"Hi?"
"Hi..." I don't recognize the guy who's opened the door. He's scanning me up and down as he leans against the door frame lazily, one eyebrow quirked up curiously.
Seconds pass- Oh, right, I should say something. "Is Jimin here?"
Dumb question – I can hear music and laughter from the kitchen, and since Jimin's only flatmate Juhee is upstairs, with San, Jimin obviously is here.
And obviously he's invited some friends over.
This is bad timing. Really bad timing.
"Yep, he's here." Popping the 'p', the guy grins at me before turning around to yell, "Jiminie! Come to the door! Somebody's here for you!"
As he turns back to me two seconds later, I hurriedly avert my gaze to the door mat, pretending I haven't been checking him out. He does look attractive though, with his long legs, dark wavy hair and pink lips- Okay, now is not the time.
"What's your name?", he wants to know.
"It's Wooyoung..."
His eyes go wide, "No shit?" – before his gaze narrows, scanning me up and down sharply once more. So he's one of Jimin's close friends. Shit. "What're you here for?", he demands. It takes some self-restraint for me to not start walking backwards now.
"I, um." I take an involuntary step back. "I came to apologize?"
"What?" He looks taken aback.
"I-" But I freeze when I hear Jimin's voice nearing the door, grumbling, "I swear to God, Tae, you don't need to shout, I was literally just five meters away-"
Jimin stops dead in his tracks when his eyes land on me.
"Hi..." I lift my hand in a terribly awkward wave, and Jimin's friend Tae snorts loudly, only poorly covering it up with a cough.
"Hi", Jimin says. He stops a few steps behind Tae, just close enough to talk to me.
Silence ensues us. The music from the kitchen seems even louder now – the current song sounds like it's from Twice.
"Okay, my cue to go!", Tae chimes in. "I'm gonna eat your sandwich before it gets cold, Jiminie."
Jimin sighs. "How generous of you."
Grinning broadly, Tae turns around to walk back inside the flat.
I clear my throat. "I'm sorry."
"Oh... okay?" Jimin looks at me strangely, so I add: "For interrupting your evening with your friends, I mean. But, like... I'm also sorry for Monday."
Jimin stays silent for a moment, and it's an awkward yet somehow peaceful moment of the two of us standing in the corridor, just looking at each other. "You want to come in for a sec?", he finally asks.
"I- what? Yes!"
That answer is too fast, too eager and I know it as soon as the words have left my mouth. But it still makes a small smile appear on Jimin's face. "Okay. Just put your shoes next to the- ah, nevermind, you already know where to put them." His smile drops.
"Yeah." I place my shoes in the same spot I always did when I was here for hooking up with him.
All of this feels weird. Normally, there's been some kind of sexual tension between us. Normally, my thoughts just consisted of what we would do or how fast I could get the clothes off the both of us.
Now there's nothing else. It's just us.
"Come on to my room." Jimin motions for me to follow him and I do, even though I know perfectly well where his room is.
Even the loudest of Jimin's friends shuts up, stopping mid-laughter, when Jimin and I pass the kitchen on our way to his room. "I'll join you guys later again", Jimin calls over his shoulder. "Please save my sandwich from Taehyung!"
There's a bit of a pause until another one of his friends replies, "Sure! I'll just eat it myself." Laughter follows his words and Jimin, who opens the door to his room and waves me in, rolls his eyes.
As Jimin shuts the door behind him, I get the feeling that it's much more quiet now, even though the door doesn't do a great deal of blocking out the noises from the kitchen. But the silence in this room feels almost suffocating.
"So..." I look around for something to sit on – something that isn't Jimin's bed – before my eyes fall on Jimin who sits down on the floor, his back against the wardrobe. I seat myself across from him.
"So", Jimin repeats.
"So..." I gulp. "I'm sorry for Monday. I should've been more considerate."
At least that's what Yeosang's told me.
"And... I should've tried to tell you sooner that I wanted to end things. Like, immediately." Although I don't really get how Jimin can blame me for needing some time to speak up. And it's not like he encouraged me to voice my thoughts. In fact... he kind of cut me off.
But still: it's also not like I didn't enjoy the handjob. Because he's definitely improved since the first one I got from him.
"Maybe you should've, yeah." Jimin fiddles with his fingers, looking down at the bare linoleum floor.
It's kinda chilly sitting here – he hasn't got a carpet in his room and my ass is getting cold.
Finally, he looks up. "It's okay, I guess-"
"It's okay?!" So I didn't have to worry about this fricking apology at all?
Jimin shrugs. "I felt kind of used, like... degraded, in a sense. But there have been worse guys."
Shit. I do feel bad now. "I'm sorry", I repeat, and this time, it's sincere. I really am sorry.
I never considered myself to be just one of the guys Jimin hooked up with... and especially not one of those that treated him shitty.
"Like I said. It's okay – I'm okay." Jimin leans his head back against the wardrobe. "I'm okay", he repeats, making me wonder if he's still talking to me or if he's trying to convince himself.
The fact that I wouldn't be here at all if it wasn't for San and Juhee showering together makes me feel even worse.
"I..." I hesitate, clear my throat and lift my arms. "Can I hug you? ... Or is this weird?"
Jimin's face breaks into the first grin I've ever seen on him that isn't dirty or cocky – it's just him. It looks a bit thankful though. And a bit sad.
"You're so weird, Wooyoung", he tells me before scooting over to me and wrapping his arms around me. "I never knew you were this socially awkward until today."
Yeah, well – we've never cared much about communication apart from the nonverbal until today.
Although my first instinct is to send him a glare or to shove him away for calling me socially awkward, I do neither. Instead, I hug him back and dwell just a little bit in memories about the last time we really hooked up – Monday doesn't count. Maybe looking back on the past weeks sheds a kind of nostalgic light on it, because I'm pretty sure that there have been a quite few times when I was annoyed at what Jimin had said or done. When he tried giving me a hickey, for example, even after I've specifically told him that I want nothing to do with those. Or when he was being unreasonably jealous.
Maybe, though, I wouldn't have been annoyed, would've enjoyed it more if I knew that I couldn't have San anyways.
San.
I pull Jimin closer and enjoy the warmth of his embrace. Running my hands over his back, I can feel his fast heartbeat under my right palm. And maybe mine is accelerating too... I'm not sure what for – but maybe it's this: intimacy. Maybe I just wanna feel wanted like this, for once. Wanted in an intimate way.
"Thanks for apologizing", Jimin tells me in a quiet voice, his mouth next to my ear. "You're the first one to ever do that."
"I'm sorry", I tell him.
I don't know how it happens – but when we break the hug, my lips find his.
Jimin doesn't pull away. He kisses me back, and I think at least one of us might be close to crying, but we don't. We kiss, sitting on his cold floor, and Jimin's lips are velvety soft against mine, moving slowly, carefully tugging at my bottom lip, and I let him, not even trying to take control.
Kissing Jimin feels comforting. Feels like finally getting somewhere – maybe somewhere I can stay. I lose myself in the feeling of Jimin's hands gently running through my hair and the way his lips part and his tongue runs over my bottom lip before smoothly sliding into my mouth.
A loud bang coming from the door interrupts us. I flinch and pull away.
"Yah!", Taehyung shouts through the door. "Can I come in or are you two hooking up again?"
"For fuck's sake, Tae!", Jimin yells back, although it is hardly necessary to yell thanks to the thin walls and doors. His cheeks have turned a light shade of pink. "What do you think?"
"Just asking." Taehyung pushes the door open, and I hurriedly scoot away from Jimin on my butt.
A moment of silence passes in which Taehyung's eyes flit from Jimin to me and back to Jimin. If the tension-loaded atmosphere isn't telling enough, the awkward and guilty look on my face probably says it all.
Taehyung lifts an eyebrow, but doesn't comment anything – which I am exceptionally thankful for. "I ate your sandwich", he informs Jimin, "but we made a couple more." His gaze wanders to me. "Sorry I was interrupting you, I guess. Anyways, there are, like, more than enough sandwiches for everyone now." Locking eyes with Jimin, Taehyung nods his head in my direction, shrugs, and turns to leave. "Come back when you've sorted everything out, okay?"
"Sure. Byee." Jimin lifts his hand for an exaggerated wave.
When Taehyung's closed the door behind him again, Jimin turns to me, eyes darting over my face as if he's searching for answers. "You want a sandwich too?"
"Yeah." I swallow before I slowly stand up. "Thank you."
"It's okay." Jimin's fingers wrap around my wrist, and when I turn around to face him, he kisses me again. I part my lips, licking my way into his mouth, and we stay like this for a few seconds. Kissing, in front of his door, while I forget that Jimin's friends are waiting for us in the kitchen.
Forgetting San doesn't work though.
"Let's go." Jimin doesn't grab my hand, but he throws me a short smile before opening his door and stepping into the kitchen. And I follow him, wishing my heart wouldn't hurt so bad from all those different emotions.