Chapter 28 Timeless
"Now I want to show you the eternal light. A place where the past and the future meet. Let's go to Potsdamer Platz." says Sam, wistfully bidding farewell to YU's hot breath on his neck.
He breaks their symbiosis, turning his back to YU shocking him:
"Loss, hop on your horse, Prince YU!"
YU immediately travels back to his old nursery. Sees himself.
As he galloped with a pillow between his legs. In a noble manner, of course. And as quietly as possible.
How he bowed to the imagined high authorities who wanted to see him. He should show himself free on his horse.
Show what abilities he has. How powerfully he could move.
He wanted to impress.
But the prince was forbidden to ride out his horse in different gaits. He didn't want to attract attention.
So he imagined. The free gait. The loud neighing of his wild horse.
What if she hears you? Hears your thoughts? What if she catchs you?
YU flashes violent images into his head.
Images of his mother.
If she heard him.
His pleading. His stifled pleading in his childhood bedroom.
His pleading in his apartment in Berlin.
Here. She is here. She has found him.
He sees himself, throwing books at her. He wants to chase her away. He screams.
And suddenly sees Sam.
Putting his hands on his shoulders from behind.
Touching him. On the scars of his past.
Sam puts his arms around YU and takes in his scars.
He trembles with pain.
He sobs and screams.
In his mother's face. He sees Sam screaming at her.
How he breaks her. As he chases her away.
As Sam and YU push her down the precipice together.
And YU feels himself losing his footing.
He sees himself falling. She wants to pull him into the abyss with her.
Sharpen her claws into him.
And he feels a grave force growing inside him.
A rebirth.
He jumps on Sam's back and wants to finally show his horse freedom in the future.
"Ride swiftly. We want to go to the eternal light!" spreads the echo of YU's liberation call.
Sam laughs and begins to gallop. He shakes off YU's legacy of the past as he does so.
And YU propels him forward. Feels himself breathing again.
He wants life.
Finally, his consciousness can put several pieces of the puzzle together.
And YU can see. He can see his future.
As Sam neighs and laughs loudly, as they make the promenade unsafe, YU realizes he wants life.
With Sam.
He puts his arms around Sam and nests on his neck.
And he can't help but press his lips against his warm skin.
Sam feels his release and presses his face into YU's hair. The fruity scent, of his full strands tickles a tingle in his belly.
"Thank you for coming back," YU whispers in Sam's ear.
"I shouldn't have left," Sam replies, feeling his heart tighten.
"There are always reasons why we leave and why we return. But please promise me that you'll always return, even if I give you enough reasons to run away," Sam hears YU's soft voice against his ear.
"I already told you that. I wasn't running away from you, I was running away from me. And I'm so infinitely sorry I left you behind," Sam replies.
Silence.
"Do you remember our sake vows? We made a promise to stand up for each other. I shouldn't have left. Just. Mhmm.", and Sam falters. He's already explained to YU why he left. But now he feels a shame holding him back.
"Just...just what?" asks YU lovingly, as Sam still carries him piggyback down the boardwalk.
Sam doesn't want to look YU in the eye. And the darkness is sure to give him shelter.
"We were drunk. And I realized then that I was attracted to you," Sam answers discreetly.
"Mhmm?" chimes YU's wordless question, tickling Sam's ear.
"You turned me on.", Sam confesses, glowing crimson, "It scared me and I ran away from myself."
YU feels the highest waves of excitement raging within him. As if his consciousness is finally opening the door to his deepest desires.
He remembers the stairs. The staircase that led him to his needs. To his desire. His hunger.
He sees him pressing Sam against the bathroom wall. How he wants to devour him. Sam's arousal driving him out of his mind.
He sees Sam's aroused eyes sliding along his naked body.
Naked.
Sam sees YU. Naked inside and out.
YU startles up and covers Sam's eyes with his hands.
The latter had just turned onto Am Tegler Haven Street.
His sudden lack of sight makes him stop.
He feels YU's cold hands on his eyes.
They cool his cheeks, flushed from shame.
Blindly, he lets himself be carried away by the images of YU breaking free.
And he feels his hunger. And marvels at his powers that held him back. YU wanted to satisfy his hunger.
Pushed. Pulled. Rubbed.
Showed himself to him.
And Sam's heart pumped its blood seething through his body.
He feels an arousal that covers any morality howl up inside him.
YU hears Sam's breathing turn into a low growl.
On Sam's back, he feels the shaky feverish rise and fall of his breathing.
YU places his hands on Sam's chest and feels his heart racing.
He gets off Sam's back with his heart racing.
"I see your car. Let's go.", YU says more breathy than he intended.
They both start running. The last few feet to Sam's Toyota pass in silence.
They both feel the crackle.
Hear the beckoning voice in their heads.
Bow to the burning shame of their hunger.
Sam opens the passenger door for YU with his eyes turned to the side.
YU gets in and allows his eyes to caress Sam's body.
He quickly closes his eyes at the impact of his licentiousness.
And while they both silently drive down Müllerstrasse again towards Berlin Mitte with hot thoughts whispering to each other, crossing the green heart of Berlin, the large Tiergarten, and seeing the high lights of the modern buildings at Potsdamer Platz already pointing to the future above the forest canopy, YU floats in his consciousness.
The past mixes with the present and bears fruits of the future.
He floats in the feeling of timelessness.
He feels light. Weightless.
He only dares to feel the presence of Sam at his side.
He cannot look at the Sam Lin. He is too afraid of his devotion.
He sits in a car with the man whose brilliant mind he admires.
And that this Sam does not merely appreciate the mental exchange with YU intoxicates his senses. Lets him drunkenly float in the sea of his timelessness.
Sam feels with every passing minute, the aftershocks of his inner storm fading away.
He feels YU standing by his side again.
The YU who showed him the way to allow himself his debauchery.
To listen to his fear. To perceive it. To be comforted.
To surrender to the heavenly tales of hope. To hope for more. For reciprocity. On giving and taking.
And Sam feels every hunger of his basic needs turn to YU. He wants to have them satisfied by YU.
And no amount of time in the world can stop Sam from wanting to perceive YU's hunger. He wants to satisfy it.
His body shows all the physical reactions of an addict.
The reward system of his brain heard the effects of YU at the moment of their first meeting. The dopamine release showed Sam for the first time in his life, the deepest and highest amplitudes of his emotions. Each encounter with YU brought the all-changing reward.
The self-discovery. With YU by his side, he can face his past, explore his present, and look forward to the future with hope.
And now he wants more and more. His brain wants more of the remedy showering him with happy hormones.
The deep affection for YU increases timelessly.
And Sam, for the first time in his life, experiences a premonition about the extent of the most complex debauchery of the human psyche.
Love.
Sam and YU exit the underground parking garage at the Sony Center.
Their timelessly persistent hunger for each other yearns for fulfillment.
And as they walk beside each other, their hands touch seemingly casually.
They both grin sheepishly and walk toward the bright, eternal lights of Potsdamer Platz's striking and imposing buildings and streets.