? Or should I say, you don't know much about me? Mister Ezekiel Aceves?"
He bit his lip as he lowered his head. He took a deep breath before finally facing me.
"Let me introduce myself properly then." he smiled before facing me with his proud but handsome face. "I'm Ezekiel Aceves, the son of your former gardener and your first ever ride or die partner." he gave me a cute smile before offering a handshake.
The son of our former gardener? This rich looking guy with porcelain skin? He looks like a rich kid that lived inside a mansion with centralized aircon 24/7!
"Are you kidding?" I asked, almost accusing him and he smiled before shaking his head. "There's no way in hell I'm going to believe that you're a son of a gardener."
"I have proof." he replied and I shook my head again..
"The people around me showed me concrete evidences as well and I believed them but turns out, it was all a lie. What makes you think I'll believe you?"
He bit his lip as he got his handkerchief from me and wiped my tears away from my cheeks.
"What did they do to you?" he asked pertaining to particularly no one, pain was evident in his voice.
"I guess they destroyed me more in the process of trying to fix me?" I tried to lighten up the mood but it was futile. I thought that will lighten up his suddenly darkened face but his same expression told me otherwise.
"I'm not doing this anymore." he shook his head and that made me have more questions inside my system. "Come." he said as he tugged my arm.
"Where are we going? We just got here."
"I'm rewriting everything." he said in gritted teeth before opening the passenger door. "Get in."
It was my first time to see him this serious. If this was another day where we goof around, I would have thrown a stupid remark towards him but his expression made me shut my lips tight as we went god-knows-where.
He drove his car towards the road leading to Consolacion. It was an hour drive from where we're from and not a single word was heard from him. He looks pissed and concerned at the same time. His jaw clenched in a very alarming manner while his grip is firm on the steering wheel.
We passed by establishments after establishments until his car turned to a path surrounded with tall acacia trees. It was like a secluded area — away from the civilization.
We stopped in front of a wooden looking gate that looks is almost two storey tall.
"Is this your house?" I asked and he heaved a sigh before nodding. "What are we doing here?"
"We're going to talk." he shortly replied.
"Talk?" I spat and smirked before shaking my head. "What are you, a novel character? You want to talk and you bring me in your house? Then what, you'll bend me over the counter?"
He glanced at me as he pressed a button that made the gates opened automatically.
"Don't give me ideas." he said in a very threatening manner before stepping on the gas so we can go inside.
The three storey house welcomed us and I was in awe with how much details it has. The modernized garage for his cars is made of pure glass. The geometric shapes combined to form this house is just on a whole another level.
Bermuda grass dominated the entire area except for the pathway of the garage where graphite was found on the floor.
From the outside of the house, I can clearly see the concrete walls that was put randomly but the design made sense. Minimalist light posts were placed on the side of the house to illuminate the entire existence of every element it has.
"Let's go." Zeki said as he turned off the ignition and went out of his car.
He got my arm as he ushered me towards the main door. The main door was made of oak wood with an intrinsic design in it. Even the rectangular shape of the door handle screamed elegance and money.
He pushed the double doors leading us inside where I saw 3 circular lights formed in a random way to form a modern looking chandelier with rods as the center piece — giving an illusion of the lights flowing even if it's not.
The floor was made of pure marble and I can't help but to be mesmerized at how the interior design was very well done.
This is my job and of course I will be drawn to every single detail.
The classic combination of cream white and wooden brown dominated the entire place that made it look more sophisticated. More geometrical figures such as pots, figurines and even the furniture are of high class.
I even saw a piece of Kenneth Cobonpue's furniture! Wow!
"Do you want anything? Coffee, tea, juice?" he asked, pulling me out of my mesmerized thoughts.
I looked at him and again, I was welcomed with his intense eyes.
"Do you have ice cream?" I inquired and I don't really care if I looked and sounded like a child now.
I just want to forget that I'm an adult now with all these problems and baggage in my plate. I want to forget for a while that I'm facing a lot of crisis in my identity, my memory and my family.
If only I can run away just like how I unconsciously did years ago.
Zeki looked at me like he's trying to solve a problem but proceeded in getting what I wanted anyway.
It took him a couple of minutes before he returned holding a pint of pistachio and mint chocolate ice cream.
"Which flavor do you want?" he inquired.
"The pistachio please."
"You don't like mint choco?"
My jaw literally fell on the floor with his question. Who eats mint choco!?
"Are you for real?" I said and his forehead creases. "Zeki, I only know two types of people who likes mint choco flavored ice cream: people who are total psychos and people who doesn't have a choice." I said as-a-matter-of-factly before getting the pint of pistachio together with the spoon he's holding. "Even if I have a choice, I won't eat mint choco."
"You're still the judgemental kid I once knew." he muttered and it gave me creeps that for the very first time, I do not know if what he's saying is true but I'm willing to get into a discussion.
"What, you like toothpaste in your ice cream? Listerine flavored perhaps?"
"Eero!" he giggled in a manner that I'm not used to before sitting next to me in his 'L' shape sofa.
He shook his head and when I saw that he was about to dig in to my ice cream I pulled it away from him.
"Hey..."
"This is mine!" I whined.
"Can you finish all of that?" he asked and I eagerly nodded.
"Eero that's too much, come on!"
"I can finish this!" I reiterated before digging in. I scooped a few spoons and ate the ice cream. It tasted sweet and it somehow comforted me.
"Can I have?" he asked, pouting but I was not in the mood to give in.
"Eat the other flavor, Ezekiel." I emphasized the last word and went for another scoop when he held my hand and quickly ate the ice cream! "Hey!"
"Sweet." he pouted while his eyes bore onto mine. He never left my gaze as he scooped another one.
I don't know what has gotten into me that I let him hold my hand and control it so he can have another scoop of my ice cream.
"How do they call this?... indirect kiss?" my cheeks flushed in a very girly manner and I pushed him slightly so we can have our own personal spaces.
"Please stop flirting with me. You're a straight guy for all I know." I spat and he smirked before shaking his head.
"Bisexuals exist, Eero."
"What, you like both now?" I raised my eyebrows and he just shrugged his shoulders before leaning on the couch.
"I missed this."
"What?" I growled, grumpy with how smooth his lines sounded.
"This." he replied and pointed at the both of us. "I missed us bickering."
That caught my attention and now, I'm all ears.
I placed down the pint of ice cream on the center table together with the spoon before facing him properly.
"So you do know me?" I clarified and he took a deep breath before nodding his head.
"May I ask, how much do you remember?" he inquired and I don't know if it's just my imagination or I really heard pain in his voice.
I bit my lip as I leaned to the couch as well before looking up.
"I... remember a small house surrounded with plants together with its rusty gate. I also remember playing on the beach and... you." I looked at him and I feel like drowning in his dark brown orbs. "I-I remember you, Ezekiel but... not entirely. I just remember the name Ezekiel and Kiel."
He nodded.
"I-I also remember that you... have a girlfriend back then; Claire, correct?" I inquired and he heaved a sigh before shaking his head.
"Claire wasn't my girlfriend back then."
"Why do I feel like I have heard that a million times?" I shrieked and he smirked before shaking his head again in disbelief.
"Because I always tell you that she's not my girlfriend. You're the only one who thinks she's my girlfriend back then."
"Yeah and now you're his ex." I rolled my eyes as I got the pint of ice cream again. "There she goes, the love of my life." I mimic his words and he just pouted in front of me. "I can't really trust anyone's words huh?"
"What else do you remember?" he asked, changing the topic.
"I remember I have a dog." I confessed and he just nodded at me. "I remember him drowning and I-I kicked the sand on Claire's face."
"Sure you did." he smirked.
"Ugh! Why do I feel like kicking some gravel stones at her now!?"
"Eero..."
"You defended her too when I did that back then."
His eyes widened and it's my turn to smirk.
"Womanizer."
"I am not!"
Here we go again...
"Sure, Kiel." I rolled my eyes. "Aren't you tired of having three names? You basically took every possible nicknames out of your original name!"
"I did that for a reason." he explained but I'm not having that.
"You got to have a reason for having three names?" I sarcastically asked and he nodded. "The reason, please?"
"So I can live a new life."
My forehead creased at his words.
"Live a new life?"
He nodded before taking a deep breath.
"Do you... remember the incident?" he sounded so hesitant but I nodded. "That's when my life changed. It changed because of..."
"Of?"
"Never mind."
"Say it, Zeki." I demanded, almost having a growl in my voice.
He heaved a sigh before getting his phone. He made a few taps before giving it to me.
"What, you want me to call my parents so I can sleep here?"
"No, silly! Take a look." he sounded so cheerful with the fact alone that I cracked a joke.
I looked at his phone and saw a video of me in a hospital bed.
"W-What's this video?" I asked as I took his phone.
"Play the video." he replied as he bit his lip.
Even with fear inside me, I decided to play the video.
"No! Stop!" I screamed as I held my head, repeatedly shaking my head.
"Earth, what are we going to do!" Mom shouted at my Dad. "Doc, what is happening to my son!"
"He's having an attack due to the incident. It was traumatic for him and this is a way of his brain to refuse any information regarding that bloody incident. I suggest to run some tests so we can treat him better."
Mom looked so broken as she tried to approach me but I pushed her away.
"Eero..." mom cried as her hand tried to reach me but I repeatedly shook my head.
"G-Get away from me! Now!" I continued screaming in the video. I saw how I bit my lip so hard that it caused blood to spill. It dripped on my sheets and my eyes widened in shock. "No... No! No! Ezekiel... please someone help Ezekiel! Please! Anyone! Save him, please!" I started crying even harder.
The whole room was in chaos. Mom and Dad are crying, the nurses couldn't contain me and what it took is a shot of tranquilizer from the doctor so they can put me to sleep.
That's where the video ended.
I'm still in shock as Zeki took back his phone but I still muttered a question that I know I should ask.
"W-Who took this video?"
He shook his head.
He bit his lip as he placed the phone on the table. "What I know is, you suffered a lot because of me."
"No... that's not true."
"It's true." he weakly smiled before gently placing his hand above mine. "After the shooting incident, I was treated in the hospital for taking the bullet for you. The doctors said it's a good thing it didn't hit my spine or I'll be paralyzed by now."
"Oh my God..."
Guilt crept within me but I felt him squeezing my hand that diverted my attention.
"Don't blame yourself, Eero. I was the one who decided to get in the way." he smiled. "Do you want me to keep on going?"
I nodded and I was lost in his eyes when his words left his mouth. He makes it look like the world is a little less scarier than it ever was — at least for me. He basically makes me... braver.
"After I was discharged from the hospital, I was asked by the police to give a statement. I went there and was planning to see you after. I wanted to at least visit you but sir Earth won't let me. No one would let me near your room." he weakly said before letting go of my hand. "I asked my Dad what's happening but he just said we'll be leaving Cebu."
My forehead creased at his words.
"Apparently, Sir Earth wanted us to live a good life because of what happened. He said it was a payment for saving your life." he shrugged. "I mean, I didn't really need any payment from your father. It was my Papa's decision to take it so we can all live in peace — away from the chaotic place where blood spilled."
"Dad really played a big part here, huh?" I sarcastically said but he shook his head.
"Please don't blame your Dad. He only did what he thought was best for you that time."
"And that is to use his money so you guys can leave your own hometown?"
He patiently shook his head before slowly patting my head.
"Eero, I also thought that he did that for his best interest; that he only wanted to get away from the guilt that someone got shot in place of his son. But... I doubt that's the reason now. I mean... my father was the one who talked to your Dad. I was left with no choice but to follow him."
He smiled.
"And so I left Cebu. I left everything and everyone here to live in Manila where your father got us a new house, he paid for my tuition and Amber's, he gave my Papa a small business— a distributor of cement which is by the way is your father's new business as well." he heaved a sigh before leaning on the couch again. "But what happened back then never left my mind. It was buried inside me and was like a broken cassette tape where it played over and over... and over again."
Yeah, I remember Dad getting into the business of cement to cut the cost of his projects.
"Then I tried asking the people I know if they know anything about you. I wanted to know how you were doing after the shooting incident. I didn't have any idea back then because your Dad wouldn't let me. He wouldn't let anyone near you for unknown reasons."
"So I asked Luis." my eyes widened in shock and it was like an unspoken question where Zeki nodded, telling me that Luis knew all this time. "I asked Luis how you were doing. I-I don't know how he managed to get a video of you after the incident but he did; that's the video I showed you just now."
"I was honestly bothered. I wanted to reach out but I also know that I can't. Sir Earth only has one condition for giving us the things he gave back then — to never return in Cebu."
But he did... I-I saw him.
My heart broke for him and his family. Dad really did everything he thought would benefit me but he was wrong. He was wrong to think that letting the people adjust for us and making up partial truths will fix whatever is broken inside me.
But on the brighter side, Ezekiel managed to focus on his studies and help his family. That's better than having two jobs in the afternoon after his class.
"Two jobs?" I whispered and the last thing I saw was Zeki's eyes before the pain in my head throbbed like crazy!
"Fuck!" I hissed as I held my head because of so much pain!
"Eero! Shit, are you okay?" I heard the man beside me asked but it was too painful to even talk.
Waves of memories invaded my system as the images of a brown skinned man with a long hair but had the same eyes of Zeki entered our gates while riding a bike.
Images of him trimming the Bermuda grass, lifting a pile of wood for the nipa hut they did back then and... him carrying a white puppy as I yelled from my balcony.
Seconds, minutes... I don't know how long I felt that excruciating pain inside my head but the gentle touch of the person beside me somewhat calmed me.
The pain throbbed like crazy but it was now bearable. I looked up and saw his concerned eyes directed at me. He looks so... different.
The brown skinned man in my memory now told me that this isn't the same man I met years ago.
"A-Are you okay?" Zeki asked, concern was evident in his voice.
"I'm fine." I whispered as I tried to sit straight again.
"Do you always get these crazy attacks?" he inquired and I shook my head. "When do you get them?"
"When there's a trigger, I guess?" I replied and it's weird because I can really be honest when I'm around this guy.
It feels like I can just be who I am and don't have to hide anything. Unlike what I did to the people around me.
I don't even open up to Luis about my altered memories and these attacks that I had so far.
"Do you want to rest? Do you need anything?" he sounded so worried and it melts my heart even more.
There's something with Zeki that makes a part of me weak. With all these walls I built around me to protect myself from people around me and my solid-rock attitude towards these situations but here he is slowly breaking every brick in that wall.
Is this bad?
"Zeki, can I... request something?" I asked, hesitant with what I'm about to say.
"Anything." he gently replied before touching my hair.
"Can I... see that scar again? I saw that when we went swimming but... " I bit my lip and he looks surprised but it didn't take him a few seconds before nodding his head.
He took the hem of his shirt and quickly pulled it up to his head revealing his perfectly carved body.
Now I don't know if I should be really requesting this! Eero, you literally had a b0ner the last time you saw him in this state!
"Okay... what now?" he smirked and I bit my lip to contain myself before talking again.
"The scar, please?" I requested and he took a deep breath before turning his back on me.
There, I saw the distorted skin just near his shoulder. It was indeed a few inches away from the spinal cord but what broke my heart is the fact that it looks so painful.
I don't know what has gotten into me that I took the liberty of touching his scar with my hand.
It felt rough against my touch and it broke me even more. Tears started to pool my eyes and it didn't take long before they streamed down my cheeks.
I sniffed and he immediately faced me. He looks at me with evident pain in his eyes before slowly wiping my tears again.
"Eero..."
"I'm sorry." I broke into a million pieces when I realized that it took me years just to say sorry to him. "I'm sorry if you felt that pain for me... I'm sorry, Zeki."
He gave me a timid smile before nodding at me—sincerity was clearly within him.
"It's okay." he whispered as he cupped both of my cheeks. "It's okay, Eero..."
"No... it's not. I'm sorry." I cried.
I cried for him. I cried because of how he suffered because of me. I cried because it broke me into a million pieces. I cried because it pains me to know that he needed to start a new life in exchange of saving my life. I cried because... because it pains me that he was in pain.
"I'm sorry too." he smiled, still not letting go of my face. "I'm sorry if you never got the apology you deserve, but what happened was never your fault." he softly said and looked straight into my eyes, deeper. "You were never responsible for the pain they put you through, Eero. You were never responsible for it. So please... please do me and yourself the biggest favor; stop blaming yourself."
"Zeki..."
"Please, you can stop now. Stop blaming yourself." he smiled and it brought tears in my eyes again. "Can you repeat after me?" he asked and it's getting hard for me to breathe because of too much crying but I nodded anyway.
"My feelings..."
"M-My feelings,"
"Are valid."
"Are valid."
"My feelings are valid and no one can tell me otherwise."
"M-My feelings are valid and no one can tell me otherwise." I repeated and he smiled before slowly nodding his head.
"Remember that." he said almost a whisper. "You don't owe anyone an apology. You don't owe one to me. We... we owe you one. Your father, your mother, your friends, the people around you... the world owe you an apology. But... not you. You don't owe them anything. Okay?"
I felt my heart slowly melting. The million pieces that shattered within me, a few minutes ago, are all melting like hot wax, waiting for someone to form them again. Someone that is capable.
Someone that is able...
Even with a heavy heart, I still managed to agree with the guy in front of me. With him around, I know I can face this. I know, I just know... everything will be fine with him around.
"Okay." I answered and again, I saw how he flashed a smile. Just like how I remembered from the waves of memories that I experienced.
The same smile that made my young, naive heart flutter.
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I typed this for three days. 5K words! Is this enough? Or do you want another chapter tomorrow? 👀