A Dream Come True || Hoseok x Reader

Love Exists

(A/n: I really wanted to write this since it gave a good understanding of Kyunghwan. It explains his character well for why he is the way he is in the story. It's important to me so I hope you all read it! But it does go through everything in his perspective so all the emotional, verbal, mental abuse Kyunghwan went through is shown and the mention of sexual assault Reader experienced on her first date.)

Brother Bonus

Kyunghwan's POV

Father came from a wealthy family. They were always well off, but the hotel business was what brought the Kang family to the top. Grandmother died when Father was young so all he had was his Grandfather who started the hotel business shortly after her death. From there, Father was raised to take over the business. It was an exciting honor and it came with plenty of benefits. What was there to disagree with? Father had taken the challenge on willingly by the time his own father had to step down as CEO. And by then, Grandfather's only wish was for Father to get married.

That's when he met Mom.

Mom didn't come from an extremely wealthy family. She was just upper-middle class at best. She got good grades and was the top of her class when graduating college. She majored in business much against her own family's wishes. They never stopped her, but they clearly preferred the idea of her settling down with a nice man who would take care of her and have a family. While that was nice and all, she wanted more too. She always did.

Things were harder back then though. Her own father kept trying to introduce her to the sons of all his friends. None of them ever caught her eye until she met Father. A new CEO who had a sharp mind and strong wit. It was hard for her to deny that he was interesting. A lot more interesting than the men she's met in the past. It didn't take long for their parents to arrange a marriage only after two dates. Mom figured this would happen, but ultimately didn't hate it. She liked Father enough to continue with the marriage.

Did she ever fully love him? I like to think so. Father obviously loved her. The marriage may have been arranged, but he fell for her harder than he should have. And with this new marriage came their first child. The eldest son and heir to the Kang Hotels. I could barely hold my head up on my own yet I already owned more than most from the moment they're born. I was named Kyunghwan and I was primarily raised by Mom. I remember her most when I was younger. Father tended to be busy with the company, so I had Mom.

"More." I stared up at her from my bed. I was so young then, pleading for another book to be read to me. Mom had closed the book as she placed it to the side.

"It's already time to sleep, Baby." Mom brought her hand up to my cheek. She stroked my chubby face, admiring how I looked. She would always stare at me for a long time after reading me a story. "Your Appa is going to be home soon. We both have a surprise for you."

"Hm?" I tilted my head at this. Was I getting another toy?

Mom didn't say anything more about it. She just continued to caress my cheek and occasionally pet my head. She treated me affectionately all the time. It was hard not to love Mom. She gave me a kiss on the side of my head by the time Father finally arrived. He was in a suit like I always saw him in. I was going over my bedtime for whatever surprise they had for me. It had to be good! I was looking forward to it as I sat up excitedly in bed. Father smiled to see me, chuckling as he walked over. He placed a hand on Mom's shoulder as she took in a deep breath.

"Kyunghwan, I'm going to have another baby. Do you know what that means? You're going to be a big brother." Mom smiled softly. I only blinked at her as they both chuckled. I sort of got the gist of it and at the same time, I didn't. This hadn't been the surprise I was hoping for.

Still, it was a pretty decent surprise. Mom began to get a full belly which was pretty funny to me. The only thing that sucked about it was that she couldn't play with me like she used to. Father would scold me and tell me to be gentle with her. I couldn't play rough like before. Father always seemed to show Mom more affection and that saddened her. Still, Father would try to play with me when Mom needed her time to rest. Then eventually you were born. They brought you home from the hospital and I was really surprised to see you for the first time.

Who are you? Why were you so small? Your entire existence confused me. Mom was happy you were here though as tired as she looked. I thought she was going to fall asleep holding you. Father made sure she was comfortably resting in bed. While he wanted her to set you down in your crib, Mom was stubborn on holding you a little longer. Father just let her do as she pleased while I was curious to look at you. All of a sudden I had a little sister called (F/n).

"Do you want to see her?" Mom asked me, noticing I was trying to get up on the bed. I nodded enthusiastically as Father helped me get onto their bed. Crawling near Mom, I made sure to be careful like Father told me to be. "Isn't she pretty?"

"Oh...yeah." I smiled to see your nose twitch. You looked a little funny in my opinion.

"She's your baby sister, Kyunghwan. You know what that means?" Mom questioned as I nodded confidently.

"I'm older!"

"Yes, but it also means you should look after her. Take care of her, okay?" Mom told me. I wasn't sure why she was telling me this. I don't think it meant anything at the time. I like to think there wasn't a deeper reason behind them. Though at the time, I just nodded my head slowly while Father ruffled my hair.

And that's how we became a family of four. I'd come to visit you frequently at your crib. If I went on my tippy toes, I could see you laying on your back sleeping. If I was lucky then you would have your head turned and your big eyes would be staring at me. Both our parents told me not to bother you since sometimes I had accidentally wakened you up from napping multiple times. I was just so curious, but you were always sleeping. It made me wonder how long it would take for you to be able to play with me. I kept getting scolded for trying to play with you and you couldn't even walk. Lame.

You couldn't talk either, but I think that made you funny. You'd make all kinds of weird noises and it was great! Then eventually you started to get bigger. You were strong enough to crawl which was exciting. The best thing ever was when you started to finally walk. Mom was thrilled and Father happened to be there for your first steps. Mom was clapping out of joy while Father picked you up from the ground and gave you a kiss on the head. He was extremely proud of you. All four of us were happy. I deeply truly believed that without a doubt. You and I were loved a lot at one point in our lives.

Though I'm sorry it was so short lived for you.

I was six years old and you were two when I woke up one morning unable to find Mom anywhere. She had read me two bedtime stories last night which she usually never did. She looked sad even when she smiled at me, giving me kisses and telling me she loved me. She watched me until I fell asleep. Last night had felt a little different though it never prepared me for the next day and every day after that. Mom was gone and even Father couldn't find her. Whatever game of hide and seek this was, I wanted it to end already. I wanted Mom back.

"Appa? I m-miss Eomma..." I sobbed to him for the fifth time that day. Maybe it had been two weeks since she disappeared. In that time, Father had changed into a desperate man. I couldn't understand him then. He was confused, hurt, and broken from this but still...I needed someone. I thought he was that someone.

"You think I don't miss her either?" Father stared down at me. He was tired of seeing me come into his office just to cry about her. Sniffling, I stared down at the ground as Father sighed heavily. "Go away, Kyunghwan. She made her choice...she's not coming back."

"B-But—"

"Go away!" Father screamed at me. He stood up from his desk, slapping his hand on the table. He wasn't loving these days. We didn't get kisses from him anymore. He didn't smile at us like he used to. I missed my Dad too. "Stop bringing her up, Kyunghwan. Or else you're losing all your toys. Stop it already."

"Appa..." I only ended up crying harder in his office.

In the end, Father had a maid come into his office to take me away. I was a distraction. That's what he said and it never left me feeling more lost. What could I say to him though? I was just a kid who was feeling too much. I didn't even know where to start with my emotions. It always ended with me crying my heart out while staff stared at me in pity. Since I was older, I got less attention compared to you. The staff had to worry about making sure you were taken care of though none of them liked babysitting all the time. It was lonely in that big house. The warmth that used to cuddle me until I fell asleep had vanished without warning.

I wasn't allowed to mention Mom at all. It became against the rules because of Father. Whatever pain I was experiencing from abandonment, he didn't want to hear it. I was forced to keep it all inside and follow Father's instructions. He knows better, right? I didn't always agree with him though since sometimes it hurt. I missed Mom and you didn't even remember a single thing about her. You didn't know her face, how she would hold you, or stare at you. You were growing up as if she never existed in the first place. I wanted you to know she existed, but it hurt.

I couldn't tell Seokjin my feelings. We had to act like everything was okay in front of others. He was my recent friend in second grade. I didn't want him to find out because I felt ashamed. How do I explain why my mom left? I refused to do it and with you, my own sister, we couldn't even cry about Mom together. Although we were supposed to have each other, I felt so alone. I was the only one who could remember her.

"Oppa, can you tell me about Eomma?" You crawled inside the fort. I had finished building it which involved a lot of hard work. Everything was fine inside when you had asked me that. Somehow that had managed to make my heart ache. I was eight and you were four. Years had passed, but it hurt just the same.

"Eomma?" I looked over at you. It felt sudden to be asked that. You were curious though as you nodded, staring at me with big eyes. You knew of the rule too. Father hated Mom being mentioned. Staff followed the rule easily and they made sure the two of us listened. It made them scary just like Father. I still didn't fully understand why we couldn't talk about her. If he missed her too then why couldn't we talk about her?

"Yeah!" You were so hopeful to hear something. It left me uneasy as I looked around the fort just to make sure we were alone. This was our safe place away from everyone who scared us. It should be okay, right?

"Eomma...she was really pretty. She liked to eat grapes a lot and she liked the color too. I noticed she liked purple and red flowers the most. She always smiled at them...she smiled at us too," I told you, hoping this would jog your memory a little. You just kept staring at me as if I was telling you another story. She wasn't a fictional character though. She was real. "She liked to hold you a lot...you don't remember?"

"No..." You shook your head as I frowned.

"Like this. She held you like this." I brought my arms up as if I were cradling a baby. That wasn't enough to make you remember though. "She did! Why don't you remember her? Not even a little?" My eyes were welling up with tears. I tried not to think of Mom often these days, but when I did then somehow I couldn't stop myself from crying. You only stared at me as my words stopped making sense. I was stumbling over my words until I was just crying for my mom. "E-Eomma..."

"Oppa?" Your voice was quiet.

It's pretty embarrassing losing control of yourself in front of your little sister. I'm supposed to be the big tough older brother you can rely on. I don't think I ever was that no matter how hard I tried when I was younger. We had a close relationship growing up. Even though I would tease you and you would get all pouty, I loved you. I know love exists because of Mom. She left, but I still had you. I think to some degree, Father was jealous of that.

Why would he be jealous of two kids though? It makes sense in a way. Even to this day, I don't fully understand everything that Father has gone through. A lot of things I've been lucky enough to hear from staff gossiping and pieces from Grandfather when he was still alive. I wanted to know why Father was the way he was. He's changed and I wanted to bring the old him back so you could see he wasn't scary. I didn't want him to stay scary forever. Maybe this way I could help you as your big brother.

I guess I was biting off way more than I could chew. There's that saying that people should pick on someone their own size. It was a mistake to try and get closer to Father. At the same time, I didn't have much of a choice. By the time I had become ten, Father officially decided to take me under his wing. I would be in charge of the company once he steps down and now it was time for me to step up to the plate. It was exciting and scary, but I was tired of things being scary all the time. I'm sure you felt the same.

That's why I planned on changing Father's attitude during our first talk about the future. Now that I was a big boy, he was going to tell me all the big plans he had for me. I was going to keep my promise to Mom about protecting you and also my promise to you about buying us a house in the future. Things were looking up for me as I sat at the table with Father. He had his hands clasped together as he smiled at me. It was smaller than what it used to be, but it eased my nerves as I fidgeted in my seat.

"You know why you're here, Kyunghwan?" Father raised a brow at me.

"I'm going to be in charge of the company." I nodded. I wanted to impress him and assure him he had nothing to worry about. He could trust me. He could rely on me. Anything to cheer Father up and then just maybe things might be better.

"Correct. There's also a lot more to it," Father said as I smiled at him. "I'm trusting you with this, Kyunghwan. Nothing is more important than taking over the company and that's why I'm trying to help you. The sooner you learn, the better." Father's words were intimidating, but I did my best to keep smiling at him. "You were born to take over this company. Your purpose is to keep everything I've ever worked for safe. And you'll pass it on to your own son when it's time."

"Oh..." I was overwhelmed. Again, I was only ten. But I sucked up my nerves anyway and continued to listen to Father as he made me nervous. He let me know how crucial it was that I learn all the ropes. He was going to teach me little by little, but eventually I would be like him. Just from this conversation, I found out that running a company wasn't as easy as it sounded. It was intimidating and I wasn't so sure I wanted to do it anymore. Yet there was Father, insisting and refusing to look away from me. "Are you sure I have to be in charge of the company?"

"And why wouldn't I be sure? That's what you were born for. Were you not listening to me?" Father's smile had completely faded.

"It's just that—"

"This company depends on you, Kyunghwan. I depend on you. Are you not going to even help me out this way? This is how you repay me for everything I've ever given you, Kyunghwan. Don't be selfish right now." Father stared at me coldly. "You're going to run the company after I teach you how to do it right. If you even make one little mistake then all of this could be over. This home that we live in and the money we own could all disappear if you don't help me out. You don't want to lose everything, do you?"

"...n-no."

"Then listen to me." Father forced my chair to scoot closer to him. He scared me, but the things he was saying were scaring me more. Was this why Father was so stressed all the time? "Don't be the reason we lose everything, Kyunghwan. You can't afford to lose anything. You have to be ready to hurt the people close to you in order to stay on top."

"I don't want to hurt anybody," I mumbled as Father narrowed his eyes on me.

"You're going to leave all of us starving and dying on the streets like that. You think that's going to be fun? If you can't defend your family? Everyone in this world is going to eat you alive if you try to stay nice." Father's random scenario took me aback. I had no idea what he was going on about. He was continuing to scare me and I didn't want to be here anymore. The company wasn't sounding fun anymore, but I was too afraid to leave the table. If what Father was saying was true then I didn't want it to be my fault. "Are you finally getting this through your head? The world's not perfect, Kyunghwan. Everyone in this world wants to hurt you. Relationships don't mean a thing when all they want to do is use you up until they can't anymore. You have to hurt them before they hurt you."

"I-I'm..."

What does a child say to that?

This was different from any fairytale book that Mother ever read to me. He was reminding me of the awful people the stories warned me about, but he couldn't be those people. He's my Father. I didn't want to believe he was saying these things to scare me or hurt me. He just wanted me to understand. I've never left the mansion before unless it was for school. Father knew how the real world worked so he had to be right. Was it really so twisted as he said it was? I wasn't so sure about his claims as I fiddled with my fingers.

"You do realize this is why your Eomeoni left, right?" Father got me to stop fidgeting. "She never loved you. She never loved any of us. She only cared to get what she wanted and left the moment we were useless to her. She's selfish, Kyunghwan. And I was stupid enough to fall for it because I was too nice...I don't want that to be you."

"Eomeoni?" I felt my heart tighten in my chest. What did he mean she didn't love me? That couldn't have been real. If she didn't love me then what were all the hugs and the kisses for? My eyes stung with tears as I shook my head only for Father to snap his fingers and catch my attention again.

"If she really loved you then she would have stayed," Father stated firmly. There wasn't an ounce of warmth to his eyes. "Love doesn't exist, Kyunghwan."

It was hard to breathe as I stared at him. This was my first real taste of what our new Father was like. Though I thought Father was preparing me for the real world. He had to know what he was talking about as much as it hurt. He's a grownup so he has to know everything. Not only that, but Father had to know much more about the reason why Mother left. Was this really the reason why? She showed me so much before she left. She was treating me so sweetly that night. I wanted to believe it was love yet here was Father telling me that it didn't exist. Was he sure?

"I know you must be confused right now, but it's true. It was all fake. She never once loved any of us." Father sighed bitterly. He looked to the side to glare at whatever he could. "She really fooled us..."

"..." I didn't know what to believe. It was so conflicting, but because Father was right in front of me, I didn't dare say anything. The goal was not to upset him any further. He's already revealed so much that I didn't know before. It was a hard pill swallow and one I wanted to reject so badly. But I felt hopeless sitting on that chair.

What if Father was right? Was I really not enough for Mother? Swallowing hard, I just kept thinking back to that night. If all of that affection was fake then how could I trust anyone? Father said this world was filled with people who wanted to hurt us. It was easier to live in a world where I didn't know these people existed. Ignorance is bliss. At the same time, I wasn't aware to how much poison he was feeding me from the palm of his hand. Father wasn't only setting me up to take his place in the company. He also wanted me to be just like him and suffer for eternity.

And it was at that moment that you entered the dining room. It had been off limits to you and every single staff member yet you came running in anyway. With a doll in your hands, you ran over to me. You held it up for me so that I could take the hint. You wanted to play dolls. The smile on your face was bright and your eyes could make anyone melt. Though at this moment, your eyes only reminded Father of his wife. You and him were practically strangers. He didn't take care of you for what you reminded him of and when he did speak with you, he just told you to smile and be pretty. Though right now he wanted to wipe that smile off your face. How dare you be happy when he was in pain?

"What did I say about coming here? Get out." Father scolded you. You were only six years old, but he didn't care to coddle you.

"But...Oppa?" You hid behind my chair, staying close to me as if for safety. You trusted me. Holding up your doll again, you ignored Father who was giving me a stern expression. Now that I was ten years old, I had a lot on my plate. I needed to learn how to run a company. There was no time for playing dolls. After everything I just learned, the last thing I wanted to do right now was play dolls. "Do you wanna play?"

"No." I shook my head, getting a quick whine out of you. You stomped your feet in hopes that it would change my answer. "I said no, (F/n). I don't wanna play with your stupid dolls!"

And just like that, I chose to side with Father. I was choosing to believe I wasn't enough for Mother after all. The world is full of monsters and I needed to be prepared like Father said. I didn't mean for you to be the first person I hurt, but it was too late. The bright smile on your face shattered to hear this from me. Tears were quickly building up in your eyes as you roughly threw the doll at my side and called me a jerk. You ran out of the dining room, leaving me alone with Father. I didn't feel proud of myself at all. It felt awful. I wanted to cry myself as I looked over at Father who was smiling at me.

Being ten was a big deal. I couldn't play with you anymore like I used to. I couldn't talk to you the way I used to. Father finally had the chance to get his hands on our friendship. He would tell me that since you were a girl to not trust you. Girls tend to be liars and the most manipulative. He told me that I should do my best to keep you under my thumb in order to keep myself safe. It was better to hurt you than get hurt myself. And I believed him.

I stopped being the shoulder you could cry on. There were no more hugs from me and sharing of toys. Gone were the days I gave you candy. I needed to watch my behavior around you in order to get Father's approval. Any time he gave me praise, I sucked it up like a sponge. I needed more. I was thirsty and starving endlessly for this love even if it was poison. It's been so long since I've received anything from him that I thought that this was what love was. It had to be some form of it, right? His attention suddenly became what I craved most in spite of being afraid of him.

I hadn't even realized our relationship had changed so drastically. It just felt like one day you hated talking to me. You didn't want to sit next to me or spend time with me. Father wasn't around so I was able to be nice to you. Still, you didn't allow me to be close to you like I once had been. You were so hesitant about it and it had only been a year since I had that conversation with Father. I didn't even realize what I was doing was wrong. I thought that maybe you would understand. Finally, I was being loved. Weren't you happy for me?

"Come on! Let's play handball!" I kept following after you at eleven years old while you were seven. I couldn't understand why you were making it so hard.

"No, I don't wanna play with you." You were pouting as you headed to the living room on the second floor.

"But why not?" I whined.

"Because you're mean!" You turned around with a frown. All you wanted was to watch a movie and keep to yourself. Instead you had me following you around. Someone you saw as a bully suddenly wanting to play with you didn't feel real. "Why do you wanna play now?"

"I'm not mean..." I furrowed my brows at you. "Abeoji gave me a break today. That's why I wanna play! Come on already!"

"No!" You remained stubborn. You walked over to the couch, crossing your arms with your cheeks puffed up. It was frustrating to see you acting like this when I was finally being genuine with you. This was the real me. I wanted to play with you and you were acting like this. I couldn't understand why you wouldn't give me a chance.

Rather than dropping it, I quickly turned to anger and threw the ball at you. It hit you hard enough to make you scream and inevitably catch Father's attention. He had been on the second floor for some reason and stepped in the moment I attacked you.

"You're jealous!" I shouted at you even as you screamed incoherently at me to leave. You were sobbing from getting hit from the ball and all I could think about were my own emotions. Everything was about me. This was exactly how Father wanted me to be. If I didn't worry about others then I wouldn't feel guilt. I wouldn't feel pain or get hurt. No one could touch me if I acted invincible like this. Though no one is ever invincible.

"What the hell is wrong with you, Kyunghwan!?" Father shouted from behind me. Jumping into the air, I turned around to see him angry at me. Suddenly my actions felt wrong, but not because I hurt you. I was more worried on why Father was angry with me. I upset him.

"Abeoji—"

"You stupid child. What did I say about fighting? I don't have the patience for it!" Father roared at me. I flinched, unable to look him in the eyes as he walked up to you. Father got you off the couch and forced you stand on your own two feet. He wiped your tears as I felt a burn in my chest. It was now you getting the attention and it had me feeling jealous. "Princess, don't cry. It ruins your pretty face."

"H-He hit me." You held onto Father who patted your back.

"A monster, isn't he?" Father glanced at me. I was frozen in my spot with my throat feeling dry. I couldn't understand why he was talking about me like this. For some reason, I had assumed Father would always be on my side. Was it so easy for him to switch? How did you do it? How did you get him to side with you? "I told you to be alert, Princess. This world is filled with people who are nice to you one second and cruel to you the next. You shouldn't trust anybody."

"I-I...I know," You said, but did you? You wiped your face clean to glare at me and pout. Father patted your head with a smile. He turned to face me, his smile only growing despite the fact that I was shaking and hurt. Did he enjoy seeing me this way?

"Do you see what happens when you try to be nice, Kyunghwan? The moment you let your guard down, you suffer." Father walked past me. "Don't let me catch you disappointing me again."

It's a lesson that forever plays in my head. It was the first of many lessons Father put you and me through. He wanted us to grow tough skin even if it involved hurting us repeatedly. We needed to suffer in order to learn. One second Father would be taking my side and the next he would be on yours. He would tell you one lie about me that would upset you and cause you to snap at me or he would lie about you to me and I would give you the cold shoulder for a week. Consistently, we were turned against each other without even realizing it.

Father was playing us both like a fiddle. The relationship he had been jealous of was completely destroyed by the time I was fourteen and you were ten. By then, I was desperately doing everything in my power not to get Father mad at me again. I would bend backwards just to please him. I would repeat the things he would say in order to make him believe I was just like him. Would that make him happy? It didn't matter what I believed in. If he believed it then maybe he had his reasons. It didn't really matter to me what a woman did with her life, but if Father said she shouldn't work then possibly he had to have some reasoning for it.

I thought Father was right in every way. I let his voice speak for me without a fight. Father had full control of me unlike you. That's where things went wrong. You were able to think on your own regardless of Father's feelings. As much as it must have hurt you, you weren't willing to give up your own opinions. You wanted to lock yourself in your room to learn how to sew and watch runways. You wanted to make a career out of your clothes despite Father's wishes for you to be nothing more than a trophy wife. In my eyes, you were insane. How were you able to do that so confidently?

You had fashion to comfort you. It was your escape and coping mechanism, but I never really had time to find one. If I did, would I have been more stable? I don't know. Seokjin's coping mechanism seemed to destroy him. The most I could really do was go to the home gym if time allowed it though most of the time, I found myself standing outside your bedroom door. I would always come to see you just to get some kind of interaction. I was fourteen and you were ten when I would play those little games that you hated so much.

"You're in my room." You glared at me from inside.

"I'm not in your room." I grinned, standing behind the door frame. Just you seeing me was enough to set you off.

"Get. Out." You lowered your voice.

"I'm just over here." I shrugged, loving the way you were getting annoyed.

"Get out of my room!!" You screamed.

"I'm not in your room!!" I shouted back.

We did this often. I thought this was us getting along and bonding. I could never really tell if you were actually upset with me or not. We seemed to do this all the time that I thought it was normal. Anytime I nudged you, you would whine to Father that I hit you when I didn't. I would claim you were an accident and you would throw the same back at me. The funniest thing to me though was moving the spools in your sewing room just the slightest bit and you would always know. You'd march to wherever I was and throw a spool of thread at me before starting your lecture about how I should keep out of your sewing room. Those days were fun to me even though they were just the beginning of our messed up relationship.

By the time I was sixteen, our relationship was utter crap. I got irritated by the sight of you and you felt the same way. And just to be childish, I stole fabric from your sewing room. Fabric you had been going on and on about to Mansu. I was so sick of the unapologetic attitude you had. The freedom you displayed enraged me, so I tried to take what was special to you as if you couldn't just buy another couple yards of this pricey fabric. I stole it because I thought it would show you that you needed to learn your place. How though? It was a stupid idea by me. In the end, it was just me holding fabric hostage in my room.

Why was this fabric so exciting to you anyway? I stared down at it, not able to understand the depths of your passion. What knowledge did you have about this piece of cloth that I didn't? Sure, it was a pretty shade of pink though I had trouble figuring it out. Because it was soft? The fabric looked like it sparkled depending on the angle I held it at. I felt the fabric silently in my room as my childish feelings towards you began to subside. Father thought your interest in fashion was stupid, but fitting. I went along with it though when I really thought about it, did I even care? I couldn't find a true opinion sitting in my head. That's when you barged into my room.

"I knew it!! You stole my fabric!" You shouted at me, just twelve years old. I brought the fabric close to my chest as you ran up to fight me for it. "Give it back, you jerk! That's mine!"

"I was only looking at it!" I huffed at you. For some reason I wouldn't just give you the d*mn fabric back. I held onto it, badly wanting to understand what you saw in it.

"Careful! It's delicate, Kyunghwan!!" You yelled at me, your small closed fists hitting me. I took the hits just to hide the fabric in my arms. I was so clueless to why I was like this then. Now I believe I was just jealous of you. I wanted to have freedom like you. I just didn't realize it as I stubbornly held onto the fabric.

Your hands managed to grab a corner only for me to turn roughly from you. Without warning, we both heard a tear and stopped altogether. No one was breathing the second that sound was heard. Slowly, I let go of the fabric as you took it carefully from me. There was a tear in the fabric and that alone was enough to send you over the edge. Why would I go this far just to hurt you? Was that what you were wondering? I really didn't mean to, but I did anyway. I always hurt you whether I meant to or not.

"...you're so stupid!! I hate you so much!!" You kicked my leg roughly before running out of the room. The physical pain didn't nearly hurt as much as the emotional pain.

We didn't get along. I knew that, but...that was the first time you said you hate me. It was the harshest slap back to reality that I needed. My brain was still murky and filled with Father's toxic beliefs, but I knew what I finally felt. For once I was sure I had my own thoughts and feelings on a matter. It hurt. I let my guard down and I let you hurt me. I wasn't even mad at you, but at myself. Our relationship wasn't what it used to be so how could I be shocked that you hated me?

You had every right to and it hurt. Did I hate you? No. I really didn't so what the hell was I doing? I would shove you when passing you in the hallway and I would mock you for silly things. I didn't make your life easy. It took me an hour of sitting alone in my room to build up the confidence to go find you. It's been a long time since I've thought about Mother, but she told me to take care of you. I've been doing a bad job on that. I wasn't sure what I could do to change anything, but it wouldn't hurt to apologize. I searched for you and searched for you in the mansion for a long time when I found you in Father's office.

You usually never approach him on your own yet there you were giving me an innocent smile as Father held a large envelope that had been drenched in something. That's when it occurred to me how familiar that envelope looked. The bends on the corners and the wrinkles in it that I was used to seeing on my own desk. That should be in my office. It was an important assignment Father gave me that he told me any intern could handle. So why was it back in Father's hands unfinished and ruined? My heart had stopped beating as Father stood up from his chair

"Thank you for bringing this to my attention, Princess. You may leave the room." Father kept his eyes on me as you bowed to Father. You then turned to leave the room, giving me a smirk as you walked out of Father's office. I didn't even realize there was a knife in my back as I stared at Father cluelessly. Before I could even piece it together, Father went around his desk to come up to me with gritted teeth.

"Abeoji—" I started as he lifted his hand. Immediately I flinched, waiting to be struck in the face though I was lucky he hesitated. Carefully, I opened my eyes again and looked up at Father in fear.

"Are you really this careless? Does it really not matter to you whether important documents get harmed or not?" Father was fuming as he held up the envelope.

"I didn't do that—" I tried to defend myself when he roughly threw the envelope at my chest. I caught it in my arms as I swallowed hard. It wasn't me. I never even entered my office today. I would have remembered if I did this. That's when it hit me on who really did it. I felt like I was lost in a daze at that point. I was going to apologize to you and now Father was berating me for something I didn't do. Because I tore your fabric? I didn't think you could be so cruel.

"You stupid little b*stard! I give you one f*cking task that you should be able to handle and you still find a way to mess up. What use are you!?" Father shouted at me. Could you hear him? Were you happy? "You're lucky I don't beat my children to make them understand, but you make me question that. If I hit you would it get through your f*cking head?!"

It went on for longer than I wanted it. All I could do was stand there as Father degraded me and threatened me without an ounce of sympathy. I really thought he was going to hit me, but he never did. He just berated me until my eyes were red. He knew I was holding back the urge to cry. Finally, he was sick of the sight of me. I was weak in his eyes and he wanted me out of his sight. My throat felt tight as I left his office, dragging my feet back to my bedroom. Past lessons from Father were running through my head. Everyone is waiting to hurt me and I'm alone in this world.

This was the only time that I hated you. I locked myself in my room, punching my pillow and trying to hold back my tears. It didn't feel fair. None of it ever did, but it's not like I had a choice. Sometimes I wanted to believe in other ideas though it felt like I would always be proven wrong. Father was right in the end. How could I feel so hungry for the love of a Father who treated me this way? He was supposed to trust me and I was going to cheer him up. I was going to change him. But no. Because I wasn't trying hard enough. Because I'm not good enough. If I want Father to go back to loving me like he used to then I have to be better. We can go back to the way we used to be. Right?

Those days were all distant memories. Especially by the time I was eighteen. I felt so damaged inside, but I wouldn't let anyone see it. They can't see my pain if I'm always defensive. If I never let anyone inside then I'm safe. I even felt this way with Seokjin who was my best friend at the time. We both hated our fathers, yet we were foolishly obsessed with them at the same time. We were two peas in a pod. I thought we were one in the same except we were different. While I followed my father like a slave, Seokjin had his rebellious outbursts. He could think for himself more than I ever could.

"Drink up, Kyunghwan." Seokjin chuckled as comfortably sat back in the booth we were sitting at. He took me to a bar that was incredibly sketchy. It didn't feel like a good idea being here, but I didn't want to be a buzzkill. Seokjin looked happy and had two women by his side. They were a lot older though so I couldn't see the appeal.

"Did you fight with your Abeoji again? Is that why we're here?" I picked up my cup, taking a sip only to hate the taste. Seokjin says it numbs the pain, but it only made me feel worse. I should be helping Father right now. I should be trying hard to prove myself to him.

"I don't wanna think about that old f*ck and you shouldn't be thinking about yours either." Seokjin sighed, knowing what it was like in my mind. "They can rot in hell for all I care."

"...I don't know." I tried taking a larger gulp of whatever alcohol Seokjin bought. We were high school students so this wasn't the best idea. Though it's not like we were the only ones creating trouble here.

"Don't worry, Kyunghwan. You'll like this place." Seokjin assured me. He had already gone through a full cup, enjoying himself with the buzz he felt and the women next to him. I still remained unsure though. Father taught me those lessons because he was trying to protect me. He wanted me to learn, but I was lacking. These thoughts were stronger than the voices telling me I wasn't the problem. Those voices were too weak to ever change my mind.

"You're cute." A woman came up to our booth to smile at me. She giggled as I furrowed my brows at her. She was still older than us, but younger than the other women giving Seokjin attention. I glanced over at him to see Seokjin smiling happily. Maybe alcohol wasn't the answer for me. I looked back at the woman, allowing her to sit with me.

She wasn't the first distraction, but there weren't that many to begin with. It didn't take me long to discover pleasure did me no good either. I was empty all the time. They didn't love me. I told Seokjin this and he couldn't understand why I was so stuck on that. He told me sex wasn't about love and I guess that was true in some cases. I just couldn't force myself to waste energy on women and I didn't care to get black out drunk like Seokjin. I was different from Seokjin and I hated it. Maybe it was because he still had his mom who loved him. I just felt resentment towards Seokjin every time we went to that bar so I stopped going with him to protect our friendship.

I was always protecting the wrong things. My friendship with Seokjin was unhealthy for the both of us and I was hurting myself by wanting Father's love. I was blind to it though. For some reason I let it happen willingly. I thought that if I joined Father in mocking you and put you down that I would earn more love from Father. He was never impressed by me insulting you though. He found it childish and would get furious when we took it too far. Still, I thought I was better than you since I was going to get the company and you would be nothing more than a trophy wife.

Up until I was twenty and you were sixteen, I got a reality check. To this day, I'm not sure how we managed to pull it off yet we both managed to spend almost a million together. You probably spent it on trying to impress those stupid friends of yours meanwhile I was testing out distractions. I bought cars, vacation homes, and a private jet. What was I going to use them for though? I hardly left Father's side. We both made stupid and reckless purchases. While we could usually spend as much as we wanted, Father was pissed we managed to spend so much in such little time.

"You spent money uselessly!" Father badgered us. You and I were forced to listen to him as he went on. His face was red with a vein close to bursting on his neck. "My money is supposed to be building an empire. It's protecting us and keeping us safe. What it's not supposed to be used for is just so you can f*cking use it up out of boredom or to impress stupid children!"

His words were harsh as usual. Father wasn't forgiving and he was pretty irritated. He called the both of us a bunch of horrific things. While it was awful, it was a reminder that you and I were on the same level. He may prefer me, but that didn't mean he loved me. I was just easier to manipulate. Father treated us the same regardless of the spiels he went on about how women were different from men and should be treated as such. He was looking for more reasons just to keep us inferior to him. You hated listening to him while I held on to every word. Every insult defined me and I told myself I needed to change his mind somehow.

When Father was done yelling at us, he left to go to the company and he took Mansu just to rub salt into your wound. As for me, I wasn't allowed to go to the company today. It stung, but that left us alone together. You were finally crying out of anger, silently hating him and life. As I looked at you, I couldn't understand why you were trying to impress those stupid friends. I thought your distraction was clothes. I was lost on that as we both looked at one another. You glared at me even though I hadn't done anything to you. Instantly, that made me glare at you in return.

"You shouldn't be spending money taking those people to Europe or wherever. They're just leeches," I told you. My words were rough and you weren't in the mood to be scolded even more. Still, I was telling you those things because I cared. It's just hard to see that when you don't like the person you're receiving it from. That's why your glare grew stronger on me.

"I don't want to hear this from you." You scoffed, wiping your face.

"I'm telling you the truth. Drop them." I couldn't even force out a gentle tone. It only sounded like I thought you were stupid. That wasn't what I was trying to do, but you saw it that way as you turned around to storm off. "What's your problem?"

"Stop talking to me!" You shouted at me as you went up the stairs. Again, I was genuine only to be misunderstood. I couldn't stand it.

"I'm trying to help! No need to act like a b*tch!" I cussed at you. Ultimately, this didn't help my case.

You and I couldn't talk to each other anymore. There were no normal conversations between us about little things. All we could do was fight and argue over the most stupid things. We couldn't stand each other. I would always try to just shut you up with things I didn't even fully believe myself and you would yell louder to overpower me. We would never win like that. The only one winning was Father who got what he wanted. He turned us against each other.

There was just one thing Father could never change. You and I will always be brother and sister. We haven't been kind to one another, but I remember when we did spend time together. You did too. We would spend time under forts and we would dream together. Those memories could never be taken away from us. So on certain somber nights, those memories would linger in my head the most. Sometimes I would be exhausted of only fighting with you. I wanted to have a genuine conversation, but it seemed like we could never have that ever again.

I was getting ready to give up. I thought this would be something I would have to accept. My relationship with you may be gone, but I can keep working on my relationship with Father. That was my mindset until the night of your first date. I hate to admit it, but I knew how Seokjin could be. He would make tasteless jokes about the women at the bars. I never cared for any of it and I knew his girlfriends never lasted for a reason. He only saw objects, but I had hoped you would have been different. I thought that a girl born in the same world as his who was related to me would be different.

But you came home crying. I didn't know what to think when you confirmed Seokjin had tried to pull something with you. Whatever it was, my stomach had dropped. Father ignored your tears while I heard the faint promise Mother wanted me to keep. We may not like one another or always get along, but I would never wish this for you. It wasn't okay. You were supposed to be different. And while I couldn't comfort you properly without my words coming out awkward and rushed. I made sure to drive over to Seokjin's place to make it clear.

"Open the f*cking door!!" I pounded my fist against his door. He lived in a penthouse instead of with his parents. This made it a lot easier to locate him. Eventually Seokjin opened the door, staring at me in confusion.

"It's late. Why are you here?" Seokjin asked as if nothing had ever happened between you and him. I wasn't even sure what happened, but I was upset.

"What the hell did you do to (F/n)?" I pushed him inside. He stumbled back, staring at me in confusion when he realized what I was talking about. Seokjin was quick to smile at me as my nostrils flared. "Why would you do that to her!?"

"Kyunghwan, you need to chill out. What did she even say? There's a complete misunderstanding right now." Seokjin chuckled until I tried coming up to him again. That's when he grabbed my shoulders to keep me at a distance. "Hey! She's the one who came onto me! Did you see the dress she was wearing?"

"She always wears dresses like that! What the f*ck!?" I shouted. He quickly rolled his eyes, making me feel like I was going crazy. Why was I the only one angry about this? Father didn't bat an eye and Seokjin couldn't care less.

"Of course you don't see the problem since she's your sister. But to other men, she's inviting a lot of attention. She should have covered up a lot more in order not to give me mixed signals." Seokjin insisted as I tried to calm down.

"I know how you are, Seokjin," I stated to see his smile become stiff. "You're going to be her fiancé, but she's my sister. She's not one of your whores. She's not a notch in your belt, she's going to be your wife."

"Well, d*mn...I didn't know you could get this protective." Seokjin almost laughed. He looked me over a couple times before sighing and nodding. "You know what? You're right, Kyunghwan. Really...I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been like that with your sister."

"...you mean it?" I was gullible. I wanted to believe in my best friend. "I really want the two of you to get along."

"I know this is important to you." Seokjin gave me smile. "Tell your sister I'm sorry. I'm sure she won't accept me easily but tell her to give me a chance. I'm going to be different. She can't overreact over every little thing I do if she wants for this relationship to work."

"Okay...you promise to be better around her?" I asked one last time as Seokjin held up his hand.

"I promise."

And for some reason I thought that was all it took. I thought I had solved the issue completely. I told you that I spoke to him and he apologized, but you weren't forgiving him easily like he predicted. I thought since I handled everything with Seokjin that you were the one making it difficult. Seokjin was insisting that he needed more assistance in getting your heart since you were making it a challenge. Father didn't care whether you got along with Seokjin or not, but it mattered to me. So I would set up dates for you two thinking that I was helping and that Seokjin was keeping his word.

I was an idiot. I can admit that and I'm sorry for everything he's ever done to you. Never ever have I wanted that for you. If I could go back in time, I'd beat him up to a pulp and also my past self. But I can't change the past. It's something I'll have to live with for the rest of my life knowing I let that happen to you. I tried protecting you, but it was never enough. I wanted to appease Father and you though I should have known that was impossible. I tried protecting my friendship with Seokjin only to hurt my relationship with yours. I was stupid even though I did care for you. I wanted you to see that I cared, but it never came out right. And when you showed affection, I couldn't trust it.

Once you called me 'Oppa' when you were making a princess dress. It threw me off and I couldn't believe it. I had only come into your sewing room because you were singing loudly and it was an excuse to talk with you even if it would end in bickering, but you called me that. I don't know what was going on through my head as I panicked and left your sewing room. Clearly, there's a lot wrong with us if we're so suspicious of sincerity and affection from each other.

Then there was the time I bumped into you after you had been crying. Right away my brain went to Seokjin. It wasn't because of him though so I felt relieved, but I still cared to know why you were crying. Everything just kept coming out wrong and some of it was on purpose. I couldn't get myself to speak kindly to you since it would only cause you to find me suspicious. So I teased you, calling your crying face ugly.

Father then came with poor timing. Immediately, I lied to protect you. It just happened and I was surprised myself. Whatever you were crying about, I felt Father shouldn't know. We both got scolded and I tried to console you after words. I told you it would be fine and playfully pushed your head back. I don't think you saw it the same way though. You always look annoyed when you see me so I settled for that. Teasing you was easier than being genuine.

There was also that one time I barged into your room thinking Seokjin and you just hit a rough patch. I thought I could help you two just talk it out and you would give him a chance. I badly wanted you to understand where I was coming from, but I didn't bother to understand you. You were scared you were going to get harmed again while I was convinced I took care of it all. My goal was just to get the two of you in a survivable marriage. That wasn't what you needed or anyone needed. I still thought I was doing the right thing since it went along with Father's plans.

One day I was waiting for you to get home. A couple minutes turned into an hour and that quickly became hours. What was taking you so long? I had stayed in your sewing room hoping you would appear. I went into your bedroom, but you weren't there. I waited and waited. I asked staff where you were while they had no clue. Mansu wasn't driving you so where the hell were you? I was getting worried sick since it was after midnight. Father didn't even notice your missing presence while it was bugging the hell out of me.

I was close to giving up as I went over to my room. That was until I heard you finally coming down the hallway. I let you go in your room first. You were quick to go into your bathroom to follow your nightly skin care routine. That's when I took the chance to enter your room. I waited for you to come out and you were shocked to see me standing in the middle of your room.

"Wha—"

"You came home late." I looked you over. You weren't crying, you weren't hurt or anything. Where were you all this time?

You looked so scared though. Was it because of me? I couldn't understand what had you out so late. From hardly leaving the house to constantly being out, you were changing. All you could do was stare at me in your pink pajamas. You were completely speechless to the point where it frustrated me. Just because Father couldn't care less where you were didn't mean I was okay with it. I knew you didn't care what I thought though. Still, it wasn't okay.

"You don't even have anything to say for yourself?" I tilted his head. My voice was low since I didn't want to attract the attention of staff or even Father. Your eyes fell to the floor without saying anything again. I scoffed, walking closer to you. "Where the hell were you? You leave for class today, but then don't come back after midnight?"

"I was busy," You mumbled. Your excuse wasn't working for me. What exactly did that even mean? I ran a hand through my hair, telling myself to just hold back on extra scolding. You wouldn't listen to me anyway and I came here for a reason.

"Busy, right." I was tempted to roll my eyes. "Well, guess what? You're not busy tomorrow so you're going to be going on a date with Seokjin."

"What? But I don't wan—" Your eyes widened. I held up my hand to slow you down and smirked when it worked. I already knew you wouldn't be the most thrilled for a date with Seokjin. However, I was setting up dates on purpose. You just couldn't understand why even when I tried explaining it to you. I cared for you, but I wasn't forward about it nor was I going about it the right way.

"I'm trying to help the two of you get along before you tie the knot. You actually should be thanking me." I shrugged. Slowly I turned around with my hands behind my back. For some reason it's too hard to look at you when being genuine. At least this way we can create some distance. "I know we don't really like each other, but I'm trying to help you here. You don't have to love Seokjin though you need to get along with him. That'll be the easiest way for you to survive this marriage." This was my way of trying to help you at first. I was trying to protect you, but it wasn't good enough. It wasn't the right solution.

"Survive a marriage? Do you hear yourself?" You questioned with a sad tone. Your eyes were miserable when I looked back at you over my shoulder. It stung, but I had already given up. I knew giving into Father's wishes was easier than fighting him. I was trying to help you adjust and do the same so Father wouldn't make your life harder.

"Love doesn't exist for people like us, (F/n)," I told you over my shoulder. "Abeoji's words." That was all I could say before leaving you alone in your room. As I stepped out, I knew that wasn't his exact words, but still. Any love you saw out there in the world, it wasn't for us. I thought we weren't allowed to have it and that we couldn't. I thought it was best for you to let go of those dreams of finding love. Father would never let us find love.

But then Seokjin took you to that awful club. I couldn't stand him in that moment. He promised. I had to pick him up, but I was angry at him and he couldn't understand why. There were also the photos of you and Hoseok happy together that affected me. I was getting tired of forcing you and Seokjin together. It was hopeless, but I decided to help Seokjin one last time in order to appease Father. And what good that did. While everything I said to you had been the complete truth, everything Seokjin told you had been lies. Then he gave you a panic which is still stuck in my memory.

"Go away..." you cried weakly.

Any remaining hope I had in Seokjin was gone. You were broken down before my eyes. I was tired of Seokjin hurting you and I was tired of doing the same. How come we always end up like this? I didn't want this anymore. So I tried to do better to stick up for you, but it wasn't enough. Father was stronger and you didn't believe in me. You thought I was trying to manipulate you into trusting me. That wasn't the case at all...but if you didn't want my help then I figured it would be best to leave you alone. But then that ended with you getting dragged out of the house by security right before my eyes.

That wasn't okay with me. I felt sick knowing that Father would easily kick you out. Weren't we family? If he could do that so easily with you then could he do that with me? A part of me deep down always knew that we were expendable to Father, but for some reason I put up a front acting like we were valuable to him. But that scene just couldn't leave my head as I went to work that day. I tried talking to Father on the phone when you were with me, but he hung up before I could get him to change his mind. And I wasn't strong enough to go against his decision all on my own when you needed me most.

I tried again when meeting him at the company. Nothing felt real as I walked through the building. So many people were greeting me and I just forced a fake smile so effortlessly. It was built into me. They couldn't tell the difference between a genuine smile and a fake one with me. When even was the last time I genuinely smiled? A memory couldn't pop up quick enough as I made it to Father's office. He was looking over renovation plans by the time I entered and shut the doors behind me. He didn't bother to greet me, keeping his eyes on the papers in his hands.

"You finally decided to show up?" Father questioned. "No longer assisting the snake?"

"Abeoji..." I struggled to speak my mind in front of him. Every time. If he was in front of me, I hardly ever knew how to think for myself, but I needed to try. It always took a lot of effort. "(F/n) was removed by security. Why? She's family—"

"Kyunghwan, you don't get anything. So why do you bother asking?" Father tilted his head at me. "You're always so slow, Kyunghwan. You shouldn't think too hard on trivial things like this."

"But it's not trivial. She's your daughter—" I pointed out only for Father to drop his papers and look at me with a stern expression. It instantly shut me up. I felt lightheaded and the palms of my hands were growing sweaty. "Abeoji, maybe we could have solved this better." That seemed to really do it. Father's patience with me had evaporated in seconds. Partly due to his already bad mood after handling the situation with you. I wasn't making it any better.

"Kyunghwan...do you understand why I'm still CEO right now and why you're still learning the ropes?" Father stood up from his desk. Swallowing, I stayed completely still as Father made his way over to me. He took his time in doing so which didn't make me feel any better. He took in a breath, satisfied that I had no answer for him. "Here's the thing, Kyunghwan. You have no real sense of direction. Absolutely none. You need me to hold your hand constantly in order for you to understand how this business works. It's as if you've learned nothing all these years of teaching you."

"I...I have learned. I got us that deal with that toiletry company to give us bathroom supplies at a cheaper price." I pointed out as Father's smile remained stiff. "A-Also when we were in Gangnam for that conference—"

"You've gotten lucky. I'll give you that, but don't rely on those. Those were practically handouts." Father patted my shoulder. "The fact that you can't even tell saddens me." He chuckled as my brows furrowed slightly. My confusion only amused him. He knew exactly what he was doing. "You depend on me just as much as when you were a child, Son."

"...I'll always depend on you," I said as his smile grew. "(F/n) depends on you too. You're our Abeoji."

"Ah, her again. You keep bringing her up." Father's smile fell. He wasn't afraid to show his annoyance with the topic.

"We're family, Abeoji. Don't you think it was a little rash to kick her out like that?" I asked as if I could do anything about it. Once Father makes up his mind, it's near impossible to change it. If he's not going to get anything in return for changing it then why should he?

"It was not rash if you knew exactly what she had done." Father brought his hand up to my shoulder again. Rather than patting it, he gripped it tightly enough so I would feel slight pain and discomfort. "She disrespected me. She completely spit on the plans I had for her even though they were meant to help her. Can you believe that? I spoil her and she begins to think for herself, acting as if my money were truly hers. She needed to be taught a lesson, Kyunghwan." His fingers dug into my shoulder, but I held in my wince. "We don't need a snake like her in the family."

"But then it's just us..." I told him. Father knew what I was getting at, but I was too scared to bring up Mother. With her out of the picture and you too, I was all alone with Father. I didn't want to be alone with him. I didn't want you to leave like her. And even when I tried to bring you back at first and plead with Father, he refused. He was going to make it a rule to never speak your name again either too. I could feel it and I hated it.

"It's always just been us, Kyunghwan. It was always in (F/n)'s blood to betray us just like your Eomeoni." Father growled before softening up. He gave me a smile that somehow eased me. It was real, but it was a twisted one. "You've always been the one I could rely on, Kyunghwan. Ever since you were young, I could depend on you."

"That makes me happy." Did it? I wasn't sure of what I was saying. There was no reason for a grown adult to emotionally depend on a child. I felt like I was ten all over again as Father clung onto me, both praising me and berating me.

"As long as you never betray me then we'll always be okay. You know better." Father chuckled to hide his threatening tone. My throat felt tight as I nodded. "I say this all because I care for you, Kyunghwan. I'm the only person in this world who does. And you're the only person in this world who returns it to me and that's why I need you. You can never leave me because without you then I'll have absolutely nothing. Everything I've ever worked for will crumble down. I've suffered enough, haven't I? Don't add to my pain, Kyunghwan." Father pleaded with me.

I felt he was right. I didn't want to add to his pain or his suffering. It already felt crappy enough that his wife and mother of his children abandoned him. He was lonely like me. We were the same. That's what I thought and yet I couldn't shake off that heavy feeling. It was a sensation crawling up my throat as I nodded to Father. Something in me wanted to shake my head instead but the thought of going against Father made me feel ill. At the same time, it made my heart race with adrenaline.

Father let me do as I please as he returned to his desk. Normally I would go to my own office and work except I couldn't even focus on papers right now. Reading was impossible with the world spinning. I'm fine. I'm perfectly fine. Faces were blurry as the back of my neck heated up. The suit I was wearing felt too tight by the time I went into the bathroom. There was no one else as I approached the sink. My breathing was rapid and I felt dizzy. It didn't help that the motion sensor for the sink wouldn't recognize my moving hand and give me the cold water I was desperate for. Please. I can't breathe. It's too hot.

Stop depending on me.

I wanted to scream that out, but I can't. I couldn't. Father needs me and I need to be there for him. But I needed you with us too. My family couldn't be getting split apart even more. It was a feeling I couldn't take as I had enough standing in front of the sink. Turning around, I rushed into a stall and fell on my knees. I vomited from all the pent up anxiety that had been inside of me. The acid felt like it scratched the back of my throat and it stung. Tears were building up in my eyes as I finished, but even then I wasn't relieved. I stayed on the bathroom floor, trembling and crying as I hoped to myself that it would get easier to breathe.

I wish I had someone with me. It was scary going through all that alone. Every emotion was intense and I felt so sensitive. I wanted to be alone yet I begged for someone to enter the bathroom to help me. It sounded like I was choking as I curled into a ball. Everything was too much for me. And slowly, I felt myself getting stabbed all over before going numb. A feeling I knew all too well and hated with a passion. I was out of my body even as I remained panicking on the floor, crying silently for Mother.

It left me uneasy when staying loyal to Father. Was my loyalty because I agreed with him? Loved him? Or because I feared him? These thoughts were constantly running through the back of my head. Father would complain about you nonstop during dinner and then one day he wanted you back. He wanted you living with us again despite what he did. I didn't know what was going on anymore. Everything was too hard to keep up with.

Out of my own will, I searched for you one day and found you at the bus stop. We talked together. For once we just talked. It was nice even if it didn't end with the results I wanted. The plan wasn't to become vulnerable in front of you or begin to question everything in my life. After our talk, I couldn't get it out of my head that I was a puppet for Father. You've said it before yet now it really stuck. My lingering doubts about Father's family values and leadership were increasing. I was coming to the conclusion that I didn't want to believe in and hated. I had wasted my life away getting used by my abuser.

Who ever wants to come to that realization? It's a lonely one. You wanted to help me, but you couldn't. I was brainwashed like you said. I depended on my unhealthy relationship with Father no matter how much it hurt me. But I kept my promise to you and Mother in the end. I protected you. I gave Hoseok's mother a lot of work in hopes that it would help your relationship with Hoseok at the time. I made sure Father never went after you again once you managed to escape. You were free to live your life while I assured myself that somehow I would break free from Father. I just had to tolerate it a little longer.

And that's what brings us to the present. You're twenty-eight, happily married, and you have two kids. Plus a dog. You're glowing. You look happy and beautiful. It's nice to see you like this after so long. I thought we wouldn't get to meet again, but Father seemed to be kicking the bucket earlier than expected. He was still alive though not for long. He was stuck in the hospital in his late sixties, unable to breathe without a machine. His decline in health made it a lot easier to gain control over my life. It sounded twisted, but it was true. That's why I'm here.

*~*

You smiled at your brother. After coming back from Italy with the constant messaging back and forth with Kyunghwan, the two of you finally decided to meet up. You felt safe enough to do it. You missed him a lot and you were excited to see him after all these years. Hoseok was worried about it at first. He even offered to come with you, but that wasn't necessary. Kyunghwan wasn't your father and you trusted him after everything. A meeting was set up at a café to catch up after so many years.

It was awkward at first. Kyunghwan and you didn't know where to start. The both of you ordered your drinks and sat outside, smiling awkwardly at one another. He looked relatively the same. Clearly the two of you had gotten older, but he was still the same. It shocked you how happy you were to see your brother. You just didn't know where to start without crying so you said nothing. Kyunghwan must have been unsure where to start himself when he finally decided to just explain everything to you. From everything he remembered, he explained himself and apologized to you profusely for the way he's acted in the past. It was clear your dear brother changed for the better. He could still use some extra confidence though.

"It really doesn't excuse the sh*t I put you through, b-but I really thought you should know." Kyunghwan had his eyes stuck on his drink that he was tightly grasping. He wouldn't let it go as if it were a lifeboat. "Anyway...thanks for meeting with me."

"Kyunghwan oppa." Your smile grew as he stayed still. "Thank you for saying all that. I really do appreciate it a lot since my memory of things really doesn't paint you in the best light all the time. When you were being genuine, I thought you wanted to give me a hard time." You sighed softly. "We really were awful at communicating with one another thanks to Abeoji."

"I'm sorry." Kyunghwan frowned. Immediately you rolled your eyes at this.

"Will you stop that? I'm trying to speak here." You leaned over the table. He was so nervous when he didn't have to be. Though you perfectly understood why Kyunghwan was acting like this. You weren't sure how much extra abuse he had put up with to get to this point. "I'm not mad at you. You really helped me out the last time we saw each other. I forgave you back then, but I guess I never said it to you out loud," you said as his eyes finally met yours. "I'm also not going to ignore how awful I was to you in return. I'm sorry."

"It's fine." Kyunghwan pulled his drink closer to him.

"It's really not." You shook your head. "Look Oppa, we've both been through a lot. It's not easy to deal with the amount of verbal and emotional abuse Abeoji put us through. We thought it was all because we were wealthy and we needed to protect that to survive a harsh world, but it was Abeoji who was making it cruel. He was the one hurting us and turning us against each other. We both went through a lot of pain thanks to him."

"He's not going to hurt us anymore..." Kyunghwan pursed his lips. Father was dying. You didn't think that's what it would take for Kyunghwan to be free, but it was. You knew you would feel a weight off your shoulders once he passes. You considered it a strange thought and feeling, but you had your reasons.

"How do you feel about it?" You asked, leaning over the table. Kyunghwan had to take a moment to pause and think for himself. Collecting his thoughts took some time. He had to make sure they really were his own voice.

"I feel...kind of relieved. Is that wrong?" Kyunghwan stared at you. All you could do was shrug at him.

"Well, I feel the same way." You giggled as he let out a short chuckle too. Good. He was finally loosening up. "You know, after I escaped from Abeoji and everything...I held a lot of anger towards him and Seokjin. So much of it that I think it just hurt me in the end." You looked down at the table. "It was hard, but eventually I let go of all that. I don't want to waste so much energy being hateful. I feel like that just let them win...letting them stay stuck in my head, letting their memories continue to hurt me. Now I know I deserved better, but I'm not going to linger on it. I've let it go. I don't think about them and I don't have much thoughts about them. I'm not going to let them affect me anymore."

You were beyond proud of yourself. It took you so many years to get to this point where you felt like you could finally breathe. For once you were living in a world where you didn't feel afraid. You had formed healthy relationships and proved to yourself that you weren't going to be chained down by all of Father's teachings. You're happy with your life now and Kyunghwan could see it well. There was practically light radiating off of you. Quite the change from what he was used to, but it was welcomed. He smiled at you fondly as he nodded.

"That's great to hear. I'm proud of you, you know?" Kyunghwan managed to make you feel giddy inside. "I also admire how strong you are. I can say now that I'm no longer jealous...little by little I'm improving too."

"You got this, Oppa." You stretched your hand over the table to grab his. He awkwardly accepted, not used to your affectionate side. You had to admit that it felt odd for you too. Even so, you wanted that feeling to go away and change into something beautiful. You wanted a healthy, happy and strong bond with your big brother again. "How is therapy?"

"It's going...I mean, it helps. I don't know...it doesn't always feel great to find out Abeoji was harming me the entire time. But it makes it easier to cut ties with him." Kyunghwan let out a breath. "The less I try to justify his actions and work on my confidence, the better."

"You never deserved the treatment he gave you." You stared at your brother sympathetically.

On magazine covers he would be smiling and in a gorgeous suit. They were trying to market him off as a hot successful bachelor. He's a CEO which you knew would get him a ton of unwanted attention from untrustworthy ladies. Well, if you see any ladies, you'll kick them to the curb. Just seeing your brother right now, you knew the last thing he needed was a romantic relationship. He needed to keep working on healing himself. Otherwise, he was just going to end up letting himself get used by a gold digger or something.

Kyunghwan was finally in charge of the company and you weren't sure if he was truly happy with that. He didn't seem to mind it all too much, but you were sure there was something else he wanted to do. Grabbing your chair, you moved it closer to Kyunghwan. He was surprised by your actions at first. He wasn't sure what was going on until you pulled out your phone. No more sad talk! It was time to talk about the good things in life. So you opened up your photo gallery to show Kyunghwan your family photo that you loved so much.

"These are my twins, Oppa. Dahye and Hyeonsu." You pointed them out as he held your phone. He smiled down at them as you pointed out Hoseok. "And that's the love of my life, Hoseok. He's so handsome!"

"I remember him," Kyunghwan said. "He doesn't make you cry anymore?"

"Oh gosh, no." You instantly shook your head. "That was just a rough patch, Oppa. You don't have to worry about me. We're happy together!"

"That's good." Kyunghwan zoomed in closer on the twin's faces. They were smiling brightly at the camera. Kyunghwan took in a deep breath before glancing at you. "I still can't believe you're an Eomma."

"Your little sister has grown up!" You posed in your chair, getting a chuckle out of him. You had to admit though that it was an interesting feeling to be a mom. It just made you realize how wrong your father was with how he chose to raise Kyunghwan and you. You could never do anything like that to your babies. Thank goodness Father never tried searching for your kids. He left you all alone. All thanks to your big brother who must have done who knows what just to protect your happiness. You looked at Kyunghwan, smiling as you felt your eyes sting. "I really am happy we're meeting again, you know?"

"Me too." Kyunghwan looked away from your phone to meet your eyes. When he did, he almost dropped your phone to see you crying. "What did I do? I'm sorry—I'm so sorry."

"No!" You playfully patted his shoulder, making him stop with the apologies. "You didn't do anything wrong! I'm just so happy is all."

"Oh...okay." Kyunghwan's eyes fell down to his lap. He was quiet for a few seconds, debating something in his head when he finally decided to go for it. He wrapped his arm around your shoulders to comfort you. Kyunghwan was stiff until you properly hugged him back. "It's been eight years since we've last seen each other."

"And probably twenty-two years since we've last hugged." You sniffled, holding your brother tighter. To hell with your father. Kyunghwan was the first person to show you love and Father couldn't stand it. You're going to get back what he took away from you.

This was the continuation of a strong sibling relationship. After catching up with Kyunghwan, you made sure to keep in touch with him. You were texting him practically all the time just knowing he would be lonely. And you were right! When you asked Kyunghwan if he had any friends, he told you he refused to let others in. He only had coworkers and that was it. Clearly Father was still living in his head and you needed that old man out of there. That's where you helped Kyunghwan with getting in touch with three lovely men.

Eunhyuk, Donghae, and Yesung are perfect! They'll be the nice fresh air Kyunghwan is in need of. They love to joke around, they're good with talking about their emotions, and they're great friends. Yesung was three years older while Eunhyuk and Donghae were two years older than Kyunghwan. It was the first time your dear brother would be getting some hyungs of his own. When you set up a meeting, he was very shy. Eunhyuk promised you though that he would get your brother relaxing with them in no time. Progress was slow, but finally Kyunghwan had good friends like he deserved.

He wasn't close to Seokjin anymore and he didn't really want to be. He wanted to leave that in the past. You full heartedly agreed. While neither of you were exactly sure what was going on with him, you both figured he was spending time with his mom and getting help. The two of you would leave him be. You needed Kyunghwan in the present after all. You wanted him to know there was a future too. So after a couple months of patching up your relationship with your brother, you invited him to your home to meet your happy little family.

"What if they don't like me?" Kyunghwan asked, getting pulled by his arm. You had to practically drag him out of his car just to get him inside your house.

"They will! They already know you exist and I've shown them photos of you. As for Hoseok, I've talked with him and you're good. You don't have to worry about a thing." You assured him. Kyunghwan didn't say much after that. His self-esteem still needed work though you were sure this meeting would help him out a lot.

As you opened your front door, the two of you were immediately stopped be the twins running up to the both of you. Aurora had surprisingly stayed put on the couch, only lifting her head compared to your kids. They quickly stopped just a foot away to remove any wrinkles in their clothes. They very clearly were your children. Dahye wore her pretty plaid mint green dress and Hyeonsu had a mint green dress shirt with white shorts and suspenders. Kyunghwan was almost surprised by how formal they were. It's a good thing your children were born with a strong sense of style.

"Eomma says you're Samchon!" Dahye raised her hand up to wave.

"Hi, Samchon!" Hyeonsu raised his own hand to wave.

"H-Hello..." Kyunghwan slowly waved back at them. He almost couldn't believe they were talking to him. "You're both so small."

"You're so tall," Hyeonsu remarked.

"I guess I am." Kyunghwan chuckled.

"Take off your shoes, Samchon. We're eating watermelon!" Dahye pointed at his dress shoes. You smiled at your children for how easy they were to talk to. They didn't even hesitate to show Kyunghwan around once he removed his shoes. They both took his hands, insisting a tour was necessary before they got to the watermelon. Kyunghwan only looked at you once in worry before realizing you were following closely behind. He'll be fine.

The tour was pretty eventful. Hyeonsu presented the bathroom to Kyunghwan in case he needed to use the potty. Dahye wanted to show Kyunghwan the playroom they had. Then the both of them dragged him over to check out their bedroom since they had a large teddy bear inside the room. The bear took up a lot of space, but the kids loved it. You didn't even know they made teddy bears that size and Kyunghwan was surprised as well. Then eventually the tour ended at the kitchen where the kids brought Kyunghwan to meet their dad who was cutting up some pineapple.

"Appa! This is Samchon!" Dahye announced.

"Samchon wants fruit." Hyeonsu went up to the table, going on his toes to grab the bowl of cut up watermelon. He made sure to give it to Kyunghwan who thanked him quietly.

"Welcome." Hoseok washed up his hands before stretching one out to Kyunghwan. He smiled at your brother and you knew it was genuine. There was nothing for your brother to worry about. Things are going to be different now. Your old family sadly wasn't the best, but your new one was full of love. Kyunghwan was finally getting a taste of it. "(F/n)'s really happy these days because of you. She's missed you a lot."

"Really?" Kyunghwan took Hoseok's hand to shake.

"Obviously!" You chimed in the background. You had gone to sit down at the table with the kids, helping them with their bowls of fruit.

"It's good to see you getting better too." Hoseok nodded.

"...thank you." Kyunghwan smiled, letting go of Hoseok's hand to stare down at his cut up watermelon.

"Samchon! Come sit next to me!" Dahye patted the seat next to her.

"Noooo! I want Samchon next to me!" Hyeonsu pouted. The kids were quick to start whining about their uncle as Kyunghwan walked up to the table.

"How about I sit in the middle?" Kyunghwan suggested. That instantly got their faces to light up. Problem solved!

This would lead to many more visits from their uncle. Finally your kids were meeting the man you had vaguely told them about. They quickly took a liking to him which filled your heart with joy. Hoseok found it amusing how easy your kids warmed up to Kyunghwan. They wanted his attention and wanted to play with him often. It was overwhelming to Kyunghwan at first though he adjusted fast. It almost surprised you to see Kyunghwan being the playful uncle. He picked them up when they wanted, joined their extravagant tea parties, and spoiled them with gifts. Someone has a soft spot.

But you were happy he loved your kids too. A year passed like this when you noticed how much Kyunghwan loved being involved with your kids. It became clear to you that he liked the feeling of being in a family. Especially with giving the little ones the love they deserved and protecting them. Was he giving them what he didn't get? You were coming to that conclusion since Kyunghwan had a photo of all five of you in his office. Did he by any chance want a family of his own?

You asked Kyunghwan that question and he shot it down immediately. He was too busy to have his own family. He wasn't interested in dating. A bunch of things were spit out until later that night he messaged you saying that he did want a kid of his own. Luckily for Kyunghwan, he has a little sister who doesn't mess around! When you weren't working for your fashion house, you were doing research on adopting and so was Kyunghwan when he had free time. It took a lot of time, but after a couple years, Kyunghwan adopted a young three year old girl. He also stepped down as CEO to focus on being a father.

Your twins were seven years old by the time Aera joined the family. She was a quiet girl, but she was warming up to Kyunghwan and to others. Her mother had been an addict and she was taken away when a neighbor had discovered the truth. Kyunghwan wasn't sure what exactly Aera had been exposed to, but he was going to do his best for her. He made sure to prove that point when all of you were having a picnic together. He was sitting with you and your husband plus Aurora. Aera was in a nice pretty dress, feeding ducks with her cousins.

"It's been half a year of being an Appa. How is that?" Hoseok asked Kyunghwan who was watching the three kids.

"I like it a lot." Kyunghwan grinned as Aera giggled, pointing at the ducks. She was having a fun time viewing the cute animals with her cousins.

"I think it fits you a lot." You nudged your brother's shoulder. He chuckled at this, gently nudging you back.

"I'll raise her as best as I can." Kyunghwan nodded before looking at you. "I was telling her last night that she could be anything she wants! And if a man tells her otherwise to spit in their eye." He looked for your approval while Hoseok choked on air.

"Well, that's one way to do it." You laughed as you patted Kyunghwan's shoulder. "And what did she say?"

"I don't think she understood. She just nodded and asked for chocolate." Kyunghwan shrugged. This made both Hoseok and you laugh. He slowly began to laugh with you guys, knowing he was going a bit over the top. He could approach this topic differently with his toddler. Kyunghwan was obviously trying to right the wrong he did with you. Even so, he would do great raising Aera. You had no doubt about it. She had warmed up to him and being a father fit him well. Kyunghwan could finally say he was genuinely happy in his life after a long, long time.