Ayra's pov:
I was not fine, not at all, I thought I will manage it around him. But I was wrong, the moment his voice pleadingly took my name, I felt weak. I was struggling to ignore him, it hurts me to do that, to the one who was my best friend. I don't know how long I can keep doing this, but I don't want to let him in again, I don't want to let him hurt me again.
I had to do this, he was happy without me, never in these years he tried to apologise or even contact me. He gave up on me and now he was trying to talk to me, no.. Severus, I can't....
Just one more day, that's it Ayra, the students will come back and you both will get busy with schedules to notice each other... Just one more day... I convinced myself.
.......
General pov:
Next morning :
The professors were gathered in the greathall. They had many work before the students comes in, they had to make sure the dorms were organised, neat and orderly.
Severus chose to handle his works on his own, alone, he would have liked to pair up with Ayra, but as she already chose to help Minerva and continued to ignore his existence he did his work alone, and a bit help from Filch.
It was exhausting for all of them, all of them were tired and hungry as they came back to hall for lunch. Severus wss trying to get her attention, he sat next to her, in hope she will talk to him soon.
Ayra tried to sit away from him, but it seems her colleagues were planning to make her and Severus talk, they shuffled their seats letting Severus sit next to her again. Why don't they understand it was not easy for her?.
"Here", Severus looked at her in hope as he filled her plate with her favourite dishes.
Ayra looked at her plate, at him and again to the plate, it took her everything not to smile at him as he gave her the most innocent look. He still remembers my favourites... What is that you want now Severus?..why are you doing this to me..
She pushed the plate away and took a new plate and filled it with some food. Her eyes were ready to water at any moment. She stuffed the food into her mouth not at all enjoying it.
Severus looked at her swallowing hard, his Adam's apple moved up and down as he held his feelings from surfacing. He began to eat from the plate he filled for her, trying to smile remembering how they used to share their food, how they used irritate the other snatching food from the others hand. That bond he had with her, it was unlike anything he had, unlike he had with Lily, the most unique and precious one to him. He was so stupid to push her away, he told himself that He deserve this pain.
....
1 week later,
Library :
"Ayra ", his voice made her heart flutter for a moment. Sighing she closed the book in her hands to turn around.
Severus smiled weakly as she looked at him, blank with no feelings, it was hard for him to read what she was thinking, may be he can easily usr legilimency on her, but he won't do that with her.
"Can we please talk, I have been trying to talk to you from the day you came", he began.
"And what is that you wanted to talk about... Mr Snape? ", she rolled her eyes disinterested.
His heart winced at the name, to hear that from her. Even after a week of his attempts to get her attention all he got was ignorance. He tried his best, atleast he thought so.
"Don't do this Ayra, don't ignore me like this. I can't handle this pain.. Please ", he stepped closer to her only for her to bring her hand between them stopping him.
"What are you trying to say Mr Snape? I am afraid I don't understand", she walked past him.
"Stop pretending Ayra, don't behave like you don't remember me, us", she stopped in her tracks looking back at him.
"Us? ", she scoffed.
"Did you really forget what we used to be? ", it was more a plead than a question.
"I forgot", she took a step at him menacingly, "May be you forgot what happened between us Se.. Mr Snape. Because I never forgot any words you told me. Do you remember that seat? "
Severus looked at the seat in the left back corner of the library, his usual seat when he was a student, where he used to study with her.
"Did you forget what happened there? What you did to me? Because if you have conveniently forgotten that, let me tell you I never did", her face was flushed red in anger.
"Ayra... I am.. "
"And, don't think I can't do the same, I haven't done that yet because I am not like you. But if you keep pestering me like this I can't promise. So better stay out of my way unless you want to loss your 'hard earned' and 'respected' professor image before the students", she walked out of the library filled with enthusiastic students.
He stared at her as she walked away from him, looking back at the seat she pointed. He slowly walked up there sinking into that old wooden bench, his hands lightly dusted the surface as he remembered what happened there......
/////////////////////FLASHBACK/////////////////
Seventh year:
"Hey Sevy", her pleasant voice spoke behind his young form focused in the book before him.
Ruffling his hair she sat next to him with a bright smile. She was expecting him to return her smile, but he didn't. He looked at her annoyed and went back to reading.
"Too busy for me", she rested her head on the desk looking at him with puppy eyes.
He ignored her continuing his reading. It was not easy for him, but he was angry at her and she had no idea about his feelings.
"What are you reading? ", she pulled his book from him examining it annoyed at his attitude.
"Give that back Ayra. Don't disturb me".
"You cheat, you promised we will study together for the potions test and you are studying alone. How could you cheat on me" , she said dramatically trying to lighten his mood.
"I am not the one to cheat", he huffed under his breath pulling the book back and getting back to reading ignoring her.
"I will join you", she announced and took out her textbooks and notes to study with him. She thought they will do it together, like they used to. But of all the effort she took he ignored her completely that she lost her calm.
"Are you ignoring me Sevy? ", she asked holding last bit of her patience, but lost it as he didn't answer again.
"Answer me, Are you ignoring me? ", she snatched his book from him, "I have been noticing this for few days now, you don't talk to me like you did before. What is it Sevy? "
"Stop pestering me Ayra. Give my book back", he reached for the book but she held it out of his reach.
"You can't ignore me like this, I want to know, why? Did I do something wrong? Please tell me", she pleaded.
"Give my book back".
"No.. Not without getting an answer.. I can't handle your ignorance. Tell me the reason, I am sure this is some misunderstanding Sevy, we can sort it out ".
"There is nothing to sort out and I don't want to sort out anything with you. Now stop irritating me and Leave me alone", his voice was rising above normal.
"Why are you doing this? Can't you just tell me what's bothering you? ", knowing him so well, she know he must be hurt by something to behave like this. She stepped close to him and held his wrist, "Sevy... "
"DON'T TOUCH ME ", he spat slapping her hands off him, "DON'T YOU GET IT, I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU. WHY DO YOU KEEP IRRITATING ME AYRA.. WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE ". His voice echoed in the silence of library.
Severus hadn't realised how loud his voice was, the whole students and professors were staring at them.
Her eyes filled with tears not that some where laughing at her, but that he told her off.
"Mr Snape and Ms Livingston, out of the library now", Madam Pince rushed to them angry that they disturbed her silent library.
"Fucking hell", she heard Severus huff as he walked out packing his bag.
She stood there frozen still not able to digest what happened, crying she ran out ignoring the eyes staring at her.
/////////End of flashback ////////////
Severus facepalmed at his behaviour that day, of course he hurt her, he was the one who began the game of ignoring. She could have done the same to him now, she could have shouted at him, before the students he teach, before his colleagues, but she didn't, there again she thought about him, Yes she was right... She is not like me...not like me....
...........................
Time skip
Ayra's office :
It was two months since she began to teach. She loved teaching astronomy and Herbology for sixth and seventh years were informative for herself, the kind of doubts some students asked impressed her, that made her think more, learn more.
She was enjoying everything at Hogwarts except for Severus being around her. She was successful in avoiding him but not her feelings, she couldn't stop herself being hurt to hurt him. She was proving she still care about him deep down how much she try to deny that.
Handling astronomy for all years and herbology for NEWT students kept her too busy. She rarely got into the staff table or library where she had the possibility to see him, she was happy about that.
She was grading the herbology assignments of seventh years, too focused when the knock on her office door disrupted.
"Yes", she waved her hand unlocking the door, not bothering to look up at the person walking in. But that familiar smell of sandalwood cologne made her look up, her eyebrows furrowed squinting at the potion master.
She didn't ask him to sit, neither did he took the freedom to do that, she looked at him waiting for him to speak.
"Albus asked me to inform you that there will be a meeting before the feast, in the staff room. You must attend ", he spoke breaking the silence in the room.
"I will join", she nodded and went back to grading. She looked up back at him noticing he didn't leave, "Anything else? ".
"C-can we talk? ", he was unsure as she had clearly proved she don't care about him anymore even after all the effort he made.
"Work related? "
"No.. "
"Anything related to academics?"
"No Ayra, about you and me, us.. We "
"I am not interested ", she cut his words, "I am busy with the work Mr Snape. I don't have enough time for useless things".
"Please Ayra, give me a chance to.. "
"I have made it clear I am not interested in your talks. May be you have a lot of time to irritate others, but I am busy to tolerate your rants. So please leave", she began to scratch the quills on the parchments harshly avoiding him.
"I know it was my mistake Ayra.. I shouldn't have told you.... "
"OUT"
Severus froze at her sudden outburst, his voice failed to come out, "A-aayra".
"GET OUT", she slammed her fist getting up from the chair, Severus took a step back still looking at her pleadingly.
"Out", she said again pointing at the door, her eyes growing red and glassy in seconds.
With a defeated sigh Severus walked out and the door shut loud behind him. He leaned to the wall next her door, rubbing his forehead, "Why did I do that? Why should I always lose everything I love? ".
He heard a sob from her office, she was crying on the other side of the wall, his eyes filled with tears as he heard her. It was only a door that separated them, physically, but the distance they had walked away from the others life was too much to get close easily. He wanted to open the door again, go to her, pull her to a tight hug, hold her as the two cried their feelings out, console her, promise her that he won't hurt her again, he won't leave her again.
He raised his hand to knock her door again but stopped in midway, please forgive me Ayra... I can't do this anymore... I can't see you like this... I am sorry.. Sorry for what I said... Sorry for what I did... I love you.. I really love you....
He jogged away from there, to the most secluded place, the dungeons, his private chamber, the walls in there know his pain, his struggle. Those walls were his comforting for so long, they had protected him from the rest of the world, held his pain and screams to themselves..
...........
Ayra's pov:
I was rather disturbed after this day, pacing back and forth in my bedroom I cursed myself. I hate myself for being this weak, letting him to affect me.
He was hurt, I hurt him, and it makes me sad to see him broken, why should it still bother me ? He is no one to me, not my friend anymore, why should I still care for him?..I shouldn't be.. I can't feel for him... It was he who broke the friendship.. He who pushed me away.. he ignore me.. Then.. All these years... I can't let him in again.. I can't let him break me again.. I can't.. But why?.. Why should that memories still hurt me? If I had forgotten it, I had thrown him out of my life.. Why should I cry everytime on those memories?... I don't think I will be able to push him away for long if this is how I am.. I will be forgiving him and letting him in again.. No.. No..I can't do that... I won't... I should keep him away... Stay away from me Sevy.. No.. Severus Snape.. Stay away from me...
...................