(A/N: this is to answer a question I was asked in the previous chapter: The memories Lee Hyunjin has lost are any and all those related to Kim Jaehyun and Park Haejin.)
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Kim Jaehyun had never been this confused in his whole life.... why would you have a grave dug before your own death? Or was it that the doctor helped him set it up so people wouldn't look for him?
No.. Hyunjin wouldn't do something like that.
Lee Hyunjin sighed, "it's actually a bit of a long story." He was about to speak of the forbidden topic of the Lee family. One he never told anyone before but due to the circumstances he felt he needed to say it.
"I.. I had an older brother that used to take care of me and I was very attached to him, but he died or at least we think he did during my elementary school years. He went missing around that time and we never found him
Kim Jaehyun understood. He never knew Lee Hyunjin had brother but on some days when he visited the Lee home, Lee Hyunjins parents always looked oddly happy to see him watching over Lee Hyunjin and there were some days all three of them would seem extremely depressed but they wouldn't tell anyone why.
"If you know the way my family is then you'd know that we'd never speak of hyung in front of others because of how the entire house would immediately fall into despair. My family, we're the kind of people that get sad easily—all of us, especially if my brother was mentioned, mom had even gotten sick with worry for some time after hyung went missing," Lee Hyunjin explained, there was evident sadness and grief in his tone, "anyway, it didn't matter to who, we never spoke of my brother outside us three so even if you and I were close, you probably don't know about him. We didn't want to believe he was dead so we kept looking. But when my mom and dad caught the plague they told me that it was time to let him go and to live my life. So when they died I had gravestones made for all three of them including my brother... but the person who carved my brothers stone made a mistake and wrote my name instead. Isn't it ominous?" Lee Hyunjin chuckled soullessly.
"I didn't have enough money to have it changed, I spent everything on my parents illness and the gravestones. So that's why there's a grave with my name on it."
The room went silent again. Lee Hyunjin didn't know what to say and Kim Jaehyun wasn't speaking.
He felt a mix of patheticness and self loathing for not knowing about Lee Hyunjin brother, he felt regret for pushing away Lee Hyunjin when he was struggling the most with the loss of his whole family. He was always grieving... from the time that I met him.
A series of coincidences that evolved around Lee Hyunjin managed to make it seem like he died.... Kim Jaehyun couldn't help but think. What would've happened if he showed up at the exam centre after being 'dead' for two years?
But the fact that he didn't die... doesn't change the fact that he tried to
"Hyunjin, do you want to get your memories back now?" Kim Jaehyun asked rather cautiously, it was unlike him to ask in such an uncertain tone but he really couldn't find any other words to say.
Surprisingly Lee Hyunjins answer came immediately, "no, I don't want to. I'm sorry if this offends sunbae since you were obviously an important person in those memories but that would also mean.... me trying to die had something to do with you."
Unsurprisingly, Lee Hyunjin was as honest as when he was a child, he continued to speak, "Jaehyun Sunbae, isn't it fine like this?" He focused his eyes on Kim Jaehyun who was also looking at him through the mirror, "it may be selfish, but I don't want to remember those things that hurt me and I suspect that if I did... you and I wouldn't be talking to each other like this, so isn't this fine?"
Lee Hyunjins gaze was calm and honest, his stubborn streak was showing, he meant every word he said, there was no trace of uncertainty.
Kim Jaehyun couldn't find a response, he couldn't say 'no it's not fine, I want you to remember that we were best friends... that we were brothers, that you'd always come to me no matter what was troubling you, that I'm not a nice blonde-haired sunbae as others thought but a scary-faced-hyung' but he couldn't say it, that would just be his own selfishness and he didn't want Lee Hyunjin to suffer more than he already had.
Seeing that Kim Jaehyun wasn't answering him, Lee Hyunjin thought that he was disappointed, he said quietly but still calmly, "it's the cowards way out, I know but I never once said I was brave. If a situation calls for it then I'll run..."
(A/N: it's called self care but not always)
"I.. understand," Kim Jaehyun forced the words out. He supposed that this was his punishment for pushing Lee Hyunjin away that day... if that was so then he'd take it. If Lee Hyunjin chose not to remember him then so be it.
Somehow they both felt they were in the wrong. Lee Hyunjin thought it was wrong of him to choose to forget someone who never forgot him whilst Kim Jaehyun felt it was selfish of him to want Lee Hyunjin to remember.
Lee Hyunjin did not like this uncomfortable silence so he scoured his mind to try and find a topic.
A full ten minutes later when Kim Jaehyun was done cutting and brushing his hair was when he finally asked, "sunbae, do you think I should go to Ifvnar with you?"
Kim Jaehyun's current thoughts shattered like glass and he revealed a rather foul expression, "what?" He looked like he was disgusted by the idea, "don't even."
Kim Jaehyun's tone was harsh, "stay here where it's safe and we'll come back to find you. Ifvnar is dangerous even if you've already been there, knowing your luck entering in there again could be the last anyone ever sees of you."
Kim Jaehyun face at the moment had a rather unpleasant expression but the words he spoke were obviously for Lee Hyunjins own good.
Lee Hyunjin wasn't deaf, he clearly heard and understood. "Sunbae thats a very scary expression you're wearing," he said.
Kim Jaehyun should've gotten angry at such a remark but Lee Hyunjin no longer knew his true self and yet said something he'd usually say when they were best friends. Kim Jaehyun smiled or atleast he tried to, "sorry," he said, you still didn't change Hyunjin
Lee Hyunjin looked at the vaguely familiar 'apologetic expression' and thought really scary... was this guy always like this?
"I won't enter Ifvnar with you then but I'll walk with you guys to the entrance," Lee Hyunjin said, "and sunbae, you have to remember the things I told you, tell the others okay?"
Cerberus had watched and heard everything and he felt he should speak, Master this undead friend of yours is quite the good fellow... I think even if he doesn't remember, he wouldn't despise your hideously rude and rather antisocial attitude. Memories or no, he appears to be fine with it, what a strange one
—Cerberus who asked you to open your mouth
Master you should trust this undead fellow a bit more besides... your fake persona immediately falls apart in front of him. Try as you might but he can see right through it.
—you're still talking?
Master sometimes I feel as though you don't like me very much, don't be angry.
Kim Jaehyun ignored Cerberus who would earnestly insult, anger or poke someone's sore spots then ask them not to be angry.
Kim Jaehyun actually wanted to refuse Lee Hyunjins offer of escorting them, who knows what mad beast would rush out of ifvnar to try and eat him? It wasn't safe but thanks to Cerberus' talking to him, he missed his chance to refuse.
Lee Hyunjin was now looking in the mirror, his hair looked short and neat, even his bangs had been trimmed so they didn't look too long and messy, he felt like he now looked the way he did back on Earth. This short hairstyle suited him. "Thank you!" He beamed.
"Next time you want to cut it, just tell me."
"I will! Thank you."
Kim Jaehyun opened the door to leave but then he thought of something, "Hyunjin... since I'm entering the forest could you take care of something for me whilst I'm gone?"
"Eh... Uh sure I guess, what is it?" Lee Hyunjin was a bit puzzled.
"Something that won't be very useful to me, while I'm away, in fact it's quite useless but I'd appreciate it if you were the one to look after it," Kim Jaehyun smiled.
"O-Kay..." Lee Hyunjin said doubtfully.
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"I take it we'll find you at the inn when we return?" Levi asked casually.
Lee Hyunjin answered, "yes."
They were currently walking towards the entrance to Ifvnar. Surprisingly everyone in the party was calm as they approached the poison forest. Lee Hyunjin was walking in the back with Levi, they talked about a few things concerning their journey and of course Lee Hyunjin voiced the audio version of the Ifvnar survival guide for Levi.
"Your information is very useful, thank you," Levi said.
"Glad to help," Lee Hyunjin was pleased. "Anyway, how long do you intend to stay in there?"
"Well we have as much as a single month but preferably only two weeks will be spent in this place. The aim is to see if each of them can successfully hunt a high level beast alone. It's a way of gauging their strength," Levi explained, he found it was rather easy to talk to Lee Hyunjin as the other would ask questions before the conversation could fall flat.
"Then... why not pick a different forest?"Lee Hyunjin asked curiously.
"Don't you think it's the perfect place to test one limits and skills? Well ifvnar is the most dangerous forest and is also the closest to this kingdom," Levi said.
Lee Hyunjin thought... well it's not like I disagree but... "who would assign such a test? Are you guys part of some military group? Your superiors must be really harsh sending you to such a place in the name of training," Lee Hyunjin plainly voiced his thoughts, he shook his head, "it's too cruel, too cruel."
Levi arched a brow as he listened to Lee Hyunjin talk about himself disapprovingly. He nodded his head lightly, "definitely too cruel."
Lee Hyunjin felt bad for them so he said, "if you get seriously injured, it may not be much but come to me, I'll help you," well I'll give you Eneri to help you....
Levi was puzzled but his face showed no changes, "right, we'll take you up on that offer then."
Lee Hyunjin smiled.
Han Shinwoo who had listened in on this conversation was dumbstruck, the crown prince who was usually quite strict let someone insult him to his face and didn't even react?
On the other hand there was someone who wasn't particularly happy with Lee Hyunjins words. A golden orb of light flashed infront of Lee Hyunjin and in the next second, a large lion with pure white wings was glaring down at him.
"Why you...!" Artemis was angry, how dare he insult his master and even in his presence! The penalty is death!😤
Lee Hyunjin recognised the lion, the smile on his face suddenly brightened, "it's you!"
Artemis who was about to teach the human in front of him a lesson was momentarily confused, why was this human looking happy to see him? Just yesterday he was running away from him like he was a demon.