Chapter 37 - The End
Ben and I had agreed it was best to wait until after his graduation to tell his parents about our relationship. In the following days, the house had become eerily quiet. If I didn't know how many people lived in that house I would have thought it was abandoned. Savanna hadn't been around much. I think it was too painful for her to be home; there were too many memories of a life she was about to leave behind. The day before Ben's graduation, suitcases and moving boxes were left in my room. It seemed to make the whole thing more final, finally more realistic than a nightmare I was hoping would end.
But Ben was coming with me, so none of it mattered.
I packed up my belongings without question. As I was shoving the last of my clothes into my suitcase, Ryder appeared in my doorway. He leaned against the doorframe, arms crossed. "So ya'll are leaving," he muttered with a frown. It wasn't a question, just a statement that hung heavily in the air between us.
"Don't do this now," I stood up, wiping my hands on my jeans. "I will start crying." Ryder had become my best friend in this house. He was the person who first understood me, he saw me when I was trying my best not to be seen. He got it. We shared the pain of losing someone we love, something that nobody else in the Miller household was able to sympathize with. I was going to miss him terribly.
"I'm just going to miss you," he shrugged, trying to pass it off as no big deal. I could see by the slight shine in his eyes he was tearing up too. "What am I going to do without my sisters here?"
"I'll still see you!" I promised, forcing a smile we both knew wasn't genuine. "There's birthdays and Thanksgiving and Christmas. And I'm sure you'll visit LA." He shrugged, finally stepping into my room and flopping onto my bed. I followed to sit next to him.
"This is so dumb," he sighed, pulling a pillow over his face. "My mom actually acted surprised when I said I wanted to stay here as if it was some sort of shock that I didn't want to leave the only home I've ever known. I'm almost done with school! Why would I want to change at the last minute? And then the others, of course, we want to stay with Dad. Skylar's the only one who didn't have a choice, the baby is going to stay with Mom. I just can't believe they're doing this to us." I placed a hand on his knee, rubbing to give him some sort of comfort. He threw the pillow off, sitting up. "At least Ben will be close by."
I stiffened as I realized Ben hadn't even told his brothers about his decision yet.
He shrugged. "Parents are a mess, huh?"
"Yeah," I laughed nervously, scratching the back of my neck. For a moment I was conflicted, trying to decide if I should let Ryder in on our little secret. But I couldn't risk anything going wrong with this plan, not when Ben and I were so close to being able to be together. I had to keep my mouth shut, no matter how guilty it made me feel. Plus, it wasn't my place. Something this huge needed to come from his brother, not me.
"What about you and Ben?" He asked, raising an eyebrow at me. I was sure my bright red cheeks would give me away, so I quickly turned my head and pretended to be very interested in the hem of my t-shirt.
"That's kinda non-issue, don't you think? With the whole not being able to date your foster brother thing?" I couldn't bring myself to look at him, but I could feel him staring at me. For a moment he was silent as if waiting for some other response, but he finally just sighed. He stood up, moving to leave.
"Well, I'll see you around, Quinn."
"Right back at you, Miller."
***
The next day was Graduation Day. I woke up with my stomach in knots, feeling like I was going to puke. Today was the day. We would tell everyone tonight at Ben's graduation party. I wasn't sure why I was so nervous, there wasn't much anyone could do about it. Ben was eighteen and could go to college wherever he wanted, and I had to stay with Savanna to finish out my senior year of high school. They wouldn't separate my sisters and me, both Savanna and Jason had hearts too kind for such cruelty. We had figured out a way where no one could stop us.
I had to force myself to push through the nerves and get in the shower. When I got out, I quickly did my hair and makeup before slipping into the dress Savanna had bought me for the big day. It was a red strapless dress that clung to my curves nicely. I paired it with black heels and gold earrings. As I was clasping the gold heart necklace around my neck, London knocked on the open door. She was wearing a strapless black pantsuit that was covered in red and pink roses, and a pair of glittery sandals. Her blonde hair was curled, pulled into a messy ponytail with a few strands framing her face.
"Hey," she smiled, helping herself to some pink lipgloss. "Ready to leave tonight?" The private jet was all set up to leave at 11:00 PM, right after the party. Everything was probably already being loaded onto the plane.
"As all ever be," I sighed, hoping I would be able to hold myself together. But this was my sister, of course, she knew something was wrong.
"Is it Ben?" She asked, frowning. "If he tried to talk to you, I swear to god-" I cut her off, holding a finger up to my lips as I moved to close the bathroom door. There were way too many ears in this house.
"About that..."
"Shiloh Quinn, you did not," She crossed her arms over her chest, tapping her foot impatiently. "After all those things he said to you the other night, you're just going to crawl right back?"
"If anything, he did the crawling," I muttered, rolling my eyes. "But look, what I'm about to tell you can't leave this room. We're talking to Savanna and Jason tonight." She must have realized how serious I was being because she quickly held her pinky out to me. I couldn't help but laugh as I looped my finger through hers, both of us kissing our thumbs to complete the pinky promise. "Ben is moving to LA too."
"I thought he was going to Vanderbilt?" She asked, leaning up against the counter. Footsteps echoed through the room as someone ran down the hallway, making me freeze. Just as I was sure someone would burst into the room, the footsteps continued down the hall. I let out a breath I hadn't known I was holding.
I shook my head. "UCLA. Jason wanted him to go to Vanderbilt, but he wants to go to UCLA. He's going to get an apartment down there so we can be together." London sighed heavily, her shoulders drooping slightly.
"Are you sure about this, Shi?" She asked. "I know you love him, anybody with eyes could see you two are totally bonkers for each other, but...I just don't want to see you get hurt. Just a few nights ago you said you never wanted to see him again."
"Well, now I'm his girlfriend," I told her, unable to contain the smile that spread across my face. Every time I said that word I burst into the cheesiest grin. Her mouth fell open in shock. "I know, I know, please don't be mad at me."
"Shi, he-"
"Trust me, we've talked it out. We figured out how to move forward. I love him, London. I'm so happy." I took her hands, hoping it would somehow help her understand. I was desperate for her approval.
"If you're happy, I'm happy," she finally said with a sigh, pulling me in for a hug. "You deserve it."
"Thank you," I pulled back, releasing her. "So, what about you and that Will kid? I know you went out a couple of times." She shrugged casually, turning on her heels to make her way out of my room.
"I'm too young for the long-distance thing. We said goodbye on the last day of school, and that's that." If she was upset at all, I couldn't tell. I followed her as we made our way down the large staircase, hand on the rail. "He wasn't the one anyway. Besides, I can't wait to get my hands on all the hot Cali boys." I rolled my eyes, deciding not to comment. We had finally found our way back to being good sisters, I didn't want to do anything to jeopardize that.
When we entered the living room, it was like a tornado had blown through. Arielle chased Skylar around the couch, running in circles and almost knocking over Gavin on the way. Matthew and Mason were sitting in the corner, hovering over their Nintendo Switches. Savanna stood by the garage door, phone pressed to her ear, her other hand on her hip. Jason stood about six feet away, hands shoved in his pockets as he talked to Dallas. Cora and Zoe saw us enter the room and quickly left their places on the couch to come to my side. Ben had driven himself to the school earlier that morning for the last-minute graduation rehearsal. When Savanna saw us, she let the phone drop into her pocket.
"Alright, let's move!" She exclaimed, clapping her hands. We all sprung into action, each trying to rush to be able to get a good seat. I ended up squished in the back of Savanna's car between Ryder and Zoe. Dallas scored the front seat. The rest of the clan had piled into Jason's car. Before I could make sure my younger sisters had made it into Jason's car safely, Savanna peeled out of the driveway, and we were off.
Savanna was silent for most of the drive. I couldn't imagine how difficult this day was for her. She was struggling between being overjoyed for her son and grieving the loss of her marriage. You could tell by the way she shifted in her seat every few seconds that she was anxious. The air in the car was tense, but none of us tried to speak. We had all been scared to even breathe in the Miller house for the past few days. Finally, when we were almost at the high school, she spoke. "Are you girls ready to leave tonight?" She asked, glancing at me in the rearview mirror. When our eyes met, I forced a strained smile.
Act natural, Shiloh. She can't know anything until tonight.
"I'm packed, if that helps," I chuckled, looking at my feet.
"I'm excited!" Zoe exclaimed, practically jumping up and down in her seat. "I mean, we get to live in LA. How cool is that?!" Savanna smiled sadly, nodding her head as she pulled into a parking spot. We all piled out of the car, almost falling over each other. Ryder slung an arm around my shoulder lazily, ruffling my hair.
"Hey!" I exclaimed, playfully punching at his shoulder. He dodged it at the last second, taking off at a sprint towards the football field. The school had set up a stage in the middle of the field, surrounded by chairs for the graduates. Guests would sit on the bleachers. I frantically searched the crowd for Ben, but I couldn't find him in the sea of people. We merged with the rest of the family when we arrived at the bleachers. Jason lead the pack, shuffling in as Mason and Matthew trailed him. I didn't miss the way that Savanna fell to the back of the group, presumably to be as far away from Jason as possible.
I ended up sitting between London and Ryder. It was a hot, dry Tennessee day; the kind of weather I had come to love. It was on the list of about one hundred things I would miss. Every time I thought of something new, tears would well up in my eyes as I had to choke back a sob. At least I would have Ben. That made me feel a million times better.
The ceremony passed in a blur. I was a bundle of nerves the whole time because with every passing moment we came closer to having to tell Savanna and Jason about our plan. Ryder kept giving me strange glances, but he had figured out there was no point in asking.
When Ben crossed the stage, I screamed so loud my throat burned. The feeling of pride that swelled in my chest was almost overwhelming. I knew he could hear me, somehow, because he smiled a little wider and blew a kiss at the crowd. That was for me, I knew it.
When the family found Ben after the ceremony, it was hard to keep my hands at my side. All I wanted was to throw my hands around his neck and give him the biggest hug possible, but we had to keep it together for a couple more hours. His eyes locked with mine, his beautiful smile tugging at his lips. His eyes said one thing; I love you. All I could do was hope that my eyes said it back.
***
I had never seen the Miller home so full. Not at the family barbeque, not at Ben's birthday, never. It was like the whole town had shown up to send Ben off to college. Vanderbilt banners hung through the house as if provoking me to crack. Ben even wore a Vanderbilt hoodie, followed by his proud father who wore a university hat. I felt even sicker to my stomach, sure I would puke at any minute. Stick to the plan, Shiloh, I told myself, checking the time on my phone. 6:48 PM. Twelve minutes until I would meet Ben in the kitchen. Twelve minutes until I could hug him and feel all my nerves go away.
"What's wrong with you?" Gavin asked bluntly, staring at me. I couldn't hide my surprise as I jumped, placing a hand over my heart.
"Jesus, you scared me," I breathed out a sigh, trying to calm my nerves. I was almost shaking in my heels.
"I can tell something is up, I just don't know what," He mused before walking away. I sighed again, wiping my forehead with the back of my head. If we didn't get this over with soon I would be sweating more than a whore in church.
Ben stood across the living room from me, surrounded by a group of men all sporting the same Vanderbilt hat as Jason. I assumed they were fellow alumni, here to teach Ben the ropes. Jason had an arm slung around his son's shoulders, the biggest smile on his face. Ben was obviously better at faking than I was. Just by looking at him, I couldn't even tell we were about to turn this whole party upside down.
Ten more minutes.
I sipped on the glass of champagne in my hand, the one I had stolen off of a server's platter when no one was looking. So far, all the adults had been too busy praising Ben to notice. I was desperate for something to calm my nerves. Breathing out through my nose, I threw the glass back and downed the whole thing.
"Damn," Rylin's familiar voice drawled, "Trying to get fucked up or what?" I spun to her, a smile playing at my lips. I would miss her the most, I thought. Sure I would miss the boys, but nothing could replace a best friend. However, our closeness betrayed me. Ry took one look at my face and frowned. "What's going on?"
"Nothing," I lied, spinning on my heels to grab another glass of champagne. It was gone in one gulp.
Eight minutes.
My escape attempt failed quickly. Before I took three steps Ryling grabbed my arm, pulling me to face her. I squirmed, knowing I was about to spill the beans. Damn it, Shiloh, only seven more minutes! All I wanted was to squeal with my best friend, knowing I was finally getting my happy ending. Except to get it, I had to crush a father's dream for his son and break the trust of the only mother figure I had left. The price was high, and the longer I held in this secret, the more I doubted it was worth the cost. The situation was messy and I was being selfish, I knew that. I was risking my relationship with the Millers, and more importantly, Ben was risking his relationship with his family.
I loved the Millers.
But I loved Ben more.
I loved him so much it felt like my heart might burst from my chest.
But instead of telling Rylin my thought, I chewed on my bottom lip, pretending to be very interested in the last drop of champagne as I swirled it around in the glass. Ry huffed, "This is your last night here. Are you really going to spend it running away from me?"
"It's not like that," I sighed, feeling my heart drop into my stomach. A classic guilt trip and I was falling for it. Hesitantly, I glanced at my phone. Six minutes. "I just...I have to do something."
Rylin's eyes sparkled mysteriously. "Ooo, what something? Can I help?"
"No," I said, apparently a bit too eagerly. Her eyes fell as she dropped her hold on me, acting as if I had slapped her. "I'm sorry, it's not like that. It's just...It's Ben." I didn't know how much I could tell her before she figured it out, or perhaps worse, I crumped completely and just told her.
She stiffened a little. "What did the idiot do now?"
"Nothing," I promised, forcing a smile I didn't mean. I felt like I would suffocate. "I will tell you everything in just a little bit." She crossed her arms over her chest as if to say, not good enough. I tried to plead with my eyes because I knew if she pushed I would crumble.
It must have worked because she said, "Fine. But just tell me, are you okay?"
"I will be," I promised, hoping it was true. I searched for Ben frantically, hoping he was looking for me, too. All I needed was a glance into those sea-blue eyes to feel peace. When I did find him, he was already looking at me. A ghost of a smile appeared on his lips, so quick I almost thought I imagined it before he raised his hand to scratch his cheek. If I hadn't been staring so intently, I might have missed it. But, ever so quickly, he held up three fingers. The meaning was not lost on me.
Three minutes.
Quickly, before I lost my nerve, I wrapped my arms around my best friend. She hugged me back without question. "Wish me luck," I whispered in her ear before releasing her and making a beeline for the kitchen.
The walls of the kitchen drowned out the noise from the party. It was like I had shoved my head underwater and could only hear the muffled sounds of celebration. I leaned on the island, letting my head fall to my chest as I took slow, deep breaths. You can do this.
Strong arms wrapped around me from behind, the familiar shape of a nose nuzzling into my neck. I felt my muscles relax immediately as I leaned into him. "Ready?" He asked.
"As I'll ever be," I sighed, twisting to face him. His eyes shone with so much hope and love all I wanted to do was dive into them. "They're going to be upset."
"They'll get over it," he promised me, grabbing my face with both hands. "You are my person, Shiloh Quinn, and I'm not going another day without you being mine." Ben closed the distance between us, pressing his lips to mine. This kiss felt different. It was gentle, full of hope and promise, not like our other greedy, lustful kisses. The pool of nerves gathering in my stomach seemed to melt away as he kissed me. When he pulled away I was breathless. He leaned his forehead against mine, looking me in the eyes. "Okay. I'm going to grab my parents and have them come to the dining room with me. We'll be alone. I'll meet you in there?" I nodded. "See you soon. I love you."
"I love you too," I told him, giving him one last peck on the lips. And with that he released me, once again dissapearing into the party. This was it, moment of truth. Before I could loose my nerve I practically sprinted to the dining room. I closed the sliding double doors behind me and took a seat at the far side of the room.
Seconds turned in to minutes and my leg started to shake. Anxiously, I tapped my fingers on the table, the drumming sound doing little to calm me. What was taking so long? Surely his parents weren't that hard to find. Maybe they had figured it out. Maybe I hadn't kept the secret as well as I thought. Maybe London had spilt the beans; that thought was the worst of all.
Just when I was about to puke, the doors slid open. "Ben, I'm sure this can wait until after our guests leave. It's rude to-" Savanna stopped mid sentence, eyes falling on me. Her eyes lit up immediately, a frown crossing her features. I could tell by the way her stance became more rigid she had figured it out before Jason.
"Shiloh, honey, could you go back to the party? Ben wanted to talk to us privately." Jason smiled kidley at me. I stood, knowing I couldn't leave, but wishing I could. Ben closed the doors quickly, before anyone could object.
"I want her here," Ben said, coming to my side. "Actually, she needs to be here." He snaked his hand in mine, gripping tightly. I wasn't sure if it was for dramatic effect or to keep me from running. Either way, it was effective. Both of his parents eyes dropped to our entwined hands, and immediately the atmosphere changed.
"No," Savanna said, her voice dangerously low. "We've talked about this. It isn't happening." She strode forward, gripping her sons arm and trying to yank him from my grip. He held tighter, lifting his chin in defiance. "You can not be together. This isn't a discussion!"
"The girls are leaving," Jason tried, gripping the back of a chair so tightly his knuckles turned white. He had always been the kind, level headed one. This was the closest I had ever seen Jason to flipping a gasket. "There is no point in a long distance relati-well, anything! Why are you insisting on hurting yourselves?!"
I wanted to yell, scream, do anything that would make them see how much I loved their son. But I bit my tongue, because Ben needed to be the one to tell them. He was the one making a sacrifice, and I didn't want them to think I was forcing their son into anything.
Silence fell between us. I hardly dared to breathe, let alone make a noise. The disappointment on Savanna and Jason's faces said it all. They were not going to give us the green light, even after Ben dropped the school bomb.
"I'm going to LA," Ben finally said, his voice almost inaudible. For a second I thought they hadn't heard us, but I saw Jason's shoulders deflate. Savanna dropped her son's arm and fell into a chair, clearly exhausted.
"You can't Vanderbilt is here," Jason muttered, frowning.
"He isn't going to Vanderbilt, Jason," Savanna hissed. Her eyes narrowed at me. If looks could kill, I would've dropped dead then and there. Ben, once again, tightened his grip on my hand, somehow sensing I needed the extra support.
"Of course he is," Ben's father laughed, "It's been the dream since he was a kid. Tell your mother, Ben." Ben only gulped, his adam's apple bobbing. Jason's shoulders fell again. If they fell anymore I was sure he would fold in on himself. "Ben?"
"Dad, maybe you want to sit down-"
"I don't want to sit down!" Jason exclaimed, making me flinch. I gripped Ben's arm with my free hand, giving him a squeeze. "You're throwing your future away for her?!" I knew it shouldn't have been an insult. I knew these people cared about me. But this was their son, their own flesh and blood, and of course they would react poorly to the orphan girl changing the course of their oldest son's life. And yet, the way he said 'her' with so much venom, struck anger into my veins.
"Dad, I've been meaning to talk to you about this for a while. This isn't Shiloh's fault-"
"Bullshit," Jason seethed, rounding on his son. In three steps he was in his face, towering over him by only a couple of inches. "If they had never come here, you wouldn't be changing your mind. You're going to Vanderbilt. I won't pay for some hippie college in California just so you can chace your high school girlfriend across the country."
Ben took a deep breath and closed his eyes, a habit I had come to recognize as routine for him when he was trying not to lose his cool. When he opened his eyes again he spoke cool and collected, like he had been preparing this speech for years. "I know Vanderbilt is your dream for me. But it's your dream, not mine. I'm eighteen now, I have to make my own decisions. I've wanted to go to UCLA for years, and I just never had the courage to tell you. I'm not making this decision because of Shiloh, but she is the reason I'm finally man enough to come clean. She makes me a better person, dad, I know you both can see that. I know deep down you can see the man I'm becoming and are proud of that, even if you can't admit that now. I love her, and I'm not losing her, and I'm not going to Vanderbilt. If you won't pay for it, fine. I'll apply for scholarships, I have the grades for it. Or I'll get loans. And I'll get a job. Whatever it takes. I didn't bring you here to ask your permission, but to inform you of my decision. I hope I have your blessing, but it is not a requirement. The decision is made and I've already turned down my spot at Vanderbilt. I hope you can accept that."
Ben's words hung in the air like a weighted blanket. My eyes flipped between Savanna and Jason, trying to judge their reactions. Savanna was impossible to read, but Jason had a fire in his eyes that was impossible to miss. For a second I thought he would punch Ben in the jaw, but then he rounded and left the room, slamming the door behind him. I almost collapsed, gripping the table for support. I hadn't realized how badly I had been shaking. Ben was at my side in a second, grabbing my waist to steady me.
"This is what you really want?" Savanna whispterd so quietly I thought I had imagined it. She stared at her clasped hands that lay on the table, refusing to look at us. "Truly, Benjamin, this is what you want? If it is, if what you say is true, I'm not going to stand in your way." Ben looked at me and I nodded, motioning for him to go to her. He pulled the chair out next to his mother, grabbing her hands.
"Mom, I promise, I'm going to make you proud. I still want law school, just at UCLA. I'm prepared for this to take time for ya'll to accept. I even have a commercial flight booked to take me and Shiloh to LA, if you don't want us on the jet tonight. I get it, and I don't want to lose my relationship with you and dad..." Ben's voice cracked, making my heart ache. "But I need to do college on my terms, my way, or I'm going to regret it."
Savanna nodded, finally raising her gaze. She placed a hand on her son's face, giving him a sad smile. "I never want to see you compramizing yourself for me or your dads dreams for you. You chase your dreams, even if it takes us longer to catch up." He smiled, pulling his mother into a hug. When she released him, she held a hand to me, motioning for me to approach. Hesitantly I closed the space between us, placing my hand in her hand. "Don't hurt my son, Shiloh," but her eyes sparkled slightly, showing me that she only half meant it.
Trust me, I had no intention to.
A/N: Woo, this is a long one. As I think you can tell, I really struggled at the beginning of this chapter, and then it just started to flow. Finally, after 7 years, I have finished this story. All that is left is an epilogue that I have already written. I will probably post that after Christmas. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading this story, whether you've been here from the beginning or you just came along, I am eternally grateful. I hope you loved Ben and Shiloh as much as I have, and I hope I did them justice. Thank you again, I hope you've enjoyed the ride.