"Andito ka lang pala, Selene! Alex was so confused when you run away all of the sudden. Anong problema?"
Galit akong tumingin kay Ivah ng itanong niya iyon. I bit the side of my cheeks to refrain myself from lashing out of her kahit pa gustong-gusto ko siyang singhalan.
Isang taas ng kilay naman ang ibinigay niya sa akin at nang hinagod ako ng tingin ay parang nakuha niya agad ang nangyari kahit pa nakapag-ayos na ako. I lower the hem of my dress more and fix my strap properly pero huli na ang lahat para itago iyon sa kanya.
Ivah is the epitome of sexual experiences and hobbies. I can never hide things from her especially things like this.
"Ohhh... public sex, huh." Hinagod ko ng daliri ang aking buhok nang marinig ang sinabi niya.
Naramdaman ko namang hinawi niya ang buhok ko at tinignan ang ibaba ng aking leeg. I immediately throw her hands off me kaya't nabuhay naman ang isang tawa mula sa kanya.
"I already told you na huwag kang magkakalat sa sarili mong bakuran, yet here you are getting railed in the public bathroom. Really, Selene? When will you learn?"
"Shut the fuck up, Ivah." Nakita kong naglabas siya ng isang yosi mula sa kaha sa kanyang bulsa at sinsindihan iyon.
Nalanghap ko agad ang usok mula sa kanya kaya naman agad ko siyang inirapan. I try to cover up any hint of what happened in my body kahit pa maayos na naman ang suot at buhok ko ay hindi pa rin ako mapakali. I try covering the bite marks at my neck with my long hair.
Bumalik ang tingin ko kay Ivah and saw her smoking her lungs out. I sometimes wonder how she's good at managing me yet she's like a hoodlum. Ang mullet cut niyong buhok, ang anim na piercing sa kanang tenga at at mga singsing sa kaliwang kamay. She looks like a rock star with this get-up. Mas mapagkakamalan siyang tattoo artist or the sort kesa sa pagiging manager ng isang sikat na modelo.
"Oh, well. I don't really get love so who am I to judge? Just don't get involve with another issue. Ayoko ng madaming interview, Selene." Saad niya habang inaabutan ako ng isang yosi, marahan naman akong tumanggi bago nagpakawala ng isang buntong hininga. I know I have gave her a hard time last time because of what happened. If there is a good thing about Ivah, it was her patience.
"I'm going home, Ivah." pinal kong saad bago siya talikuran at dali-daling lumabas ng lugar na iyon.
Pakiramdam ko ay matutumba ako habang nagmamadaling lumabas ng bar sa pinaghalong epekto ng alak at nang nangyari sa loob ng banyo.
My knees feels like jelly and giving up on any moment. I tried my best to look straight para lumiit ang tiyansang makita ko siya. I cannot fathom how I would react if I bump with her now.
"Hey Selene!" Mas lalo kong binilisan ang lakad ko ng marinig ang tawag sa akin ng mga katrabahong modelo. I just want too go away. Pakiramdam ko ay kapag nanatili pa ako ng ilang oras dito ay mahihimatay na ako sa sobrang pagkawala sa sarili.
When I reached my car ay agad kong ibinagsak ang ulo sa steering wheel. I feel so messed up. Marahan ko pang iniuntog ang sarili sa manibela nang ma-realize kung anong nangyari.
She fucking fucked me in a public place for god's sake! She even took at picture of us in that state! Jesus Christ!
Biglang bumuhos ang halo-halong emosyon sa akin ng maalala kung anong nangyari. The way she mocked me with her words, made me feel low and disposable of how she said that we can still fuck each other even though we're not together anymore.
"Fuck you Emirson!" I said through gritted teeth at hinampas ang manibela sa pag-aakalang mailalabas ko ang frustration ko sa mga iyon. Pabalang kong binuhay nag makina ng sasakyan ko at dali-daling umalis ng lugar na iyon. I feel like the sex in the bathroom made me sober dahil parang nawala sa sistema ko ang alak na nainom ko kanina.
Gusto kong magalit sa kanya. Gusto ko siyang sigawan sa mukha at sabihing she doesn't have any rights to downgrade me like that! I know I was wrong at some point in our relationship but I never did anything to be treated like trash! God damnit!
Hindi ko kasalanang mahal ko ang buhay na kinagisnan ko! Hindi ko kasalanang gusto ko ang career na binuo ko. I was raised with the best things in life, so why would she want me to shatter that?! Just for the sake of love?!
Hindi ko maintindihan! Hindi ko makita kung saan ako nagkamali ng husto to deserve such treatment from her!
The sudden loath inside of me is slowly burning the other feelings that I have for her.
You are not worth the pain.
Bullshit! How dare she question my worth?!
Kahit pag-uwi sa bahay ay sobrang sama ng loob ko. I cannot even remember how many times I cursed her before going to sleep. Ni hindi pa ako makatulog ng maayos because of how her face looking at my immoral expressionwhile getting fingered lingers in my dream. Ang ngisi sa kanyang mukha, ang nakababaliw na tono ng boses niya at maiinit na halik na dala. It was like a pleasant nightmare! I fucking hate it!
When I wake up the next morning ay pagod na pagod ang katawan ko. I can feel the burden of what happened last night weights in my body. Gusto ko na lamang humimlay sa kama at walang gawin sa araw na ito. I just want to hide from the whole damn world dahil masyado nitong sinasagad ang pasensya ko.
Pabalang akong bumaba ng kama at kinuha ang iPad ko. I saw the schedule that George send to me at sinimulang aralin iyon over my cup of coffee.
Ang pinaka importante lamang doon ay ang meeting para sa isang shoot na gagawin namin over the next few weeks. It was a big event dahil isang malaking brand ang kasama namin rito. I bet I have multiple models with me. Sana lang ay maayos ang mga damit na gagamitin. I'll try to contact George before the meeting para masabi niya agad kay Ivah ang mga gusto ko.
Ivah just had her ways for her to be superior over everyone. She's a true evil.
Matapos ang morning work-out ko ay nagsimula na akong mag-ayos ng sarili. I even took a hour long bath just to feel the essence of being cleansed from whatever happened last night. Some part of my skins are crimson red because of how harsh I had scrubbed it.
I just hope that I don't have anymore projects with her. God! I cannot stand having her presence near me. She's a walking havoc!
I put on a fit faded jeans that emphasize my lower body more. Tinernohan ko naman iyon ng spaghetti strap blue tank. I also wear some minimal jewelry and pop some shades to make my look more complete. Inayos ko na rin ang nude stilleto na gagamitin at ang unconstructed jacket na dadalhin incase everything went cold.
After fixing my bag ay nakita kong tumatawag na si George sa akin. I immediately answer her and put her to loud speaker para makapagsimulang gumawa ng light breakfast.
"Good morning! Did you get home safely last night? Sabi ni Miss Ivah ay umuwi na raw po kayo noong hinahanap ko kayo kagabi." she started kaya naman napairap naman ako dahil sa sinabi niya.
"I'm fine, George. Sino ang mga kasama sa meeting mamaya? Please tell Ivah to send me a portfolio of the clothes that will be used in the photoshoot. I want to see it before hand kamo." I toast some bread while talking to her para naman magkalaman kahit papaano ang aking tiyan.
"Some models from our company po and the new model na kausap ni Miss Ivah kagabi. For the photography team, we have... um.. Ms. Trigueros and Ms. Martinez." hindi ko nagawang makaimik sa sinabi ni George. Agad kong inubos ang kinakain at uminom ng tubig.
So that means that she will be in the meeting later? Great! I just wished awhile ago that I don't have to deal with her anymore and here I am!
Napaigting ang panga ko ng kolektahin ko ang mga gamit ko.
"I'm ready. Can you pick me up in 15 minutes?" Tanong ko kay George at pilit na kinakalma ang sarili. I should just act comfortable like how I used to. There is no need to panic, Selena. Calm the fuck down!
Emirson Sicilia Trigueros is one of the most prominent photographer in the industry. Hindi lamang siya kilala bilang photographer, she is is also known for her awards in cinematography and videography. She was first became popular in other countries, especially un Los Angeles. The company that she worked with now is actually of a constituent of an international media corporation from US and she's a delegate employee sent here in the country to manage the branch here.
She's very vulgar with her actions and words. I remember our first encounter ay sobrang intimidating ng aura niya. She's a total head turner and the undeniable presence that she portrays makes it hard for her to get ignore in a room full of people. Her strong face, sharp jaws, deep set of blue eyes and thick brows makes her more masculine for a girl which suits her very well. Hindi mo siya makikita ng walang dalang mamahaling camera sa kanyang kamay o leeg and she's always ready to capture the beauty of what she sees.
She's a respectable figure in her industry kaya naman siya ang naging primary photographer ng karamihan sa shoot ko nang mga nagdaang taon. She is indeed excellent at what she do. Of all the photographers that I've worked with, she was the best of all.
And this is the first time in months that I'll be working with her again. After the issue ay sobrang nag lie low ako sa media. I actually decided on that because of the sudden exhaustion that got the best of me. Ivah tried her best to lessen my projects back then. I never want to be caught up with that kind of issue again!
Sa loob pa lamang ng van ay parang kakawala na sa dibdib ko ang puso dahil sa kaba. I bit the side of my cheeks ng makitang nasa labas na kami ng building. I mentally cursed at myself and internally regret what I have done last night.
"Miss Selene, Miss Ivah said that we should meet with her first before the meeting." Tumango na lamang ako sa sinabi ni George. Kahit pa gusto kong magmaldita dahil umagang-umaga ay si Ivah ang makikita ko ay mas nanaig sa akin ang tambol ng puso ko.
Nauna nga naming pinuntahan ang office ni Ivah. She's drinking her black coffee and scanning through her laptop ng madatnan namin siya. When she saw George ay agad niyang tinanggal ang salamin na suot bago tumayo at lumapit sa amin.
"Hey, Selene. Good morning, George. I hope this bitch gives you an easy morning." agad ko naman siyang inirapan dahil sa kanyang sinabi. Pabalang kong ibinagsak ang aking sarili sa magarang itim na sofa ng office niya.
She's just really a black and white person. Does she have some gothic kink or something?!
"George, you can now state the condition that Selene have. I'll think it through now before we go to the meeting in 20." Saad niya kaya naman agad-agad na tumalima si George at isa-isang sinabi kay Ivah ang mga demands ko. I can see how she reacts to my whims. Minsan ay nakikita kong nalulukot ang mukha niya at kadalasan ay tatango-tango pa siya.
"I understand. I'll try to arrange a fitting date for you before the shoot. I also don't allowed any interview after the shoot because of what happened last time. The only thing I want you to do, is to stay put and don't give in to your emotions Selene. I'll handle the rest." She said at tumayo para makapunta na kami sa conference room kung saan gaganapin ang meeting.
Nang ma-realize iyon nagsimula na naman ang tambol sa aking dibdib. Can I just call in sick this morning? Hindi na ba ako pwedeng mag-back out sa project na ito?!
Naramdaman ko ang pag-akbay sa akin ni Ivah. I look at her with death in my eyes. Naramdaman kong inilapit niya ang labi niya sa tenga ko at marahang bumulong.
"Don't you fucking show that you're greatly affected with her presence. Show her that you won't be bothered by her absence. C'mon, give her your A game, Selene." Napairap naman ako sa kanya ng sabihin niya iyon. George opened the glass door for us at nang tuluyan na kaming makatapak sa loob ng conference room ay tinanggal na ni Ivah ang braso niya sa akin.
She is really good at making other people inferior to her, except me of course. I have huge respect towards Ivah because of our past encounters and how she excellently manage a brat like me kaya naman kapag may pinapagawa siya sa akin ay sinusunod ko agad kahit pa may kasama iyong sama ng loob.
When I scan the room ay agad nagtama ang mata namin. She's seating at the end of the table. Prenteng nakasandal sa swivel chair na kanyang inuukupa. I bit the side of my cheeks nang makita ang paghagod niya ng tingin sa akin at marahang kinagat ang ballpen na hawak-hawak. Her eyes sent a malicious feeling over my body just by staring at me completely.
"Hey Selene!" Naagaw ng atensyon ko ang tumawag sa akin. On the opposite side of the table ay nakita kong andoon si Alexandra. I smile weakly at her at dahan-dahan nang sumunod kay George ng makitang naupo na rin sila.
"Bigla kang nawala kagabi? Are you okay? I was worried because you ran in hurry." Hilaw akong napangiti ng marinig ang tanong niya. I can feel a chilling stare at me kaya naman agad akong nagnakaw ng tingin papunta sa gawi ni Emir. A mischievous smirk was plastered on her face habang kagat-kagat nag dulo ng ballpen na hawak niya at tutok na tutok sa akin ang tingin.
Agad kong iniiwas ang tingin ko sa kanya at ibinalik kay Alexandra na nag-aantay ng sagot mula sa akin.
"I had an emergency. I'm so sorry, I don't mean to be rude." I said with a faint voice ng maisip kung paano ako umalis sa gitna ng pagsasalita niya kahapon. Jesus, where are my manners?!
"It's actually fine. I thought you had to go to the bathroom but it was closed when I try to look for you there." Parang naubos ang dugo sa mukha ko ng sabihin niya iyon. A wry smile formed in my lips just to hide how my blood drained the shit out of my body.
She tried to looked for me in the fucking bathroom! Emir and I were- What the fuck?!
Napabaling kaming lahat ng marinig namin ang mahinang halakhak ni Emir sa kabilang dulo ng table. Para mas lalong kinain ng hiya ng katawan ko ng marinig ang reaksyon niya. I look over Ivah and saw her smirk at me. Alam ko na agad na naiintindihan niya ang nangyayari dahil sa ngisi sa labi.
Nang ibalik ang tingin kay Emir ay ang mayabang na mukha na niya ang gamit niya ngayon. She was looking at some papers in her front but the victorious face was plastered on it.
"N-No... I'm actually fine, Alexandra. You don't need to worry about me." I showed a fake smile just so I could convince her that I'm fine and drop the topic already. Bawat segundong dumadaan ay parang sirang plakang umuulit sa aking utak ang nangyari kagabi and I just want to sink in my seat already.
Fate is really testing my tolerance to bullshit, huh?
"Ang pormal naman ng Alexandra, you can call me Alex for short or Xandra. Just like how people close to me call me. Matagal naman tayong magkakasama sa trabaho so feel free to be comfortable."
"Then, I guess I'll go with Alex. Is that okay withh you?"
"Sure! Can I call you by Selena? I like the sound of it more than your screen name --" Alex was cut off by the sudden cough of Emir. Nakita ko ang bahagyang pang mamata niya sa akin at pagtaas ng isang kilay as if stating something so obvious on me. Iniiwas ko na lamang ang tingin ko sa kanya at ipinukol iyon ng marinig na dumating na ang head manager ng brand for endorsement ng photoshoot na ito.
Ivah was the first one to greet the manager. Nakita ko pa ang paglitaw ng hiya sa kanyang mukha ng kamayan si Ivah. Emir on the other hand greeted her formally on the end of the table. Binati na rin siya ng kapwa modelo at nang ibang tao pang andoon. I smiled sweetly at her when she called me out cheerfully.
The meeting started smoothly. The manager explained that we had a year contract with there company and can be renewed at the end of the year but on meeting their conditions of course. Their clothing line have vast set of clothes. From formal attires, casual looking outfit and even summer collection.
Ang pinaka unang shoot ay to showcase their formal clothes, especially some of their evening dresses. Ipinakita rin doon ang sample gowns na gagamitin sa pinaka shoot. It was not only limited to gowns and dresses, they even have formal suits dedicated for women. Kanya-kanyang tingin na ang aming creative team and make-up artists. Tahimik lamang akong naupo doon at pinanood silang mag-usap usap.
The photographers are now busy too on what to pick for the set of the shoot. Emir was so focused on looking at different set proposals in front of her. I took that luxury to study her. She's wearing her casual crop top shirts, a pair of trousers and those fitted suit to match her pants. I bet under the table, her abs were exposed to the cold air.
Nang magtama ang paningin namin ay agad kong inilihis ang tingin ko sa kanya dala ng hiya na nadarama. She just caught you checking her out, Jesus Selene! When will I learn?
"Miss Selene, I think this will fit you well! Gusto mo rin ba subukan ang women suits in this shoot or should you stick with the gowns." Itinuon ko na lamang ang atensyon ko sa creative team namin nang magsimula silang magtanong tanong tungkol sa mga designs ng damit na gusto ko.
"I go with the two black gown. I like both of them." maikli kong kumento kaya agad na sinabi iyon ng team sa manager. They also want to schedule a fitting day for all the gowns that I will use. They also pleaded for me try the women suits that I willingly said yes.
Hanggang sa matapos ang meeting na iyon ay sinubukan kong tigilan ang paglapat ng mata sa kanya. Her presence in this room serves like a big temptation and distraction for me na hindi ko magawang mapirmi sa kinalalagyan ko ng hindi tumitingin sa kanya. I even caught her looking at my way a few times pero agad kong inililihis ang paningin ko.
Every time that our eyes meet I feel like spiraling towards the unknown. The fleeting feeling of being stared at by those beautiful blue eyes makes my heart flutters nonstop. Ang kabang dumadaloy mula sa dibdib hanggang talampakan ang nagmimistulang paalala kung gaano kalaki ang epekto niya sa akin. I can never deny how she can send electrifying feelings just by merely existing in the opposite side of this room.
"Anong sunod mong schedule, Selene?" Napabaling ang tingin ko kay Ivah ng tanungin niya iyon.
"I'll have a fitting for the shoot next week. I don't know if the contract sizing later this day will be push through since hindi ko pa natatanggap ang copy ng contract ko." She scan through her phone before looking back at me.
"I fetch you later after the fitting."Napabusangot naman ako ng maintindihan kung bakit niya ako susunduin. She wants to go drinking again! Jesus! Bakit ko ba kaibigan at manager ang babaeng ito!?
"When will you stop that?" Masungit kong saad sa kanya. Tinawanan niya lamang ako bago bumaling sa dulong parte ng table. The proud smirk on her lips hinted me that she is up to no good kaya naman ng marahan akong sumilip sa dulong table ay agad kong nakita ang pagtatangis ng panga ni Emir.
I gulp on my own when I saw a familiar face on her. Tahip-tahip ang kaba sa dibdib ko dulo ng pamilyar na pakiramam tuwing nakikita ko ang salubong niyang kilay at ang pagpipigil sa sarili habang kinakagat ang labi.
When she look at me ay doon ko mas lalong naaninag ang pagkairita sa kanyang mukha. She stared passed me at agad ding ibinalik ang tingin sa akin. A small mocking sound came out of her at sinuklay ang buhok nang hindi nawawala ang pagkairita sa kanyang mukha.
"Got her. Such a baby." Para akong nanigas sa kinauupuan ko sa marahang bulong sa akin ni Ivah. Dahan-dahan akong pumihit paharap sa kanya nang ma-realize kung ano ang ginagawa niya.
I saw a victorious smile on her face, and that's when I confirmed it at tuluyang nalaglag ang pang-ibabang labi. This girl!
"I wonder who will give up their pride first, Selene. " mahina niyang bulong sa akin nang ilapit niya ang labi sa aking tenga. When I took a peep over Emir, she's already sending death stares all over us.
Hindi ko na napigilan ang pagtitig sa kanya with confusion all over my face. When she realized that I was literally staring at her ay agad na nagbago ang mukha niya. Her furrow brows calmed down and show me something that sent chills down my spine.
Licking her lower lips, placing her thumb on her chin and giving me the sensual look that always have me on my knees