TRIGGER WARNING: mentions of abuse and panic attacks
THEMES: Angst, Fluff eventually, BakuTodoMomo
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It started out as a normal day.
Shoto woke up at 5AM in a light sweat, the edges of his sheets singed from the flickers of red flame on his arm, his cheek lightly frosted with frozen tears. After looking distantly at the lightening blue sky he pulled himself out of bed and went to shower in his bathroom. After drying and putting on his uniform he brushed his teeth and brushed through his hair until the parting was perfect.
Several of his classmates joined him in the elevator, grabbing a quick breakfast as they all rushed to make it to class on time. Then they changed out of their shoes, did morning attendance, then began English class with Present Mic. Freezing his body enough to not flinch at the random bouts of yelling from their teacher at his particular excitement for a new English word, the morning passed quickly and break flashed by; before he could even register it he was writing out calculations in his maths book.
It happened sometimes, where his mind would just blank out and his body go on auto-pilot. It was a method he had used religiously throughout his childhood, his body going through the motions whilst training with his father, where as his mind was clinging desperately onto the ghosts of his mother's smile.
But it wasn't always helpful when it came to studying. He retained almost all of their content well, so he didn't have to spend hours studying excessively. But when he blanked out into blissful ignorance he could forget days worth of classwork, meaning he was up until early morning catching up on exam practice or research tasks. It wasn't always ideal, it could be time spent training in Gym Gamma or attending one of the class's movie nights, but it had to be done.
Looking down at his half-full page, he saw the simultaneous equations they were expanding and let his shoulders loosen up since he had already studied this section last week. He liked to be ahead of his class in case he ended up blanking out as he liked to think it helped in retaining a little more information later on.
Zoning out again he let his mind wander, knowing his teacher was unlikely to call on him since he didn't speak much in class. As long as he did his work and didn't fall behind, it was fine for him to remain silent. He thought about visiting his mother on Saturday: he wanted to stop by the flower shop and get her some fresh flowers. The ones in her room were slowly wilting and the sight did nothing to improve the depressing atmosphere of the white-washed hospital room.
He liked visiting his mother, it was nice to chat to her and see her express more of herself confidently with every visit. He talked to her about her classes or when he had hung out with his friends; she appreciated the small trinkets he would bring her from their shopping trips. He asked about Fuyumi and her visits to their mother, and loved when he found out Natsuo visited sometimes too.
In that small hour it was almost easy to pretend that nothing was wrong. That his mother hadn't broken down, that their family was normal like everyone else's, but then when he visited his father the next day that brief bliss vanished. His father...
Sighing, he shook his head slightly and blinked so he could re-focus on his work. He had written two pages now, and he had also marked his answers from the correct ones on the board. Seeing the teacher write a small summary list, he decided to write that down too, switching from his right to left hand in order to balance out his ability. It was something he had learned from a child, and it was one of the few things he didn't entirely hate from it.
Just as he finished writing the new subtitle the sound of something smashing from beyond the classroom door drew his attention. His grip on his pen slipped and a streak of ink slashed across his page. Swearing softly under his breath, he joined his classmates in looking over to the door, wondering what that sound was. Some of them were close to standing, ready to fight in case it was a villain.
Then voices accompanied the smashing. Unrestrained, raw, and almost unbelievable, he could hear the screeching voices of some of the other teachers. Why were they arguing? What was the big deal? What was wrong? Had they done something wrong? Had he done something wrong? Were they mad at him? Would they tell his father? Would Endeavour come and find him? No. No. He- he didn't want to go back. He didn't want to get locked up. No. He didn't want to train.
So that's how he found himself pushing away his chair and standing in the corner of the room, trying to hold himself together until the shouting became so overwhelming he lost sensation of his body, the only feeling was the scraping of the wall on his back as he crouched down on the ground. Focusing his gaze on one part of the floor he tried to ignore the yelling and shouting, imagining himself somewhere else where he was safe. His dorm room, that would work.
He didn't register the shuffling of feet around him, or the quiet gasps that left his lips as he tried to retract his breathing, nor the figures that approached him before drawing to eye-level. The blur around him shifted with movement, and he hoped it wasn't his father. He questioned every action he had made the past week, trying to figure out which one was wrong and worthy of punishment.
It was only when another loud slam was interrupted by silence did he blink and look up. Momo and Bakugou were crouching in front of him whilst a few of their classmates left the room, he guessed to go and see what the shouting was all about, and he saw something in Momo's hands. Headphones. Specifically, the noise cancelling ones he kept in his dorm. Had she made another pair?
Before he could even say a word, Bakugou's hands that had been covering his ears were swiftly replaced with the noise cancelling headphones, and the duo in front of him held thumbs up, silently asking if he was okay. It took his mind a second to catch up on what was going on before he nodded his head; Momo smiled whilst Bakugou passed over his phone, gesturing for him to choose a song.
Now playing: Natural - Imagine Dragons 🎵
He showed his choice to Bakugou who then nodded in approval before talking to him; Shoto had to lip-read his words.
"You good now Icyhot?"
He nodded again, not daring to speak when he was matching his breathing with the circles Momo was drawing over his palm. When she looked over to her she gave him a warm smile that put his at ease, he trusted her to be honest with him. Turning back to Bakugou, he opened the notes app and asked:
"What happened? Did we do something wrong? Are they mad at us?"
"No. No." Bakugou was quick to re-assure whilst making a cross with his arms. He quickly looked over to the door and saw the students come back in. "Just dumb teacher shit." he signed.
Todoroki tried to push away his unease, cursing himself for becoming so weak just thinking about his father, imagining how he would try to defend himself if he entered the classroom to remove Shoto whilst his classmates could do nothing but watch. The fear, humiliation, and anger brewed in his stomach and he gripped onto his shirt whilst unknowingly zoning out again. The music became white noise, a rush of static in his ears that made a headache form, the noise turning into a-
A scream, one that felt and sounded exactly like his mother's when she was on her knees and holding her face and screaming at his father to leave him alone. When she was leaning so dangerously towards the edge, nothing left to lose as she screamed her throat raw as her youngest child was dragged away from her, her body limp and useless, her face showing complete agony. Why? Why did it turn out this way? Why? Why did he have to be born? He caused his mother to suffer. His fault, his fault, his-
A sudden jarring sensation on his arm made his eyes shoot up, frowning at the hand gripping his left forearm with white knuckles. It was hastily removed and only faint red marks that disappeared instantly gave any sign that someone was grabbing him in the first place. The blast of energy, a spasm up his arm, was just the explosions he had grown to anticipate during training.
He trailed the hand that left his arm with his eyes, his head not following as he didn't dare to escape his corner just yet. The same hand came to rest under his chin, slowly and cautiously tilting his head up to come level with Bakugou's. The blond looked uncharacteristically concerned, his usual glare and scowl replaced with his best interpretation of what could be considered a comforting smile; although he tried, Momo did a better job.
He focused on these little details whilst another song came on, and he ended up zoning in on them as he matched his breathing with the pace of the song. In for four and out for four. In for four and out for four. The scurrying of feet and desks being pulled away became meaningless to him, instead he noticed how Bakugou's eyelashes were a darker blond than his hair, and that Momo had a beauty mark just below her eyebrow.
Momo had returned to drawing circles on his palms, he noticed. And Bakugou had put the phone on the floor in place of entwining their hands together. A flash of green farther away grabbed his attention, and then another flash of blue, and brown, and ever so slowly he began to ground himself in his surroundings. Momo and Bakugou noticed this and quietly sighed, hoping he wouldn't retreat anymore.
When the door opened and shut for the final time, Shoto followed the male that entered and who seemed to be making his way over to him. Slowly pulling his hand away from Momo's fingertips, he tapped the side of his headphones and the music stopped, Momo slowly pulling them off of his head before brushing out the stray hair that fell out of place. Bakugou chuckled a little bit but Shoto's eyes never left Aizawa's frame, their eyes meeting when he came to crouch next to Shoto, who had ended up sitting on the floor with the pair.
"Okay?"
He nodded again, remaining non-verbal.
"I apologise. Us teachers got a little carried away."
At this Shoto frowned. Why were they apologising? Hadn't Bakugou said it was nothing, and that the shouting was just 'dumb teacher shit'. This implied that it should be expected. Besides, shouldn't he be apologising for causing such mess with his panic attack? He made to express these views with sign language, only managing the sign for 'sorry' before Aizawa shook his head and gently pushed his hands back down, making Shoto more confused than ever.
"You have nothing to apologise for." Aizawa insisted.
"Yeah," Bakugou added, understanding the sign language, "shit happens."
Momo nodded her agreement and Aizawa thanked his classmates for being so helpful. Before he stood up to apologise to the class for the interruption, he gave Todoroki a questioning okay sign with his hand, one that Shoto returned and in turn received a head pat and chuckle.
"I apologise for the interruption of the class, it seems that a disagreement between the staff got a little out of hand."
"A little more than a little, man." Kirishima spoke from somewhere nearby.
"Wanna get out of here?" Bakugou asked, helping Shoto to his feet whilst Momo got their bags together; he nodded once more and the trio slipped out the back door.
Bakugou pushed open the doors for them as they made their way out of the school building and towards the dorms. Momo had held one of his hands again; he looked down at them before gently squeezing, making her smile.
Shoto enjoyed the walk towards the dorms, seeing the different gyms in the distance and the flower beds scattered across the walkways. He noticed a barren set of trees close by, recalling how they bloomed with sakura in spring and how he liked to sit and read under them on the weekends. This brought a remnant of a smile to his lips, and his partners felt lighter just seeing it.
Once they were in the dorms they told him to get changed into some comfy clothes whilst they got some snacks ready; he nodded before heading up to his floor, focusing on the simple task as he pushed away the growing embarrassment of his recent meltdown. He got out one of his most biggest and baggiest hoodies, one of the first presents he had been given when he had moved into the dorms, wondering what it was like to wear casual and ill-fitting clothes instead of the shirts and slacks he had to wear with his father. Pairing his grey hoodie with some black leggings and black knee-length shorts, he headed back downstairs.
"Better?" Momo asked, pouring tea from one of her more-expensive tea sets, the one they used when they had tea together in her room and divulged themselves in mindless chatter as they escaped the expectations of their families.
He sat down on the sofa, accepting the hot beverage and cooling it a little with his quirk, whilst making sure to keep the steam away from his face. Bakugou had brought in some biscuits and slid the plate in front of him before they both slipped upstairs to get changed themselves. Then, Shoto slowly sunk back into the sofa, looking absent-mindedly at all the different things in their common room whilst slowly drinking his tea. It was chamomile, nice.
Momo returned with an abundance of pillows and blankets from her giant bed, whilst Bakugou came down holding some DVD cases.
"I've got Howl's Moving Castle, Avengers Assemble, Twilight (don't ask), Spirited Away, or Mulan."
"Oh, Mulan! I love that one!" Momo said with a smile. "Sho?"
He was more partial to Howl's Moving Castle, but the version of Mulan that Bakugou was holding was one he hadn't seen, so he nodded and watched Bakugou slip the disk into the TV before picking up his mug of tea. He sat on Todoroki's right side, forcing him into the middle of the sofa, whilst Momo took up his left. The film made its course across the screen and Shoto focused on it more the longer it played. He did like this film: overcoming familial expectation, staying true to yourself, carving out your own path, your own definition of family.
The credits soon came rolling down the screen and the familiar Loyal Brave True by Christina Aguilera played. But this time he actually listened to the lyrics and found them resonating with a part of himself he never dwelled on for too long.
"Out in the open. No one to save me. The kindest of whispers are cruel."
"Cold is the morning. Warm is the dream. Chasing the answers. 'Til I can't sleep."
"Who am I without my armour? Standing in my father's shoes. All I know is that it's harder. To be loyal, brave and true."
He didn't register the tears until they were being brushed away by Momo, a consoling smile on her face where she looked down at him on her shoulder. He didn't cry loud, his shoulders didn't shake and he didn't get red and puffy. He didn't cry often, never allowed himself too, so all that could escape were cold tears against hot cheeks. Shutting his eyes, he let out a long sigh as he felt Bakugou get up from his right, lifting up Shoto's legs that he had hauled onto his lap, and sat on the floor in front of him.
After a moment Shoto let himself speak the only two words he was capable of expressing:
"I'm sorry."
"Sho." Momo whispered, running her fingertips gently though his hair, knowing anything deeper would be triggering for him. "You have nothing to say sorry for. Everything that has happened has never been your fault."
"How about trying a 'thank you' instead?" Bakugou teased, getting a huff from the younger male who opened his eyes to see a smirk on Bakugou's face.
"Hm."
"You wanna eat or sleep? It's lunch break, and I have a feeling that our nosy classmates will be here any minute."
"Sleepy." Shoto admitted, feeling heavy as he lazily wiped away stray tears.
"Then we sleep." Bakugou declared, repositioning themselves on the sofa until they were all lying on top of each other; despite Momo's half-hearted protests that it was still school hours, Bakugou argued that all three of them probably already knew the entire syllabus for the next month and that if Icyhot wanted to nap then he could fucking nap.
Once settled in their pile of cushions and blankets, thankful to whoever had designed the dorms to make giant sofas, the trio shut their eyes and let the warmth of the blankets and each other help them slip off to sleep. Shoto was the last one to drop off, one hand twirling the ends of Momo's hair and the other rolling them hem of Katsuki's shirt between his fingertips.
"Thankyou both. I love you."
And if the rest of the class found them cuddling under the blankets with loving, content expressions as they slept, they didn't say a word.