Time is weird in the sense where hours can feel like days when you stare at a clock, counting down the minutes it takes to go home. Laying here, in the dirt, with a body much stronger than mine weighing me down with their hands around my neck until I'm blue in the face waiting for the cops to come is the longest feeling in the world.
The sound has left my throat, no more pain and just numbness caressing my entire body telling me death has come to its avail to bring me home. I feel saddened, in a way I never have before. My pity consumes me more than myself, but for Dean. But for the person I shoved into my life and now I am woefully leaving without saying goodbye.
The sirens grow louder and Devon has given up on the strangle, now panicking. My eyes are growing heavy, my mouth open wide to choke in the fresh air that I hadn't had before.
"Fucking bitch," he grumbles under his breath, as if my death is inconveniencing him. I should be the one cursing him really I mean, come on. It's been five minutes and he still hasn't choked me properly?
My hand flies to my throat, gagging on the air and Devon only serves to shove me back down, standing up again so he can plan his escape. I'm coughing widely, my eyes widening as I realize I cannot bring in the air I need down to my lungs.
My vision stirs, stars covering the back of my eyes and I'm laying back down without a semblance of hope again because no matter how hard I try I cannot breathe. I can't tell if this is a panic attack or a side effect of his violent strangulation but if I cannot get air into my lungs right now I might—
- - -
A groan leaves my throat followed by pain radiating on every part of my body. It feels like my brain is pounding erratically against my head and just everything fucking hurt.
"Sophia...?" A hesitant voice calls out and I turn my head to the side, blinking back the sleep and shutting them immediately when the light blazes against my vision.
"Light...close." I manage to force out, my throat hurting. I can hear them get up quick at my request, darkness invading my closed lids and I then slowly open them again. A shadow of a person is sitting in the chair beside my bed, and as I look around I notice I'm wired up to some machines that stand prim beside my bed.
With confusion, I go to sit up, immediately falling against the sheets as my headache overtakes me.
Have I mentioned that everything hurts?
Something cold touches my bottom lip and I crack my eyes open again, staring up at a shadow who seems to have circles under his eyes and tear tracks marking his cheeks. Dean looks ultimately dishevelled right now, and not in the sexy let-me-fuck-you kind of way (well I always wanna fuck him but thats besides the point) but in a way that has me sitting up and reaching out to touch his cheek, my thumb rubbing the slight stubble that grows there.
I've never seen him with facial hair, much less wearing gray sweatpants and a white t-shirt anywhere but the confines of our home and that has me on high alert. I go to speak again but the action renders me wincing, stopping myself before I injure myself further. This only has him gently nudging my lips with the cup again, his hand coming over to hold onto my jaw and thumb tracing my bottom lip.
The hand on his face falls as I obey him, opening my mouth allowing him to feed me the water. The action is strangely familiar, my mind flashing back to all those months ago where Dean helped me drink milk and honey in order to help me fall asleep. I can't help it when my eyes well with tears again and with further inspection, so do his as he watches my throat carefully when I swallow.
Silent tears fall down his cheeks and all he does is watch me. As if the thought of him looking away might mean I'll be lost again without him finding me.
Something glints in the somewhat dark and my eyes fall to his neck, seeing the chain he gave me there along with the ring strung on. I want to reach out and touch it, caress it, because for a second I didn't think I would be alive to see it again though for now I stay motionless, simply watching his every action and savoring it like I haven't ever before.
I don't say anything when he refills the cup after making me drown the first one, making me finish the second one as well. I don't say anything when he sets it down after he's satisfied, rubbing at his cheeks to remove the tears that fell. And I don't say anything when he crouches beside my bed, hands clutching the sheets and his forehead pressing against my blanket covered thighs.
He's processing this entire situation in his own way and all I want to do is litter him with apologies and hold him so close to me that we both lose the ability to breathe.
I rub a soothing hand down his back and minutes into it, his shoulders start shaking as he collapses to his knees, burying further into my body. I shift again, turning so he has better access to me and he shifts too, wrapping his hands around my waist and holding me as close as he can from our positions.
His small sobs have me crying silently as well, my body bending in half so I'm as close to him as possible and I shut my eyes in relief, in grief and freedom and sustenance because I am here and I survived.
"Dean..." I whisper and he only shakes his head, melting into me like I am a part of him. His hands tighten around my body, his face pressed further into my thighs, and his shoulders continue to move as his cries become so loud that they escape him in intervals.
I stay quiet for the remainder of however long he needs me, my hand resuming their stroking motion along his back as he cries out his love for me, the sound echoing softly against the walls of the hospital room.
- - -
"Almost dying, Sophia? Really? You sure know how to say you miss me."
I look up from my book, my smile overtaking my face as I make grabby hands at the basket in Zayn's arms. Dean hasn't been letting me eat anything edible, reducing me down to soft foods like oatmeal, soup, and applesauce and I am in dire need of the chocolate sticking out of the basket. Standing beside him are Ayesha and Vanessa, Alyan and Brandon most likely outside with Dean in the cafeteria and Alex—who came here an hour earlier—stands up from the chair beside my bed and walks over to him, taking the basket for me.
It's sudden motion after that, everyone racing towards me to hug as tightly as they can.
"Sophia!" Zayn cries out, getting to me first so his arms are wrapped securely around me. His face is pressed against my shoulder and I can feel the sudden tears that soak my shirt. I wrap my arms around him too, following his lead and smile so wide it hurts.
While I still have the overwhelming urge to cry, I want to laugh and be happier. Ayesha shoves Zayn off of me, taking over and soon, both her and Vanessa are climbing on my bed and sitting on either side of me while Zayn takes the empty seat next to Alex.
Vanessa grabs my hand, turning her body towards me as her eyes take a quick scan of me. Her eyes fill with tears that I quickly shake my head at, not wanting them to cry anymore. She brushes back the hair away from my face to look at the damage there, her bottom lip quivering.
"Is he in jail?" She whispers. "Is the bastard who hurt my darling in jail? I am going to kill him. I am going to fuck him up..." She trails off on a sob, shaking her head to which Ayesha takes over, also looking weepy.
"Stupid fucking fucker. I am going to castrate his body and chop off all of his ligaments and feed them to horses who will chew on his leftovers so slowly that he'll pray that he was eaten by a faster animal."
"Okay, lovelies." Alex stands up, touching the top of both of my crying friends' heads gently as she smiles at them sweetly. "How about we give Sophia some space from all of this D-word talk and talk about something else, yeah?" She looks around, her head turning to send a pointed look at Zayn who swiftly wipes his tears away as well, nodding at her.
"Yeah," Vanessa says, choking on a sob. "Okay. Sophia, I got back together with Alyan. A-and I got hired by another news anchor who wants me...wants me to..." She throws her body against mine in another hug, not quite there yet in the small talk to which Zayn quickly takes over.
"I found some new pickup lines, Soph. Want me to roleplay as my future wife? I need someone to try them on."
I smile at him to continue, one of my hands placed on the back of Vanessa's head while the other holds tenderly to Ayesha's hand as he gathers her composure.
"Okay," Zayn clears his throat, looking serious now before plastering a wide grin on his face. "Hey girl, are you an engine?"
I tilt my head at him in response.
"Because my car can't start without you."
Silence fills the room before teary laughter, everyone confused and in need of some of Zayn's humor. His smile blossoms, lighting up the entire room as he looks around, asking if it was good.
"What does that even mean, honey?" Vanessa asks him, wiping beneath her eyes.
"It's like a heart. You know, engine, heart. Engine...heart." He shakes his head, putting up a hand to pause our laughing. "Okay, here's another one." This time, he turns to Alex with a wink.
"Hey girl...are you an appendix? Because I wanna take you out."
That rings another silence when Alex asks him the most important question here: "How did you know about my appendicitis?"
That makes Ayesha break into laughter, everyone following as Alex stays interrogating Zayn on his abundance of knowledge of others surgeries.
"What's going on here, guys?" A voice breaks through the laughing, and my eyes immediately go to the door where Dean is standing behind an amused looking Alyan and Brandon, who're both carrying trays of snacks for us.
Alex finally hands me the basket, going for the trays to help hand them out and I dig in, pulling out a chocolate bar and raising it in the air as a sign of victory. It quickly disperses when the chocolate is swiped out of my hand by a frowning Dean, who hands it back to Alyan and shakes his head notifying him that it's a food I cannot have.
"Guys..." Dean says softly to Vanessa and Ayesha, who get up on his command and crawl off the bed. Dean joins me by my side again, his hand reaching down to cup my face so he can examine my features like he's been doing every time he needs to step out of the room. His eyes follow down the column of my neck, the furrow in his brows getting deeper and mouth curving in disdain as he notices the bruises covering my neck.
"You alright?" He murmurs to me, kissing my cheek where it wasn't scratched by the concrete floor and I only nod, reassuring him.
My man is an overthinker, and it's turned me into an over-reassurer. Which is something that doesn't bother me one bit. If he needs me to constantly tell him I am alright just so he has peace of mind, I will do that forever.
I turn my face so I can kiss the center of his palm before straining so I can reach him. He doesn't let me get far, bending down further so I can have access to his cheek as I plant a soft kiss there as well, reciprocating his action.
Everyone gets settled into my room now, Dean helping me sit up against the pillows before dutifully standing by my side, having my hand in his as his thumb traces circles at the back of it.
"How are you holding up, Sophia?" Alyan asks me from his position beside Vanessa, who sits beside Ayesha at the foot of my bed. He has something in his hand to which he hands Dean, him opening it up for me and handing me the cup of chocolate pudding. I smile down softly at the food, understanding that Dean has gotten me an alternative to what I've been craving.
My hand lifts up to shake in the air, making a so-so gesture to which understanding dawns on him as his eyes fall on my neck, seeing that it is why I cannot talk.
"The doctors gave her a full-body examination yesterday when she arrived and informed us that nothing was broken, thankfully." Dean tells everyone, catching them up. "She's on vocal rest for a couple of weeks until her vocal cords heal up. Thankfully, she'll be able to talk since there wasn't a tremendous amount of damage."
"How long will she have to stay in the hospital?" Alyan follows up, getting comfortable on the edge of the bed behind Vanessa, setting his chin on her shoulder.
Dean looks to me as he answers, his jaw slightly clenched when the bandaged scrape on my forehead gets exposed through the longer bangs on my side. "They said she'd have to stay here for another day or in case her body faces some complications due to pr-existing injuries. They're still getting her full medical history transferred from the other hospital so we'll have to wait and see."
It's an awkward silence that has me turning my head to Alex, tilting it forcefully at everyone which earns me a wince and a sigh from her as she lowers the bread in her hand from her mouth and relays the joke I begged her silently to tell everyone.
"At least I'm finally banged up." She says in a monotone voice, and my lips widen in glee as I shove another spoonful of pudding into my mouth. Dean rubs a hand down his face, a small quirk to his lips and Zayn entertains me by laughing and pointing, going "that was good".
"What about..." Brandon starts, looking awkward as his hand rubs the back of his neck. I only nod at him, wanting him to ask his questions. "Is he arrested or...? What happened to her ex?"
"He was caught." Dean confirms and it seems like a sigh of relief has been let go by everyone. I avert my gaze, stirring my pudding as Dean delves further into what has been going on in my fucked up life. His hand squeezing mine in reassurance, sensing my troubles.
"The police are coming by here later today with questions but Sophia's car captured dashcam footage and the parking lot had working cameras so we caught her...assault on tape. Combining that with the pre-existing restraining order against him, the file for physical abuse we made months ago, and his threatening texts we have a solid case according to the officers I talked to yesterday and he may be put behind bars for a while."
Dean lets go of my hand and sets his on my head, gentling me as his hand smooths my hair down again and again in a repeated process.
The way he says those words, as if he isn't hurting every step of the way, makes me ache for him knowing how much it pains him to repeat the abuse that was inflicted upon me.
After that, everyone makes good use of the food that was brought in, murmuring small talk in between bites until visitation time is over and they all have to head home. I become enveloped in another teary embrace of Ayesha and Vanessa who presses a kiss to the top of my head and sets her get well gift on my side table. Zayn goes next followed by Brandon and Alyan who also leave me cards and a ruffle to my hair and finally Alex, who hugs me tight, kisses the side of my head, and takes the leftover chocolate that was in the basket, telling me she was doing me a favor.
Dean walks them out as I settle back against the sheets, all of a sudden exhausted. Something soft gets placed in my lap and I look down to see a stuffed animal—one that I recognize to be the green frog from build-a-bear—making me hug it tight to my chest, inhaling the vanilla scent it produces.
I look at Dean, who looks down at me with a small smile, and mouth a 'thank you' to which he shakes his head, getting into bed right next to me. Technically, Dean wasn't supposed to be here either but the nurses at the front allowed it, most likely feeling sympathetic for me.
Dean lays down, one hand under his head as the other wraps around my body and pulls me to him. I settle against his hard chest, the green frog clutched in my arms as he rubs a hand up and down my back. My eyes are closed again, breathing in Dean and the frog honing in the silence that surrounds us.
"I was so scared, Sophia." Dean says softly, voice enveloped in vulnerability and I burrow into him deeper, using my free hand to wrap around his waist so my body is on its side. I throw my leg over both of his, pressing my face against his t-shirt clad chest and kissing the center of it.
"The thought of losing you...of not knowing where you were and if you were even...a-alive..." He trails off to find his composure, and I squeeze his middle in reassurance.
This is the first time he's opened up about his feelings since his earlier break down after I woke up, and I want to be there for him listening to his struggles so I can share the weight.
"I don't know exactly how to feel right now. I'm just so very angry and scared and relieved...I'm just so fucking glad you're here, sweetheart. So, so fucking glad. I just..." He shakes his head, taking a deep breath in and holding me tighter to his side. "I just need you." He whispers finally, and I allow him to end off there, knowing he just needs time to process and for me to get better.
Dean works better that way, finding the logistics and working things out in his head before words ever leave his lips and I don't want to push on his progress of vulnerability when we've just been faced with another trauma.
I look up at him, my eyes tracing his features as he does the same to me and my lips lift in a small smile as I mouth the words we always say to each other.
"I really fucking like you." Because now's not the time to profess my undying love for him.
He smiles back at me, whispering, "I really fucking like you, too."
•••