When I enter San's and my flat again, I am certain that I will spend the rest of the evening in my room. There's a party going on in the students' flats' basement; so what? Jimin and his friends didn't want to go, so it's not like there would be anybody I know anyway, apart from San and Juhee.
And those two are the last people I want to see right now.
I'm sure I've had worse Friday evenings – but staying in my room and trying to make sense of the cringeworthy goodbye-peck I gave Jimin while also trying not to think about San and Juhee being together... That definitely makes it into the top five of my worst Friday evenings so far. Or top three.
Or just maybe top one.
"Woo?" San's sudden call from his room startles me.
"Yeah?", I reply before I've even thought it through if I shouldn't just ignore him and go to my own room.
I really should go to my room. I don't wanna hear San ranting about how fucking wonderful fucking Juhee was.
But I'm still standing in the corridor in front of San's bedroom door, waiting for him to reply. Because it's San who's called me.
San's door opens slowly about an inch. "You're back", he states matter-of-factly from the inside, hidden behind his door.
"Yeah", I answer, and wonder why he won't come out into the corridor to at least look at me when he's talking to me.
Just as I'm about to ask though, San pushes his door open completely and steps out of his room. He shyly smiles at me – and I gape. This can't be real.
San's room is brightly lit. But it's not the lamp in his room that illuminates the rather dark corridor – it's San himself: he's standing in the doorway, and his hair is shining in the most beautiful golden blonde I've ever seen.
San runs a hand through his hair. "What do you think of it? ... Do you li- Does it look okay?" He's radiating gold, uncertainty and nervousness.
Dumbfounded, I shake my head. He looks stunning – I should definitely tell him that.
Just without using the word stunning maybe.
San gulps. "Okay, yeah, well, I mean, it was just an experiment-"
"It looks very good", I interrupt him.
"Oh?" He perks up. "You really think so?"
"Yeah." I wrack my brain for a compliment that could do San justice, but I find none. "The color suits you", I just say. "Why did you dye it blonde?"
"Ah... no particular reason." San laughs timidly and leans against his door frame. "I just wanted to try something new."
I nod silently, searching for words, something witty to say. But that's pretty hard when San is standing in front of me with all of his attention focused on me.
He looks angelic with blonde hair.
After a few seconds of silence, San shrugs again, nonchalantly this time, and changes the topic: "Let's go over to the party soon, okay?"
I blink. Oh, right. The party. "Yeah, sure." But before I can stop myself, I already ask: "And what about Juhee?"
San chuckles. "What about her?"
Okay. So they're more in a no-strings-attached kind of relationship. Like really close friends with benefits or something.
"She's, uh- She isn't coming with us?" I jerk my head in the direction of his bedroom door.
"What?" San laughs. "No. She left, like, one hour ago for pre-gaming with other friends. Why?"
Really no strings attached. I swallow dryly. "Just asking."
San tilts his head, eyeing me with a mixture of curiosity and thoughtfulness. "Okay..." There's something about the way he looks at me that makes me feel uneasy. Like I'm missing a very important piece of the puzzle here – but I have no clue what it could be.
"I need to go to my room, get ready for the party." In a hasty attempt to get away from San's searching gaze, I almost forget to take off my second shoe.
"Hey, you're ready?" San knocks at my door not even ten minutes later, when I'm just halfway done with the smokey eyes I wanted to try. It's been some months since I last wore this kind of make up to a party. And, yeah, possibly this is dumb, because why am I even dressing up for a party I didn't want to go to in the first place?
Am I trying to impress San? This is so stupid.
I still shout back, "Give me one more minute!", and finish the last touches on my eye makeup before stepping out of my room, all dressed up for this party – and, yeah, for San.
"Finally." San spins around on his heel to face me. Then he freezes, scanning me up and down – before his gaze focuses on my face again. "You, uh. You look good."
Suddenly I'm feeling very self-conscious. He's with Juhee, I try to remind myself – but the words seem to have lost their meaning.
San was totally checking me out. The prospect of what that could mean both frightens and thrills me.
I try to remember my basic rules when hooking up with people – one: never hook up with a guy who's with someone else, no matter how obviously he's hitting on you – but I can't really grasp the words. They don't make sense when San is stealing glances at me like this, uncertain and excited and- interested?? I don't fucking know. My brain isn't working anymore.
I also forgot my second basic rule for hooking up with guys. I know I had one, and I know it was pretty much based on common sense, just like rule number one...
Never mind. It's not like San would actually want to use this party as an opportunity to hook up with me anyway.
Right?
No matter what San is intending though, I should really follow my rule number one and stay clear of any potential h... whatever with him, as long as he's doing whatever with Juhee.
"You look nice too." The words have left my mouth without my brain's consent, and they make me want to facepalm – but San throws me a bright smile. "Thanks."
He really does look good with his Dr. Martens, in those faded blue jeans and a white print shirt. It's nothing special, not like my makeup or anything... but San doesn't need special. He's breathtaking as it is.
A/N: I'll probably go back to updating only once a week :/ I need more time to make sure the chapters are good before I post them (and I'm drowning in papers that I still need to write).
Thanks for all your reads, votes and comments!🧡