Ehem,
W h a t ?
This book, my pride and joy at the disgusting age of 10, a book I thought was the shit and now, this book, the thing I look at when I want to cry and hate ten year old me but also congratulate myself on improving my writing, the thing that so many of y'all say y'all enjoy and god DAMN I never expected this like, (☉｡☉)!
I'm number 1 in the logansanders tag out of 4k and some stories i--
Idk,
I just popped back into wattpad to look at my books, again, obsessively, bad habit. And I saw that, and the reads, and votes and everything. I'm so grateful for your support on this story, truly. Thank you all so much, even though I wish ten year old me never published this shit without at l e a s t revising, it's improved my writing, broadened my horizons, brought a few big dreams just a little closer.
All of you that were here before I unpublished it for the first time, thank you so much. And all you new readers, thank you so so much too. I'm so fucking thankful that you guys stuck around even now, YEARS later. It makes me so damn happy. It made me so damn happy.
Back when I was writing this, I was big on venting through writing, keeping things in the books and comforting myself without actually acknowledging my problems. I've got better at that since then. I'm still working on it, but I at least face my issues best I can, and keep myself from projecting too much. It wasn't healthy.
In the beginning, when this began to rack up hundreds, thousands of views, I was shocked. I obsessed. I had to update, if I didn't, I was a failure. I wrote through pain and misery, happiness and sleepiness. I remember multiple nights where I would stay up until I passed out writing and writing and writing, deleting and deleting and deleting.
I was stressed, scared. If I didn't live up to standards, I'd lose views. Views were what I lived for, that and comments and votes.
Eventually, once I stopped writing the three stories, I really, REALLY stepped back to look at what that work made me.
I'm not proud of it.
I won't ever be, that's half the reason I took it down, because it was bad for me. Opening it was like a drug. I'd get like twenty notifications in class and I'd respond to every comment I could, ignore teachers and all. When it was closed, I craved for more. If there was a day I couldn't post, I'd get such terrible anxiety, it would cause me multiple attacks a day. I couldn't sleep either.
So, I took it down. I'm more in control, but I still have lots to do. When it was first up, it wasn't all bad. Every comment motivates me, even if it's small, hell, yell at me to post another chapter five minutes after I post one, I'll write more now because I'm happy to supply, [a little] confident. Not because I'm scared to not listen.
So, thank you. Thank you all for sticking with me the whole way through, know that y'all made my day again and again, even now when I need a little pick me up, I look at old comments, and new ones. Not the views, not the votes. Only the comments. You guys brighten my day and drag me out of bed on days that I don't want to.
Honestly, without you guys I don't think I would have continued writing. I wouldn't be where I am now. I'm a little happier, healthier. The bags under my eyes are lighter and I can close this app without anxiety clawing at my throat. All because you guys stayed, and you guys still like my story. This was my baby, this is the story that started it all.
So, thank you. Gosh I can't say that enough. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
I get some messages or comments from people now and then about how my updates brighten their day and how it helps them in a way, but I never told you guys how much I owe to you. How much you guys brightened my days, how you guys helped me.
Now, I have the capability to go on to do more that I will enjoy.
So again, thank you. I'll stop saying thank you now, sorry. 😅 (Thankyou-)
I love you all, 💕
-Blue Bird