My phone rings at exactly midnight.
Cael and Vicky passed out as soon as we got inside, Vicky on the couch and Cael in his bed, refusing to let go of me. So here I am, my phone blasting Cara's ringtone and vibrating on the night stand, desperately trying to get to it before it wakes Cael up.
When I'm finally able to wrestle away from the sheets – and Cael's arms – I grab the phone off the night stand and whisper, "Cara please tell me you know about the weird shit going on."
"I don't just know," she whispers back. "I'm fucking living it. Patty called me, I gave her my number, and she told me to meet her at this clearing just outside of town, but I dunno, man. I'm kind of nervous to go. They say the Battle is soon, and we have to prepare, whatever that means...and Tristan is all screwy, saying he has to come with me. We're in the car...I should probably get off the phone before I kill us."
"Wait a clearing?" I ask. Why does that feel so familiar?
She replies, "Yeah, I don't know. I'm on this long dirt road right now. I'll call with updates later." And with that, she hangs up.
I move to place my phone back on the night table, but Cael stirs in his sleep, and mumbles something in Angelic before waking up and looking at me as if he's not sure I'm real. He reaches over, slowly, almost tentatively, and cups my face in one hand.
"Sweetheart, get some sleep while you can." he whispers, his voice thick with sleep. "I love you."
"Love you too," I say, kissing his cheek and settling down in the bed. "I'll try to get some sleep. Promise."
Four hours later, I awake in the car, Cael next to me in the back, and Vicky driving. "It's time," he says simply as I blink blearily at him with my still sleep-heavy eyes, and take in a surprisingly wheezy breath.
"My head hurts," I hear myself whisper.
Cael nods, and brushes aside some hair that's fallen in my face. "You had a bad nose bleed before, it probably caused the headache."
"Oh," I've been getting them more and more, but yesterday I hadn't had one, and I began to forget that they were even a thing that was happening. I forgot that my body is falling apart.
"Where are we going?" I ask, and Vicky replies, "Not sure. We'll know when we get there. Also, there's a breakfast sandwich in the front seat for you, Romeo insisted we make you one before leaving. It's probably cold now."
She says it like it's somehow my fault that the sandwich is cold, but I know it's from her nerves.
"Thanks," I say, as Cael reaches into the front seat to get the sandwich for me.
My stomach growls, right on time, and as soon as he passes me the bacon and egg sandwich, I stuff it into my mouth without thinking. Cael's eyes crinkle when he smiles at me, and suddenly I'm transported to our first date, when I did the exact same thing.
"Good thing you find this endearing," I say conversationally, through the food.
"You could take a shit and he'd find it endearing," Vicky says. I can see her roll her eyes from the rear-view mirror.
"Gross," I mumble after swallowing.
"He wouldn't find it gross. That's the whole point!" I can see her fighting a small smile.
Ten minutes later though, the car has fallen into an uncomfortable silence. Ten minutes after that, I suddenly recognize the road we turn on.
"We're going to the clearing Cara was talking about...I've...been there before?" I turn to Cael and he nods his head.
He shrugs apologetically. "I'm not surprised the memory is fuzzy. Morrigan knocked you out pretty good."
"It's not fuzzy anymore...I..." I pause, thinking of it, and find that there's a big black hole between the time I passed out and the time I awoke in Cael's bed that morning.
"I can't remember my vision," I admit, and Cael cringes.
"I don't think it was very pleasant," he mumbles, as Vicky stops the car and pulls over beside Cara's, the only other car in sight. Just past the cars, about ten feet into the woods, all of the Fae, Liam, Samantha, Lisa, Sam, Jack, Cara and Tristan are standing expectantly, waiting for us. There are also about fifteen people I don't recognize and I wonder who they are.
"Why are we the only people sane enough to drive here?" complains Vicky, shaking her head.
"Priorities," I reply, shrugging.
"Why'd they bring Sam?" I wonder aloud, and Vicky shrugs this time.
"Probably as some form of protection. The kid could kill a whole small village just by throwing a tantrum."
When we meet up with everyone, we're introduced to the new fifteen; three Nephilim triplets named Brandy, Matilda, and Beth, and twelve of the Fallen, who were able to make it to the area.
One of the Fallen, who tells us to call him Gregory, a boy with dark brown hair and light green eyes who looks about thirteen – but informs us Humans and Faen that he is the oldest being present – jokes that this has a very "Twilight-esque" feel to it, what with the clearing in the woods and the gathering of what he deems with his perpetually cracking voice, "the good guys and a regular human girl."
"It's such an overused trope," agrees Matilda, smiling nervously at me to assess my reaction.
I smile weakly back at her. "Yeah, I know. I had a similar conversation with my boyfriend over here when I was first introduced to this whole new world."
"Calm down there Aladdin," says Cara under her breath, before most of us begin to laugh, full of nervous energy.
Before long though, Gregory holds up is hand, all traces of joking gone from his eyes. Clearly he's the highest in the hierarchy of the angels, and I briefly wonder what his angelic name is, because while the rest of the angels are going by their angelic names now, at least for the most part, he's still content to be called Gregory.
"Alright, enough. If you don't feel the shift in the air, you will soon. The Unrepentant have arrived and will keep doing so. You probably think this is the end game, but I am here to tell you, there are fights like this going on all over the world, with the exception of the involvement of the good Faen people here today, and those who unfortunately could not make it on time, and I am here to tell you that this is just the beginning. I don't expect you to know this, because I didn't until just today. But Father has given me the knowledge to pass on. The only thing that makes us special is the fact that somehow we were able to come together today in this particular area in support of Khiara as the harbinger who could potentially set us free."
"How could we have known it would happen now? It isn't possible to say. Our Father and his family work in difficult ways. The curse put on Khiara completely changed the course of the prophesy. She hasn't fully awakened. I suspect she won't, having this curse upon her. But we must accept that. I do not know what will happen when we meet with the side of Dark, today. I don't know if this is the day of the Battle, or even what the Battle will entail. I just know that this is the beginning, and I can only thank you all for coming here today."
Suddenly I feel what he is talking about. That feeling I grew accustomed to over the course of my life, the feeling that I am being watched, the spiders down my spine; it hits me with a vengeance. I feel my body growing weaker by the second, and my breathing begins to come out in awkward wheezy breaths that don't feel satisfying. It reminds me of when I had bronchitis as a kid.
Cael stares at me, worried, and asks me a question in Angelic before realizing his mistake. "Are you alright?" he amends, his Irish accent fading into the musical lilt of the Angelic language.
"I'll be okay," I say, smiling at him, and he nods reluctantly before saying something in Angelic to Gregory, making the boyish Angel look grim for a second as he contemplates whatever it is he said.
After a moment, he nods his head, and replies to Cael in the same language, but I hear my name, and a small burst of panic floods my veins.
Absently I finger a braid in my hair that I've just noticed is even there. How long has it been there? When was the last time I had a decent comb through of my hair? I've been so busy I hadn't noticed the small plaited part of my hair, even when washing it.
Gregory claps his hands to get everybody's attention, and then says in English, "Alright. Let's start walking towards the clearing."
Cael takes my hand, though he doesn't say anything, and surprisingly it's Sam who takes my other hand.
"You're gonna stay with me Aunt Kiki," he explains as we walk through the forest.
From in front of me, Liam turns around and says, "It's not babysitting duty on your part. More on Sam's. He's five, but anybody with ill intentions trying to get close to you will be dead within ten seconds with Sam around."
I'm not sure how I should feel about this. "Leliel," I say, because I know it'll probably resonate more with him – what with the whole weird reverting thing going on. "Don't you think that it's dangerous to expose Sam? You said it yourself, his kind needs t be protected."
He thinks for a second before shaking his head. "You need all the help you can get."
Samael voices an agreement. "He is stronger than almost all of us put together."
Cael nods as well and simply says, "They're right."
When we're about a football length from the clearing, Gregory says something in Angelic, and then for the benefit of people who don't understand the language, repeats himself in English. Oddly, I feel like the longer I hear Angelic though, the more I seem to understand it. It must be the necklace.
"I need you to be ready for the worst. I hope that it doesn't come down to that, but it just might."
He adds, "Khiara, you are to stay here with the child – Sam. We want this to be as painless as possible for you. The power from the Battle is drawn from your soul."
"The necklace will help as well," says Samael with some difficulty. Most of the Angels now have lost their ability to speak English, while still being able to understand it and say a few words.
"I'm ready to kick ass," says Cara. "If it means dying for my best friend, I'm ready to do that."
"I don't want you to die, Cara," I whisper, as she envelopes me into a huge hug. "I don't want anyone to die because of me."
"Oh sweet cheeks," she says, pulling away. "You're the only family besides my grandmother that actually loves me. You are my sister, and I will fight to keep you safe. It is my duty. It is the duty of the Faen people. It may not have started out that way, but however my kind got involved, it happened. And I wouldn't have it any other way."
Tristan takes her place, and mumbles, "We haven't known each other long. But I am honoured to know you." Behind him, Vicky rolls her eyes even though they've been filled with tears.
Suddenly, Cael is in front of me, and even though he can hardly speak a word of English now, he whispers just one sentence, awkward and stilted but still recognizable. "I...will never...regret...love you."
Tears fall down my cheeks onto his, and from his to mine. "I love you," I say, kissing him fiercely.
After everybody is done saying their goodbyes to me, they slowly but surely begin to walk off to meet with the Unrepentant, leaving Sam and I alone.
"I can show you what's going on," he says. "I can see in their heads."
He takes my hand and suddenly it's like I'm watching the whole scene as a bystander just a couple of feet away. I see the Nymphs turning into foxes on the sidelines, all but Paul, who has been appointed a lookout with June, a Pixie, and the Elves getting their arrows ready.
The Angels and Nephilim of both sides come together, and both leaders, Gregory and Douma, step into the middle of the clearing to talk to each other.
I can't hear what they're saying, but after ten minutes of them talking, a loud crack of thunder booms, and lightning lights up the quickly darkening sky like the fourth of July fireworks. In one swift movement, both leaders hold out their hands and look up to the sky, before strange blue balls of light fill their hands, and they throw them up into the air. The light balls collide, and more lightning fills the sky.
And just like that, both sides begin to fight. Gregory calls out the Faen people with a soundless yell, and they come charging from the forest into battle alongside the Angels and Nephilim who have already started to fight. It looks like we might have the upper hand, but I've seen enough.
"Sam," I say urgently after about twenty solid minutes of him having caught me under this weird spell. "I have to stop watching," and he lets go of me for a moment, before whispering, "Sorry, but you needa see," and pulling me back under.
Pixies, little warriors in their own right, flit between the fighters, sprinkling dust on the Faen people that need extra help. The Fallen shoot balls of pure light at each other, white and grey orbs that exude an unearthly glow.
Elves shoot their specialized arrows, imbued with their power. Nymphs go between shooting balls of their magic from their bare hands to shifting into large foxes of red, white, brown, and black.
The only two Nephilim that bothered to show up on the side of the Unrepentant are grossly outnumbered by those on ours. Five on two almost doesn't seem fair.
"Okay, Sam, please," I plead. "I feel nauseated."
Just as he lets me go, I vomit all of my breakfast into the snow, and whisper, "Fuck."
For a second, he says nothing, but then he reaches out and tugs my jacket sleeve. It hits me that I'm just standing here like an idiot, hiding behind some trees with a five year old child who could destroy us all just by throwing a tantrum, and who just showed me a play by play with his mind and I just vomited instead of acting like the potential saviour I'm supposed to be. The irony would kill me if my body weren't already doing a good job at that.
"I don't like this," he whimpers, tugging on my sleeve. "I have a bad feeling, Kiki."
I smile at his adoption of Cara's nickname for me, but the smile doesn't last long. "It'll be okay," I lie, because I don't know what else to say.
"I feel funny," says Sam. He closes his eyes and squeezes them shut, as if he could get away just by doing that. His little hands move up to his hair, and he grasps it in fistfuls.
"I'm sorry, that's probably my fault," I say, remembering the vomit. "We should probably just move away from it."
"It hurts!" he shouts, and suddenly bursts into tears. "I don't want to but I know I gotta."
"Wait, what?" I ask, fearing another play by play.
"I'm sorry," he says, "I'm sorry. I have to."
I crouch down to his level. "Honey? What are you saying?"
Sam's eyes open, and he sighs.
"I'm sorry." My necklace pulses as he reaches out and takes it in his hand, and for just a second it shines with a brilliant light, and then just as fast as it appeared the light fades. Fat tears are falling down his cheeks now and his curly blonde locks are being tossed to and fro by the wind.
The mournful sound of a crow cawing in the tree above us sends shivers down my spine, because I know without a doubt who that crow really is.
"Sam," I say. "This doesn't have anything to do with that dream you had, does it?" I ask, remembering the image of myself in a hospital bed.
Sam pushes me away from him suddenly, using a force that knocks me right on my butt. "Sam?" I ask, as he begins to back away from me. My head suddenly feels like it's made of lead and my nose begins to drip.
"I have to!" he shouts, running straight for the battlefield. "You needa be awake!"
"Damn it, Sam!" I swipe at my nose with a heavy hand, and ease myself up as fast as I can, bursting into an awkward sprint. My stupid human body can't keep up with him though, and soon I've lost the boy and I'm about half yard away from the fight, out of breath and wheezing.
June, the pixie who is on lookout duty, lands on my shoulder and says in her lilting voice, "Please go back. It's too dangerous."
"I can't," I say. "He's so small..."
"He could blow this whole clearing up if he wanted to. You need to worry about yourself. Go back!" She flits away, and only looks back once, before heading over to where Patty, sits, not fifteen feet away from me. She looks far too worn out, half-lying on the ground, being held by Melania, who is breathing healing magic into her. They must be taking a much needed break, away from the fight. I wonder for just a second why I couldn't hear the sounds of the fight when Sam was with me, but as soon as he left me I could hear them crystal clear.
The sound is now deafening.
"Sam!" I scream, and absently swipe at my nose. I run until somehow I'm right in the middle of the fight. I dodge the kick of somebody, who quickly gets taken out by Beth, who shoots me a questioning look and a warning to go back, before running off to fight the next person.
Stupid child, somebody suddenly thinks directly into my mind.
My voice cracks painfully as I yell for Sam again, my panic reaching a new level as I hear a strange humming noise coming from behind me.
"Khiara!" shouts Cael from somewhere in the clearing; but it's too late. As I turn my head to try to see where the noise is coming from, a hurtling ball of light hits me right in the stomach and I crumple like a rag doll. How ironic that something so beautiful could be so deadly. As I look around, I become aware that I am not the only one, it would seem, who's been hit by this – whatever it is. But the only ones who seem to have been hit are those on the side of dark...and me.
My mind whispers Sam's name, and that crow caws in the distance.
Blood is everywhere.
Death is everywhere.
And I am awake.
I am blood and death all wrapped up in one; a pathetic mass of what was once a human being. I was told this would happen; that this would be the end of me. I just wanted to believe that I had a chance. That Cael and I could be together. That Cara and I could laugh together as Tristan does something awkwardly endearing and Vicky gives him hell for it, telling him to be a man. I wanted to get to know Liam, Sam and Lisa better. I wanted to tell my parents how much they mean to me. I can do none of those things. I see that now; I see everything.
The forest is filled with people that were willing to die for the cause. The Fallen, Faen, Nephilim. And they fight against each other for me, some insignificant, cursed, and sickly human. I am nobody, and yet, somehow, apparently somebody who is very important and all of a sudden my mind which just became so clear begins to feel fuzzy, and I can't quite figure out why.
I can hear a voice in my head that isn't my own telling me that I'm going to be okay, but I know for a fact that it isn't true. I'm going to die.
"Khiara!" it says, "Please, stay with me!" Cael. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I realize that he isn't actually speaking English, but I understand him perfectly.
I want to tell him that I love him, but I know that if I try to speak, I'll just be in more pain.
"Please, don't go now! You can't die, there's nowhere left for you to go except Limbo. You'll be stuck in between, and almost nobody comes back from that. You have to hold on, sweetheart." I hear Vickie's voice, but it's muffled by the sound of my own gurgled breathing. I want to tell her that it's no use because I am going to die no matter what.
Cael is shaking me, and I can see the tears that he refuses to shed glisten in his eyes, until finally, Vicky slaps him in the face and they make their way down his cheeks.
"Stop it! Can you stop shaking her like a fucking mental patient? News flash, this is bigger than the two of you; it always has been. There is a war going on, Camael, and right now, nobody is winning." She wipes at her eyes furiously. "And FYI, you're not the only one losing somebody they love." Her voice breaks on the last part and I wish I could reach out to them, wish I could comfort them.
But I can't.
I close my eyes for a second and try to concentrate on my thoughts. When I open them, I can see their true forms. This is how I finally realize that this is the end for me. You never see an angel's true form unless you're about to die.
Camael is beautiful. He is the complete personification of divine love, and he shines in a breathtaking blue light. His sobs are gut-wrenching. Verchiel is not shining as bright, but she radiates a warmness that feels contagious and I can't help but smile. Her glory is purple. They are both so beautiful that my eyes close without my permission.
Somebody moves me, and my head is cradled in hands that are too gentle.
People keep talking.
I can't distinguish between the voices anymore
"No, no, no. You can't die, no, you can't."
I'm so tired.
"She's not dead, Camael, stop!"
I suddenly can't feel the pain anymore.
"No!"
Death is a sweet release.
"She's still breathing! We need to get her to the hospital, now!"
I welcome it.
Invite it in.
And die.
~*~
You are waiting for someone to confirm it,
You are waiting for someone to say it plain,
Now we are here and because we are short of time
I will say it; I might even speak its name.
It is moving above me, it is burning my heart out,
I have felt it crash through my flesh,
I have spoken to it in a foreign tongue,
I have stroked its neck I the night like a wish.
Its name is the name you have buried in your blood,
Its shape is a gorgeous cast-off velvet cape,
Its eyes are of your most forbidden lover
And its claws, I tell you its claws are gloved in fire.
You are waiting to hear its name spoken,
You have asked me a thousand times to speak it,
You who have hidden it, cast it off, killed it,
Loved it to death and sung your songs over it.
The red bird you wait for falls with giant wings –
A velvet cape whose royal colour calls us kings
Is the form it takes, uninvited, it descends,
It is the Power and the Glory forever, Amen.
The red bird you wait for – Gwendolyn McEwen
END OF BOOK ONE