love comes unexpectedly to a heart that wanders daily.
Loneliness was a disease. It crept up your body, taking over your mind and conscience and renders you helpless. It tugs on the strings off your heart that you hid away under the illusion of being happy and content.
Ashwin was currently a contract of this disease m For him it crept up on him and stayed on his back, growing with him like a pair of ill-fated wings. It was a constant reminder of what he had lost. What he had but then suddenly didn't have.
He was tired. He was tired of seeing her everywhere he went. Every moment, every second of his life is burdened with the fact that she isn't here. Ashwin had experienced love, but he had never experienced this kind of yearning.
Love came with its baggage. It baffled him how that the memories that he once considered happy now weighed on him like a dead bird giving directions to a never ending sail. He walked into his room, slumped and tired.
He sat down on his bed and brought out his phone. He scrolled his photos and landed on one of their pictures. They were in casual clothes, arms wrapped around each other and looking into each other's eyes. He couldn't explain the suffocation he felt at that moment.
The photos which he thought would give him solace were more shattered than he was.
He has grown accustomed to the wings on his back. He sort of appreciated the pain he had, because without it he would never relive those memories.
He was so scared. So scared that his life will go on, and that he would forget her face or her voice one day and he would become numb to pain. The walls around him shrank, enclosing him in a room built by his own mistakes.
He wished he could hold her once more, and it would bring him back to earth. He wished to look into her eyes and forget the stars he was looked down upon from every night, alone. He wished for her, and he wished for them.
She was a lone star in his world devoid of light.
If he ever saw her again, he would tell her how much he regretted leaving her. And that he wanted nothing but beside her. Ashwin had become exactly what he had feared, a person with everything but happiness.
It snowed in his heart, painfully reminding him of her. He wished the snow would cover up his punctured heart, and that he could see the snowflakes in her eyes again. A sliver of hope shimmered through the cement cracks of the wall he built.
If he nevertheless knows what love is, it was because of her.
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just chumma oru interlude. wanted to explore his emotions when he wasn't with her.
love,
sai.