Song: In My Dreams - Ruth B
Warnings: none
I really liked this idea but idk how to feel abt this
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The 2 times you almost said I love you, and the one time you finally did.
—1. The new year's party
The countdown started as everyone grabbed their partners to kiss for the new year to come. A popular thing to do really. And naturally, I found it quite adorable, but there was one problem though. I've never had anyone to kiss for new year's. Failing relationships were like my thing, besides I couldn't really keep anything for more than a week without a particular red-headed assassin filling my thoughts. Speaking of the redhead... maybe it's about time I tell her? The idea has been plaguing my mind for the longest time, hasn't it? Why don't I go ahead and do it then? Wasn't it simple?
Thoughts swarmed my head as the 15-second mark showed on the big screen. Sighing I contemplated the idea in my head once again before finally telling myself that 'the longer I keep this in the worse it'll get'. So, I searched for the ginger around the room. Finally finding her. I speed-walked quickly after facing the countdown once more... 7 seconds. Shouts of the final seconds filled my ears as I finally reached her.
7
"Hey you" she spoke
"Hey, this is very important and this was an impulse decision but I gotta tell you something."
6
"Alright, I'm all ears"
5
My mouth hung open as I tried to say the 3 words that could be the start or the end of something.
4
'Just say it just say it, come on what's the matter with you?' My inner thoughts yelled at me.
3
"Hey, y/n you still with me?"
"Yeah.. sorry"
2
"What we're you gonna tell me"
Sigh "Natasha I-" I cut myself off.
1
Cheering filled my ears but all I could process was her and how her eyes began to drift off to the side, then how her expressions shifted, I've never seen that look on her. Of course, being curious, my eyes followed her eyes' direction. And to my disappointment, her gaze was directed at him. The scientist, the genius, the big guy. A rush of jealousy, disappointment, and sadness ran through my body.
what was I thinking?
She cleared her throat making me snap my head back in her direction before she spoke to me again. "We're you gonna tell me something?"
"I— Never mind, it wasn't important don't worry."
I could see the suspicion in her eyes but to my luck, she brushed it off.
I quickly excused myself from her and walked to the balcony.
'Maybe another time' was what I told myself.
2. — The dance
I stood alone in the middle of the ballroom, martini in hand. Soft classical music bounced off the large speakers while all the couples danced. I sighed wishing maybe one day that could be me.
Looking around I spotted her we stood there staring. Hours, seemingly. It wasn't more than 12 seconds, really.
Suddenly, she started to walk over to me.
"Care to dance?" She asked, a bit teasingly.
"It would be my pleasure."
I took my hand in hers, putting my hand on her shoulder and the other on her waist.
We started to sway on the beats of the music.
Then a thought came to me 'I really should tell her, shouldn't I?' I shrugged the thought off. Not now.
But as we kept dancing the thought was plaguing my brain. I sighed hoping I wouldn't regret my decision and started.
"Can I be honest to you?"
"Always."
"Promise you won't be mad?"
"You're worrying me-"
"Just- promise. Please."
"Alright, I promise"
"I- I appreciate you, so much." coward!
"I don't think you even know how much"
"Y/N..."
"No, I'm serious. You've helped me so much through the hardest points in my life." I said, suddenly glossy eyed.
"You mean so much to me"
"Come on, that's what friends do. Right?"
"Yeah... friends"
"Now, come on this is a party let's not get all teary." She said, softly laughing and grabbing my hand to hold it. I blushed and smiled.
After the party eventually ended I went in my room and sat on the windowsill.
'Maybe another time'. Once again, unconvincingly telling myself.
— ˗ˋ ୨୧ ˊ˗ —
1. — Final words
I slowly walked with the umbrella in my left hand, shielding myself from the cold trickles of water. My right hand held the single red rose I brought for her.
"Hey, Nat. Pretty gloomy today, huh?" I laughed dryly.
"I know this is the third day I'm coming here, but I just— I miss you. And, I really had to tell you something." A sigh left my lips before I spoke again.
"I can't believe it took me this long, but, here it goes... I love you. I love everything about you. Your smile, your confidence, how you hate to admit it but you love peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, the little fighting pose you always do when you fight... everything about you. I wish I would've just said this sooner, really. It would've— It could've—" My breath hitched as I felt tears coming.
"It could've been so much better- well, that's if you love me back. I'd like to think you did.."
My heavy breathing filled the air as the puffs of my warm breath created puffs of clouds.
"Sometimes I'd like to think we met in a different dimension.... and I told you all the things I didn't mention."
My eyes brimmed with tears as my bottom lip began to quiver, it wasn't meant to be like this. This was never part of the plan. But I knew her. She would do anything to try and make the world better. Even if that meant sacrificing her life.
"Maybe in another lifetime" Were my final words, before I placed the delicate rose on the dewy soil in front of the stone, and walked away.
That night I fell asleep thinking about her, expecting nothing out of it. But I dreamt about her...
It was an empty ballroom, weird. I had realized the soft classical music playing, seemingly out of nowhere. Suddenly I felt a soft tap on the back of my shoulder. Turning around I saw the all too familiar face of the red head.
'I've been waiting for you.' She spoke, her hands reached out to me, asking for a dance.
'Me too' I told her. I could feel the tears prickling my eyes. I stared at her for a while, taking in her appearance. Then took her hands in mine.
We glided for what seemed to be hours to the soft music that vibrated through the walls.
At that moment I felt so content. Having her in my arms while she was smiling at me as if I was her whole world.
Of course, I knew this was a dream and that I'd wake up sooner or later. So, I told her all the things I didn't mention; A thousand "I love you"'s, her small quirks that I found adorable, her passion for dancing, her bravery.
Deja vu... this was like the dance all over again. Only, this time I did tell her.
then I woke up.
The dream felt like a sort of closure. Having her in my arms for the first and last time.