Have you ever seen that movie Up?
Bout some old guy and kid whose house can fly and there's a talking dog that can't actually talk.
The point is, I knew a guy who looked like that. Well, Sharon Carter did.
The fact that we even ran into her and Walmart Carol Fredricksen is not my fault at all.
I didn't arrange the meeting, the meal, the venue or the seating. That was Steve.
So when a family dinner turned into whatever the duck this was, I decided to enjoy the drama.
To clarify, I don't like drama, drama just likes me.
"So then I told Sam the lizard couldn't"
"Is that Satan?!" I interrupted. Sorry, Bucky but whatever the lizard couldn't do was gonna have to wait.
"You can't be serious.." Nat said in an exhausted tone.
"Oh yes sorry, calling Sharon Satan is an insult to Satan.." I continued.
Well, it seems that my parents wanted to avoid a showdown with that bitch. So the plot began to brew on how we would escape the restaurant. Before it could be executed, she spotted us.
"Hey everyone, hey Stevie.." She said, twisting her hair. God, I could just punch her.
Now she wasn't alone, linked to her arm was this tall blonde dude. Same hair cut as Steve, same sort of build.
Steve no serum?
"Oh, how rude of me!" She said followed by a fake ass laugh, "This is my boyfriend, John Walker.."
"Hey, hi. It's an honour to meet you, Captain.." The man said, reaching his hand across the dinner table and Steve reluctantly shook it.
"Yeah.." Steve mumbled, as John moved back to Sharon.
"So, I guess you have a type Sharon.." I began, Tony looking to me as not to cause a scene.
"Um, the hell do you mean, child?" She snapped back.
"Well, your type is anyone who looks like Steve. Wait no, there's however your baby daddy, he isn't a white blonde man-"
"Steve is my child's father, get that through your head!" She yelled.
How does this hoe still believe her own lies?
"Science says no, so.." I continued.
Now you may be wonder what everyone's reaction was. Bucky, who was sat next to me, was losing it. As was Nat. Tony and Steve were embarrassed as hell, they just wanted out.
"So John, what do you do for work?" I politely asked, although everyone but John knew this was about to go bad.
"I'm a soldier, I'm very decorated as well, for my service.." He foolishly answered.
"Oh, I thought you were a Carl Fredericksen impersonator, you fit the part.." I responded.
That made Nat and Bucky lose it. Tony couldn't help but laugh and Steve just sunk into the back of his chair.
"I'll hurt you Y/N, don't talk about my boyfriend like that.." Sharon added to the conversation.
"I'll burn you, Sharon, I'll roast Steve- I mean John, I'll roast John whenever I want to.." I responded.
To that, Sharon pulled herself and John away from the table. I mean I guess that was the right move, I can be awful sometimes.
Well, I can be awfully good at burning bitches.
"You are a bitch and I love it.." Tony turn to say to me once the pair hand walked away.
"If I'm not the death of Sharon Carter, I don't want it.." I laughed back.
I also would like to add that I didn't let the John Steve thing go.
"Hey John, can you pass the ketchup?" I asked later on.
"I'm gonna kill you.." Steve responded.
Ah well, long live the baddest bitch ever. I'm referring to myself, if you didn't catch that.